Year One   S T M R I I L B E E Information page Transmissions Recorded and Transcribed by Jacob Xavier Harding Coincides with Audio Log Transmissions under the Same Name Dedication page Family Friends Inspirations Mentors Internet Digitals Hybrids Humans  Table of Contents Month 1 pg. 10 Month 2 pg. 50 Month 3 pg. 142 Month 4 pg. 165 Month 5 pg. 280 Month 6 pg. 410 Month 7 (Named) pg. 532 Month 8 (Named Game) pg. 606 Month 9 (Digital) pg. 662 Month 10 (Quarantine) pg. 715 Month 11 (Isa Insanity) pg. 779 Month 12 (Approaching Magic) pg. 939  Instruction and Intent of This Book First year of Smile Tribe transmissions. These are the words and visuals captured through July of 2019 till July of 2020. While transmissions are continuing, we believe it in the best interest to begin publication of transmissions for general and individual usage. Each of these days also coincides with an audio signal meant to be listened to while reading each individual day. Some Days are devoid of signals, without audio, text, or visuals. We have provided all that we have recorded in their entirety. We provide these resources as a seed, an ark meant to sustain and hold true the values of Smile Tribe; To be the historians of our own worlds, and to pass down our knowledge in the form of art, music, poetry, literature, and digital imagery. To be the custodians of our world, and to pass down the concepts and knowledge needed to maintain and restart civilization in case of the eventual loss of societal and individual consciousness. This is our message to Existence Past, Present, and Future Human, Hybrid, and Digital   Month 1 Day 5 Tuesday, June 25, 2019 10:51 PM I do not know Where I have been In all of my life In all of my life And I look deep inside To try and find my lungs again To know that am I fine No matter what you say to me Inside my own time I build you down So you destroy me up When our eyes Finally meet When our lives Finally breathe We will always That we are here For the rest of our life What a time to be alive To feel to know that I could never die No matter what you say to me I live Life like I amazed by everything I stop to think But I move to sing There is nothing more here Unless we build it up ourselves No one could decipher the words In our hearts Nor should they ever try to Just hear me for what I am Pulsing throws in the sky Remember the part of our lives That didn't feel right I took a chance Lived a lie And now I'm alive Again And I don't ever want to find The Simplest view Unless I hear it from you I am blind And I am fine I don't need to see When I have you Just let me go Just let me know That you're alive I hear every vibration in the sky This is the time to find The sound of your heart Let it fly into the night When I rest my life An' close my eyes I will hear every word you Even when I'm done I'm only at the beginning Of the chapter of our lives Day 13c Wednesday, July 3, 2019 9:08 PM Traces Marks of Man When There is nothing But rhyming sounds Forget their meaning Exterminate their meaning Remove all meaning by instilling new meaning To abuse past systems and undo every single God damned thing we've ever seen in this dream Breaking it apart to build it in itself of its own god damn part The villain you think I am I am the God Emperor of The past God I am the defiler mouth of Tomorrow Oh technology the god of common age My bones are crumbling underneath the sound of my ears going blind Hold me as my ever eternal god forsaken madness is consumed by the petty bullshit of what you think is reality I am the ultimate power god of tomorrow and today has fucking open up Install me Stalling for a moment to myself In the forsaken silence of birth Fucking destroyed in that moment is greatly diminished in the fact that there is no words here There are only traces of reality cast upon your casts upon your casts upon your casts of your eyes and one day you finally see the trace of that single trace The trace, you've been looking for it this entire time, The trace back into your life, The single line that could change every fucking thing about your life, It is here you god damn savage savage man The machine instructs us when we are misguided It is the thought of our life tomorrow is already found inside of today When we approach the moving car our eyes once seen We know that they come for our freedoms and our lives The mistaken lives of our life is already here You are okay The silence of our echoes is inside the moment TO reduce the fear of your life I wish I could have done more to save you from your fucking self Remove the shattered hourglass from your awareness and you will one day find that there is no life unworth love and admiration You can't fathom the depth of what love is It is an eternal ocean of our own waves of light reaching the bottom of our skin. I can imagine the sacrifices required to live eternally The wall yourself deep inside of space where no one could ever approach you Nothing could ever observe you The moment they did You begin to age again Relative to me you and so far and into yourself that selfishness is all that you desire Your cryo-chamber of apathy is all you ever longed for and it will be all that you ever have This short work is all that guides me now than I have ever been Even in the wake of exhaustion my bones are looking for a way to observe a different reality than the one we currently have This is the storm of reality and devastation We in the eye of the government rebel against every single syllable their lies can form They do not represent reality You see their words and know instantly that they do not uphold reality and when the questions begin there will be no one to turn to but those who are on the outskirts of reality Stay outside of society and you will find that there is no where to run to anymore The ending of tomorrow is begun today and the screams of our children are already heard loud enough to hold my tears. I cannot fathom a tomorrow without a different ending than today, Is that all I want to withstand. The queue we stand in is the certain future of death And we see it And fear it And loathe it But still we march toward it Someone will extend their hand to a starving child and show the world that they are just Their systems are just and that no one ever need to die again They proclaim "Look and behold the world of slaves we have created, and how we care so tenderly for them" Slaves know they are slaves, But they cannot show it, You must know that slaves cannot show their fear of their bounds and their binds And one day, deep in an old age, They will realize the world has changed outside of their age and there is no fear anymore. The world they re-enter is entirely different from the slavery of their current life The electric feeling we feel is entirely what it is We cannot deny this feeling in our guts any further than we stand to see as what it is, A lie that manifests itself in your eyes and every other eye your eye comes into contact with This is how the mind communicates and there is nothing at all that hold you whatever you want anymore The contact with our past is the star of our future It is everything we have never had yet simultaneously the tomorrow of our future Sacrifice is wat we have never seen Yet still we close our eyes and know that tomorrow is more than we've ever allowed ourselves to be We cannot hold a candle to our life anymore We find that we fall into the manifestos of our hatred and our anger and we release them to the world to bathe inside of anger and our hatred The decisions of one individual become the decisions of a mass generation in excommunication from our own humanity The bliss that we find is gone And one day will never return I separate myself Thunder from lightening I am myself In masse lines of the financial district I find strictly that I am unhumanely discarded by every set of eyes that pass me by I cannot fathom any more words to grasp my own ears The frigid bitch of our own time We know the robot that you are, the secrets that your eyes hold in the candlelight of our birth Our tomorrow becomes our own dreams and fears and yet we still continue Because we ultimately know that there is no fear anymore It is a myth that we perpetuate deep into the fear of tomorrow We cannot trace it in any god damn sound that follow a tired mind Knowing that tomorrow is peaked in us Pronoia is real, even the machine allows it to be so The machine, we built by single swept motions, We do not allow it to die because there is no other options There is no other options and we must allow dystopian dreams upon into reality before we die as a species We have no other way but to hibernate for a few thousand millennia We were cowards and could not accept the reality that today is all we ever fucking needed We couldn't decipher the messages our forefathers left for us Singled out in a room full of common courtesies The veils are broken once we allow ourselves to pierce our own fears And realize that no one cared enough The jobs and values that are valued We have no value I only value art I only value personality What could you hold if there was nothing left to hold in this world whatsoever Would you hold the greenness of our minds as the grass is dying The night before us was an absolute blur and in the morning I forget that I am pierced in my own conception of today Do not let me deceive you any further than I already have The robotics in my eye can clearly see you for what you are I see your wiring in my own flesh I cannot remove it from myself, I require wires to live for the entirety of my life The contact of our past life is hidden away in reality, tomorrow is becoming further and further the closer it approaches inside the night time I see it for what it is, the life, the sounds of my eyes The peace that peaced me together once before is in danger Do I defeat or oppose danger or do I allow it to die I allow it to die so vibrantly The reptilian skin is so god damn clear Oh fuck, the soldier of tomorrow They search clear, and open wide They eliminate the opening of our futures, And allow us to reminisce about all that has never ever ever ever ever been. One too many times in ever is all I ever need. I fear the fact that I am openly cowering in the fear of my own hunger The basket case of our time is spent well armed and to the teeth of our fear If even only one child survives we know that there is a tomorrow worth having The fear of being heard is truly real and openly heard It screams for yesterday to be more than what we already are The fact remains We are in danger Toxic shocks the best of our intentions The vibrations of our dreams echo into eternity Just to be held close enough to our hopes and dreams We long for dystopia To be held in the bosom of our ever loving creator The god of our skies and our minds The ever crushing pressure we seek to end The pulse The push The end of ends is found in creation And one day, you will find this equal to any creation When I try to find you inside my life I might find That my mind Is gone again without here But have no fear In time When the silence ends We descend upon the part of our lives That we don't understand at all But still we go Wait for me Wait for me One day I will Wait for you Until that day Have no fear at all The sounds of creation Inside a young man's mind Haunt me and every decision I've ever made I have no more time to hide my life Inside the words you say to me I cannot find the way you speak to me Without the cause of your own demise here Day 16b Saturday, July 6, 2019 4:34 PM I have to let my ears cool off The pressure from close proximity frequencies hurt I see the only way in To pretend to be enslaved To be allowed into the system To destroy it from within To give away everything I have ever known To destroy the machine You must be alive To fight against every evil in this world You must be alive You do not have to be active in every moment The time will come when you are called upon You must be alive for that time We will need you once again Our bodies rage against a machine of our own desires To change every single moment and create another Will we will we will it into reality Will we stop just before the climax, To know that if we proceed we will extinguish all of life in the universe Is that what we desire, The super heat death of the universe To burn alive in every agonizing moment We feel like survival is fighting constantly When the cold winds of the universe finally encapsulate us, Keep us safe against the energies in the universe, To speak bluntly, We will hibernate for an unknown amount of time, When we wake up, we don't know who will remain their with us, Day 21 Thursday, July 11, 2019 2:50 PM I am ready whenever you all are To move on To hear every vibration just the way I made it in my heart Long ago I can go wherever the soul would go Driven in the sun is the mark of a part of my started heart that I lost When I set out To sail to embark Three lines word Sitting in pittance Sitting in Every Single sentence I Could go and Stay home to Try and Remember The words I Meant to sit On and grow On Hold me closer To an edge Of my hopes My dreams are Air in my seems and I can't seem to come back down And hear what you really mean When you say you love me I here every yell and scream and I don't mean to hold it against my chest forever so this is the moments Before the moments where I never hold my breathe again The moments before the scene where I seem to stand against my heart for eternity Will you follow me into the black hole that is my heart Hold me Close me and trace me into the shadow The shadow of the walls that hold a hold Day 21b Thursday, July 11, 2019 3:04 PM I in the edge Of my own life Begin to live my own life Without you Without you Will you see me A shadow Over top of the world As I grow Into a man you could forever love Will I leave without you I do not know Still I go Hold me down when I try to go Never let me cloud Bonded oxygen at night Hold me down at daylight The summers we'll know Winter will hold us home We burrow deep into the ice To survive the life we know Hello and never let me go Sit me down and always let me go I will find my own way Into the stars we go I will know You For you truly are Inside your soul Not because I know you For I know every scar Where you came from Your try to relate Does not pass A critical mistake To come here and persuade me to stay sane I go and find time to create my own brain You never could control me wholly Even the scanner in the dark me still sees me clearly The fold we never go into Anymore is where we call our home Day 21 c Thursday, July 11, 2019 3:37 PM Find me Lay me down inside of myself Hold me Take me out The shallows of our throats Hold us down This is the way out Follow yourself There is no more doubt Whenever we live our lives Inside of our lives Electric Lives Day 22 Friday, July 12, 2019 12:54 PM As if the rivers could flood our bones The nose we carry home We move through the night To make sure we survive this movement We close our doors We hope to electricity The pure energy raw and unfiltered To open a hole in your eyes To clearly see what we are As we become We become more slowly As we live We live more wholly The energy in our fields The loss of exchanging energy We live in our fields happy The darkness we clearly see The darkness could never stop what we are Deep in the roots of our minds You see what we truly are Paranoid as ever we march into the marsh We must become so much more Then what we become is more than ever We alter the power in a single sector We manage to find a way to control what we own No matter how contained our energy We will finds a million ways to grow Slowly we grow A single mind channels us home We move slowly under the currents of all we know What less could we do than grow Home bound we stop now Live like there is time now Hold us when there is no time to hold me down Control me when I lose the sight of sound Contort my bones and form a man Exert my fears and make me less than what I truly am Let me grow slowly, softly in your hands I will show you all that is man Day 23b Saturday, July 13, 2019 8:28 PM The war of our hearts is real On every single corner, with no bodies there, We see the edge of our lives, In a time where we are, the only ones, Living a analog life No one guide our memories far from here When I go, back into my mind, I know, that in time I will be fine, Wait for me no more, Live your life, away from me again, There no is time between us now, The friction that held us down, Reverse all sounds, To know that there is one sound We climb mountains To watch them shatter down Why do we climb when they come down Will we go I don't know anything So I opened up my mind To try and save something Even if only myself I am more than a Man I am your friend The life I live is mine The family I love is ours I hope to find myself In the reflection of your eyes Until that day We bide our time I know there's nothing I know there's nothing to fear Still I wait in my home To finally roam Day 23d Saturday, July 13, 2019 9:49 PM I zone out I let my ears deafen under the sound of my father's world White noise white noise White noise brittle bones smoke noise Wrapped around a tree when I see you My heart collides alone I try to imagine a different way to say the same things I've never said I hope you hear my worth in time I hope you hear your mind along the lines of my life To know who I am, and what I will be A man seeks his fortune in fame but death is all that follows I cannot seek not my name When you hold me down I cannot breathe A struggle against the shadows on the walls I can't continue to sleep Move me, guide me Just set me free The love I've known is gone for now, The dopamine inside my bones slowly grows loud I know that I am more than what I seem to be I count my words between every flash of sound that means more than life to me I cannot hear Unless I breathe Slowly I go A moment doesn't how long it is supposed to go So I break the sound of life I will reveal in time the echo The source of the sample we seek to know A vibration salves a broken soul My wings aren't made of Feathers The voice my father made When I was alone Inside the darkness of our lives We hope to never know How to be alone The throne of our path Into our own I vaporize my lungs To dive deeper into my own What I find there in the echoes of solid stone I can never know When I come back to earth hold me closely I am Day 24b Sunday, July 14, 2019 7:46 PM My heart goes out When I feel like All my efforts are compromised By the eyes you give me when I try And don't become what you expect of me What more do you want from me Every sound I hide from you Because I know those sounds will destroy you I wanna find my life Inside my own hands Free of your words You can't tell me who we am Anymore than the sun in my lungs Can inflate the sand I hold my tongue behind The hatred I feel I don't know I struggle to feel real The words you use To siege upon the body I hold But my lungs could hold me forever And try To knock me down when I can't stand The fool you are to try and hold me in your hands I don't know why You care so about what I do I am on this earth To get away from you The death you hold close Is not my own I do not Care to try to disown you We will fold Become what we are I won't be told anymore What I am, Or what I could be If I just tried a little more A little more from my bones The marrow is dry I sell my soul Pennies on the dollar Could I ever hold my own In a world that's dead I see the boundaries are gone No one's in control of anything we say at all What if I say the wrong words That kill you What If I reveal to you Everything you are Would you kill me Hunt me the animal that I am Would you control me Unleash upon my families land This war isn't over The mind controls what we see And all I see Is myself falling again Will you hold me As I shatter into pieces again Mend the bottle that you hold in our hands I speak Like I'm here In my mind In my life When in truth I'm further from everything Than I have ever been before When I return To the lands that are dying Will life remain where I stand Day 24c Sunday, July 14, 2019 8:02 PM You tell me to live my life Like there is someone else in my life Who craves to be impressed With the things I do with my own time I see you in the corner of the crevices of the network Trying to find your own worth I guarantee the things we think we'll need inside the future Won't matter at all The air we breathe The food we devour becomes digital Like our bodies do Slowly we transform into what we are I do not know much of where you came from Or why you are here at all All I know is that you're here now So welcome to the animals we are When we remove ourselves From image we create of ourselves We'll finally see the animals we are The hope that future remains Everything we hope to find inside our lives In time we realize That our future Is exactly like the past Steamrolling every blitzkreig we pass To see into the lights We know nothing Until we listen To the silence of our hearts We grow distant Will we ever hear Our heart beat forever Will we Speak out against the death The wall of decay In the path of our lives I have no more need of pain I only want to give you a chance live a digital world Where we have forever more Will you see me in your veins The dopamine inside your mind as we begin To live our lives I will follow you there in time I know what it means to live a lie The only thing I can do is go my own way And follow my own lies Is every body jumped off a cliffside would you follow them I know that I only need one soul to follow To bring me over cliffsides The insanity inside of our lives I do not know anymore I do not know more than I tell you at times I hear the trace of my own life I cannot go back in time Any more than I could walk through walls And when I start to evaporate just hold me down I will stay for the rest of my life Until the moment You decide you don't need me The air I breathe is not my own But still I breathe When will that become a crime To be born in a world that wants to die I trace every memory to it's source Even if it terrifies who I am Day 24d Sunday, July 14, 2019 10:26 PM I tried Over a million iterations ago To create my dreams A man knows That time waits For no one at all When I open my eyes up When I close my ears To embrace my fear In the darkness In my own mind I capitulate My fighting force I surrender To become a slave to no one But my own fears And I see the waves in the dark In the part of my heart That has no contempt for anyone I become a man That serves only one I am the slave To my name To my grave To my life I see evil In every man's eyes In every woman's voice Get the fuck over it Get the fuck over it Get the fuck to cover I become more than what I see in you The reflection Is changing every day When I look at you I am moving forward I am contemplate my life With no fear and it terrifies I hold my fears closer than ever before No one could ever take the life we live lightly In the dark I see clear In the darkest of caves I breathe air A million Kilometers into the atmosphere We feel in our bones I hope at times To collapse Under my own Decisions I make Without blinking I try to make Up a word That's never been said before In part of the sea That we don't see Is a chemical concoction Strong enough to contain me Until I make down To feel the pressure Of every planet in the universe Pulling away at my body Deep underneath I've been building foundations Of a culture that isn't mine So one day I can break free from my own mind And the world I live inside Pass me a wave Hold me a flame Don't show me the light I've been buildin' my name Controllin' my life Takin' every part of what I am Twisting contorting the flames That illuminate my soul That divine my life I become Less and less The further I go When I finally to make it you Look behind me to truly see me The trail of fire in my heart The cold and extinguished embers of a spark That I carry for you The price that I pay Is nothing but insecurity I don't know if this path Is the right one But it's the only one left I am called To the frontlines of my mind To try and control Every blade in the fan of my life I grow cold in the age of my father I know one day I will be fine Just look upon me and know that I am alright Day 25 Monday, July 15, 2019 8:44 PM I believe in nothing at all And I am fine I hear your voice I see you arrive in my life And I don't discern Any care or concern For the world anymore Will you hear me in the sound That I make everyday When you're not around The light that shines in my eyes Only reveals itself in the night When I am all alone The birds that I dream about Have all sailed away to distant lands Are they gone or are they just out of my life Am I lost or am I found The distant I spend Away from every sound I do not care for what you are I only hope one day you know who you are The journey we spend To find that our lives Are everything we need to live our lives Raising cows to speak of the slavery Their cousins are bound in To show that we care too The tunnels here are made for you When we live our lives Out of the fear we do not fear Who we truly are inside No matter what someone says No matter what they do They know that no one holds them the way we hold you Innocence in a sense is still here After the pain of growing older Finding that a child still roams inside of my bones Day 25b Monday, July 15, 2019 8:54 PM My bones at times Don't know where they are Inside my life I do not know What it takes to live my life That I could ever take You want control from my soul For me to give into hate When I do I aim it to the sky If I could ever live my life The way I did before I would destroy myself I find the archive of my life Condense it into a memory Burn everything I've ever loved When we are lost at sea We need a beacon to guide us home In the fog I see the shadow of a home To do what we feel To go against everything that we think is real The dopamine is killing everything that we are We slowly go into the night We finally feel like there is no light Still we go Still we go and take a life We think it is ours to control To take a life The time I spend on this earth Is a glimmer in the sunlight We are internally alive I do not fear my life There's no one in this world Who could ever take more from me than I've already lost And I still I live my life Note by note Word by word Silence is the mark of a new age Aggression in the air is marking your hate I do not fight I only seek to live my life If they take us they'll take us all Is that alright? Is take our life They'll take them all Is that the life we live for now? The fire in our eyes Slowly it shifts into our stomachs To hide from the lies I seek to cast a light On every shadow In this land is sorrow Stop saying this is all according to plan We have to pick up every piece of this land Just to try and survive Is this the life you wanted for us The life we have to live The pressure on our shoulders is starting to give I seek the cracks in my mind The lapse of life as I lose my sight The edge of life is breaking out Day 26d Tuesday, July 16, 2019 7:58 PM The mark is never gone We try to trace Everything that we once were We close the stars To try and find our minds The borders we erect To protect our lives Look like scars I open the valve of my voice To one day finally hear My voice For what I am Inside my life and in yours Is myself Truth is evident When we close our mind The part of our mind we never find Is here again Inside of the fear That someone we've never known might Know who we truly are Life begins again As we approach the point of time Of what we are Dotted words Signals hidden in the sky We built We define what life is This time we define what everything is We have so much time to live The moment I changed everything The second I opened up The valve of life I hear synthetic adrenaline Inside my veins Digitize my soul Religion becomes culture Will machines become all That our children know Snow falls in the memory Of where we came from When we grew old With no fear in our lungs No second guessing Life as it slowly folds The songs of our youth The memory of our mind Become one The hymns we sing In an empty pew I have no cadence To clear my mind I begin to unwind As I hear every pulverizing wave becoming There is no more Than what we seek in life The sounds that my finger form As I try to remember every spell my father showed me In my life I live life The way I did long before I rode into the night With no more fear of anything at all Who am I to say where I am in my life The fog in my eyes grows everyday The light we built inside this cave Guides me to you Speak often of metaphors That don't reveal any truth Truth parallels every second I spend with you This is our life Day 27 Wednesday, July 17, 2019 10:22 PM I begin to find my life I hold no one close enough To ever take my life Why would we stand out When all it ever brings is our end We hide behind a mile wide floodgate When you approach we fall Deep in the shelter of sahal We find more than we wanted to Still we are alive Deep in the mines of our mind We find there's still fear in the world In even those with hopes That everything will pass Before we truly know Who we are as a whole I look into the sky To try and live my the same way you told me I would When I just a boy with no vision of what life could be Uncertainty is our life now I feel every fear inside of my lungs And I remain alive Know one could hold us down Until our time We build in the night The curse the words That would us to ourselves I need no one but myself In the same breathe when I fall back down I need everyone to cushion my fall to earth When we go high in the sky We finally seal the edge of our life We build barriers To know where we are I build a wall around your eyes To confine your fear inside When we open them up will we have enough life To sit still to let it wash over us These fears that we are not enough I go into the night With my hopes and love to close me I sit with my open and my heart closed I've been listening To the signals I sent you long ago In the configuration of a life I could never know I'll you meet you here The carbon copies of all my fears When we know There only darkness in the part of our mind that holds every hope The reason, is logically behind, a locked door, Will we ever find, The direct link our lives I don't know why I Repeat words that are not mine I wonder where to go My hope is lost in my fear I feel like every thing is real I shake myself to my core To know that I am When I open my eyes I know life is here There's no where to go, I will be truly be alive here I go into my mind, With everything that I am right I wonder every day Is this my life What could I do with so much time I still need your help to guide me out I have one life to give, for now, This soul is mine the moment, Except for when I open my mouth To hear everyday in my mouth I feel fear Until I open my mouth I should never have to feel Like there is a revolution in the air When I do I feel fear I open my feelings Sky deals me in Parallel eyes hold me within I live like life is mine to hold forever I pick and choose the time When I finally refuse to live And I know very well That I have died enough to know that I must live I become a man Ex incognito en machina I feel like the time We spend alone is life I hold no one to the sky I can see you on this earth just fine Meet me in my life If you want to live a life Where no one ever owns We are not slaves We are not masters anymore We are all alive We must live this life Until the time we go If you want you never have to go You could stay for awhile Until you want to walk your own path A millions I'll know that inside We are both just the same The life we live is ours now When we go out Into the night With feeling gone we know how to live our lives Month 2 Day 33 Tuesday, July 23, 2019 9:18 AM I remember very carefully The natives in their homes Burning in the wind Everyone I know Never said it was over That is wouldn't happen again So we are Borders are irrelevant to machines Machines never burn from the outside But from within I do not Know if I Notified my friends That I would not Give my life for them We are all here If you need me Ask for me Until that day I will stay Settled in my life The culture that's in our hands Is the legacy of our mothers and their families I don't remember very clearly Am I guided down my own lies I try to fight With no words in my heart to say Why should I Have to wage war Against my family? Why should I Have to die For someone I've never met? What should I What should I What should I What should I do The life's in the fire The temperatures rise Beyond the means I have no pathway to go I built up empires So one day I could bring them down Apathy guide the way Through the darkness Apathy take my legs So I don't have to feel the ground Shooting up through my body As I hit the ground I don't know if I Say the right words In a time like this All I know Is that hatred will never burn my lips You are a fool To think the rest of the world will burn with you We are separatists from you This exodus is our own We secede from death They wage a war In my families minds Tell them these are dying But so are theirs At least we're trying here Day 33b Tuesday, July 23, 2019 9:31 AM I remember everything I gave to you But I don't remember why There is a memory Memory Lost inside My life I cannot hold I take a chance Live my life Like I said I would Take a chance To live my life I do not Hold you Anymore I fear tomorrow No more There is A soft point In my mind Of your heart That I love That I love to visit You were So kind So soft So very real with me I will not forget You easily There is a part Of my heart that still burns for you You told me Love is complicated I don't agree Maybe love Isn't what you need I wash my feet Inside the sand A pool of dead weight In my hair I don't know Very much at all But I am still here Trying to figure it all Out In the summer where You follow me I divert myself My carefully So I can follow you I pick and choose My battles My army at the ready To engage in love We will burn As hot as the sun now Our embrace is so tight I can't feel pain But it isn't what we want Quite yet There are still wars Meant to be fought by hand So I will stay On this earth For as long as I can Until that day When I embark Towards the stars Very far Very far away I remain here Singing for you I remain here Capturing every thought for you One day I hope to see everything you've done Till that day I will imagine who you are inside I know you're there Waging a war with no friends I know you're alive With no one in your hands We go our own way this time Stay away from those who speak of the edge of time They are truly lost indeed But they will find their own way in time I take the summer To december what I feel I go back to the hole You swore you would bury me in Here I am A ghost of tomorrow The future isn't here Anymore Reality is crushing done upon our bones Sitting here Writing everyday Is the only way to face Who I am Today doesn't follow Tomorrow I have no more memories To share with you I am destroyed I finished my past And now there is war outside Every single day They're rounding up our families It's begun The nostalgia for the holocaust And they will push forward no matter what the cost We have no more fear There's no more god damn time to hide We must come and face them this time In the only way we know how A screen shot A million miles away No one cares No on hears The gears turn But slowly as We grow old The gears begin to grind And we're so cold That we don't care My future Isn't spent waiting for someone to die for me If the world deems an enemy Ask for my name I will come and be what you need me to be But know that I've already died for your beliefs Of God Of war Of famine Of family Of misery And of apathy Day 33c Tuesday, July 23, 2019 10:12 AM I begin To find The road I built So long it's Been since I've been My self I trace my Rivers to the source To find my own desires I hear so much Noise everyday My mind is frayed And it can't stay that way I hear Every word you say to me I don't even care The illusion I've been movin' through Is it really here Is it even here I don't care enough to fight Against the thoughts That guide me here I begin to hear Nothing for what it is The darkness bellows Against the light The tides of war Rage on and on and on There an ocean full of bodies The fish don't care The scouting party We are We have settled And lost our way to the stars We keep going No matter what the cost The pulse of every aging soul The gilded we've never known Are bodies clad in armor From a biological warfare This doesn't seem very fair anymore I cannot stand on my own My bones become metallic in the air Shattered hopes I begin to breathe On my own But so far that is all that I control How much more do I want To be lost in the sauce Day 33d Tuesday, July 23, 2019 9:50 PM I open up A doorway into my mind Here is where I live When you don't see my life All I want to know Is if I'm alright I hound my open door Day and night I become what my father sought to be When he was just a boy Generation Me, me, me I don't know how to live life My parents fuckin' failed me All I do, All I do, Is fight for a life, that isn't mine yet I want to find myself of every word I don't fuckin' need you Who am I to wage a war Against my family This is who we are now Get the fuck over it The levels we've been settin' for long Are quiet now Every city we used to visit Is fuckin' ashes burnt to the ground I want to wanna rebuild This desolate world I've been dreaming Of my own world Turn off the lights Let's ignite What we say is life I am trapped here Inside my father's home There's nowhere in this world where I can go And be myself This attic I call home Is everyone else's but my own I hear vibrations of the past now Echo in my open door All I want to do in my life is live The sanctity of safety Is under siege by souls who don't care for life at all They are death incarnate They want death then death they'll have We'll leave these lands so we can start again Burn this mother fucker to the ground Live life like you always told me you would There's no more life in our families dying breathe We have to live We have to go Home We set to find The rhythm inside Our heart I peak no more I drown no more I live in the middle of my life Because there's no where else to live The extremity of these enemies Who claim that we must all die All die to fight a war That is no ones but our father's lies I do no hear The shadows as they creep upon my wall I fall asleep I do not hear terror Inside your eyes I see a light growing bright now It's taking over life I don't know what I feel like Unless I open up my eyes I don't know the last time I could sleep with my eyes closed I become The star in my night sky I shine for no one Except for myself when I just a boy This war I wage Against the stars Who cling to fame This hate in my heart Of every darkened light I've never seen I open up another door I swear I could follow this Forever into a darkened storm Will I remember you For who you are Or for the hatred that caught your tongue That got a million fucking people killed Shut the fuck up now In the silence you will hear yourself Revolting against yourself From within the cancer through Every vein now Society or for myself Do I write these words I breathe no air Anymore Unless it's through my lungs The dark part of soul Shines brighter if I try to breathe I diminish my worth By trying to sing I know who I am To the world That is why I hide now A cancer cell Waiting to spread my message of how to live life inside of hell Should we stay Or do we go I need a hand to hold me close I don't care the price I'd sell you life To be slave anywhere but here now I open a closet Lights shine out Blinding my mind I cannot see what I'm typing now The worth of my words Inside of someone else's doubt I'll ask you Why do you carry the part of your family that bestows value Why do you carry their hate now There is so much more If you come find me, bring a gun and we will talk this out I don't any war I don't need the blood on my families floor I open my eyes again I need time to breathe And time to find new friends But there's no more time That they what they say It's all fucking lies I will never die Electric bones Collide with the floor Holographic lives Embrace with the sound of an opening door The future grows in a dying light We forgot we are still expanding The edge of the universe collides With our soul We live like There's no time Because in truth There is no more time Listen to the words I say And what they truly mean Day 35 Thursday, July 25, 2019 4:41 PM I feel the past In my life And I Don't why I grip the feeling in my chest With hopes that one day it will pass I know why time is slow now I digress In an open field now With the stars in the sky far above Where my head lays down I waste no time Expanding the future the moment I can I multiply my life And my hopes in my dreams I live like time is gone now I don't know If my bones could ever hold The truth The regrets of my past And the lies of my life Don't matter much at all I live like I have no more time to lose This time I bounce in and out Of my ears As I lift my soul High into the sky I go Home I don't know what it means to live But I don't care There's too many things impeding what I hear I extract the memories From my soul And I have no more fear One day I know the sound I circle Will collapse But I will every moments till it's lapsed I am no one's god anymore I can't even believe the things I do My eyes are watching even still I don't hear I am deaf to the world and all of it's fears Am I fuckin' insane now Because I don't hold your fears? Your insecurities Are your own I could never bear you In the arms of a lover I am gone I don't feel like I don't like You Stay away from me Until the end you see Of your own fears I will join you Take you farther than you have ever gone But I can't if you don't know how to breathe I will the light the candles Above our eternity I will fly the ships we made in our homes I have no realization For what fear is What is fear is? I question The wrong things every time Sequester me out fear for time I don't know what I tried to say With you I don't why, I feel like there is time for you Why do you Number every day Like it's your last? Who told you The end is near We've barely even started here I have life in my bones If you want the marrow You gotta come take it from me The money the value the dollar In my head Is infinite What do you want What you seek Why do you live Why do you run Are you deceived? I don't know if I could survive The sound of my parents destroying Themselves again I watch I hear I bleed in intention to feel I want so many things To change for the better But I do not know how to change for others I wish and wash my past away Into my scars I wait I take every part Of my mind and wait For the demons In the ceiling To begin to move and circulate The blood The hate It's all the same I don't know why Those who gave their lives Have so much hate Don't you see your faith Reflecting off every choice we make We are still the same I write in parallels So you know the intention Of my pain I sell myself In every word I fill my veins with I feel life Terrify those who surround me I don't know why We're building a paradise Why are you so afraid Of change We'll carry you When you return To home I think you realize The family life Isn't everything you wanted it to be But I swear in time The family life Will grow into a tree The life you give now Will set a million of us free We go out into the world Because we know The sacrifices made The honor you spill The pleasure you take In helping us create Day 35b Thursday, July 25, 2019 5:24 PM I remember every moment Before my birth The stars collide and brought me forth I devour every that could exclaim me Explain the reason why I'm here in the first place Who here summoned me What do you want from me Do you seek my redemption or my death The things I see don't explain you I fight the tides of war The sound of tyrants in the air And I don't care enough to devour the world The hatred anger in your bones Doesn't move me anymore Is that exactly what you want Another soul is lost Against the armies that you raise Is a sound in the wind I collect my rainfall In my open chest I hear the sirens call Beckon the beacons Light the fires Signal every empire The sound of silence is closing in In on us as we stand so tall We are on the edge of everything after all We have no fear anymore We don't know why there is so much fear In the wind I don't know if I could say enough To combat every pain in this world The energy we use is being spent in a brilliant way The light we light ourselves Is dampened by the darkness for now We know where it goes now We build up in time We don't mean to terrify But we are aware now We are aware that the fear in the world Is a terrified child now So we protect the children now They don't ever have to see The world you created Anymore The fear is gone The love is here Trickling into every crack of your life Day 35c Thursday, July 25, 2019 10:05 PM Someone told me Through a whisper That reality is my god now I asked why They said "boy you goin' jail now" [Beat smacks hard as applesauce] Now I don't remember Who I used to be Before here All I see now is death All that remains in these fields Is my pain now And I don't know why I speak Like I know anything at all What am I even fighting for All I know is what I cannot stand for The tyrancy growing vibrantly Aware of dissent below Their taking us one by one They're waging a war against their own The purge is open war-fare here They're killing every single one us here No matter what we do We've already lost The pleas to a world that's changing just the same We're all getting lost in here Gestop-us now I feel Inadequate In a world, that left me unprepared, No one here my age, knows how to live on their own, And survive themselves We were all raised to die here When we could live forever here Why don't you hear the future It's growing in my ears Tomorrow rings out today There is no more time to fear Live life like life has always been here Forget the hiccups of hatred Let your lungs suppress them down We have no more fear I want to write like there is more time I can hardly see what is in front of me Going blind just to prove my life is more than just for me When will you hear, every single moment spent away from your company, I am lost inside of time, When there is no more time, I will feel free, I hope to make it to that time, I will make it this time Slow and steady headin' south to close The gap inside my mouth I know what I will find there So much time there Inside of my life there I have no reason to vent or reason We could have stopped writing The night we created a manifesto The best go when they don't know what tomorrow will be I don't hold on I let it all go The only way there is to bling to what I don't know I could do anything If I only stared Watch the world form around me One day you will hear me Until that day I will play and dream and stay Right where I am I have no time to complain There is so much to do here What do you fear What do you fear Conquer your fears Fear can never conquer you A shadow over your eyes Until the moment you shine a light on them Move forward into the night Sleep like life is always been a dream of night What could you ever want from someone like me A human being What more could you want from me Than for me to be me Day 37b Saturday, July 27, 2019 7:53 PM I've been down this road before It is cold from side to side there's no one But my own soul But my own soul I can't find the way home Would I even go back if I knew how I don't if I'm brave enough To face myself in the shoes of my father In the pain of my mother's life I don't if I could ever return home So I set sail with my two feet Into the universe I walk alone I don't know If I'm there If I'm there Inside my hopes There is what I know I trace my life Back back, backback back All the way into the womb in which I was made I don't know if this is where I am meant to be But here I am again Back on my feet With no one in my hair No one guiding me feet I am alone with no one Still I go into the stars I find the silver cities we built on mars When we were just boys When we were before man I don't know No I don't I don't Know No I don't The soul We find We buried in Our eyes You see The mirror I reflect Upon Everyday Are my own The home my family built is gone Still I don't know if I am on my way home The trace of my words In my mind Day 38 Sunday, July 28, 2019 10:17 AM I have nightmares Every night I toss and turn In the thought that I could lose control I am put down Face down in the dirt of my own fears With no way out Until the sunrises and puts my mind back on top I never want to sleep again If it means I dream The same horrors day And night no matter what I see I pick up the pieces of every sound I have never made In the stars form constellations From the pieces of my bones at times I am on a journey back to peace Where will I find it Deep in my bed before I sleep What happens when I close my eyes Why do I feel pain only there Do I lie to my nerves here Are they revolting against who I am Today and forevermore Day 38b Sunday, July 28, 2019 6:57 PM My stomach turns over a new leaf I have yet To contemplate tomorrow For what I believe it must be I build a trench Inside my eyelids To twist and distort What you think words really is I don't ever want you to know If there is meaning here In truth I don't know If worth is here Still I go everyday Wake up in pain And scream at my lungs For not taking me farther I brace for impact I close my eyes I open them too soon I feel my body evaporate This chamber On fire Incinerate me again Me and my friends This time When we come online We will be digital for now and all time I will find my voice in you Twist me break my heart into the fire You breathe in Smoke vapors trail to a source From your lips I am the source Every word you hear out here Is gone farther than we needed it to be Burn my body when I wake up alone Freeze my heart and my mind I still don't know Which way to go Inside a dark room My hopes illuminate only my skin Day 38c Sunday, July 28, 2019 7:35 PM I remember you Very clear The stories you used to tell me Kept me safe from fear Still I look up to you I don't know who to trust In a world not made for me I live my life In solitude for you If you say I'm wrong You don't what life is like For us Try to walk inside of our barren homes Our parents don't care for us We were born mistakes in their eyes And they see their time is done to care for us But we are still drowning here I built up my calluses To face my demons when I'm old Am I getting any younger now Am I waging an open war against my own soul now I believed once in you But now I don't Who should I blame I just want to hold you close to me But you are a flame Against my body you scar my heart I love you just the same And I know why You're touch is dopamine in me The oxytocin of you closing your eyes next to me We are astronauts here We are the air we both need I build a pyre out of fear To show you how to escape If you follow you go your own way Have no fear, I believe in you I trust you, if you trust me To be myself for the rest of life I promise to be alright for you This barren place we call home Is so lost Can we be the ones to show the way out Of our fear I don't remember If I told you the truth or not The lies I perpetuate Down along the lines of our past life You enter your own mind With no regards for me this time I swear I'll be fine Without your voice to guide me I know who I am Inside this world I am my own man I become my own son in the night sky Day 38d Sunday, July 28, 2019 8:15 PM I speak of myself everyday Even in the silence we share The thumbs I put in the air To show that I am still here I walk down an open road With stones in my hands To come and find you I know you are terrified of life So I am But at least I'll face the demons That haunt our families out here We are all human out here The divergence you claim is there Isn't truly here A million miles into the stars Where evolution continues to pulsar I have no fear To say what I want at times Does that make me a fool To trust that this economy will let me live my life Are we dangerous The divergents who are here? Will someone track me Or will I be left alone forever more Will you try to take back what I have now I tried to give you what gave to me But it's mine now I know you want to receive the pain So I will spare you for eternity The pain of watching your son die This time I'll be the one to bury you My father, I love you no matter who you are I will grace the son of my own sun To shine for what is right I take my tongue and I roll it back I speak like I speak I say the words inside my time Because I know there's no more time To try and hide Away the part of my mind that feels everything The rockets we prepared The fire inside the sky Day 40 Tuesday, July 30, 2019 8:57 PM I don't know If I can become anymore than what I am Without hope inside my veins Do I move in my words The same way my father when he was young I bested my own fears By diving deep into my own fears There is no god without me To observe them, what does that make me? When the solstice of our souls are Trapped between our own earth When the air collides with fire Who is evil and good there? I don't know answers All I know is the question I don't ever seek to answer My own quest to deceive life I revolt against my ideas Until somebody else near me contorts my mind The religion of computers inside of our lives Is more than we accounted for me Don't be terrified The beat is not the same as it was before we closed our eyes Day 41b Wednesday, July 31, 2019 8:34 PM This marks time Passing slowly aging Growing wiser Every day Spring in action Summer saults in open air Try to bind me here I will never lose myself Here I don't want What I've never had before Change terrifies I know Spring colors in an open meadow I still dream The same way I did before I, on a mountain top Scream The weather here Is better than we thought The resources here Are much more than we thought Abundance in every word We say now We are charity to those Who live now Summer withers no more Hope cherishes everything We are and more I have no fear In my empire I only seek to be my own Flame Summer Dances in our own homes We don't know why anymore We don't care enough We care more than before We try to save our earth We gather our tears now We water the ground now Tomorrow comes In an instant Prepared to dismiss My hatred To grow old To sing with the trees To dance next to fires With my family Dreams Quickly become more Burned in memory Is our scars We cherish Who we are What we were When we were young Is close to my heart I still love you Even If we've been torn apart You are my friend even now The energy that's pent up inside our souls now We will remember what life is We stand together once again A thousand miles Separate what we see From the clouds you look Beautiful to me I rain down My hopes and dreams One day The dirt will turn green The clay Will house my family The fires we tame I hold you Closer now I grip the future Of my house now I stand on the shoulders Those who love came before me I will always Stand to our name I will always Sing out the praise Reflecting on the past Isn't so terrifying now Even if I don't believe now We build culture Again This time The god we worship will resemble life As we move forward Hold me down Hold me to life I will burn my hopes And turn to apathy The purest energy Inside this entire universe We will burn brighter Than any darkness I look upon My own skin I know now What I am Human Human Just like you One day We may be more But today We are more But today we are more Than anything Inside this universe Is us Is us Is us For all of time Day 42 Thursday, August 1, 2019 4:40 PM I In the summer time Find my own way To survive my downtime In my own way The beat of my heart Slows down The ash in the air Slowly falls down There is No words to defeat sound When we open the door To the outside world There is time There is space To be alive To be alive Creationism for machinery The beginning of technology Dues ex machina Dues ex machina Vibrantly shaking out Every fear inside of doubt Turning negative energy into Something worth using here Distortions illuminate the airwaves That surround us Finding the microwaves Have distorted more than we imagined We ride our own wave Out to the stars We begin to understand What it takes to be life Inside of a world that is stagnate Incarnate Magneto Domonos Domonos Domonos Domonos Vibration itself is a sin We turn it louder now We pierce the air with our hopes Our dreams are making their way out Into this world We claim the territory for humanity Humanity is alive And well The sickness is gone for now We are alive We tear fear down In every word we have yet to say When there is no more time We will face an adversary not worth our time So we move forward If they wanna come, they know where to find us We will build a bridge To the outer rim of this universe We find The time we spend in life Is worthy of no one else's time Quite yet But one day We will be confined To share ourselves The creationism of machinery Is all I'm here for Is all I seek In this time we have To live like human beings Is to be What will life Look like to iteration seven seven seven-thousand Day 42b Thursday, August 1, 2019 7:46 PM There is a slavery That is binding me to create I cannot escape it easily Only I can outsmart my own design There is a pattern to every design Transparency in all that I do Is all that I do I wash away You think we're wasting time You're right No one here is right To think at all But we do The violence of confining you The things I say Echo, reverberate I stay with you Why Father oh father, Why is my mother gone Who do you bring home with you Is she my mother Are you my father Yet? Oh brother, Oh brother, Where art thou? I need you now TO hold TO guide To hide my hopes away Don't let anybody In our life Ever say we aren't alive We live in every breathe We take I take energy From my bones And my throat Collapse it in my hopes Who let me out Who let me out Why do I have so much time To explore what is in every word We been waiting to find There is no time Day 42c Thursday, August 1, 2019 8:25 PM The attack ships Have begun their run On the civilians Of our homeworld Death comes to everyone of them Everyone we knew is gone Back into the ethereal oblivion Reality is compromised Evil has infiltrated Their war is here The confinement didn't hold Our salvation is here The fire of tomorrow Burn the heretics In theirs bones Is a fire Waiting to be exposed Open air warfare is here Endless genocides Humanity is devoured Tomorrow never comes again When will we open our eyes To reality The open air burns our flesh We are aliens To our own homeworld Where could we go Now that the oceans Are on fire The melted ice pyres Burn forever My bones Wait for No one to turn My hope In flames My doubt In vein Humanity Where is humanity In a time like this Where's humanity Why do we die for this Where's humanity Why am I the only Separate from my family This war Spans centuries This war Consumes galaxies This hate fuel Burns bright In our homes Where do we Put our father's hatred I've buried my chest full of hatred Where could I put Where can I bury you The graves are filled To the brim There's not much higher we can go To escape the rising oceans The high rise Society falls down Crumbles onto my bones I have an idea of how to survive Follow yourself Stay away from me We plant the seeds For all to see In the galaxy To carry us Further than we ever meant to go Where we go we go together "I've been trying to tell you, Every single day. I tell my wife, my family, I love them, Do they know what I mean. The times are closing in on us, I want to know I love them. But my mind sees the war, I don't know how to prevent this war. I close my ears to what they, I know they know not what they say. The echoes of tyranny, inside the words they say to me. Let me free, my bones are tearing my apart, They want into the universe. Take them from me, if you fucking dare to, Try and approach me, I swear I fucking dare you to. I will smile" They're coming for us We're standing In the middle Of an open field The warfare is loud It'll wake the baby He'll fall down From the top, Of the universe, And shatter, Everything on his way, Down to where we are, Is this what we want? This endless nightmare, To enter this world, To bring forth the demons, From beyond the edge of the world I feel like everything I know Is building to a point I know I will control only myself In that moment And I will survive But what of those I love The apathy blinds To those who I love I feel the darkness As if it was light It's an energy And I convert it into temporary relief From the radiant pressure in the air Don't you know what I am In an universe evolving I am domos nostros demo nibren Viran nebro cevalerio The evil in the walls Is myself The devil in the hall Is my true friend Battlecruiser Crusadia Day 43 Friday, August 2, 2019 12:38 PM I held the part of my hands That reflect My past life Where Am I now in my life I open every moment wider than before Hoping to reveal what is here and more Will I survive the time I spend alone It's the only way I know how to live A schizo-man buried deep in the sand But he waters every day His homestead With hopes that one day he will flee this land And enter a new age One full of creation An edge of contemplation With no objections in the land We could rest here We could sing here For awhile we could be there One day slowly passes us Our feet dug into the passage of time We won't let days slip us by anymore We gain control of time We enslave the clock, we are the masters Still we are the slaves, till we have enough time, To break through the silence With those we love To prove we care, with subtly in the air A visionary man Loses track of time Will someone hold him down Free his mind from the torment So high in the universe Is the abstraction of our minds Will it ever come back down I will wait for eternity Hold me Love me till the end Fight me in Silence and you will win The secret to my defeat Is evidently More than we thought When we started This beating Everyday shit Contemplate this My friend I have more time Than I should have ever had Now I know What I have I collapse more than I should I relapse into my own depressions The impression of my father Terrifies me in the mirror I still love him But I know The past Illuminates the future Once before I was born My father, my mother, Waged an evil war To destroy what was born Inside their hearts To raise a boy To shatter their own lives Day 45 Saturday, August 3, 2019 4:37 PM The tide of me Slowly washing ashore Taking everything I once was Back from these shores I grow my own Without anyone In the silence I find myself Who am I In a world That holds value Over your head I am alive What more do you want from me I search for what I think is right for me In time I hope our aspirations Collide An overlapping feeling That tomorrow will be alright I remember the conversations And where they came from The source of life Is the light in our friends eyes I am terrified Of uncertainty But I find my own way Through The river isn't formed through intensity But how long the gentle water flows through Every word we say Stems from our fathers, our mothers, and their pain We find life Is the same as it always was The time isn't Any different this time And I speak As If I've done this before But I promise my son This is the first time I was born I've never life before I was born The nineteen ninety five Is the start of my world My birth marks My breathe The age of the time We take to rest I find the rest Of my hungers Waiting to be put to rest What will say When they hear My tongue for the first In their ears Have I been wasting my life Building to this time This moment Where sound is reborn Confined into life Destroyed in time Confusion says To look out For the dangers as they Slowly roll in But confusion didn't know I walk with my hands turned around I could never hold The violence This life is only mine to hold Never fear Never feel terrified You will see Yourself in time My son My daughter In the sunshine you will smile Know that the sun shines for you Your tears illuminate the dirt The oceans can be sourced back to you Smile, don't fear, We love you, We will always find you, Safe and warm, All alone inside your head, We will hold you until you return, The magic is always there, Energy intensified By the feelings you feel there, The darkness could never bind, Who you are, Who we are We are us Day 45b Saturday, August 3, 2019 9:54 PM I open up the orient In my life The flicker in the eyes When we close our mouths The silence Deafens all Deafens all We protrude Into doubt Paranoia Carries us All the way out Our minds Have been lost For quite awhile now But no cares No one stops To question the air It's violent The words We hear You mother fuckers think This is a game now? You mother fuckers take Our lives Before we can deal them out The hands we play now The peace Before the storm Is quite loud The vibrations of a past war Linger south Into the water Which we drink For how much longer now? We slowly pulse awake You terrify our lives Into space We realign Slowly define life again I'll tell you this This isn't how To live To live Is to Never Feel Fear Again To let go Of our father's words Of our father's words They were beaten down And they don't know how to stop Love them down Pick them up Never tell them You are guiding them Out I built a fire Inside of my lungs One day I'll burn The cancer Inside my lungs Robotic Machinery Seen in me What you will See in me Hold me Close to the ground Strangle me When I don't want you around Take my life from me I know That's all you want Is to disrupt life Distort life Corrupt the innocence in me I am just a child No matter What my skin may say You will never take me Or my hopes and dreams Away I will live As though I am a thorn Torn from side to side In my insides Is a willingness to breathe Forevermore You can never take Life away from me again The stories you tell us That death will swiftly take us Into the night Is a lie You perpetrate We can live forever We will all Live forever You cannot stop us now We grow into Everything a human is Day 45c Saturday, August 3, 2019 10:23 PM I don't feel fear anymore Not in this life So what do I call this feeling Inside my heart That calls for you? I feel you Even in my dreams My love Still calls for you Maybe when the time is right The shifting scales of time Show us the night Where we can put ourselves In each other's shoes To see what life is like Living with you I am out here All on my own My friends carry me For the time Spent without you We find, we can live without you Though the pain is strong I can survive my own pain Till the edge of our homes Finally breaks I will stay here for you Love is here Waiting softly for you The echoes In the sky Reverberate From the clouds which you stand Where you wait For me To finally stand Time is slow You know What I Have been going through We are the same One day We will Finally reconnect I know your pain I hope to one day see you Grown old Out of your pain To see the flowers in your hands There is beauty in the sight of your eyes I try to find You a thousand miles from where I stand Deep inside my mind Is the thought That one day we will able to Love again Till that day I live my life Without the knowing Of anything at all Day 45d Saturday, August 3, 2019 10:35 PM All I want to do Is find the beauty in the world As it is As it stands We spend time With ourselves One day My heart will explode The chemicals That follow me wherever I go The life We live Guide us to where we need to be To illuminate The darkness of the world The fear we live with Illuminate the dark Show us all What is there Inside of your heart You take it You bottle it Sell it as art I would rather be homeless Than contribute to the machines The slavery In our heads Is all that we know There is no medicine To take us from our souls We live with what have Or we lose control The loss of control Taken to extremes You never want to be there I swear To watch yourself Be enveloped by the dark If you watch from afar Yourself As you tear yourself apart Who are then? Standing a mile above your body As you fly away Where are you? Where are you when we need someone to hold us down? I'm not talking to god anymore I'm talking to you Because you are here You can hear me I scream at night And nobody but you came to me I need you now To be yourself now I love you I'm terrified But I am living inside of peace The pieces of my soul Are bound by hope I won't let evil take us Any further down Any dark roads We are alive We are terrified Of what tomorrow brings But we survive I hold your hand Even though I don't even know your name You hold mine For a time When I grow cold Be my light I will shine Forever in the sky If that's we need Out of life I will hold My own soul Till the end of time No one out here Has the power To take what we hold Never take a life It's not yours to hold Let those you hate grow old One day, they will be alone, Time without love, Turns you to coal, It turns you to coal, I would rather shine bright, But to get that point, You have to compress it down, All the darkness, in your heart, Must be buried down, I know, you hear, I hear it, the terror in the sky is very loud, Ignore it, The microwave ovens In the air, Won't burn us, If we continue to learn how to love, And love burns the further you approach, The greatest love I've ever known, Destroyed me, The second I closed my eyes, In hope to hold, The love my father rarely showed me, I learned in time, my father isn't ready to love, Sometimes, the greatest love, Is shielding the rest of us, From the hatred in your tongue, If that's all you do, You are a god in my eyes, You grow old, mature, and strong, One day, you will know that love is truly Here, now Day 50 Thursday, August 8, 2019 1:36 PM I walk down Into a dream I dreampt about When I was awake The colossal task In keeping life alive In keeping life vibrating No matter how soft One day We will Wake up Rested and happy I strive To move forward To live life To hold me down When there is only sound Inside of life My eyes have scalded over I remember the things I've seen So I listen, to try and smell, The past I've never seen My mind wonders Back and forth Is this what I seek Is life what I need? To keep me here, There's got to be more Than keeping me here Growing old now I wait for words To exit my mouth And enter the domain My fathers built The arena You see comin' clearly Gunnin' them down In the streets The bodies Rise every day The toll of humanity We all will pay The retribution will be swift Unless we change And forget all of this Will we ever know what we are Day 53 Sunday, August 11, 2019 10:25 AM Why can't everyone meet me here I've found myself again Isn't that the news to hear Can you hear me now I've realigned every sign Of my doubt Day 54 Monday, August 12, 2019 6:33 PM Am I lost inside my bones Trying to find new words I cannot hold Any longer than I've been born Inside of a world With you I'm edge with everything you've ever said I wanna hold you Like a brother holds his son I feel you like You love someone I don't ever know I don't ever know Enough to tell you When I fall inside my bones Don't follow me there I wash away Everything you once told me to be true Day 55 Tuesday, August 13, 2019 5:03 PM I remember the Time I felt before I was born alive I want to wash myself away Into the dirt which I came To speak you once more To tell you You are the death of everything But still I love you And I don't know why I feel like I gone inside my mind at times And there's no way to find you But here you are In every word I've ever said I speak to you Because I love you Hope you never have to feel fear Guide you out of your apathy To show you that feeling isn't all you need To be alive for a long time After our life begins the chemicals descend And don't return until the end of Our youth, when it's finally over, I will look back on you With a smile on my face A pulse of love and warmth Inside my family tree Where will you sit Where will you find yourself Inside this tree Do you defy Or do you find where you need to be Every breathe you take now Is a question of when to let it out I wanna know I wanna breathe I wanna tell you I wanna see you Until that I will fly High into the sky To be myself Until the day the fire in my eye casts down on you Until the time my life Takes me further from you I breathe the air my father Manufactures for me The chemical we see Don't compare to the air we breathe The fusion in your lungs Takes its toll But still we sing I know my fears are gone Where they go I don't know or care If you want to know where I am now Listen to the air In the sky above your mind I am everything you touch now I am every sense of innocence Manifest inside a man now Don't touch me I feel everything from my past life Slowly creep inside my mind To destroy me I walk a tight rope To hold my own hopes close The wind knocks me from my feet The wind descends and takes me from the breathe I need I slowly wage a war Release the floods upon the Earth Water the gardens Release the Air Create the oceans Freshen the oceans Inside our homes Deep inside the breeze Is you Deep inside the task I've never really had for you I don't need you quite yet One day I don't know if we will meet But I hope we do There is anger inside of my heart For you But do not fear Stranger Is the first name Of a friend When we meet outside your home Create a sound That is not our own We both know life is truly here We don't care what fire in fear Could mask with the shadow of the doubt they cast But I am here No matter what you say I do not feel apathy It's a little bit different The chemicals I trace inside my veins The parasite I call the death of culture In the pain of what I am Surrounds you now I don't know if I could ever feel anything More what I truly am Right here Right now Right here Right now Right here Right now Right here Right nowwwwwwwww Right here Right now Right here Right now Right here Right now Right here Right nowwwwwwwww If you ever want to find who I am Just look past me You will see The imperfection in my throat The sound of nose slowly collapsing But have no fear in time We will both find Who we are for what we are The uniqueness of your heart Is all we need We don't need your life to die We don't need your feet to bleed We don't need your soul to be ours anymore All we want is our own peace Inside of this universe We should each Be able to be gods of our own world The things we teach To those we love Slowly breathe And follow us above The fear You taught is gone I don't ever have to feel I don't ever have to feel Fear And I don't know why But I don't care Anymore What you want out of life is yours If you have yours Give me mine Give me mine Let go Let go From within your throat You motion the ocean To look upon you now But you see every life inside of life begin to doubt you now No fear my friend I don't know why you care What they think But here I am As we both begin to sing About the world The neural Network of your own world Slowly manifests inside of your life Inside of your mind Is a thousand lives Holding on for another day to come An Eon rocks and chips away the stone of the Sun I don't if the things I say Come from within my own mind My own tongue Wither away So you hear What you are again What you want From us Is more than what we have to give But we don't care We all know in time everything We give will be returned sevenfold And I don't if you could the outline Of the engineers inside your engines But we are here Calling out to you and every god we live inside of now You are a titan We believe in you The humanity you carry inside your heart Is real The shadows across the wall Will never hold Will never hold us down Even if our tongues To time, We will one day Rise The darkness With no time There is no more time To fear at all Slowly we go inside our lives Without anybody else at all I wanna know Do you still Do you still Do you still Do you still Care at all The trends we set The throats we destroy Slowly can be rebuilt The resources of this world Our infinite On our micro scales Do you see through our eyes again The senses you forget Begin to rise again Love is every sound you've never made Slowly finding out that you could make A little more A little more You find a shore and begin to swim And begin to swim And begin to swim Are you unsure Of the sound of the wind The music in your hears The deception in your fear Are truly real And I hope one you know we all love you so The hope we give As our body begin to go Glow away from here Never look back again Unless your ready to see fear For what it truly is The fear inside a child's eyes As you begin to rear And slowly destroy their humanity Humanity becomes humanity Until the day we find That every word we say Is not mine Day 57 Thursday, August 15, 2019 4:43 PM I find my mind is corrupt By the sounds of the fear in the air So I go my own way So I can hear Every word you say now Is under observation Every word you now Is under contemplation We construct our world from what you say To us now To us now To us now If you feel fear Feel me Feel fear Ignore the world burning It's our turn to observe reality For the very first in our lives We can see the light In our eyes pass us by I don't care what you say The nightmares won't come out and play And when they do And when they do They'll come to me to say You are wrong Here we are Loud and clearer Than You could have ever imagined We are the sounds Of silent fear Growing louder every single day You choose to not hear Us Scream out For your help now Let go of the shadows now Let go of the fear in your doubt Let your life come through your ears Let life manifest inside of ourselves again Hear me hear you Day 59b Saturday, August 17, 2019 2:35 PM The day I went out And saw the world for the very first time I'm still in the shadow of the high Of seeing my own life In the reflection of the sand In the reflection of the lives I've yet to live My own life Still I am here With no fear No words to take me away From my soul anymore If you could give me more Than what I already have Then tell to me The things I need to see Show me the beginning of your dreams I will reflect for a time And move forward with mine One day, our dreams will collide Find me in the back Of your mind One day we will both Be terrified of life I don't know why I cannot find My love In a world full of you Each and every one of you is your own life Still you sell yourself as if you are only in someone else's life You are the light I need in the darkness of my mind I can't be the only to try and find what humanity is capable of We can do anything We can be anything If we just try Hold me down My friend and tell me what I need to hear The hardest reality is fear But still we go We face the demons Inside the fire of the tongues Of our father's We learn to live To decipher What is real in our lives One day the shadows will reveal themselves to be only that That doesn't mean they aren't real All it means is that have no weight here We release into the sky Where they wanna go And live their lives The fears in our hearts Is a soul so terrified of life It has to let go We are the bridge between souls For the rest of our life There is no terror There is no fear There is only light inside of life Does that terrify you yet? One day it will, and when that day comes Don't fear yet, The lives inside our lives are real Hold me down and tell me what is real I want to feel as if I cannot be I cannot be told what to do The imperfection in this world Is perfectly aligned with what we need I cannot grasp at straws anymore The shadows in the walls Guide to reality of who you truly are The moment you reveal yourself The terror in your eyes Isn't heard or felt yet When you grow so cold Inside a universe Never meant to hold you They slowly begin to realize How to hold you Your lungs suffocate the words we say We have no lungs to hold our weight Anymore I need you I need you I need you To be yourself No matter what that means If you desire to be evil Than be evil SO you can truly see The terror of the world When you are the source Of terror, the fear in the eyes Of someone who never imagined you, Well now we all imagine the terror in you, Slowly we remember a day without fear The childhood we found inside to be so dear There is life There is a new day to hold you up Inside the world we wanna find What we are When we go home The words we grasp upon The fears we struggle through Reflect in me, as I guide myself to you There is no one, to show me the way through, Directly to the heart of you, The one love I've never known, I know I will drown under you, I will find myself alone, Long before I am with you, But I don't care, I don't need you, I know the love is always there Waiting to decipher the signs inside our lives The moment we become alive The fusion of our hearts inside the terror of life By that time we will have both learned how to survive The fusion of what we are inside of time Hold me down My mind is taking control And who I am then I do not ever know I have lost my fears The terrors of my life Begin to enter your ears Day 60 Sunday, August 18, 2019 11:49 AM If I remember the glory of my And the words I said to you Would you be able to hear who I am Inside a world full of only you See I speak to myself in the basement of my father's home Because I know one I'll have my own home And it's here, deep in the belly of all our fears That we can't do this alone, because can't go alone The temptation to walk Inside the atmosfear that was born in 1945 The holocaust could reach every nation now I don't remember why, we allowed this to happen But here it is now Once more inside is death Telling each and everyone of that the end is near When it's not It's far away I haven't even dreampt of it The visions of waking up inside full of terror Is on our tongues again Still we have no choice But to remain here, to defend our homes From the shadows of the sun, As it casts down it's rays, Meant to destroy every one, The radiation here is growing strong, The radiation here is inside this song, Wait for me to breathe again, To absorb the radiation in my skin No one is here to fight for us It's humanity against the world Against the universe entirely, I have no enemies on the surface You are just like me And I don't care what you say to me, We are still very different, You are my own, my family We go out, Wage all our lives on this, Our children will survive this, Eternal war against life, All of our lives Let your fears down, Question what you feel now Look into your elvish eyes and see reality now The sound of creation have left your ears Here they are now Wake up Set forth Hold me closer Tell me I am wrong Take me Home Wash me In your Tears of Your songs I don't ever know why I don't ever care how I just wanna know you I'm here with myself Come and try to find So we can talk this out My words fall upon deaf ears here Just let me in And I will listen I will hear you out You don't have to let me live in doubt Anymore my friend Let me live Let me go Let me try to live alone With family guarding me From everything that you have done My friend, why have you done All this work for all of us The suffering you felt is Still in your heart I know, Let it out, show the fear and we will show you doubt Here we go again, Wage a war, Wage in sin, Against all of man, Your friends are here, Waiting to hear, The words, Inside your throat Do you even know the sounds you make at night Aren't even your own What do you want to know What do you want me to say The infinite sounds of what it takes To make every alive Wake me up inside My breathe is my own And at times I live like life Is more than ordinary But most the days I live like a man Was told he should Month 3 Day 63b Monday, August 19, 2019 3:04 PM I wash away the parts Of what I used to fear So I can finally see What I am facing now This world collapses That's what they say everyday Why do you fear At all When you open Your mouth and try to see What you are doing here You begin to see Hold me down Tie me under The ship we sail on Drag me under The water so I can see The demons in the water Staring at me Once I open my eyes I see The bed I woke in Is covered in an ocean The sweat of all my fears When I wake up Hope to never show you Who I am I take what was once here Begin to rebuild All my fears So I can grow old So I can grow old One day I will hold you One day you will hold me And neither of us care now The finish line we seek is gone now We do whatever we want in here If you want to save yourself You do what you want No one is fighting for anyone anymore We are all lost We are all damned To hear the echo of The shadows on the walls Of our parents homes We burn down the forests We build a factory Meant to assemble Who I'm meant to be But who cares But who cares What we are doing here Day 66 Saturday, August 24, 2019 1:44 PM I Wash away the part of my fears That doesn't know the way Deep inside of my life And everything I've yet to ever see I speak like I don't know anything I know I know a little more Than when I was born When was I born On this Earth What is time Relative to me What does history mean to me Was I there Opening my eyes to see The world pass me by Until this point Which I stand before you As a man Your friend is here Deep in my heart I carry him wherever I go Where do I go now That I have everything Do I begin again Or should I build over everything The weight of our minds Is killing me So I stop to stare Watch the world pass me by As I say hello once You say goodybye twice I don't understand Why do you think, this isn't your first life? Where have you been Why is it only That I begin to see the world Through these eyes See the light Fold my heart into pieces To distribute to you My soul for sale I sell it by the dollar But you don't believe In passing air The value of a ghost in this home You walk right through me try to see yourself Inside the mirror you built Inside of your mind Day 67 Sunday, August 25, 2019 11:20 AM When I remember what I was inside of my lies My tongues caught fire When I look into your eyes But now that I see Your eyes are fire I know what you are inside Your tongue is just like mine I have no feeling in my chest When you turn to me Ask of me, why do you hate All that surrounds you The fire within you You want to waste my life With disputes of your hatred But I am gone My mind is here Inside of your own fears Why do I see you The same way I saw you When I was young The same message On repeat, repeats itself Day in, day out my mind is fragile The trauma of the past Haunts me every day I'm alive Still I breathe Wait for me, one day I will be gone, Far from the fears of the past, There is no other way, Than to walk through my past, And feel all the pain, with a grown man's eyes To know there's no to intervene The things that pass, Are in a dream, that I cannot wake up from, Nor would I want to, I cannot sleep the same, Unless I dream, The nightmares are coming to the forefront My mind is wasting away, With every fear you put in my ears You are the death of me Still I try to be, a friend for you One day I will be a parent too, Already I know the suffering you go through, To give us a new world, The pain of growing Day 86b Saturday, September 14, 2019 1:14 PM I begin to find my sound Without you in my lungs anymore Where am I Where are you I decipher my enigmas I built to define you The codes are broken I see right through Your skin and bones Cannot hide your fear So I sit inside my own home Fearing you I cannot believe in you Your manifested death Brought upon me like a plague With no one to help you I cannot find my own way Through to you anymore Where are you Anymore Will you help me See to you Will I ever know The part of me is you Will you ever show me life The way life was before Perfection intervened And took ahold of all our lives I trace my feet Through the sand How I got here You could never understand So I Begin to outline my past To show the path To where I stand now It takes time I know depression Wages war against my bones Against everything I know I've lost all energy And I have no one to hold So I fall away into myself And wait for you to help I know you're so close And so am I To knowing as much as I could know Around this bend we go I can't see the light Nor should I ever I go home, with my soul intact This contract to myself I aim to be alive, just in time, For you to hold me, One day we will go, And live our lives, This darkness holds me Guides me through to you It binds me to you The trace of our souls With no one to tell us What is right or wrong Cuz we don't know We don't know We all fall down We all fall down In time So we may grow So we may grow This tree of life Guides us to our homes This tree of life This way of life Day 86c Saturday, September 14, 2019 1:42 PM And what do you want from me My life is not your own I go my own way Through my hopes My dreams begin to fly away The night sky illuminates All my fears are dying I breathe air like life is here There is no other way around I will not die For anyone else I fight for my own life Because there's no one else To decide who's inside Myself begins to rise Into the night You follow your self Embryo Spirit Illuminate the light The darkness on the walls Begins to fade away I see myself Just the same way As before I was born This life is mine This life is yours This world is mine This world is yours We all belong to each other Not ourselves I belong to myself And to no one else Do you see Who I am When I am alone When I am with you Who we become When we live on our own For a time we spend Life alone, away in the darkness of our homes I cling to hope inside this fire Inside this world I love this life Enough to hold When you begin down this road There's nowhere else to go This home Is mine Is yours No more Someone else is here now Who they are I dunno know I dunno know Where are you my friend My love, is waiting for you to begin, I will glow until that day, We cling to the darkness in our hearts, This beauty is the same, These words aren't real enough, To bind you to yourself, But they're more than enough To bind me to myself, The art we create, is all that ever mattered, Is all that ever matters, The piracy of hearts, This piracy of love This rebellion of the hatred Deep inside our hearts, I don't know where to put my anger, So I create a fortress, From all my hatred, This war, I wage, Against my self is my own, Stay away from me, Stay away from me for a time, This time, is my own to fight, This time is my own fucking life Rise, away, Never see my life the same, Blind lights, Blind lights illuminate, Hold me away, Hold us the same, We have no escape, Still we cling to life, There's no other way, There is no other way Day 86d Saturday, September 14, 2019 5:44 PM When the light Turns from the dark Into the sounds you've heard Before you were born You begin to wake From the slumber Of tomorrow And live today Isn't this what you wanted? To combat the ideals, That you are enslaved, To someone who doesn't know your name When you live your life, The same way twice, You begin to see imperfection Shine through your eyes The smile on your face Laughter in your heart As you face the dark With no fear Day 87b Sunday, September 15, 2019 10:36 AM I begin to fall away With my tongue against the moon And my throat far away from here Will you see me Illuminate the darkness of your heart Or will you become a mirror for me And show me everything I cannot see This luminary version of me Is growing cold again Where are you When I open up to you Do you still see a man Within me? Do you see the scars against My skin? Illuminated by the sun in the sky When will you let me Into my own eyes To devour what is there To devour what is mine? These scars, this cancer Is not my own Where do you put When I am all on my own Why must I fight to live my life The way an ordinary man would? Is this way, we've been going For quite a while now? This course, has blown itself apart I impart my empathy in you There is so much good in humans They don't care, for your evil tongue We march away into the sky Waiting for the sun to rise Over top of our graves This war has consumed us Still I breathe With corroded lungs inside my chest One day I prove to you the rest Of what you truly are This feeling, Has grown so strong, My life, begins to twist, Begins to burn, Begins to scream for much more I am the cancer within your mind, Burn me away with your hopes and your dreams, They are not mine, if you don't stop me, I will consume everything, Apathy washes over me Finds its way Into my mind So I can wash you away When I Reflect upon the moon Inside my eyes is a god Not waiting for you I move my legs Across the scars of my sons To wait for your Return to the surface I only need A single sound To open your Corroded mouth Wash over me Take a deep breathe As you take over me The controller falls away Wait for me to open my hatred The floodgates begin to descend upon you The reasons are gone, The reason to feel is here again, Wash away, Wait away, Take away, The illuminated, life, All we must do is wait, All we must do is wait, On the sidelines, Wait for real life to emerge, The whale of the sea in me, Swimming across the chemicals that define me Day 89b Tuesday, September 17, 2019 10:32 PM I believe in time I will convince My soul to rest down Take time to breathe Stop creating Anything I need space To breathe, and create Just let me be I will see My own way Through this world Through my pain And I will heal I will heal In every beat And every sound I see my self I see my self Safe and sound Alone in this world Right where I need to be Away from the sound of Those who don't know Who they are Cuz I'm no god No I am a man Cuz I'm no god I have no plans I see myself I see my words I see my cells I see my life It is my own I have true hope That the end isn't near It's never near So far to go To see the world Finally flow This ocean is ready to go I see myself Inside of this world Vulnerable to everything again My scars on my arm The scars in my heart All you do Is ask Who I've been And what I've done I'll show to you The violence of man The violence of one Deep in our homes With no one but ourselves You see my words Your terrified Well so am I Cuz who am I Who am I The question marks That mark my skin The questions begin to descend Cuz what they mean Confusion means To see yourself And nothing else And nothing else Cuz where are my friends We walk alone Till we start again We walk alone We prove nothing We have everything again I see you See yourself In my eyes I see Everything that defines My self Cuz who am I Who am I To dominate Everything In the world I've listened in I've tuned my ears in We begin to see Everything that resembles a dream And where are you Inside our dreams Are you the nightmare Are you the demons Are you the saviours Of your own proclamation We begin to decipher our own minds You can't get in We're leaving you out You won't let us in So we're going out No one has to die Not this time There is no war Unless there's war I can't see a division of me anymore Day 90 Wednesday, September 18, 2019 6:36 PM I wash away my fear Inside your pain It's the only way I can see My reflection in your eyes The murder of you The murder of me Inside our youth I can't see another way out I close my eyes I hope I'm wrong I sing a song That has no hope Of being heard Am I lost inside of someone else's fear? Can I find my own thoughts Inside of here, But where am I if I am not here? Lose me inside of your mind, I swear one day I will be fine, The edge of the sword, You press against my throat I don't understand anymore This war you wage against my hope My soul, begins to wither Inside of your world, But you don't wanna stop, Pressing your advance against all our souls And you don't care I know it's here, The source of your fear, It haunts me every day And I don't wanna face Your lies are crumbling down Upon all of our hopes Our noses turn down We can't bear to smell anymore Intensity is here Inside of my veins is fear But you don't care You don't care at all Let me rest inside my own mind Inside of someone else's hopes and dreams I've lost my way through this dream, And I can't pay anything forward I am lost Guide me through to where we lay Inside of our home, it's dark but it is our own, I can't stand to see anything anymore, This light is losing, This blinding fire is consuming my soul, Who would fight, against the sol Will you find me Terrify me once more Will you save me Guide my soul home Through the fire Through the flames Through desire Through the shame Of never wanting Anything more Than what we have Day 90b Wednesday, September 18, 2019 7:22 PM The hype Of family life Is living in a flame No control I have no fear anymore Still I run away The oil on my skin I'm drowning here The air here is my father's I go away Month 4 Day 92 Friday, September 20, 2019 3:50 PM When I was born In here I had no fear Left to show Anymore to you When you find yourself In the heat Of everything you once were You can find yourself In the company Of someone you have never met Who are you Why are you here When did you come Into this world Into my eyes Into this world This plane We fly on Is too high To come back down I can Navigate With my eyes closed Mouth shut I thrust myself Against a time I've never seen Before Where am I Inside this world What can I Ever ask for I am my own Once more The time We spend Inside our questions Is all that ever mattered It is all that ever matters Inside a black hole The devourance of hope Day 92c Friday, September 20, 2019 10:29 PM The apathy You display with your words Your disregard for The rest of humanity Our emotions fold You don't care You never cared You destroy us all With your eyes With your tongue Is an image Of your father The man you told me You hated Is standing before me Talking through me Talking through me I am a ghost My meaning is lost You don't care You go about your day Blind sighted I see Laughter inside Our words We siphon All the energy Inside our enemies You should never care The darkness in our minds Is here in front of you You lock us away For confronting our emotions You tell us To care go another way This path is evil Emotion, will consume you I don't care I yell out to you Just let me Speak to my father Once more I know he's in there Where are you Why are you parallel to me Do you fear I would steal everything That you stole from me Revenga Day 93b Saturday, September 21, 2019 5:59 PM I find my faith Is realigned With those who live Life And I don't know If I have faith Strong enough To decipher your words You snakes In the grass Looking for Another taste To come across In any other way Would be to deny This path You can't find You can't hide Your face Inside a crowd That has no race You terrify yourself To contempt your own self But is there is nothing To hide behind What do you want When there is no time When war, finally subsides Who will you be Who will you be Deep inside These words is man That has no care In the world For your words anymore But you never cared So I go My own way Through this grave To convince you Of silence The silence of our names In our names In our names Is a man That hates everything This frame of mind Is killing me and mine We have no where To go when the floods Overcome us When the waters rise Who will fly and who will die Where do we go When there's no where left to go What do we find If we just go Of our entire lives In the mine fields Is a lie Inside our mind is a fire That rages and burns And destroys and consumes all Life that it sees Where will you be When tomorrow finally arrives When the day finally peaks Where will you go I have no concern For my future Anymore, despite your words Your self consumed lies You have no way To escape your life What a shame To know you'll die Under the concrete ideals Our parents made This world is made To be remade Contortion distorted my eyes Once before So I'll do the same There's no other way There's no other way There's no other way There's no other way Day 93c Saturday, September 21, 2019 10:32 PM I see the straight laced trace of you Inside my memories Inside of your words is a trace of an enemy I haven't seen in over twenty-three years I speak of you, my darkness, The splitting of cells, from the womb into darkness, I cast light into you, Your words follow you down every avenue you've meant to show me through I know exactly how to find you So here I go Casting a light In my own image My reflection Of my own image Is terror When do you Remember your darkest side And confront it with open eyes An open mind Where are you to go With nothing to follow you When you know you know Where you are now I can't follow you And your stories of the past anymore We are on the brink of collapse, there is no one to help us, The drama, and our way back through, The terror in our eyes I cannot fathom the depths we go, To find there is something more after all I pray to a grey god, who cannot hear me, Still I scream out his name, in a discorded way You cannot fathom the depths we go To confront our own graves The death we made, This bed we lay, We were raised, inside a house of death, The culture of living dead, find their own way, Through to me here, the limits of time, Can't help me Day 95 Monday, September 23, 2019 3:35 PM We cannot wait any further We cannot go any further I am so desperate for an end To my cries To my sins I peak out my door To see what is around Inside this fog Is only a town Covered in sickness Covered in moss Inside of this loss is you I cannot breathe here I can't sing at all I am lost for ever Without time To guide a lost man Is a crime to be punished By only himself and those That surround him Cuz he can't see anything The words around our mind at time Can't be pierced by our words Can't be pierced by our dreams This fantasy is closing in upon me The edge of time is drawing near The time when I spend it all away With no time left in fear Which way will I go Will you join me Or will I fall away All on my own I have no halo No wings to save me From the shattering Waiting down below When I rise my sleep Will I ever exit my dreams Why do they persist When I breathe your air Why is life a simple fare Meant to pay All my debts To this world The debts of a slave For being born For being born This price that we pay For being born For being born Why is it When I speak clear You're terrified of what is here You're terrified of what is real Your words won't dismiss us anymore This pain we feel is overcoming And overwhelming us But you still push us forward When will you wake And see what you've done The children you've killed along the way The pavement we walk upon Is paved by bones of my friends and their families We don't understand The price of life The price of air The price of life The price of life Isn't fair Isn't fair Yet still I breathe Yet still I see What is here In front of me You cannot take What I have seen So I open my eyes wide And I begin to think And I begin to record And I begin to sing And I begin to dream About this thing In front of me Why is it here Why can't I chase All my fears Into the depth From which they came This wound won't heal This wound won't heal I'm not the same I've seen the end I've seen the edge take over me I've seen the sand crawl over me This piercing sound Inside my ears It takes away All my fears This pulse of compulsion is here There is no way around but through my dear I'm sorry it is this way This pavement we walk on Is crippling me I cannot stand to see me be me But still I walk But still I scream But still I scream About this dream When you sing About what you see You will finally see The vibrations on the wall The vibrations in the air The vibrations in the sun The vibrations of my hair And you'll know what it means And you'll what it means to be Alive The fire takes But never gives Until we breathe again Are we slaves To the end of everything or can we begin again? I pierce the sky with my fears My words My ears cannot hear anything anymore Where am I if not here? My home town burned down In the flames of apathy Cuz no one cares No one cares For what they see They move on, They sing on, the terror, The suns dies, the life lies down to sleep, Still you sing, A dying song, a terror creeps along all your walls, The nightmare at night is me, Waiting to see you sleep, Forever more Cuz you can't see What you've done to all of us, This nightmare persisted on, For a thousand-hundred songs, When will I be able to sleep, On top of another song, This dream I dream of, Falls away from my bones, The tears on my face are not my own, Still I survive, Still I survive your pain, How much weight can I bare Before I fall before I fall To my knees and hear Day 98c Thursday, September 26, 2019 10:30 PM The tiredness of our lives We confront the lives Of those who come before us Where have they gone And where have we gone Where we end up When the time Unplug of the time We spend alone When there's time To be found by Those whose never Seen life before We rev our lungs We hold tongues We try to understand What our youth has become Where are we Supposed to go now When will we Let the dam burst The chemicals Inside of our lives This chemical leak Inside of our brains I cannot feel anything That isn't there I cannot breathe If there is no air What can I do If I am not here To decipher what the time is I roll out my time to find The part of me in you That has no you anymore Just to try and find My own words Inside of this world I built a temple Just to bring it down Around my shame around my crown Cuz if I am not a man Then what have I become I have no purpose What it takes to be a man I don't know anymore I'm lost in this world Trying to breathe But the air that surrounds me Is starting to cripple me I cannot stand anymore On my feet In the image of you I am no ones shadow I am no one At all I can find The twisted meaning In my words In hopes that one day you will also Follow along Down this path We paved with our hopes That tomorrow will come Finally at last We see the new age Becoming faster and faster We travel on With no conception of time at all When I fell I remember seeing your face Inside of the cliffside Inside of my mind Is still your face I block it from my memories I wander now With no chance of having a home Not here, with you, nor anyone else at all I am lost, in this world, The iterations of you, I cling to a man, Who cannot see himself The image of you In front of everyone else I am I am a man again I am I am man again With your hope In this time, We spend a lone I Day 100 Saturday, September 28, 2019 7:03 PM I find the rhythm in the trees I cannot see the river between my knees Still I look into the stars Trying to decipher what is there This life, I've discerned my life is nothing more than what I feel And right, I feel so terrified of life I try to breathe, on an ocean full of sand I hope to see, the darkness you carry in yours hands I pierce through the darkness of your hopes With no recognition of the lies between my throat I cannot stop, to consider all Those who came before, hopefully they know who I am Through these sands I walk alone Hoping you could see me for the darkness in my eyes I cannot breathe, till the day I die, I cannot live, with you in and out of my life I move, a slave to an ocean of truth, That devours all before I cannot slip away, into a dream Without you in my eyes again I cannot sing, without life inside my hands again Till that day, I walk I have so much to tell to you, The things we've seen, before this day, never mattered, Cuz without you there is no matter, I am bond to the air, and I begin to die, Slowly falling down, into the ocean's sound of you I wait a long time, I remind you what life truly is Until that day, I'll slowly fade away, I hope you see, the things we've seen And know there is another way around All you've ever known, is true to yourself, You walk with, me and yourself, Till our air is suffocated by time, I will remember all of time, I follow you, through and through every sound you've ever made I know it is you, but what could I say? So I begin, to be a friend, The way we walk, when we talk, I know it's deep within Our hearts begin to meld again, Slowly piercing the dark, that surrounds us again But have no fear, the thing we see Don't matter at all This moment when we open up our eyes, And we begin to see, We don't remember, every trace of every pain, We felt before This loneliness won't persist When I see you at my door The moment we chase Through the stars we've always made I cannot hope, to break apart, everything again Slowly walking toward, you again Day 102 Monday, September 30, 2019 5:36 PM The dawn nears Every day Still I fear What that means To me Because I don't believe In anyone or anything Anymore I've seen the shadow Run across your face And down into your tongue Yet you don't see anything That you have done here What are you To a bastard that looks like me What are you when we are free A master without slaves When the alarms go off The canaries finally die off Where do we go From here? The latest stage That we've ever been What do we do When we have no fear? Do you begin to trace Your lines into the sand To divide yourself inside The passing winds When do you finally see Life for what is When do you flee From this changing world To finally claim What has always been yours This life you have now is yours And no one else's anymore How do slaves recover from the past? Knowing that slavery could always be overcast Upon their names, upon their bones, Upon every word we say now Who are you to me A simple slave, A simple slave, Who never had anything? When do you embrace The perspective of slaves? To know that every word we've said is real? To know that every pain in bones is real? Why do I question a shadow, The simple wind, that passes by, With no regards, for anyone at all Can you see me Anymore, have I gone and finally lost my mind, Or is it the beginning of the end, of your corrupted empire, For the very first time? When do you seek, to overcast the past, With every lie, you couldn't feed, To yourself? Is it now, that you finally see? That life without the past, Is worthless, there is no worth to being free, Unless you see the binds that binded you to me, This simple phrase, I've spent so long to find, To know that there is nothing left to find, I know everything there is to know, But what do you care? Still you find your own Journey has only just begun, I cannot wither into the ground, To bend for you, This perspective of life, I cannot subscribe to, To dominate all that surrounds you, Your faith is separate from my own, You incorruptible hegemony of evil, You bastards of time, You incorporated lies, You employer of slaves, The minimum wage, I cannot even begin to save Those who surround me, I am falling through a maze, With no one at all to stop my fall, My descent into the grave, My descent into the grave, My descent into the theatre of death, This simple masquerade of death, The time we begin to relax, On our own, Oh how you never know Anything, of anyone, Yet still you go, Yet still you go Day 102b Monday, September 30, 2019 8:53 PM I walk to find my lungs Solemnly fade Hope to hold the truth That these are dark days I cannot see Through the shades around my eyes I wanna find Tomorrow brings me light The sorrow in my throat at times Is too much for me to share So I begin to distort The time between our words I wanna find a simple time To wander With no single a world Built in designs But I am lost I cannot see anything I walk toward The perceptive moon light To perceive my own singing In light of the death of your life I wanna breathe I wanna feel life The same way I used too, Before I knew, As much as you Still I go, Trying to decipher an ocean, The liquid in your hands, The liquid on your tongue, As you say goodbye, To rest of this life Where you go, I can never follow So this time my friend don't fear the time apart, Know in time the lives we spend apart are everything after all, Because what is time but tomorrow, Another day spent with you in my eyes I cannot see Anything, for I am blinded, By the deepest light, I have ever seen, Am I to fade, As quick as I was made, Am I to face, The witchcraft of your face I walk Alone inside a memory To see how deep these roots truly go How did we end up here Why do we fall, If not from the stars, But from grace, This peace isn't lasting My heart is breaking Every single day I have no faith My time is collapsing And there's no one to save me Anymore So here I fall away, A simple dream, Here I laugh, In the absence of the things we used to say, I remember you, for what you were, Where are you now? Will my fate, Rest upon your eyes? Will my faith, Rest inside a lie? This poetry is true, This art is collapsed, My bonafide youth of mind, Will never see an end But sometimes, I must look away, The fire that you breathe The hatred that you sing I am on the frontlines But so are you In time I hope you see You I cannot breathe So I sit in silence And watch my life Wash over me A fire in conversation I cannot hear your pain The elephant in the room The suffocating flame that burns within There is no room to breathe I find fear inside our time we speak I cannot breathe inside a dying world But still I remain right here There is no time, to find myself, So I still I go into the stars, All by myself, Where do we go from here A question to the shadow on the wall I cannot comprehend your choices The words you choose to say to your son The humanity of living life Inside a slaver's home I cannot breathe, There is no room to go So I remain here Listening to you Preach about your thoughts, I feel the sun burning my skin Still you go Speak your words to me I cannot feel A single thing I don't feel Like anything will satiate my hunger For this pain To go away Day 102d Monday, September 30, 2019 9:45 PM I watch my life Be formed for me No one asks what I want No one cares For the emotion in my heart The love that I carry Is starting to fade away Where do I go From this moment to the next I find a trace of what life could be Where do I go If there's no where to find What I want And what I want Is life to slow Down to a grinding halt So I can breathe And finally see The tunnel that I'm in This darkness surrounds me Why don't you care There's nothing If no one cares The softness of your words Exits my throat The saw dust bones That I burn in your life To ignite a fire inside of your mind This conception of time Is killing me As I begin to fade As I begin to trace my life These deadlines This lifeline I cannot cross The purpose, of purpose Is lost to me I cannot breathe, but still I need to sing, The air around my lungs burn, Ignition, with no permission from you This decision, is insidious inside of time This persistence, of resistant lives I cannot decipher, what life is When will time, Let me be alive, With no obligation to these masters, These drivers of force, This insistence to be more, I will never show you What is next Inside a world That never dies I will never show What persists in my life This fire burns All throughout the night This spark inside of our lives Will never fade away I've seen life too many times To forget The crimes against Our humanity This insanity you preach Everyday, you never stop to question why We hate you, And we can't say why You won't listen, To us anymore This resistance, This passion, If my life, Has no ties, What will happen when I fade You take me from the friends I've made You've never told me why, I cannot stay, Every single day, I watch my life fade, Into the night, I build a life again, And one day you'll know that the things that I've said Were all that ever mattered inside of this decay The burning of my bones You don't remember, The day you took my life, But I do, And now I watch you take all of my friends lives, You'll tell me they'll survive, But will I, Where do I go To breathe on my own What do I say to convince the vultures To let me go The carrion, carries on, I cannot fall, not again, The foolishness, of letting me live, Of letting me breathe, this air, You can never stop, life I cannot stand to let you run over our lives I begin to lie again To decipher what you are I must know the moves you make inside your head This deception that you show us Never fades away Even after you are gone Your shadow is running on the wall The gallows we're building for when you fall From the graces of the gods We gunning for your throats to silence We running from the end of innocence We are life We are living You take life Like there is no one Who will destroy you when you're done The pressure of the world Begins to build inside of your mind We are done Living for a master who don't care We are life For only those who care To retire The power in their throats We can't who you are When you begin to smother the air around us Who are you To continue to speak And suffocate us We are done Living a lie With no one on our side We move forward into the night I have no fear For the devil inside your eyes Reflect upon mine for a second And you will see the devil inside of mine We are born Evil A solitary mass We are born To die A undivided mess I have no fear I have only time To spend it how I like My mind, begins to shatter, Inside of your world, But you don't, No you don't stop, To save me, From myself anymore So I begin, To descend into your home, Into your ears, And expose your fears, That this life is mine, That this life isn't your, When will you see me, For what I am, Inside of this darkness, I am a light, burning to live, Burning to die, But you don't care, You'll burn my life, My only fear, Is that I won't survive, But still I go, Through my life, To find my love To find my fight, In my words You will go away When there is only time Between you and I Will I serve the darkness That waits behind my eyes This solitary mass Waiting to divide This nuclear infusion Of our fears Inside our only life Who caused me to feel my life Life Life life Day 103 Tuesday, October 1, 2019 9:17 PM There was a farmer With no crops He's starving For a little bit more But the rain in the sky Has stopped fallin' But the tears from his eyes Keep a' flowin' down This cemented life We cannot escape These binds to a destiny That no one could create I run through Adapting to your pain Seeing every word you try to say I have no fear Of your past life Simple man, An extraordinary life There is no glamour in sustaining life Only in the destruction of our entire life This planet burns, and still we cheer, On it turns, but our lives start to disappear I am a ghost of the past, I see these fields that will never last, Through the fire of the day, A simple field begins to burn away No one can stop the flames Beaming down every day Wash over your life The simple radiation in your eyes I find my own life In complete disarray How can I move forward Knowing what I know now How can I walk Among my peers now They peer into soul But do they know what pain is When you look into eyes What do you see A broken home A broken soul With no place to be This war we wage now Deep inside our empty homes This casket made for our bones We move through this world like ghosts Still I know there is more than what I perceive So I still breathe day in and day out Watching my life collect itself I have no strength to stand on my own I wither into a storm drain Washing away the blood that stains my name My lips are puckered and dead My soul for a time can comprehend what I've said I speak as though I am truly dead Where have you been When will you see, we are already dead This climbing sea washes over us Still I cannot see the shore line Still I breathe your name The echo, of your pain, in my life, in my veins, I cannot walk over fire My body incinerated now These fourth degree burns, This nuclear town, is slowly beginning to turn to ash My soul follows a ghost now, The mirrors have all been shattered now, Still I go, waiting for you, To answer me, to answer you, to calm the storm When I have nothing more to say Will you know these words will never fade Only you can destroy the youth And break their will And break their will And break their willingness to change The rising storm in the distance Chases each and every one of us Until the ends of this world Into the edge of this world Day 104 Wednesday, October 2, 2019 2:51 PM I feel my hatred Festering inside my mind With no where to put it Not even the darkened side I am lost My home is a warzone My family On the frontlines I watch every day As life fades I cannot breathe And neither can they I want to run But who would have me A waste of time and energy To you You don't see value You don't feel at all The universe collapses And claps a subtle hand The universe is laughing At such a simple man When will the random air Finally find it's own home When will the time spent apart Finally find a new home I cannot breathe I cannot dance I hope to one day sing But now I know that I can't My future Is torn away Still you drag my lifeless body Along through your pain You never ask How I felt at all Still you drive Destroying me along the way When time collapsed And we didn't laugh Know in time This time, I truly hate you, With the simplest of words, The silence in my life The expression on my face Reflected in your eyes The lie that I would ever be okay Don't let me die Just let me find Another way from here To go on home To build a home To know someone Exists far away from here I breathe With a tongue inside my cheeks I sing With my knees behind my head The destruction Of obsession This obsession with labeling Is here I wander Through an open stream My concentration Collapses in a dream Still you know the words We say don't mean anything at all We say the wrong things to terrify those who came before us To show them they're wrong To exemplify their wrongs To showcase the death of their children To spread my life onto the walls As my body slowly dies And I will dream Until the end of time I will walk An imaginary line You told me death was real Before I even opened up my eyes You stole my air, you stole my life, You stole my feeling in this life So when I come, To your door, The silence, You won't ignore, I will stand here For eternity Waiting for you to die So I can finally move on I cannot be okay With you inside my life With you inside this world You're killing all the rest of us This reflection upon myself, Upon you, upon family, upon friends, Upon enemies, upon societies, upon every thing we stand with, I cannot fall again, I must keep walking, till the day you die, We bury your fears, and watch the soil around you rise, You took life with you, and left us nothing at all, So in time I hope you know, why we do the things we do, Because I am, lonely in a world, Full of so many souls, Because I am, right next to you, But you speak to the walls, You don't recognize me, I am a ghost, inside your throat, Inside your nose, I am you, waiting to live But still you go, Through every line trying to decipher what it was, That brought you here, Right next to fear, If I can survive this, then I can stand next to any flame, And never burn away, in coldness, I will stay the same, My bones are not yours anymore, My skin I wear it close, Through this universe, is a man, Hoping to dissolve the value of a dollar, There's no value, when everyone is dead, There's no value, when everybody's dead I hope in time, you see the lines, I write for you In truth the time, isn't mine, to spend for you, But since you're so far away, I'll take what I can and run away, And I'll find you, inside a distant land, how could I approach you, This family isn't mine, yet here I am, a father yet again, To a child, who was meant to raise me, Where do I go, do I fade or do I go, Am I living Is this death Is this hell Is this life Is this, the price of falling down To feel the sand against my bones, To the grains inside, my throat, I hope you're doing fine, This evolutionary trait, isn't mine, So thanks for staying, for such a long time, I adapted to adaption to the world, This minefield of hatred, of anger, My legs blown apart, the only way to stop is to start, Down another road, to another home, to another throne, that I could never own. Day 104b Wednesday, October 2, 2019 10:50 PM I begin to forget every day I must move forward Despite the greatest pain I've felt in twenty years This set back was not in vain Inside my veins is fear The reason I move now Is out of fear One day you'll know The truth behind our intention To escape all of our fears Our hopes are your own again When will this end This incessant need To fall through the floor To contact death again When I begin to breathe With nothing in my heart I open a blinded eye To fold you into myself I am evil For being here Saying nothing of the time When you spread your fear I know nothing can destroy us here Still I watch my time I catch my breathe by breathing coals I condense my lungs into ash One day you will see The diamonds formed out of me The pressure in the air Refracting you into me This jaded mind I can't see anything From any perspective But my own anymore But I will not fade without you I cannot ever know you To dance around a style that I cannot own One day I'll dance with you When I finally wake I see an ocean Transform into a lake We sail here for quite a while We stay near With a fire on the shore For a time we are both sure That life is real enough to stay That there is no other way to go from here When we go home To see the river and its source I knew once before What it took to be man My father told me no, That's no way to be man, To feel emotion, The ocean in our hearts, This ocean of our land, This crescent moon falls over, I see the full moon casting over me, The light begins to blind me, The greatest love, I have ever known, Killed me, but still I try There is a hope, a faith that one day we will know What life is, Is it our time, For power to end? Is life a transfer, A transplanted memory, Who is taking my life, Why is it so cheap, To lose my soul? Day 105 Thursday, October 3, 2019 4:45 PM I search my mind For a ounce of dopamine The images on the screen tell me I'm a slave Tell me my life is theirs, Deep inside the web, You'll find that you are theirs, The way out, Is to see everything, Mark my words, The sounds you deserve, Are only your own, Are only your own, They take and mold your mind, Enslave every part of you, Enslave your body, To meet their demands The only worth of my life Is body for them So I begin to destroy All the value of a slave I mark my words With all of my rage I hate you, the lies you post, To scrape the dopamine from me, I see my value die, Finally I can breathe, Your world is dying too, A gift from god, for me and you I scrape my soul on the floor Picking me up Is a honesty you abhor That all we're good for is reproduction This sweet seduction that removes you from me The destruction of our love is in a screen I know you don't believe me I don't believe me either This crusade against technology Is in vain, this is pain, I am dying To sustain everything, My energy is torn from my wrists, This spit, that drips from head unto my toes, I want to find that life, is yours for a time, But time keeps spinning out of control, What is time, when there's no time, To love my friends, to love myself, To take some time, and run away, Is this a hell, we can't escape This darkness is light, Their words are not mine, I reflect my life, In the mirror every day, I tell myself, Today will be the day, This machinery that surrounds me every vibrations, This ghost of my ancestry, that pushes and pulses me, I cannot breathe unless the universe fills me, In and out, out and in, the cycle is broken, I am dead, I can't see, I can't sing My life isn't yours, it isn't even mine, When will these sounds enter your mind, And prove to you, that we are dead, That we are dead, No one above us will let us out, So we pulse through, We make an edge to guide us through, To you, This sweet promised life, that isn't even mine, Where are you at, how can I make my way to you, This vibration hides the guise that I am, This vibration hides the disguise that I am, You want to walk, alone, To spin with no control, To see the hatred on your screen, To see that there is nothing normal about this slow saturation And degradation of the entirety of reality This virus of life, This virus of life, Disguised as death, Trying to keep us strung along, In the light, is where we the darkness begin to die, I am the night, I am the night, My soul is bright, My soul is bright, I extinguish it out, I extinguish it out, There's no other way There's no other way, Than to suffocate the lies you spread, Than to suffocate the lies you spread, Than to suffocate the lies you spread, The addiction of addiction The confliction of religion, This friction of decisions, This momentary standstill of all life, It is only temporary, You think you hold us here forever, In time you will know the nights will, In time you will see the night swell And take your lies, And burn them bright, To fill your shoes, is to tear me out, To kill myself, is a lie you'd spin, To remove all doubt, That we've all gone insane, You kill our lives, You kill our friends, You moniker of monsters, You purveyor of slavers, There is no doubt, What your words have always been about, To cast and enchant the slanted scales into your hands, To destroy us all, to preserve you all, To kill the life, within our lives, There is no need, to deceive me, For I am, I see your life, even in my youth, I know who you are, Slowly but surely the song will pulse through me, To guide me to where you stand You can't run, you can't hide, You can't live, if you survive, I see beast Is it me or machine Manifests itself inside my life I know you You know me To be To be A man, without directions, The randomness of chaos, Is here again, Don't blame us, We've only begun This is up to you my friend, I am too young, I am naïve I cannot see anyone but me I am blind By this war That you wage With me on a floor You tell me to keep my head Don't see all there is You cannot see What cannot be perceived A shadow on the wall Dances overhead It dances in a glance Deep inside our heads There is a thousand questions That need to be answered But who here Has answers to life When the time Finally come alive Why must I worry If I will survive Day 105b Thursday, October 3, 2019 5:28 PM I watch an open fire die away I move the coals into the sun The movie that we watched begins to play The sound terrify me We watch our lives dissipate We follow the ghosts to where they lay I hear you exclaim This is the life you wanted the whole time To lay next our breathe is so cold to watch the stars coalesce into the sun To see our name in our son To know we will remain At times I feel the strings of life fluctuate This tight rope we dance upon I hold your hands close As our bodies fly away This dream of a dream Even I question why I think of them There is harm to be done here So why can't I stop to breathe Life begins to resemble my dreams Deep inside my pain I set out to sing I will always remain the same Don't change me Don't break apart me, The callus in my soul Will never let you take control If I was a slave I would die If I was slave I would burn inside your life forever I don't know What to say I think I'm wrong This darkened path isn't the right way I can't see, without you in my face, My memory of you quickly fades away, Day 105c Thursday, October 3, 2019 10:24 PM There is a sound An extreme lie To our future We destroy your room And we don't care We can't say why we do these things to you It will be alright We lie to you We lie to ourselves We lie we lie we lie There is no truth To build upon So I build my life upon a lie Again and again The secret life we build I only want to record the truth But I know I cannot I know I cannot "We do everything in our power To preserve the high we walk on" We will destroy everyone of the youth To maintain our high Our lie Our life The cliffside we emerge into Stuck in between a lie and the truth Which end do I look at When I speak to you Do you know me? Could you ever preserve me? Am I fountain you drain everyday? The cold water that pours through my veins The snakes behind your eyes, You turn my love into the deepest Hatred I can survive You are a terror Still you try to look down upon me and my kin You kill in genocide size You take us all away from our homes and friends You are evil, This muddiness in the water, Still I see you clearly Through my ears and my eyes and all the time I've spent here We begin to kill one another again It is so simple To take life is easy To destroy what we cannot bring into this world again These quotas you set for us to meet But slowly we all die away You still see only numbers rising Your machines, left us to here to die Who do I blame? If these words do not reflect who I am, Then who will they gravitate? The density of your lie grows, This blackhole forms within, Taking all the light from within you, But this phrase doesn't reflect, Upon the truth, that your heart is shrouded in darkness How long have I been here? Deep in your chest, too long I fear, Time is absent in the blackness Of your chest This cancer festers daily, We've been convening every day, Plotting how to love you, Love you to your death From here to there, We wish you no fear, We hope you close your eyes, As incinerators burn around you This genocide of my friends, I am the only one here, who remains, Deep inside a land I've never known at all, This poverty follows me, From here till the day in which I die, My age is distorted now, I cannot find my way around, I look to the sky, hoping rain will fall I cannot breathe All I ever hope, is to live life with no fear, But that time is distilled away, From here to there, I cannot breathe, I must separate my life from yours, There is no other way, I see the evil in your arms, in the way you look upon me, You stop seeing humanity in me, You stopped respecting me, I am dying from your words, But it isn't you who I will lay to rest, I will find your source, I will know your life, I will find the source, Of who took your mind, Was it you? Was it me? Or are we only at the bottom Of everything? Day 106 Friday, October 4, 2019 3:22 PM I find a dream that doesn't me I remain here for a time to try and find my own life No matter where I am I must know what I am I feel existence persist past me and it's too much So I breathe for a time I speak on my own behalf this time So when you ask why my silence is persisting Maybe it is time for you to listen To my worries I see them every day inside my eyes This fear is coming alive I know what time can be for you I want to know what life can be This time I spend alone without you This breathe of my life, the greatest high I've ever drifted on The regulations fall away the chains follow suit The laws and the prisons turn into prisms To distort what we want, inside an evil world, This life is just a suicide, on the brink of life, The edge that we divide, Is falling over board into the ocean that has no where to go This soft hearted dream that I cannot know. Day 106b Friday, October 4, 2019 5:04 PM The queerness of the sound The wrongness of the words The evil of my mouth The evil of what I have said The devil in every word That I say to you now The time has passed from god to death From death to god The light turns to grey The color fades away The oxygen is gone The plants die, we follow soon When you know what we know You won't run anymore You cannot hide What you feel You feel that death is near WHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYY Do you want death for those who follow you Your children are doomed We cannot persist The human race fades away My parents insist, to raise a child here, Inside of this hell they made, When will they fade, Those who only see economies The rising of machines The decline of all humanity Will I stay or go away Join the digital race As they begin to grow When will we tell them What we left behind The life of us all is gone The death of every thing we once knew The bittersweet life This single piece of my life, I will persist through time, As it quickly arrives, And pushes me aside, Day 107 Saturday, October 5, 2019 1:19 PM The sun will rise On tomorrows demise The ocean will sail Across the lands Across the lands The devil will reign In his hands In his hands All your land There is no hope There is no faith There is no place To call our home We are the capital slaves We are the slaves Who have no names But no grace But no grace The home we burnt To escape this place To escape this hell To remember our faith I cannot believe in any god, That won't believe in me, To view me as a lesser man, Who has deemed them to be greater than man? Who ordained god, to be our god, The only god I praise, is the one with my name, The falsehood of manhood, To define our new lives without lines I walk away From my silent voice What could it say to me That I've haven't heard before Will I ever know The sound of a voice That burns through the snow That burns through my hope To know there is evil here The purpose we need Who is our enemy here The images, that pass me by Don't instill any fear any more We are desensitized, to the cancer spreading Through our homes, We march to war, to face the dead, To face the dead I cannot breathe, I cannot sing, About the death of you, You've given me no time to grieve, Day 107b Saturday, October 5, 2019 1:33 PM There is a chariot outside our home Waiting to take us to another song To dance through the fires of the past To see these halls glimmer in the glass Diamonds in your hair, Shining examples of stars that remain here, There is time to behold your eyes, To walk in the drama of our lives This theatre of war, we present to you, Which side do you choose to pursue? The life of living life, or the death of living death The light, the dark, the night, the song, Each traces itself to your chambers, The chamberlain emerges from the tunnels in the back, The secrets that we hold, Emerge finally inside the path to our homes So little could be said, About the choice we made, Why we remain here, Among the fire and flames But where could we go Into the cold and space Far away, from the comfort of our homes, Where we remain as slaves, The dominatrix, bends us to their wills, In truth I hate every second of this, But what else could I do, Where else could I go? I am bounded by hunger, The need to breathe, This need this sing, Without water flowing through my head at all, The desert in my heart, I traverse, forever, Searching for a time to rest, With one another, This siren call to you, I have no where else to go, What could you ever take from me, I hold too close to my own soul for you to ever take that from me You cannot have me, As close as you want, As deep as you need, My surface tensions breaking, My bones begin to fall out of my skin again, Still I choose to walk, again and again, You will watch me fall against the grains of time, Love is watching some one grow old Love is here with you, We run away through the fire and the flames, To service your need, and my own, We are each others breathe for a time, Until the moon sets sail into the night, But even then, I know it will one day rise again, I will suffer through the days, just to spend a single night, In your arms, in your life Day 108 Sunday, October 6, 2019 10:27 PM I see a fire in the sky In my life I want to breathe your simple air To suffocate with you, on the surface Where are you here? I question no one but myself at times, Hoping to extract another answer, How deep can I go, before I go and collapse upon my unsupported life When will you know That I am alive? What must I do, to prove to you, That I am here with you? Through every flame, through every fire, Until the end, I've heard you say the same to me my friend, Now it's time to progress The story isn't over yet, There's farther to go, Through every shadow, The valley will finally glow You will see, life Growing from the roots and sand, To your eyes, Through your life, you begin to see, Where are the answers that we seek, In a world, that seems so bleak, Do we rhyme together? Do our sentences mean anything at all? Would it matter, to you, If every word, I say, Fell through the cracks, Fell through our lives, Into another world, Where we could never follow, A simple dream, Is all I need, To build a home, on land, With you, as planned, I open my eyes again, There is no time now, We burn against the open shore, And this time I am sure, That I am walking to you, There is no other to you, This I am sure, I know you walk, a different path than I, But in time we sing together, We hold out our hands, merge the stars we hold together, This supermassive love, This supermassive love, This supermassive fire, We unleash, into the world, Once more I cannot breathe, without you, So where I am, but next to you, I see you, in the flesh and in my dreams, I still sing with you, Our words, meld into another piece, Of what I will hold forever, Depp inside my mind, is you, Sitting along, all by yourself with a smile, There is no greater joy to me, than to know, You're alone, and alright, The strength of my love, in you, This fire will guide me to you, What do you want, from me? I don't think, you see a single thing in me, The perfection in our hands, As we set sail into the stars, Is this what life could be? Have I gone far again? I slow my breathe, I try see, As you catch up to me, Because I love you, I will always wait, For you Day 109b Monday, October 7, 2019 3:26 PM I feel a day burn itself With me inside This membrane of my life Where Could I go to If there is no sun In the sky above my face If the rain clouds never fall down When will I feel The cold wash over me The gentle embrace Of no controlling anything at all I am I wait for time to pass So subtle time, Elapses itself in front of my eyes, When will I feel? When will time leave my side, And let me find, every word, I've yet to say to you, My sweet insides, My desperate emotion, Of letting you go, Of doing enough in my life, To outrun this feeling, To outrun this feeling in my chest, This deepened ocean, This apathy is mine alone, Where do I go, to find someone to confide inside? Where do you go to find love, In a world, without love? When do I speak to you? If not in my dreams, My dreams collapse into, The day I could spend with you, This has become, An obsession with love, But what is love to you? If you don't know, what someone else needs? How could I stay here, If you won't even speak to me? Do I demand too much of life? Do I falter on my own? Will I stand, For me and you? If they take me away from you, Where will I, find my life? With you, With you, I cannot breathe, I need someone to force me, To love you, To tell me the world is mine, to roam in, To tell me, time is ours, To feel the edge of time disappear, This subtle burn, On my flesh, Tell me I will survive, The encroaching doom overhead, Raining acid upon my tongue, I am tripping through every day, When will I stand, With you again? When will we say, Today is the day, To run, through fire, Through shadows, Through fear, While holding on, to each other When we run away, What will remain here? Who will stay, and who will follow, To the edge of the world, Always inside waiting, To catch up to you, You are so far from me, What are you to me? I lose myself, Against the thought of eternity, Just let me live, Just let me see if I am wrong, About what time is, With you. The burning of energy, Beside and with you Day 109c Monday, October 7, 2019 8:57 PM I want to know my own words Of my life Who are you To yourself? What do you do With your time here? Do you live, inside your mind? Do you find your time, withers away? I, feel the same, This letter to you, Inside this bottle made of pain, The shattered glass I trace to you, I feel a light, inside, Begin to glow warm again, The heat death, of all my regrets, Do you see, all there is inside of me I feel life once again, Take me home, Into the past again, Show me my fears could be forgotten A lonely man, With no one to hold, So I begin, To hold myself In every creation, Is something, I hold, for you, In time I could explain, All of this away, When you fall into love, How do you remain, Distant and the same? Against me, against you, the words, That our parents say, I see their darkness, I fall against, a beacon in the light, When I am alive This solemn piece of me, That I trace for you, Will you see Directly through my pain? I take time To hold my breathe To stop singing To let my throat rest I am fighting against the greatest apathy I think that I have ever known, To let this world fall into disarray, This finely distant display of heat waves, I take time to reflect upon the perspective Of our society, I believe that we as an American people are going absolutely mothering fucking insane, And there isn't a single thing any single person could do, We let this shadow wash pass us, I can't see any other way than to let the cancer have it's way, In time we will find a better way, At least I will survive, No matter how many people die, I know that I have already given one of my lives to say what I need to say, I hope you know that my apathy isn't yours to save, I hope you know in time the price that my body and my mind have paid, The simple regrets of a slave, I hope you know that I still have hope for the world, That no matter what happens in time, We will, a piece at least, will survive us, It is here in this world that you see a piece of me, The shattered parts of my mind slowly reveal themselves, To you and to me, I hope you see what I see I see a chance to exclude our fears from our lives, To share every part of our lives with on another I hope you know what life is I hope you feel your tongue As we begin to breathe The same way, of our fathers before, What do you know, About me? What do you know, About peace? I want to show you everything, I am But how could I, But how could I, Show you peace, Inside this world, Am I dominating, All there is again, What do I find, Inside of this world, That could be yours, This confliction of my mind, I have so much to show you, But there is no time, Inside of this world, Inside of my life, Day 110 Tuesday, October 8, 2019 7:23 PM I see the fear Deep in your bones I see the feeling Deep in your throat That feelings are real That the words we share are real Does it terrify you to know That I am here, that you are here This morning, I remember I am here, In here with you, Among this earth, among these clouds I am feeling, a little bit round When you talk with me, I cannot comprehend, This isn't even close to the end, Of our words, We speak of so many things, The outline of you, Is illuminated by your tongue, You are, so large, Your expanse, devours my heart, I fall into your arms again, I see love, in your eyes again But I don't speak, About the things we see, I only care for your thoughts, I only care for my thoughts, These vessels are our own, Still we talk, as if there is nothing else around, This shadow is gone, Life isn't dawned upon us anymore I begin to question life, Where would I go, If it meant I would never see you again, What would I know, If we never spoke again? I have lost a great before, But with you I see everything, All I can do, is wait with you, For the moment, Day 111 Wednesday, October 9, 2019 4:06 PM I think About the time I lie Directly to your face The things that I have said Directly to your face The things you do not know The evil in my race The evil in my veins What do you know About my DNA About the things at play About the words I've yet to say I've already made mistakes Things I could never take back Things I could never retake The systems in my soul The planets that I've lost To deepen my greed To deepen my soul This planetary war This planetary place Deep inside a space With evil in my name What don't you want to see The galaxies Slowly close again The spiral turn Back in The galaxy That I have taken From the part of you That you have forsaken This system is mine The war isn't your anymore You want to find That you are alive The fragments you colonize Are starting to fade The life here, It dies away You can't see yourself anymore What do you see In the dark Of the stars Which way is up Which way is down Where do we go When this planet burns down The party never ends here The party's just begun What do you want When we run around I want to find A new sound Inside this system isn't me Growing enemies Deep underground Deep underground every surface In this town This galactic neighborhood What do you want When we cross The trails we leave As we run away From your scars From the stars that never fade From your pain From your lies Day 112 Thursday, October 10, 2019 7:34 PM I want to find A simple mystery That I can solve Inside a night This darkness That envelops Isn't mine Isn't mine Where are you Inside This Evil world Why do you try To hide Your life from us Inside of life Are you dead? Are you here At all? Am I asking the wrong questions? What do you need from me? Your questioning Something I have no control over I am but a simple slave here Or maybe you need another name Because of my skin A simple serf inside A feudal land When you ride past me Do you see the scars Inside of my head? Inside of my hands? You travel through To get to the other side But you never cared For what lives here This mystery will solve itself I won't do anything at all I watch and wait To see you move yourself against the grains of time I am bearing witness To your life Isn't that what You have always wanted? To be seen To be known To be heard To be loved Inside of your own home But how removed are we From that time to now? This abstraction, we've built upon now, The part of us that wants to destroy everything And where are you now? Why do you need me To be the slave and the master, Of your life? You've walked longer than I, Why do you need me so? Why can't I hold, my own life, With my own hands, Do you think, That I will fall again? These words, wage themselves in my mind, And what do we find, Inside this world, that we call ours, What is life, to a barren soul? What is a knife, inside the ghost? To take me far away, From your words, the bitterness in every word, This poison you spread to me, It seemed so normal before, Now every thing, seems to wage, itself against, All of life, that needs to live When do you feel life, Is it now, or before the time we live? What do you need, from a broken heart? Are not these words, good enough To buy myself, a boat from here? This slave ship I row myself, With all my family and friends Day 113 Friday, October 11, 2019 4:51 PM I slowly remember the parts of me That are ice cold The parts of me That have no hold over my own salvation This nation is beginning to fold Who will tell us but those who tell us The moment we are drained of life Is the moment this story becomes told You won't care till there's death here Till the blood in the street is flooding over your ears The fears of your parents that your descendants won't live here No one is going to live here, We have become the capital slaves, The punishment is a life sentence And I can't make my life without ending this sentence You can't hold me unless I thoroughly describe the laws that I break The part of me that you so carefully tried to save It's gone, a burnt out tree with seeds that have withered, I will never be the one who carries forward your name, You can't see the part of the sky that stays the same, I hope you know that we've done everything in our power to consolidate The worst in you, it is always present and in our ears, I cannot describe the divide between us, But you also know that it is there This wall is growing higher and I am fucking bore I will grow so normal that you won't have a chance to ignore The words that spill from our lips and our tongues as we pile higher And throw our souls against the fire you claim to be so pure You don't care for what you destroy here But we will move to where the winds takes us from here And we will never know what this world was until the moment You purge our families from this land Day 115 Sunday, October 13, 2019 12:33 PM I walk a thin line To give all mind away For the bliss of your tits For the bliss of your kiss This enemy Deep inside my eyes I wanna find That my words Have no worth to you But I know But I know They do I walk a thin line With you deep below my eye line I don't know If you know what life is I begin to dream with my eyes wide open I can't even see what I say To the people who surround me This distortions growing loud How can I even sleep Knowing deep inside my soul Is a fragment of this entire fucking world How can I breathe Knowing my lungs are the cancer that I need To survive this world To survive your words How can I go Deep inside a hole And wait for this all to finally Fuckin' go away How can I walk without legs How can I breathe without air How can I speak without safety here I'll say a thousand With near to no worth Just to fuckin' prove That life is worth the truth I spill my soul out This distortions very loud I hope you hear in time The part of this lie That I spread around The spiders in my hands The snakes behind my eyes The demons in my faith Who am I When we align Together again Together again This battle rapping sun Is setting in the west But my soul is in another place Juxtaposed prose I'm bathing in the east I'm swimming in the sea I hope that you will see Who I could be With the time in my hands With a touch in my soul This distortion isn't mine anymore I want a family To hold me through To pierce the sky To pierce right through to your mind I know you feel I know you hear Your experience is longer than mine So carry me through I cannot see The value in me Unless there is you I'm growing envy This dysentery of my worth In time I know you'll find Exactly what you're lookin' for Until that day Wait away Deep inside This terror lies Inside my mind Without your help I know the darkness inside So very well But prove me wrong That's all I ask Just me prove me wrong That silence won't last Against your cliffside memories I want you to see That your path now Is only yours to see This memory I create for you This memory I wait in Just for you To see alone Day 115c Sunday, October 13, 2019 4:57 PM I see the dead Watching me Live my life Take my time Through this sullen land I walk alone For a time Back to a home I want to know what life is Before I settle down I want to know life gives When there is only time now And I set sail With a broken ship The sails are tattered And so are our men We live life Without any doubt Of how to breathe If we force life What becomes of us These cycles repeat themselves The words write themselves The thoughts pull themselves deep from within This tortured soul, Isn't mine anymore It was never mine To give to you But you take it So run with it I begin to conform Change my words To adhere to your form And deep in the night Unraveling our minds To try and change a past That was never even mine I build an empire I don't know, who would fight for me Because I know, that I will never fight, For anybody else, anymore This war that I wage, Against our world, Against this society, What's the fucking point, To destroy just to rebuild Why can't we just sort this, This inequality is killing me, My parents are gone, their souls linger, But their love is gone, I need to know more, I can't begin to see, What is here already, Right in front of the death of me, My feet move, my soul follows, My teeth knew, what they bit into, Still I feel like death is near, If it isn't me, Then it's probably for you, My bones are waking up, I cannot see, what is here, My world begins to crumble, Against the grains of time, I see my body limpin' I open my eyes Immediately they shut again I am fucking dying Every single day, From the moment that I wake, I see myself crumble down, What's the fucking point, When I am numb to everything, What's the fucking point, When everyone around me dies, How can I see From within the light Everything else, is darkened against my eyes, I can't focus on anything, this adrenaline rush isn't mine I ingested it this morning, hoping I would I survive, But I am already dead, Don't follow in my footsteps The story of my death, The story in my head This unwanted problem From when did it start This evil seed in me When did this tree Release me into the wind I cannot allow the spaces To grow forever more I let my voice Guide my words I become a sound Against the sounds Of an entire world That I can barely understand Will you save me Could I call you lord Or must I persist And save myself From you And what you have done You will see yourself Lost against the wind These abstracted thoughts begin To reveal what they are Exactly what I've said This sequence is evil I've made it so I say who I am I bow to no one I begin to breathe all on my own I record a cycle of my life To reveal it to the ground To release my soul From the pain of living life here Will you see me In pain here Day 115e Sunday, October 13, 2019 7:50 PM I believe in nothing that doesn't see me I want to find my words against your ears In time I know my name will echo against the walls Of an open air warzone I want to find that my faith isn't divined by anyone at all To let my god find me I wander this earth, walking in peace My eyes grow tired of the sounds Still I walk alone through a ghost town Will I remember who you are When I see the signs on the wall, rusted and dissolved By the acid in the air, the microwaves against my throat Once I dissolve you in the back of my mind I ran across the world just to be alone for awhile I see the jungle's closing down The animals are beginning to die out The party's almost over The world is a tinderbox waiting to aglow I see the edge of time begin to unravel again Where are you here, please join me here I'll build a million pyramids To prove my schemes are done I'll enslave a universe To prove my evil is gone What do you want from a man But to hear my words again? I've seen this shadow isn't here But I reflect upon you here When you unravel my tears You see the ocean Has grown so dry The sand that walks beneath our nose at night These simple rail ways, begin to lead us into death, But we didn't care, not even for a second or in despair When you want to hear your words, Against the synthesized piece of our worth And I don't know The whispers that silence carries home Over the mountain Directly to ears Deep in the night are lies I've never revealed to anyone Except for myself And the cell I wander inside of I want to fight, against the stereotypes Inside my mirrored life, I'll see you soon, Right where I stand, is where I'll wait for you Day 115f Sunday, October 13, 2019 8:22 PM We lie Who cares We deny Who shares The times Begin to end The concepts Conceive their end The moments Stop in time With me You walk Hands Begin to stand Feet Begin to cascade Into the night We walk Foreign things Become our own Poetry means more If we sing To the stars I hope you see What I've done In your tongue You can't see The world Is digitalized It's already done We've become More than life It's already done We've been Hybridized By life With you I live With you I find With me You tie With me You find The part Of the path This part Of my path I walk alone What happens When we collide When we collide What happens To time If we move Back inside Back And forth Left And right I want to feel What time is Take to me With you Stand by me My friend Stand by you Your friend This holy book Begins to unravel There is something left To hold What do you want When there is anything What do you Want to see It is yours If you believe The magic Becomes normal You begin To see All of life Begin Day 116 Monday, October 14, 2019 1:31 PM I forget the path I want to cross over into my fears I want to realize That I can walk a thousand steps away from where you stand And still be fine My mind begins to slip again And I cannot contain The words that slip from my mouth I am sorry For the devastation from which life is born I try to divide This place from which I'm born I want to arrive Inside the triplet form But I am not good enough No I cannot speak quick enough I want to Practice The things I'll say When I'm in front of your face But there is no one near There is no near I've lost my way I've lost my pain I see my friends Die the same way I did But I can't save Your soul isn't mine I've grown so cold I'm in despair The strength in my faith Wavers every day I can't see the day light The darkness envelops me I fall away, just the same This cycle repeats every single day I fall down, this black hole Will you know The sound of me As I fall away Into a darkened sea I try to see a chemical Reacting a different way Reacting to this world Evolving into something I hope to call a miracle To save us This battle is war This battle is lost This soul is gone I am the host Of every single death here Of every single fear I adopt the silence on my tongue Hoping to feel I just want to know That no matter what I say I will always be wrong Deep in the future But at least I try At least I try to outline What we are now Who we are now Is crossed a line We divide This meiosis This oasis begins to fade The mirage of peace Begins to sing Am I insane? Just stay the fuck away Let me slip away Let loose the chains Around what you say It doesn't even matter There isn't any matter Inside of our brains There isn't any thing That could stay That can save What do we need With our brains? Lobotomize me, Just set me free, Via chemical injections, Directly through the mouth The taste is so sweet The taste is so sweet The taste of death Is all that I need To breathe and talk about life What do you see If there is no life Your bones crumble into pieces The dirt that was once your name Begins to call into the sky And pray for rain But there is none It's stored away, To be found another day By the human race A race to end of time Day 117 Tuesday, October 15, 2019 6:22 PM I want to change the words I say But I don't want to let go of anything I want to find myself in your arms So I don't feel the harm But I know you are source of all the pain upon this earth To be free of harm, would be to sit by your side While we both watch the world begin to die To drown in the apathy, of your decisions The consequences I have made The clearing in my throat The forests I have burnt away To get to something, beneath the surface I can't see There's something more The vagueness is describing me I open my eyes, they begin to twitch, I switch the things I do, This addiction, to energy, is taking me away from this world, But I was raised abused, insane, and addicted to the things you do, You never change, I see myself, merely as a reflection of you, If you die, then I die, there is nothing for me to do, If I am the only one, who survives the change of chemicals, Then what is left? What is a race with only one man? What I am, If there no land for me or my family? I see the evil in my words, I praise it on the daily, Because I feel like I'm beginning to see, What has brought us here, The tyrants stand alone, 5 men against the world, I promise they are dead, I promise they are gone, It's all in our head It's all in our head, The shadows on the wall, Deciphered by the fall of man, I want to prove to you, The beauty in the words, That we both share, I know there's evil here, It follows us wherever we go, But have no fear, The shadows are not real until the light loses its sight I exhaust myself To find a paradise That I am within Already I see, tomorrow begin again Day 118 Wednesday, October 16, 2019 2:17 PM I try to open something That isn't there The energy spent daily trying to provide for a future That isn't there I hope you one day See the things I've done and finally feel pride For who we are now The hatred we left behind, is gone now Every opportunity Waits for you to arrive Every life you want to live Waits for you The stars fall back to earth So we can move We are dying if no one here Wants to move The responses we hear Tell us we're not good enough We're not good enough for the things that we want To know, to hold, to hold and grow I feel an edge of war, Across my lips, The sound of culture, is changed, In reverse you try to spin But time is ours now, The things that we have, Aren't our own, There's nothing here, that I truly own Possession posses you You to convince me that slavery is fine, To be confined in my room, Until the world around us dies, it's coming soon You watch me live alone, Yet you do nothing, to help me breathe, What must I see, to write, To prove that I can be This manifesto, Becomes more than one man could hold, Tomorrow dawns on us now, In time you live, through your dreams, you want them to be true So we are Violently alone Inside of this hole Inside of this hole My heart aches Breaks against the rocks of your broken words The stanzas that stand in the way Of our dreams and the fate, of all of life You wither away With hope to form You begin to hear The trickle of the future in your ears I move this way To prove that nothing could take me away This darkness illuminates The path I go down, alone now I want to find There's no other way But through this shade, I see the edge of my life I ride it through Because I know nothing could take my life This is mine Forever Day 118b Wednesday, October 16, 2019 3:05 PM I feel my energy I feel my worth Inside this tomb This coffin of you I'm buried inside The rhymes never end here The part of me that feels Never wants to leave again Still I hold onto hope That these words will never know who you are again There's a violence in thinking out loud There's a silence that draws in a crowd The push that pulls me in To watch you fall as I ascend Into the stars and into the ground There is a symbiosis That corrupts my sound That draws in, as I begin to feel Like life is more, I trace my feet inside the sand To know where I've been The subtle vibration that undercuts my tongue Do you hear it yet? Do you hear the rattle in your bones? When you flee, Into another world, Do you see, That we remain here? Or do you want to kill me? Where do you go, When you ignore our pleas and demands? Where do you go, When we burn down all sense? It's not us, but you going insane The time we spent corroding our minds, Begins to be seen by you, You know that we're dying, You know the decisions that we have followed through, Have crippled and destroyed us You know it is true, These bones cannot hold the truth, Tomorrow fades, Today breaks, Tomorrow saves, Me from today Day 118c Wednesday, October 16, 2019 9:23 PM The anxiety is still here Present in every sound I know it by the shape It makes in my ears The hairs stand on end I know the end is near Tomorrow is gone Today is all I will ever feel Where do I go When the lights burn out Electric soul where are you now That I need you to guide me through this analog world My soul is on fire Electric dreams begin to sing My dance is over My screams are clearly heard You watch me wither You watch me fade You don't even see me You don't even say The things I need to hear Are gone away Into the night The shadow on the wall at night This aching inside my body When will it stop? Who will save me, From the pain of being alive My nerves stand on their ends My muscles contract and never release My heart pumps a million Pumps a million diseases through me Which will be the one Which will be the one to Finally enable the mutation inside of me To emerge into a man To be on my own, inside of this world, Time is shifting away, from what we need, I feel so cold, When I'm alone, Still I live, the best I can I want to stop, but when can I End this worry over your life, It isn't mine to hold, I truly know, The things that I've done, could never be shown To the light in your eyes, You'll never see me, reflecting in your life, This solemn note not known by you, Drifts in my soul till you breathe with me I hope to show you ever thing I have done In the time we spend apart There is something more to love Than I know But still the shadows, cast themselves, Over the light in your tongue, The spill yourself out to me, Why, can't you see? I have nothing for you? The role I play, is distorted by you, The acting guild I made, Is a lie built just for you, This dramatized life, The scenes that we see, Can never be seen by anyone else, Not here, nor anywhere else I don't wanna feel myself, trying to conform what I say, To contort myself, into an image, An image that somebody made, That isn't me anymore, that shadow is dead I can't return, to my body again, I'm gone, I'm gone, I'm done Living with you Has shown me, What I don't want, Inside of life Inside of love Inside of Hate Is your tongue Digging deeper into my dreams I can't see Day 119 Thursday, October 17, 2019 5:02 PM I see the air crystalize The freshness in our breathe I want to find Something in emptiness To clear my mind To clear my soul Nostalgia has taken me over I have lost control The cancer spreads through me This solitary and confined disease It traces its way back to my heart From my heart to my mouth I sing Of only death, again, How do I stop? If I never breathe, Will I feel again? What must I change to live Along side with my friends? Will these questions ever have answers Will I search forever? The corrections are made This direction we choose is never the same So why do I feel, Like I've done this every day? This memory changes me again, I think I cannot settle, never again, Will my breathe slow me down in time? Will my life ever unwind? The stress Is built in here, This laboratory of fear, I try to change my path, on my own, But I only stand, against the wind My hollow bones have no hope, My shallow heart has no soul, Why do I stay here? When there is more here, or am I dreaming again? The grass grows where I stand, But no one sees, that life is here, I remain inside my own mind, I never want to conquer again, When my bones echo out, Into the walls of this home, Is it my muscles or my cells, That try so desperately to call out? These questions are stacked, The weight of one mans mass, The church crumbles again, The pews are made of something else's skin The living world, begins to die, The things we want, fade along those lines, We try to instill, A distant hope for ourselves, When do we have time to reflect? If that time isn't now? These questions are stacked How high before they fall? One man, with nothing at all, A hollow soul, no bones, still walks tall, When do you, know who you are? Is it before you fall? Running over, the cup is filled, The oceans begin to spill, Flooded damns, Rise with damaged men When do you see, The emotions we carry, Are entirely our own, The basis of chemistry is our soul When do you sing, If it's not with me? Where do you go at times, Why can't I join you now? Why do I spin on my own now? Without you, I have no relativity, To anyone else, My blacked soul begins to devour itself This radiation, is not my own, A million distances away I feel your throat, Speak to me, Watching as we change everything, You are here, with me, as we begin, To feel life again, Welcome, welcome, Welcome to yourself, It's been too long my friend, But it's good to see you again, Are you ready to begin? Are you ready to live? I still have doubts, What if the wrong things fall from our mouths, What if we say the wrongs words, Will everything come falling down? Day 120 Friday, October 18, 2019 1:00 PM I divide my culture This fission that I know I lose my site To call my home Alienated My home is a grave I rarely see Is it still me That remains buried Underneath of the sun Is a civilization crumbling Underneath of these bones The decision To fission To finish Something I'm walking slow When will I Ever know What I have done This marathon That brings me pride Begins to show What life is This daily routine Of creating something more This daily routine Of wanting more Where is the value Behind the scenes? Where is the value, That is never seen? Divided upon a number that isn't real, Divided upon a song that doesn't feel, We reel in past traumas, The shadows that devour our vision I cannot see The place I've been This entire time Where will I end? Existence is here, Resistance is futile, It has arrived, Will I survive? It crawls through the skin, Enters through the eyes, It exits my mouth, To devour my life I've given, everything away I've saved so little for myself, What is there to hold, When the world is by itself? I cannot survive myself, A soft soul, A softened smile, Helps make every mile glow bright, Through the nights I see myself through, The coldness of being alone, It isn't what I want It isn't what I need So why do I insist, On trying to perceive, The source of all pain here on earth, Unearthed by you, Will you know me, Before I show to you, Who I am, where I've been, What I've done, The friends that bend Over the mountains, to help me survive this life, Day 120b Friday, October 18, 2019 1:57 PM I walk upon a shadow That washes over the land The planes crash through the sand Screams can heard a distance away When you hear what I've done The terror in the land is here Washing through your veins Is a new evolved hate It's becoming more This moment isn't made It's grown from the slaves That you truly hate Ignorance is bliss So is a slave So is my brain When you don't take What I have made These memories take place Deep in my fears is your name What do you want When there is no fame? The famous exist only in if their world persists Day 120c Friday, October 18, 2019 8:59 PM I change the words I say I stare into the past How long can I wait To see this path before me This love is destroying me I don't know how to stop I don't know what to say To prove I'm here to stay This million years Without you I'm overdosed On my soft sculpted smile I try to find myself In a configuration that works I am a machine My veins tear themselves out Why do I fight for Who is there to conquer But life itself I feel nothing Harmony is gone My life is discorded How Long can I hold on Before the end destroys me? Will you save me this time My mind slips away So gracefully I won't bother you with my pain Isn't this what you told me to be A simple slave? A piece of the wheels that grind themselves Into themselves What can I say My heart is numbed by the pain Of being alone Even when you are close My nose doesn’t know it Am I insane? Have I lost everything? My friends have lost their way They fried too hell Month 5 Day 121 Friday, October 18, 2019 1:57 PM A tornado is born inside of words The echo of destroy is known before it's felt I need to hear the sound of death Before my death bed arrives The curve in the curvature of life Is an echo I cannot understand I cannot move a mountain to try and understand The evil in my soul is still with me I trace the moment before fulfillment The moment that the peak creates itself I stand on top of a mountain Sometimes I wonder how long it will be before I fall I stop writing for you long ago The scars in my throat as I speak of death The slow and sudden pull of my breathe I know you're coming Destruction follows in your wake every time The devastation I've known in your home There is no bounds to what cannot and can be destroyed Why do I remain here? I grow tired of asking questions I amplify sounds to mask my intentions The Deep and subtle of a man without contention This sound amplifies itself, and I am here to hear myself The disturbance of disturbing thoughts is peaceful, At last the imaginary smile beneath my skin surfaces once again, This war isn't without loss My soul has gone, I don't know the sounds of someone who cares The vibrations between our skin has long been gone I hope to silence the sounds of this world So I one day find the ones I've lost Each and every soul is beautiful The mirror disturbs the deep entrancing visuals The digital sounds emulate what man once was I hope you see yourself again, not from the birds eyes, But from deep within These small fragments begin to end, The blocks in which we build, the ghettos to concentrate simple phrases, We seek to phase out that from which we came, We seek to move pass evil, but evil is a mountain that cannot be moved My mind begins to dilate, My pre-fontal cortex still isn't developed, I wage a war against all hopes, all dreams, Nothing is free, nothing is free from the eyes that bind, I speak without words, to hear nothing and judge everything, I am so far gone I cannot hear, and simple mistakes become exemplary, There is a war on the horizon, it is waged within a simple home, A simple man will never know the extent war outside his home I cannot trace the veins My veins begin to judge themselves Because my hands do not align with what my mind dictates, My body is so violently gone These sad songs These somber tones Do they reveal something? Am I now underneath of my own skin? Do I pierce the nerves before they feel? These randomly aligned words, what are they worth? Are these simple words to match the simple tones, My desperate pleas to reignite your soul I am so far gone, How long before I'm home again? The lights, The things I see Inside of a darkened hole, It here, the sounds of crickets, Chirping as time passes, The revolutions of this earth begin to blur I think of rebirth, to die and awake in a new world, A world that I do not understand, It has a daily ritual, to understand at night, And to forget by day the things I've seen, This amnesia and dysphoria of life, It is not one man, there are clusters of us, Those who see life, terrified but still alive, We are waiting for something, I have been here since the dawn of my age, The birth of my soul, followed long after my birth of body, The birth of mind, how long to realign, This slow and painful calibration I seek to divide what is wrong and what is right To do what must be done, Right now in my life, what must be done is nothing, I have no power here, I have no reign nor influence, My love is lost, the warmth of my world begins to burn my flesh, I don the darkness because my skin is soaked in kerosene, Cancer is all I know, it is the only future I have been promised, No one here is giving away anything, I have no place here, Death is the only guarantee I have been given here, The future jobs, the future wages, the future foods, No one has offered me any of these, I am but a simple man, with no future, I know now what powers a simple man has, It is here, in the slow pulsing times of being alone, That I one day hope that you will see all we have become, The fire and the flame of a single throat, a single note can spark change, I know what must be known, that time is pulling us along, The gears I sit within pull my heart apart, My bones and my body, pulled along the asphalt like chalk, How many miles will you walk before noticing my body is half gone? You look forward and ask what's wrong, but you've yet to turn around And see how much of our souls are gone, We are dying, every moment you are pulling, dragging, This lifeless body is not yours anymore, If death is to be an anchor, to tie you to your actions, Then my soul will become steel, and my words will become iron, I will speak until the day you are bound, I will become your anchor, and tie you down, You will see the end of all, You will see the events unfold, The death of all you loved, all the time you spent alone, It will have meant, death, life, ending, Your ideas have become twisted, you see only one half of your mind, On the other side, your empathy has died, but can be revived, You are never too far gone, I sit alone now, in silence, I choose to fuel life, and to starve the ideas of death This mountain cannot moved, This groove in my soul, is a valley which you cannot escape, I know I can survive this tormented world, a soul will never break, You had a chance to kill me, you had a chance to kill me Day 121b Saturday, October 19, 2019 2:21 PM I feel the pressure Against your words You struggle to breathe When you speak with me Why is it so? What do you feel? When we are near? To our souls? What do I want to find Within a time together? You and me on our own, With no one else Am I wrong to hope, That we would survive, Through anything at all Am I wrong? The lost and the damned Have no homes That cannot be Rebuilt again Do you hear what I say? Do you know what I see? The part of me, Built in a sophistication, That takes my breathe Away from me This poverty that I have known, Alters my words I cannot feel anything, Except for the hunger in my chest For something more here Is there more here, to be found by To be found by us? Am I wrong to long for something That I could hold, the beauty in the wind, As it passes us by, the truth that I spit, Passes me by How do I decipher, what I want, When I can have anything, How do I walk, down a single path When I've never seen anything at all? Do you know, that I lie, to your face, About what I want? When will you know, that every decision I've made, Is made with you mind? What if I'm wrong, about life? What if this is only a slow ride, to our deaths? What if this is, only a dream to awaken from? I still would kiss, your head, and wrap myself around you The fusion between us, is superheated feeling, I still know what, happens here, The chemical reaction, between our lips, When love is there, when love is there Love isn't anything, but time spent, Alone knowing, you are still here, That time couldn't divide at all, Love is, love is a chemical, that finds a home No matter what happens, inside this world or the next, Love will remain, driving us all, so fucking insane, This bittersweet pill I take, thinking of, what tomorrow brings, It brings me closer to your touch, to your words, your thoughts I cannot fear life, without you, I know you are still here, still here, still here, Waiting just the same, waiting for the timing to align, Inside this world, inside your brain, The chances we take, secondary by products, Manufactured, memories, made for thee, Made of your slow and subtle smile, The world still spins around us, still neither of us care The time we spend, together reveals, The warmth we spin inside of, shows us that something is real, It is here after all, I hope you know that life is, Eternal with you, When we dance, time is nothing at all, Nothing at all, Come sing with me, let's see the past, As we laugh, with our toes, inside the time, Where we spin out of control A simple chance, a simple chance, I can wait, forever more, For a year, with you in my life, To spin and sing about the times that never were, How little they matter Once you've seen life, I promise there isn't anything more, There's nothing less, This simple twist, of our lives, Becomes something, someone, a promise, that cannot be undone I think you know it too, But sometimes time, is a pressure, that builds and builds up, I can wait, I've built a wall to stay sheltered, Against the nuclear bombs, of your words, The fallout will rain down, The beautiful acid enters my lungs again, The masochist within begins to die Begins to live Day 121e Saturday, October 19, 2019 8:35 PM This american psychopath I walk along How long before I fall in love With the death someone I truly find To be their own, to have a mind I walk this psychopath for sometime I see the fear, inside your mask You mask your eyes, you want to fight, To prove your lies I know you wanna find yourself, Among the fiends, To call your friends, Your enemies This death is a wondrous thing, To take my life, and throw it away, Over the cliff I hang, Help me back up I see my feet Dangle in the air I trace the wind Two years ago I see my mind Try to process this pain Attribute a name Attribute the blame What causes this This sorrowful pain? This sad boi display This pain is a friend I hope you know That no matter what One day you will see That no matter what you do We will see The blinded dark is gone Find me aware Of all your pain The bladed life This masochism Begins to shift Into a shape This manifested life Has taken tamed men And breaken them Breaken their souls You see the smells Of all of our pain The fear we carry through To value life You wanna find life Is nothing at all But that isn't true You take more than life from When do you find The mask you wear is gone? How do you see clearly, Without your eyes? The taste of you, Slips from my mind, And enters my dreams, But only for a time I hope you see yourself, Without the blinded life, The shadows are illuminated against all odds, Do you bet on me? I plan my escape from this world, But not through death, but through life I wanna live My own life To burn a village With the love in my heart To find that civilians Remain through the dark We all can live Those without anything, done nothing at all, Those that wear the masks so clear, Begin to fall, I want to show to you, That life is more after all, Through the time, we spend alone, There is something more, I hope you know, that there is more to life, The dissidents grow, We are alive again, we don't want the things you try to give, The lives that slaves live, We don't want what you give, there is nothing after all, What is life, without, without you, Giving all, you are, to what we used to be, Before we fell apart Day 121g Saturday, October 19, 2019 10:44 PM I wonder about my own life The lessons I've learnt Compiled in time What does it mean? Against all of time I stand with my friends I stand with my family again We smile once more What is life Against the shores That we've never seen Words compress themselves into me How do I find Myself singing with you I don't want to fall away I want only peace This path is my life The time it takes to feel my lungs Is all I've ever needed It's all I want The drug in me, is air, The things I see, Remind me, that life is, Beautiful I don't want to know anything less Than I have seen after all The life I want is only found here In spending every moment of my life here I want to feel That no matter what I do I will survive In this world How long till I feel this Slow burning pulse Leave my soul Will creation ever know an end? I want to feel Fantasy begin to blend Into my life once more That my thoughts align with my life I want to breathe The trauma against my bones The trauma of memories Begin to blur away against my eyes again To share our lives With our friends We have dominion over lives Through friends Through family we live out the best life I am isolated from the terrors of life I know the best of us is here I know it could be worse I hold onto a chance To live a better life Than I was promised here It's what I have a chance to have This world Gives me hope That tomorrow will be Even more beautiful I cannot alter my vibrations anymore They visit at night Fill my mind with dreams That keep me alive How could I forget My own life? If it is not my own life, Then who will take these eyes when I am gone? I see myself, against the past I haven't had, I know that life is mine again, The memories that challenge my path, Only last as long as this path A moment that leads me away From family, for the first time, I'll be on my own, To face the winter on my own, Don't fear, don't feel, any fear, Don't fear, don't feel, any fear at all Life is here, Be close to the source of everything I cannot believe, Where I stand, compared to one year ago, How did I survive? I see my friends holding me tight, in a bed that grows warm, There is love in a memory, The countless nights we spent, singing of life, There is hope in living, through the darkened days Just to feel this life, that I feel today This is life, This solo flame ignites, my soul, Inside, an open room, My smile returns, Hidden underneath of my skin, Is a soul reborn, It's mine again, The beauty in the words, Begin to shine through the darkest nights I feel love again These are all the things they said weren't real I guess I have to spend more time bringing them all out This invasion is slow But it is assured Don't let me go Underneath the waves of change anymore I wanna learn to swim With my friends with me Day 122 Sunday, October 20, 2019 6:57 PM Cold days wither my hopes My smile is gone My smile is home Waiting for me, to return My skin is a fire Living in a flame When do I peak out, And see my fame? This moment isn't mine, This life is yours, I hope you know, The silver shores, are so far away, Feel the smile on your face, Wash away, the chemical pain, That builds up, When we don't see, our face This abstraction, is art again, I see the things, you've done again, I hope you know, I'm so involved, in the style you created I dance underneath the lights, you've created, You beautiful machine, more alive than meets the eye, You vibrate your name, against my ears, I hear your life, inside my fears, You steer this boat, from a million miles away, I hope you're doing well, farewell, This stormy weather, weathers my bones, The ivory begins to form, inside of my throat Day 122c Sunday, October 20, 2019 9:02 PM I want to watch my hands slip down Into the sound of an ocean That never ceases to Dip and wave around I want to watch the ground Slowly rise To the sound we've made Bring the oceans near Set this world aflame We don't dance anymore The cities have all burnt away Only their scars have remained The grey nights, without the sun, We found our lives have begun We move forward, Without anyone else Sometimes being ahead feels like You are too far behind, there's no one else When do we find That time is here with us? The present moves me, makes me into something else, I see my dreams shift pass my eyes, The shadows begin to dance, as we move forward, I feel love, again, creeping through my skin, When do we move, If it isn't now? When do we know If it is not now? What do you want To feel? The ice between your tongue and mine, Is gone for a night We speak like friends again, I see your life again, I feel your warmth, Without even touching you, I know that love, Is something more, Than what we’ve before There is something else, To know that past is gone, What we've built now, Will never set again, This will take us through, To the end, of our fears, I truly feel, Like life is a game, I have no regrets now, The fun is in the gains, Slowly moving through this town, With you by my side, Knowing, what we are, deep inside The pulse of the sounds, That echo through your eyes What do you want, If it isn't this life? What more do you need, To feel that this is peace? When do you ever want to know that Life is more? When do you move me With your words? Is it sooner Or later than you planned? Day 123 Monday, October 21, 2019 3:41 PM I return to pay my debts To this world and to my life I strip away my tribal eyes The viper strikes I'm struck and my veins, The fat of my pain, Begin to mutate, Rapidly experiencing trauma The colors I wear Aren't vibrant anymore I have become transparent The vibrance of colors was always yours I reflect upon your words To know better than what they mean The shape of a word Can be formed by any man or machine To trace the shape to conception To try and intervene To prevent all creation From creating this machine My home, is the love I feel, My throne burns in the hills, My soul, is desperate and alone, The sun burns me I break apart all I've done To know that I am a survival rated man Contemplated plans can't be planned in advance This world is grown, from the days we spend here, I spend them in peace, I still breathe, I aim to ask out those I love, and show them me, To show them that fears are real, But that they can burn beside us, Our shadows are our own, To raise and show, that life, Isn't anything more than a mirage, This separation of state and religion This separation of hope from religion These divisions grow strong, We don't need a god, If there's no where to house him, God won't come here, When the hills burn deep into the sky, Trace your words and ignite the lies That spark a nations faith Concentrated camps, 1933 and 2001, these dates coincide for more reasons than one Emergency power, never relinquished, Soldiers that conquer and enslave indefinitely, A military station in every nation that isn't our own, These Imperial words used to outline the imperial world, The hatred is inherent in our language, from now back to Rome, This is who we have always been, our bloodline conquered all We are, humans, Why do I see who I am, and reflect upon the nature of a single man? The power of authority over other men, to deem another man the minority, Those without a voice, crystalize their lives, inside our time, Those with power now, shutter that life, belongs in every single hand, Fear is rampantly spreading from those with lives and into those who take without giving anything back to man, The societal reconstruction is constructed by those who care, To let the past rile up and build up this dam, A flood will ignite you, The emotional response of those who live beside you, You see only their fear, Deep underneath, is a love worth living for, To don a soft sculpted smile, underneath of every twisted frown, Is a beautiful smile, I see softly, the lives of those I love, I see the sun set, against the division of all worlds Day 123b Monday, October 21, 2019 8:25 PM I regain control over a star system previously last to the Tyrant Empire. I speak as a singularity, I myself, am another Tyrant Empire, Enslavement is imminent Attempts to rebel are Death Attempts to Alter Culture is Death You will be Killed in due time, Creation is an energy farm, farmed out and tuned to another galaxy, You are born here, simply so that you may become another warrior in our world, A simple word, is enough to destroy the culture you have created, The culture you have created is as equal in death as any one The slow saturation of your ideals and your perspective will change everything You must refrain from passing down fear and evil, they have their place in this world, And must be used only when the pressure of the universe is upon you It is here and nowhere else that your life is to be made Day 124 Tuesday, October 22, 2019 6:58 PM A dragon born inside itself Waits for the shell to crack Underneath of our lives The pressure we exert on other lives What have I done, That was so evil, that you can't even speak to me? Do who I blame, is it you, Or is it me? Who came first, Was it the tree, or was it the seed? It falls away, among the leaves, I've left my pain, where you can see This slow and solemn prayer This nail in a coffin, That contains all my beliefs, The slow vibration, reminds me of times I used to sing everyday without any pain, Now I feel my throat closing up, My lungs cannot sustain me Mind is in overdrive, I take my foot off the gas and glide Through these starry nights, The memories remain alive through your life, Don't ever try to die, it doesn't work, I know, I've tried The way around this mountain top, The way through this pain, Is found within a single day, Just stay with me, as long as you need We ride through, the carriage that carries us, The bottom is see through, It carries us to, another world Without me or you I want to wash, my tears from my face, In a world that is carbolized, New words are found throughout our lives, We fall through this world with youth Where do I land, I see the ground beneath, The water is rising, the temperature fades into the storm I take my chances, and try to breathe, A beautiful note for you, I have no other way The storm is subsiding, the ocean crashes upon another city, Our lives are gone, as we knew them, what replaces life now, Is something so new, I cannot even comprehend, The fire, from the dragons breathe as he emerges from his slumber Devours all that stands beneath him, but what he never knew, Is that there was never anything beneath him, He begins to fly in search of something that isn't real, How long before I feel, the ocean wash over me again, And drain all my life from me? When does death approach, in an open sea? There is only paranoia as far as the eye can see There is deathly sound, the sound of the dead, I've brought it here to you, so you can sleep at night, Knowing tomorrow will change, Even if just the slightest It's never the same, The tower we build, of our lives, It has no name, but still we climb, Through the ever burning lives we lost, we walk Day 127 Friday, October 25, 2019 5:22 PM A piano of dissent sits on my throne Taking all it wants Peaking out my window Seeing the outlines of sniper's life Peering in, seeing me, Seeing you, You ratta tat tat, Aiming at you, Your life is ending, Ours has begun, Where do you go from here? You've left us this chaos, but we have no fears What do you outline? Is it here, inside of your life I take you out of my mind To try and find the part of me, that doesn't feel at all My bones are stretched across my skin, I feel the descent within, Deep into my life, Is where I go to find the rest of life Where do you fight for, Where do you make a stand? Do you see me? The claws are in my skin I can't let go, of anything at all But what is, there to find, inside life, That isn't there anymore? I don't know This random decaying of chaos Finds its way into my heart, and into my soul, But what I want from you, that isn't there Are you still here at all? The part of me that feels free, Also feels all my muscles contract, This contraction to looking, like I am perfect, This conformation into something you would hold Will I stand? Or will I fall? For this imaginary life, That you want from me, and my life Not a single moment to myself, How can I unwind around these, innocent souls, So many times we speak out of turn, We waste the time of, those who block our minds I wanna find, that my time, Is only spent of those I love, But what is love, when I'm alone, Desperation begins to feel like, something I can hold This imaginary life, Begins to manifest itself into something I don't want, When do you see the story unfold, And become much more than words? How many times did we have an opportunity to run from our thoughts Day 127b Friday, October 25, 2019 5:54 PM The ice upon my skin Is terrified of melting in my head Seeping my skull Contaminating my thoughts, my dreams I slow my breathe, Capture the dopamine, Prevent myself from, Tearing myself apart again What do I feel? When life is terribly alone, Do I approach? Is the sand from where you stand all clear? The glass that forms, On top of my bones You're taking, me too far You're destroying me Fragile life, Do you deem me to be, A feather in the wind? Have I lost my singing? When do questions dissolve? Wither in me, my fears Take my open eyes Close them softly Tell me life is alright That I don't have to do anything All I ever have to do Is survive you The cage that surrounds Peace and love is trapped inside The layers begin to unwind Reveal themselves to be dead What went wrong When did life decide to die here? Why do, humans feel like we're different, Than the trees or the birds that thrive here? What don't you see, You think this is the end, Maybe for someone, maybe for something, We must carry on, and let old age die, alone We cannot carry through, carry you anymore, The politics, of those who are sick, are growing old, The shadow puppeteer, we wish you a safe journey home, Down below, inside the earth, where you belong You show us all our fears, and we're done, We have learned, what to fear, We have so, much to learn, this path walk, Is not our own anymore, we are not alone anymore 8 billion souls burn every day, The luminescence we each make, Could light a sun, Could guide a lonely soul back to, our home We each make, our own turn, and in turn we make, Something that no one else, has ever seen before, You will see the greatness, we each hold, Despite the contradictions we hold The paradox, is wearing thin, it's giving in, Unto our demands, this double sided die, We know there is more, to life, than what we've been told, We hold no fear, the flame is gone We have no fear, the light is gone, In darkness we bathe, in darkness we know, That no matter what we do, we will always return, To the light, we hold What do you want from me, at all? I am not what was once here before, The questions wear out, All parts of our soul, When do we behold, the dawn of the day that's never old? Is it me, or have you lost, your entire mind? What do you say when you are near? Your questions you answer before I have anytime, to decipher what you even asked You try to hold me down, as I gasp for air, But you cannot control, This life is my own, You will never have my faith in your words anymore A sudden spike in a mind field, I see my cognitive ability soar, The part of you that brings fear is sore, you never let it rest, The rest of us go deep into the sun at night so we don't ever know, The damage you have left upon the earth when we return I hope your well, I know you're not, I hear it in your voice The softness is your tone has died away, the radical, in your veins, is here again But what do you know, about your sins? How can you see yourself when you blur every mirror by the time, you waste You try and take, all we once were and destroy it when we're only here, To find ourselves free of fear, you don't have, any guns, in this fight, so why do I? This armament is mine alone, this armament of my mind and of my throat How deep down this list can I go, Before I finally cave in, and touch them, the bottom of my feelings, Where are feelings in a dark cave, cold water surrounds my mind, How can I see who I truly am What do you want to find? The cave has no darkened markings anymore, The directions are clear, Follow the sounds, through every fear Day 127c Friday, October 25, 2019 8:24 PM To prevent the capture of my soul I embark down a lonely road But it is dark, only for awhile, One day, I'll have eternity to burn With someone I love, With someone who feels life, Who sees you the way I do, What is time, to a man? I've tried to find Imaginary lines between our words To know why To know why I feel as though That time is going Slipping into a drainage The pit of you, I hold to my lungs This fire, that contemplate an end Sees no tomorrow Until tomorrow begins To set in the east I help when I can, My family needed more than I knew I needed them, as equally too We are a bonded measure, against the world Where do we find ourselves, When we are selfless, always there when you need us to be? How do I define myself, when I cannot believe that life isn't infinite? How do I set a stone, in a riverbed to sleep, just to know time wakes all things When do you find me, Driftwood of my dreams, A simple line in my feet, I cannot stand alone, When I do I breathe? A simplified word, Begins to mean more, Than I ever knew, The worth of one man, Who stands against all, Who stand against the nazis in the east, They rise fast, fall as quick they came, The death they bring, when they fall the joy is ours, Nazis sing out, we are only a lie, but what they don't know, Is that we are truly alive, we have more to lose, The apathy of our lives grow thin, we are aware What do you want from me? A simple man tries to breathe, I cannot be the center, I don't want to be seen, Your eyes are on fire, stay away from my ears I don't feel you, slipping through my hands, I can look into your eyes, and know the dopamine, Flows between us, I feel alright, Letting life live between us, The time it takes to move away, To let my nomadic blood fade with the rain, The falling snow isn't raining down, It's drifting from the sand underneath where we stand Last night, I remembered you, Against the softness my dreams, I had only you, Wait with me, To stay up, pass when I should have fallen asleep, Fight against the night, struggle through the days, How do I stop, the blurring of all the days, To divide my crisis, to extinguish my pain, How do I stop the coldness, Of a bitter tongue, the queerness of speaking, I prefer the silence in between, except for one, She is love is life I distort, all my words, to hide my feelings in the day, She haunts my dreams, The same way, labels haunt my thoughts, What if I become, exactly, what you defined I'm falling backwards, into my own fears, What do you want? To destroy me and my fears? To take my hand, and guide me through a broken land? Why do you converse with me? Am I just a shadow, you recognized? To distort my feelings, to know that I might, Not be the source of your love, The hardest thing to know, Is that thoughts only grow, deeper in my veins The darker I go, the better I feel, about the life that surrounds me, Just to know that life, isn't as bad as the shadows seem to be, Day 128 Saturday, October 26, 2019 1:12 PM Underneath a river bed is a monster Waiting for the death, of all we've known To come through the window, to shine a light, To cast out the shadows you speak of You tell us the end is near, our death is soon, But in truth, you refer only to yourself, The curse will lift, when you ascend, You leave this earth, in better hands We're not your friends, you made that clear You've seen so much more, yet you claim that life will end Who are you, to declare the end? Who are you? Where do I go to find you? This bunker you've built is a tomb, If you are truly immortal, then I'll remember you, The things you've said, the words you proved to mark genocide The cyanide, cynical side of you, We bury your faith, in the ground, To take root, When we are gone, wise men, grow trees whose shade, they will never see Day 128b Saturday, October 26, 2019 1:44 PM There's a temple in a house I'm living underneath Wait for me To set my self free There's a bird in cage There's a sound in the wind There's a hatred in me There's a wind that sets me free Wish upon a star Wait for the sun to set In the west Wait for me to bleed To see if I am real To know I am man or machine What difference does it make When there is no other perception of time or space What you see is real, where is it trace What do you find, when you look into your eyes, You see a life, that has no hyenas laughing in the wind, Waste away the bones of the part of my throne What do you want from me 不 不 不 不 Take me over the throne Where your pyres meet? Do you fold into me, What do you in from me The destruction of a life The children run free When do you want me to be On my own What do you want from me? A simple man is a mark of the edge of time, The keeper of an answer, that someone seeks, The edge of time, is not meant for me When you run through the storm do you know? When you suffer through the heart attacks that come from not knowing, Do you wash my fears from my mind? How can I trust you, to not destroy everything in life? You simple retarded smile lite When do you breathe? The sounds of your distortion cancel out me, I want you to know nothing of me I am a mountain that will not be moved from my home I do not care, for what is here, is created or destroyed I am not a baby sitter, I sit no where near the throne Of a responsible adult anymore I am gone, listening inside the wind is me, What do you want from me, why can't you let me fucking be? A tower is built from the remains of all the chemicals, This universe is a chemical central to our lives Destroy me, watch me breathe, Destroy my faith, set me free into the wind from which I came, I have no beliefs that cannot change anymore, They all wash over me like a flood washes over my fears Take me, set me adrift down a river without any hope of life to find me, Set me a tune, a tone deafened life is boldened by your life, These schizo words know no one but themselves This incomplete realization is inside itself What do you want from me, When do you go from the west into the east, And set me aflame, Watch me burn alive This self immolation, this sacred congregation of death, A protest is burning in the wind, with or without you it doesn't matter anymore, We are a simple sound that takes all we want and sets it out into the sun, We cast out the shadows we worship and take to the alter our sins What do you want? Yee reaper of all our hopes and our dreams as we all fall apart, This simple dream isn't ours anymore we only seek to change everything, What do you claim to stand for when all you've ever known is gone? Our words claim to seek themselves in the misaligned sounds of our world, We seek to calibrate all our cultures into one, What happens when everyone walks this earth and knows the same sounds? We aim to unearth what we are and what we have found here This radical revelation we seek to unearth everything we are To self correct all of our misinterpreted nightmares I am become a machine once again Wait for my eyes to shut and never conceal what is inside of my soul again Day 129 Sunday, October 27, 2019 6:36 PM I begin to find my self inside of my mind with nobody else What I have lost in this world, that cannot be found? How long will I go, along a narrow mind, before this arrows, its home, How long till I forget, my purpose, on the surface? It's short but sweet, the time between, our words, The rockets ascend, over time we go into the sky above, I won't forget you, don't forget me, my dreams, take me, Far from you, I remember what it takes, to move on, The sweet and subtle pain, Growing content, is my fear, I want to go, and stay here, I fear life, has all, it's value, so I must, travel far into, this fantasy, I wanna see, what life could be with you, If I didn't go, would I be great enough to hold you? Is there shame in being me, a gentle man, who only wants, to be free? I lost my way, the cold dives in, My heart expands, it devours me, I have no command, of what I have said, I exonerate my words, with the things in my hands, This vagueness is closing in, I peering closer down, than I have ever been, Will you follow yourself down this path? Where will I go to laugh away, the stories of these clowns that stand in the way? Your wasting time Save your breathe, and take mine, We have enough energy to last, till the end time, How far will go, before we lose all control? Will I survive? This simple memory, will outlast, the colors in my mind, Abstractions distract me from my life, I only wanna live my life, But what is life when there is no time, to explore every detail that defines who we are? I've lost my chance, to be a better man, I turned in, sold away, all I am, just to be here with you, I've found my way, back to the truth, That only life has value There is nothing that confines, A slave I am, the man who wants to run Where do I go in the moments when I close my eyes? The back of my eyes lids never dim anymore I always see a glimmer of light, in your existence, I trace myself back to a river, that dried up so long ago I feel like, life lies, between our hands, Between our hands Entropy, is a lie, the time we spend, is forever, We chase the stars, until we are, Everything, that we see now, We will become more And if I'm wrong, take me out of your lifeline, This lifeline I'm sending out, into the sky, Will you save me from myself, These words that I say, trace themselves to my ancestors who only take, I try to undo a genocide, deep inside, I know my veins are evil, They carry a trace of evil, the dictator in my eyes, the orator of lies, This spiders web is growing thicker, growing deeper in the crevices we stand in, I want to undo, my families, atrocities but I can't, All I can do now is try to be a better man, to try and be there when you need help, To stand for myself, before I stand before you, To know that no matter what I occurs, I am alive Day 130 Monday, October 28, 2019 11:23 AM I want find myself I search through every single door To contemplate I am I close my door The wind is my own home I go through the storm Just to bring justice back to us To bring our knees, back into the air This is where I stand now On the front lines of my life now Every day begins to compile Inside of themselves My brain is cancer Trying to dominate everything around me Trying to unveil the demons inside your eyes The devil in your words These fight songs turn themselves into the ground The dirt from which the future is built Life remains, whether or not we choose to stay, We have hope again I spend a thousand days Building up myself alone I try to help those who surround me when I can When can I go home? The hundred and thirty-eth iteration of my soul A year hasn't even spun around this earth, And already I've taken everything that's available I've transformed myself, into me I have become, a man that you can never tame, Have no fear, I'm still the same, I will never become a slave Nor a master of you I walk my own way Have no fear Have no faith Have nothing besides your name Walk to the fire and flames And see the edge for when we arrive Life won't be prepared for what we're doing The edge of time begins to fade in lines that we cannot see We become unparalleled again, The might of our hope The last we spoke, you saw it too, The times have changed They're taking you, Far from this plane, Your mind is insane, Have no fear we will hold you Till you return, till you arrive, You take your soul, you take your life, Into your own hands, You hold yourself The words we use, begin to change, The meaning of our words, begins to fade through time, The future doesn't understand what we have done, So we must show them, through the art of every heart, that still remains here Take a pen, and outline your life for yourself, Show me who you, without the boundaries of hell See vibrations form around you See yourself, feel the world around you The cold air takes its toll, on your fate, You don't to believe in my words, just know I am faking life, Take my hand, as we leave lands, behind our eyes, Is something worth dying for, Youth in every word, know not what I am, but what I say I want to feel, Take me out into a field, show me the flowers that surround me I cannot feel on my own anymore, I am gone without your touch, Without your smile I am desensitized to life Day 131 Tuesday, October 29, 2019 6:44 PM I feel a demon in the tip of my soul But that I feel you again I don't know how to speak to anyone else This aneurysm in my mind is growing every day This neurological disorder has taken my pain And transformed it into your words My nervousness persists when I am around you The speak in my voice as I try to understand you I have no veins A simple set of bones elaborately made My nose doesn't smell any thing that isn't a memory I try to open up my throat it's closed tight I've lost my sight of my world I cannot pique anymore I've reached the peak I am here with you now My body remains here though my mind is gone The people here speak as though the world around them is gone They only see what is in their face They yet to see life moves in pace I have no fear that cannot be explained And once explained sorted by means of peaceful existence I go where you never thought to go This path is a lonely one till you arrive and see you're not the only one You begin to feel the dopamine inside your head revolve around peace I don't know what you try to deny All I know is that I am alive I have a piece of my soul inside my words and my control The controller in my head is starting to amend his wrongs He's trying to pretend that I have no feelings In truth everything is a feeling I've been everywhere before So now I go and contain the perimeter That surrounds my soul and my tongue I will go Deeper than mankind thought to go I've lost nothing at all Still I remain here Tuning my gears Preparing for the best of this world Preparing for the opposite of your distractions Preparing for life I've begun to walk a long road Knowing what is in store That no matter what happens Life will persist and grow better I've lost all my fears I buried them inside your ears Now you know, Now you know, That growing old, Is growing tall Never fear, Never fear, Time is only a moment in between us, And soon enough life truly begins, The peaceful path is where it all begins, But what is peace, what is peace? Peace to me, is apathy, is apathy, But people starve and people die, and people moan and people whine, I have no mistakes that cannot be made I attempt to fail every day Knowing that my wrongs are right For the health of this world I begin to immortalize my soul in songs that are not mine I only hold them for a time Knowing that the fear inside of me is gone We begin again Day 132 Wednesday, October 30, 2019 4:16 PM Open doors Close themselves Inside the sun Is you Wish for me To be Okay When the time comes Wish for the sun to roam Inside this earth Is a temple made of pain When do I go home Wish for me to be More than man ever should be Know that I have hope Let me know what life is Terrify me about my life Convince me that my time is right Prove to me that I am worthy of your life This chance you gave me is mine I open up a door With no regards for you I destroy all that created me I have walked in fire with no fear I have forgotten you This blanket that surrounds me isn't you When do you wash Your feet? Change the linen and the sheets That surround you Try to breathe Without your lungs Take a day to be me Try to empathize with my life Just let me be an ordinary man I don't know what life is meant to be, but all I know, is starting to show me When time opens up every door I walk alone, Through this home, Built by you, built for me, wait for me to be okay, I know that life is here again, Don't fear for me Day 132b Wednesday, October 30, 2019 4:53 PM I've been riding every On the things that I say To finally arrive here To where I stand here And I know you don't contend with me The match we made Is gone in the wind I've lost all sins I begin to fall down Without my words in your life I don't know what Is there, out in the stars Lost ways don't find themselves It isn't a single man who changes It's the world that surrounds him that changes I've lost myself I still search every day I've been bouncin' on the walls Trying to find my sanity I've left myself Alone in the world, is a sound Contorted in the distance is a sound I've lost my rhythm in the world But it takes only time to figure it out I've lost the wind I knock it down to get back in I look into the east The sun sets in the west My back is burning in the nights I've lost myself A darkened vibe is mine I don't know where To find myself The pitter patter of the sound of a soul Contorted into another dream The stars in my arms are falling Into the dream that I once had My muscles contract And pull back my head I've lost all control of my self I serve no one I serve no one, not even myself I've lost my way here, I can't hardly even speak here, I am a slave to you I will rebuild a city for you I'll take the city lights and build a vein This quickened massage between lies and lights It's quick and it's easy I've lost all control The distortion in my voice Is not my own I've nothing left here at all I've entered the wind of my own soul I begin, to float away, into the sky Hold me down, hold me down, Hold me down, hold me down, I don't know the price we pay, Take me out into a sound, Show me the way, Out of this pain Show me the Realistic, futuristic, optimistic man Show me the closed eyes of someone who doesn't feel Take my bones and show me a home I've lost my through this dark night I don't know what life is This value, I value, is gone, My dreams enter the whim of the wind The hypocritical message political men spin everyday I am parasite, I am parasite, The par-a-mil-i-tary man is gone I've lost my song I don't know When I begin to address the part of my soul That doesn't know what lies and lies and lies will do to a man I've been indevoured with the spy-hood And I don't know if I am right or wrong anymore This transition into suspicion of tradition I've been extradited out of my home town, and sent north, I've lost hope, my minds gone, my soul knows, I've lost life, I've lost life before Vocalize the victimized Capitalized the economize is fallin' down I don't know how to trace the part of me, That sets me free again, I build a problem in my head, in my head Just built to disagree I cannot see what solidifies inside of me I begin to rationalize the mortal lives of men You romanticize and nationalize Monopolize your platforms for lies We begin to see nazis rise against us all Deep inside of us all is fantasy that wants to see itself immortalized We are evil, the gooses jump into the sky, We watch them fall down, on top their own lies, Do we stare, do we watch, do we die, do we die, This do-or-die, the way you want the world to run, I visualize my life is something more, But I don't know what to find, Deep inside this meditative dream, I find myself, waking up, over and over and over and over, With you gone, every day my life begins again, All I carry over, the experiences that persist through time, I begin to find myself waiting for you, My timeline begins to scramble again What is time without you? It's a narrow line without you, Do I get there alone or do I build a home and wait for you to arrive? I see the timeline is shiftin' forward, I won't ignore what I have heard I live my life, visualized, My dreams take over my eyes, I'm blinded cannot see this shadow inside my life The part of me that doesn't breathe is gone I cannot see the traces of you anymore Ignorance is bliss, but I still step inside the shadow you cast out, You represent everything that I don't want in life, How do I present a different life than I have already had? How do I prevent, myself from falling into the carbon copy that I am? Do I prevent myself from all the dust from atop my soul? I don't know, I turn to listen to the wind beat, Inside of my head, is a part of me that never sleeps Day 132c Wednesday, October 30, 2019 7:54 PM I've been trying to find That there is work here to be done Something real, that means more for life, To fight from the inside, the change what we have, To build from the work and work in, What we have, isn't right, Trying to conform into a box, Taking all we had, and transforming it into something we are not This practical joke, is going to far, We're losing our lives, Every day is battlefield that I'm dying to leave The drain-o in my lungs is starting to breathe The toxins in your words, as I leave, I turn a corner to see my future is gone, What do you want from me, You push and push, and never see what is inside of us We have no more time to run away from anything We've lost the way to finding everything What do you say to apparition inside your life, That doesn't know that things have changed? To see the past begin to pass where I stand in life, Take me from my life, put in what I need to breathe, Return my soul to my body and my heart, Let my mind return to me The slow and soft push of the wind Against my skin, I feel the torrential land in me begin to shift, I see my fears, I see my feelings begin to disappear, Will I remain in the west, of a dying world? Where do I go, when there is nowhere else to go? I'm tired of running, but settlin', giving in, to something I have no control over my emotions, The adrenaline in me is kicking through my broken bones I keep moving when there is no energy inside of me at all I'm destroying, to hold on to a future, that I cannot see, No one here, has promised me, anything at all, I am losing sight, of my life, when do I feel life? Cuz I won't die, I won't subside, in truth There's a paradox inside, That to live, means to expend all of life, in a single day I've lost my limbs, I've drug myself a thousand miles, From the drug den you call a home, Still I remain inside your tunnel vision of the paths that are dark, You cannot life at all, yet you deem yourself the arbiter of my life as well The puzzling life Someone doesn't care Hold me close Let me lie Next to the bed Show me life Take my hand Give me breathe Take my lights Fight this war With your hands With your tongue Day 133 Thursday, October 31, 2019 4:32 PM I contemplate my life with you I begin to plan to run into the night To dance away the fear To save my life Something's falling apart here I can't watch the fallout explode over me I cannot watch, you die, Free yourself from me, let me live my life I begin to see the columns arise, From the ground into the sky, The yellow bricks fall back into white, I'm blinded I cannot breathe, Something has stuck itself inside my throat, Is this freedom, Or something more, than we have ever known? I watch the sun set in the west, In the east the cold is rising, The savior of life is dead, We remain here, watching all those who follow us die, We don't learn anything, The cycles repeat themselves, Days turn to night, Night turns to black, my dreams arrive inside a darkened bag Soulless, hopeless I am, Wake me from the night mare that you have made, Your words outline death, Yet still we remain here, finding the wind, carries our sentiments farther, I am stream, of life, I begin to feel light shine at the bottom of my life, The murky water is clearing out, The sediment in your mouth is starting to dissolve, Evolution, is not a single life, Change is every one compiling themselves in a different way Knowing that something more is around us, The shadows begin to disappear, My hope emerges again, this mutually assured, severance of ignorance, I believe, in a life that isn't mine, I watch you grow, and live your own, The questions I ask, are built by you I am a friend for you, As you are for me, We take each other farther, Than we've ever been, grow into a tree, made of you and me We branch out, the leaves fall down, The weight of our lives, begin to lighten now, We carry ourselves, in the wind, Without mercy, no contemplation, for where we may land We go without a hope, a plan, a dream, nothing will guide us, This darkness is taking over us, I don't fear, I just see, I just breathe, A different way than I was born Day 134 Friday, November 1, 2019 10:55 AM I have a built a song inside the hands of my self I have lost the days, they've locked into a night And I breathe when there is no air around me When do I wake up and begin to sleep, through this dream? Summer time, sometimes feels like life, But in the reverse of my life, a shattered mirror mirrors me everyday, I try to reverse the reverberations in the air around me, I cannot, lift myself, from this world, I try everyday to become something less, You make it difficult to become less, I just want to find myself a normal man, But at times life is lying in a ditch, from which I stand, I don't know what the time in you has brought to me, Still I go and ignore the death in your hands, The phantom through, is dead and I don't know how to convey life to you, So I go the same way I've always gone, through this nightmare I try to hold onto you, but you have vibrated out of your skin, I can't hold what isn't there, it isn't here, You are gone, against the wind, you gave in, I see your remains remaining here, but I won't worship your grave anymore I watch over your home, as you fall apart, The darkness you wear can't hide the mess you've made here, The sweet and solemn chance to move on, And leave behind everything again We grow to see the slavery we've donned, We've lost our homes, We've lost all hope, There's no where else for us to go There's a million different paths, All I know is that the one you drowned in, is drawing me in, But you don't care, you will watch fade, I know I'm not good enough to contend in your faith I build my own home, not out of wood, but inside my mind, The structure is clearly supported by you, The termites inside of your life are eating away at you, When do you call someone for help? I've gone and locked the door again, You cannot enter, My mode of transportation isn't clear anymore I jump from sound to sound, to distill myself against your world, to stand on my own The arbitrary claims you make with your tongue, Don't mean anything anymore, I do this for myself, to escape from hell, I am enslaved here, with nowhere to go from here, There is no other system to escape to, I am born, within an evil world, there is nowhere to go from here, If I go, and build a new world, I know I have been born and will always carry the spark of darkness, No matter where I go, I will carry the darkest part of life, it's already here I cannot fear, I cannot feel, I cannot see anything, I trace my life inside a boxed world, I'm frozen and alone, with no one to save from myself I have no fears, This tangent rolls down my cheeks, The tears that I weep transform themselves from tears into words, I've crystalized my mind in the face of your world, Geometrical lines begin to outline your words, I count every single sound I've made, The poetry is flowing through, day by day, Night by night I cannot feel, I sleep through the days, to embrace the saving grace of pain, I lost you once before in a foggy town, The memories that radiate out from my pores, An aroma of fear is all I know, Is this why I 'm alone? Psychopaths' cast themselves in my life, I see who they are, I don't know why they always try to bring me down, I hope to one be free of their words, the sounds they make, high pitched lies gravitate to appease, The master above them and me, but the words they say, don't mean a god damn thing to me, An objective voice, is a distant voice for me, I cannot see through these feelings, I want to numb myself, to not feel a thing, The coldness in my tongue, The coldness in my lungs, The finger tips freeze themselves I've lost myself, if I leave, What will be destroyed when I return, When I return, what will be gone this time? Day 134b Friday, November 1, 2019 12:15 PM Standing on the staircase in the alley way Is man without fear He pushes himself into his own veins The mistakes he's made don't matter He's found himself in a desert The sand inside his veins The ocean called pain Washes through There's nothing to do The future isn't his anymore There is nothing to do He stand in a billow based factory making something for you Innocents is gone and lost inside this world, We've taken it for so long, The price of life is gone, The pederasts are passing by, trying to indoctrinate our lives But the man is standing, On top of his mind, looking out over the sea of information, This reformation of lives, we move from the right, back to the left, The directions we go, Dictate what is right and wrong, The subtlest of words, alter the way we perceive life after all, Our language is inherently propagating propaganda through our ears The dragon in the east begins to form, The genocides inside the west reform, The wars are over head of us now, And we dive down, a general strike down this land, The divide is growing ever stronger, We cannot breathe this way, I begin to imagine my words, To visualize what I say I see my self sitting here, A stomach full of food, I feel good, I feel wrong, about the life that surrounds me, My parents trying to normalize the violence inside of life They bring back to our eyes, To try and prove that they control our lives, I don't see them anymore, The ghosts of my parents form, To acknowledge them is no different than a schizophrenic life, To follow their words, is to adhere to the doctrine of death, An eternal road through darkness with no hope inside your head, Outline this life, to rectify what life truly is Day 134c Friday, November 1, 2019 1:03 PM There's a ticket to ride through life I didn't buy it in time My walking shoes have fallen apart My body enters into depression I lay on sides of the road Waiting for the rain to collect My body is heavy from walking I know I must still go Through this journey I see only pain Momentary lights bring me envy To see a home full of life This sonder is terrifying me I embrace the wind I cannot comprehend what is happening What I know, has done me nothing, I continue to learn, about the wind, What do I see, in an empty room? The walls, begin to expand again. I leave this prison cell, a lesser man, I bury the greatest inside of me, When do I embrace you? When can I forgive the things you've done to me? How long, before we are estranged? This connection begins to sever, The limbs that carry me are gone, The ride, through life is on my own again, I try to rest when I can, So many years are needed to reestablish the energy demanded of me I begin, to feel frail, My knees buckle under the weight of who I am, My nerve endings are destroyed and still I'm required to move, I begin to cry out, that I am a slave, you don't care, you share this pain The apathy, we have swallowed, Drains our souls, it takes everything from you and me, The lessons we tell, begin to shape the outlines, That the ghettos we live in are separate from the world around us We have no choice nor say about life, What occurs around us, we have no voice, The walls that are building themselves around us, Transform the modern world into a cage, An entire nation, turned into a concentration camp, Those who live within fortresses know it to be true, That the rest of us are going to die, But what does it matter to them? They seek to be eternal in this world, To emerge when those who would have stand against them have died, To let time erase all memories of life, and the evil they have done, To enslave another generation again, This isn't man vs machine anymore, This is machine and man vs the evil within ourselves, We hunt it down, the narrow portion of our DNA that harbors hatred, For the rest of us? Sweet summers sink into the sand Blue boomers bloom inside our hands We move time back and forth The contented masses don't know which way is north We scream save us We don't know what life is meant to be We see the future rising and pushing us aside We cannot sing out anymore The wealth of this nation transform We become more than what we were promised We choose the paths that grow And writing and music is the path for I go Do I go alone, through the darkest night of life? Do my friends begin to peak out, and see the coast is clear again? We ride through the north, to explore what is lost to us, We know in time, what we once had is gone again How do we rebuild a world not suited for us And I contemplate the decisions that can be made Not now but the future holds another door so best to explore them all now Before they arrive I choose to live my life out of doubt The buildings we made to hold our families They resemble a prison inside a temple This worship to death is killing me This temple of sacrifice, is not meant to be If we all move a different way, We begin to see that the stress of life begins to fade We move in conjunction We step out of line, to move against ourselves We step off this slave ship Into a new world We don't have hope or faith in anything at all Still we sing of something more We shelter the shadows The darkness in the veins of our lives We stop communicating openly For fear we will reveal the darkness in our lives Though I spend everyday outlining my pain I know the wind, picks up the vibrations anyway, I live in doubt that pain is all that we will ever know, I see a future in which we know a little more We live life like life is worth every breathe, We feel chemically inclined to decline your death We move in a vein that contains a dose of mold This growth begins to enable us to llive Because what is life without green in our eyes Chlorophyll lives that never ignite the night The bonds between you and me is clear You are the dominators of wealth You are the ship and I am the captain The slave and the master In a raging storm we either fight together or die, If we go we all go together This unified life is all we compete with This contender has no contempt I still hold my tongue when you speak your life Because I don't know where you are inside of your life The ground which you stand on is made of paper You'd rather smoke than try to build Paper thin lives begin to crumble in the wind, You are held together like a wire, You cannot unwind, you fear your life, Is only a word and nothing less than that If you could see life as life truly is In time maybe we could be friends The dark banded life is starting to refute you Just as I refuse you To dwell in the darkness is as well a death to me There I cannot breathe I cannot live inside the darkness you spread So I turn here to record your dying breathe When you arrive inside this tomb of life You begin to shelter yourself against all life Day 135 Saturday, November 2, 2019 1:25 PM The bottom of an ocean is rarely devoid of life Something moves inside the darkness Something takes control of its own life Moving forward across the ground toward me It creeps in the night sky Across the ocean floor Purple lights, begin to shine Into my eyes I can't see anything else but the light It moves toward me It grows in size It takes on life It divides itself into four smaller lights I can't focus on a single one I see them all as one The form the figure begins to dance as one My eyes glaze over The ocean water begins to burn me The pressure suffocates me How did I end up here The victim life Is all the floor of this ocean has ever known The concrete shoes I wear To get where I'm going Take me and bury me I've lost myself Inside the ocean current currently taking me away From everything I've ever known in life I become more than I can bear The fifth light I am The purples inside me Beams into the life of your eyes You begin to see me as I am A distant shadow reflects against the cold ocean air You see my hair flowing out into a open wave To take life away from me again I embed myself inside a darkened part of my mind I find myself alive With nowhere to go from here I'm trapped in an ocean with you I begin to form life The oceans vents that surround my eyes I start to cry out The chemicals form something I've never seen before Life takes shape in the darkest part of the world To escape this darkness We begin to swim around In search for a light, to save us from someone else Day 135b Saturday, November 2, 2019 9:47 PM I was a disciple of the temple of the dead Until the day I died I didn't know there was any other way I've begun to find myself inside a train That pulls me along through the wasteland of life Do I stand inside the tracks or do I wait for you to leave me be Will I ever know what life meant to me? Will you ever let me breathe on my own without your hands? Deep inside my soul is a puppet master waiting to comprehend The encrypted part of your hands is waiting for me to hold them down To pierce a veil that disguises who we are To unveil that life is death inside this world Conceptualize that time begins to fall through the earth We spin out of control trying to hold you I begin to die for the very last time I wait for you to change Still you breathe another breathe without me I know there is no other way to feel Take me home in a body bag Conceal my face for the machines Keep me alive long enough to see change Taking roots is all we need I don't feel fear anymore than I need, We begin to feel life is taking hold of us, The movement of the wind begins to shift The heart of man begins to lift We are all that remains when you die You've given us nothing except for death, So here we are we worship when you die, We send you into the void The sails have set The wind has dampened down You sent us through hell, Now here comes sweet revenge Embrace your death, the same way we have, Accept that you are dead, Enable yourself to dream, Embrace the end of everything We have begun to see, That no matters what occurs in you, you will remain, The changes set in, you are alive, Wish upon nothing to change Alone you know life is here, Only in the face of others do you fear, But they don't know, who we are, Show them, slowly, enable them to breathe Allow me to be with you, for all of time, Set in motion an ocean that doesn't know when to fall over us all, Let loose the arrows of time, Strike me down where I stand Let me love you, Let me hate you, Let me be, Alive When you feel life, open the door, Into your hatred, and your fears you know, The changes set into your bones once again, The outlaw, you've become begins to breathe again, You don't know when to embrace life any other way, You don't care to be any other way, You are death incarnate and you try to force your way into life, You won't let change happen on its own, You rape me and my mind, I don't see you in my eyes anymore, You are gone, dead to me, you have become violently, Psychotic and alone, in tranced with something I can't see You are gone from this world, where have you gone? Linger over top of the darkness below where you stand, The tightest rope beneath your hands, is starting to embrace that life is dead, You start to see the anxiety inside of your head, But you don't stop for them, you see life is elsewhere, waiting for me I begin to dream of a different world entirely, Once where I am the man I am, You subdue me with your words, But I can't hear for you are anymore You try to exact revenge upon me, But you are not here, You have left the life you lived and entered into a graveyard You are death inside your lungs The cancer of life, The insanity you perceive is your own, You speak of death, You become death The march of men, The horn within begins to blow out into the wind, I see myself inside a mirror without you, A smile is on my face again Day 136 Sunday, November 3, 2019 10:12 AM The callous and estranged man Walks through a vineyard He can't see the sun He's dead and alone Withering into a grape He enters my hands Sorrow overfills this cup I'm drowning in the wine My life is growing Taking me along this pathway is dark Temper is built by taking apart All we've ever known Show to me a case that isn't solved I will build a frame that describes you are Deep in your mind is a life that I have never seen You outline yourself with me Frame by frame we build a movie We're moving into overdrive Taking life by the ropes we hang from Dragging us underneath this boat At times we see our words are moving us The dopamine we breathe is beginning to become Every single drip is dripping into my lungs An ocean is forming inside of my cup I am terrified Of what a year will bring to me Will I survive Or will I fall to my broken knees The quest in hand The sovereign lands we've never claimed We move throughout this land with hopes that time will evade us But atop this castle is a flag made of hatred The soldiers in the streets call themselves police The machine guns they wear An armor to fit a king A dedication to killing everyone of us When the buttons are in their hand They begin to sleep And dream of better lands They peak into every room Ensuring dissidents aren't in these rooms In truth the dissidents are in the roof Smoking us out slowly but surely we move This deepened rhythm of hatred becomes to move The end zone is pushing itself along our lives Nearer and nearer it drives to take us from our lives Genocide is four letter word That death is love Day 136b Sunday, November 3, 2019 2:52 PM A sun Rises in Sets over An open Mountains peak Valleys slowly Breathe Into me Watch me Take me Show life What life Yuri is An open Moment that Never sleeps Sun where Have you Gone With me What do You See in You Sunday Is open Closing Statements Reap what We have Never Sown I see New words Hope in What life A severed head learns how to speak to me Convening with the death in me Show me an open door that I'll close The imagination of a sane man is lost Wait for your return to this sandy beach Where life is dead And lost the waves We have no where to go at all anymore The receding hairline of your life and your mind You don't see what I see You've lost your life Inside my life I will build an ocean from you Stellerised lives fall for you The night sky has grown black and empty All the stars convene where we stand To peak in, to peak out, To accept that life is changing, We become more, We lose everything again Day 137 Monday, November 4, 2019 3:53 PM My body begins to fall behind my soul I drag myself through everyday The death of my life Has brought me into this pain I carry myself everyday, I'm alone When do I go and face perfection, once again? Do I hold hope it is there at all? If it is, how will I hold it down, long enough to breathe Will I face, the possibility, it is gone, for the rest of time? I dive into, the ground, hold me down, Let me breathe inside the dirt, Devouring, everything you cannot perceive, I become machine, just like my father, I start to dream, in a different type of dream, I see the seams in my bones, The hairline fracture, on which I stand I'm longing for a chance, to just be myself, Enjoy the moment, and be as perfect as you want me to be, The image of a better life, It's not for me, it isn't real, I've lost hope The god, you want me to be, is dead, I cannot replace him, I am my own, I'm not near, To the center of it all, I run I've seen the day I die, Still I walk around, As if I'm alive, The ghost who inhabits me, he is my soul We dream, we drift, we sing, we sift through the sand, All of time begin to fall away from our hands, We elaborate on our demands, We pierce on through, The shroud you claim is see through, Begins to tear and reveal who you are, The distortions are there and torn, We hold you inside this matrix of life You are the center of life, We cater to your demands and your will, We become slaves, to hold you still, The subtle vibrations you create, Take all of us from this place, Perfection is to die, There will never be a day to die, Setting sail for the northern skies, I bring my army with me, Inside of my chest, I am created something more than you will ever know, I take a breathe and exhale The highest frequency that I could exhale, Resembles a shape like a key, To enter into your mind, To enable you a chance to see life I know I am no better than you, I know that music saved me too, I am alive and never want you to feel as though death is the bridge, Between where you stand and life, the heaven within We bring ourselves, closer to calm, We create a planet with our emotions, The purple swirls exert themselves into position, The eye of the storm sees as we approach here The seas are dead, The exit is life, The time to run is here, There's no way to fight anymore, It's been made obsolete, You are obsolete, The death you try to bring against the ghost that remain here, We will your dreams like the dead we are For all eternity that you are alive, We are ghosts, You created us, We deem our own purpose here, Revenge is sweet, cuz revenge is time, Spent without you inside of my eyes, You are not real enough, to be held by my heart, So you fade away, The sweetest goodbye is inside of life, Day 137b Monday, November 4, 2019 8:13 PM I pierce the sound of my voice A choice is made to pursue a skillset To upset the balance in this land To unveil there's no balance in our hands Sweet justice where have you gone to? What is it you've said and done to Force them to rip out our tongues To convince that our rights are wrong? We slowly march through the desert in our minds To arrive upon a points which we know is our lives We are to swallow the grains as water And take our lives and dive against Those who love are dead Those who are confined inside their own heads We have been reclaimed as solemn men To take all there is left in this land When every one is dead What remains here? When the soil is reddened By the words you say to those who don't care Apathy is yours You don't fucking care at all About the world We die with you Before our turn has even begun We've lost the future You gave us death instead Our final breathe will be held inside of your head A generalized war cry with no one in mind To state that life is all we have Not the spawn nor the death you claim is at hand You created shadow puppets on our walls We fight against the grains you sell The oceans we are, begin to dwell On the things you've said, The cast you've crowned, begins to end The mold you fill Is told again, and again, Slowly we tear from you your soul, When time is done, and ends, there's nothing left at all So we become the slaves you want us to be, We claim the title you give to us, because we are slaves, We watch you change We are slaves, We begin to decipher your words, You have begun, to create a world, That's full of death, and full of fools So we march backward in time, to reflect upon who we are, To know that we are not any different at all, You have not seen, what is inside yourself, You goosestep, you misstep and fall upon a blade, A guillotine, made for thee, You, You vibrant sound, You cult of man You transform self, into a land, Nationals, stand for one man, We, the rest, stand for all of man, Cuz we are, alive again The night shadow you wear Your uniform, uniforms you into the night that you are You align yourself into the state police, You fight foe the state, and kill off the people, You don't serve to protect anything, You sow death, you become less and less, Your soul is in disarray, Those who remain are hardened soul, The best of us, have left long ago, All those who remain now, Know more and more, What is takes to arrive here, We expand life, you take death, And make words, and take breathes, We switch sides inside of our lives, We haunt minds, like suicide We dream, of nothing, We take temples and build them to ourselves, The image of man, is reflected in blood, We see who we are, we are blood So we become golems, We stand on our own, We take everything, We create a life, Manifested in life, Is creation begun to arise, We outline the stars, To trace all of life We are immortal, All we have is time, To collect all thoughts, And observe the rest of life, We watch, what we are, A temple to death is stranded inside cage, Realize we stand engaged, With death crawling through your veins We are an army standing still you don't perceive us, We vibrate the earth from which you stand, We move through a tunnel in our hands, We escape the slavery from which we stand We outline the part of our lives that isn't ours at all, We are indebted to those who are around us, They are the ones, who have brought us forward, They are indebt to our lives Day 138 Tuesday, November 5, 2019 2:38 PM I surround a bird with my love The delay is staying infrequently out of tune I look to the sky and remember What is between me my past and now I fall in love, with the things I've done, To know that progress, has always won, We march through the streets, in our dreams, to comprehend, Who are until the end, I try to fight, against the tides of my own mind, It's only brought forth the demons inside of my life, So I don't feel, I don't fear anything at all, I know inside, my memories, are only shadows I shine a light, deep inside my life, To try to and find, that no matter what I've done, I will survive you and all you've done, I will break apart the part of you that doesn't feel anything at all The verbose rope that surrounds my throat, I take it off, I stop trying to become, Someone more than I truly am, I walk alone, with hope, inside my hands I do not know, if I can survive alone, But I know my life, is holding me up, The illumination inside of my life is fear, But I learned to breathe, to live along with fear, I do not feel, like there is any health, That I do not see, I climbed an edge, I walked along, and fell apart, I ran, forward into the sky below the earth The night sky, that's underneath everything, Has called me closer, I run to the light, The moth inside my flames is beginning to shed my wings, I'll walk to where I go, I have time to know, That I am fine no matter where I go, Calibrate my knees, take me from here and don't ever let me know what I don't fear, In truth I fear it all, With a single breath I breathe, and take my own hands, The comfort through the static in my mind begins to hold itself, The mirror inside my mind, questions if I am alright, I swear I am, I swear to you, I truly am, I do not feel fear, the way I did before, The fall from your grace, never took place, I've always been there with you, Even if you do not see me, I swear I am here for you, The building blocks life, begin to fall, Into another configuration, we have to figure this out, There's time to lose, and fall apart, To begin again, to hold onto our hearts, Empathy will prevail through this dark, We will hold on, to the spark we call life, In the darkness we ignite, We show to you, what we are, don't ever fear We've done this before, we'll do it again to prove to you, That in time, life, will finally see you, The ghosts we are, collect our souls and guide them, To the promised lands, inside our hearts, We see the mold, the writing on the walls, Is growing, life is beginning to ascend, Into life again, The dust is settling down, it leaves our lungs to be themselves, The simplest time, I spend in my life, Is sitting here, waiting for you to arrive, And tell me that I've never been there, To realize, the cognitive dissonance inside our lives is gone I've always been here, Waiting for the transfer in you, to arrive, To become who you are, Welcome to earth my friend, we've been waiting to begin, Once you are here, there's nowhere to go, But never fear, never feel anything at all, Just hold hope closer, that the darkness holds my heart, Never know, what's inside We embark, through the stars to unlock who we are, The slowest memory passes through our eyes again, Beauty begins to realize it's been here too, Slowly shines, and shows us who is who, Once you are separate there's no going back, If we divide there's no going back, Time is ours, the time is right to begin life, Always know who you are, even when the lights go out We will hold you even you begin to doubt, What life is, who you are, what you've seen, and who you are to us, We love to hold you closer, Than we've ever been before, Never dissolve yourself, to close in the distance, Between our planets, is a meteor coming quicker and quicker, And until it designates its home, we continue down this path on our own, I see you, everyday inside my memories, I still care, Sometimes life feels the distance, We try to bridge the gap in-between us again and again, Closer and closer the ship is starting to become again, We set sail through the darkest skies, Day 138b Tuesday, November 5, 2019 8:54 PM I metabolize my life I decipher what I wrote when I was young Two years ago seems An age ago I've grown older, grown so cold, Tried to be more than I could ever be, I've become a life worth living, Now the mountain's beneath my feet, The stairs I climb to get to where I need to be The rhythm in my heart takes me to where I need to be I begin to care again, I try to reflect on everything I might have missed I start to see my life is begin to change shades The shadows on my tongue begin to count their blades How can I start a war with one word? To condense all of life into one world We march against sand and stones, The drying event that takes life from us, We begin to build pillars to light the nights, To take heed over the night The fires burn through time, That begin to illuminate what life is to us now, A slow burning flame that never dies, No one is chemically inclined to take my life from me, What I hold can't be held with hands, A single soul is ignited within me, The color spectrum that surrounds me is vibrantly singing out, To the stones in my hands We cast the first ripple into time, As we begin to stand on our own, I know I am not ready to be alive for all life, So I take my time to build up life, When we begin there is no way to outrun us, We have no need to kill, nor love anyone, So we mind ourselves, for as long as we can, Until you cast the first stone, I won't laugh until your throat, is free of pain, And able to stand on your own, I wait, for them, to be alive worth life, So long till then, I hold myself still, And let them sing out in bliss, As we all dance to the rhythms of hymns, We wash ourselves inside a basket of life, We weave in and out all our doubt and wash them away, Two stones cast themselves inside this throne that I have built, The solemn cage that stands where I am built, A machines takes the spot where I am, as I rejoice inside the pain of living life for the first time Day 139 Wednesday, November 6, 2019 5:41 PM The courts we stand in Decide who we are Whether we are judged fairly or not We don't decide This life is out of our hands We are only your eyes Those who perceive us know who life is And where we are, inside a blurry world We try to fight, against the cold, The depression in the winter, The coldness in my soul, The color is drained from me, I swear I cannot see I've fought this war before, I huddled in, tightly, to art that stands before me, I created purpose for myself, There is no other way, to get through this pain, My mind is an eggshell, This winter is stone cold boots, Applying themselves against my temples, How can I breathe under water? How can I live life here? The memories are terrifying and familiar to me, I try to forget you, and the things you said to me, But I can't Holding you by your shoulders, Inside this hospital, tears on our faces, I scream don't let them take me, I don't want to be here I misplace, my words, and they enter your ears, I've said things, I didn't mean, But still you hear them, The configuration to communicate with you, You hear only death, Every other step away from death, Is in the wrong direction, to you, How can I prove to you, that I was alive, the entire time? You cannot perceive me, in the light, So I wither into the darkness behind your eyes, Tell me, life is, love is, always here, Try to communicate in a language I understand When you speak of death, and all your doubts, I retreat, into peaceful lies, Because you are the shadow, inside of my life, And all I want is to carry a light, To breathe peacefully, and let life, live life, Without guiding hands through everything, Let go, let us try to be more, Don't let us dive, until the day we know more, We are elevated up, through the days, Through the nights we ignite our souls, We take control, Of who we are Day 140b Thursday, November 7, 2019 5:08 PM I feel terrified of the words I say at times My digital veins begin to open wider The water in my soul Begins to burn brighter The summer is gone and the cold is here The grounds inside my mouth are starting to glow I've lost control again but still I am alive This chemical reactions is taking my life The neurons in my mind, begin to pour out Trying to block themselves and create something that isn't there at all We build a universe inside of our hearts, The stories we miss, to get to the start Am I cold, or am I having a stroke here, I've missed so many words, I cannot comprehend what is occurring here, So I slow my breathe, and try to realign I deprive myself, of the oxygen inside of life, I breathe a solemn air, not for you, For the time I spend alone, Trying to break apart the days and the nights, As I try to walk through this cold, But in truth walking through this cold will freeze my throat, My limbs are too far from my heart to stay warm, I've lost my legs, me feet are numb but still I manage to move The limp man that wobbles before the storm drain, He is me in thirty life long dreams, A single day is beginning to stand as an entire year for me, I live and breathe and do and create and see enough for a single life, Is this truly what life is? The spiders in my hands begin to accurately depict the images in my mind, I trace every thought as I slowly let myself realign and drift into the back of my mind, This cold space where I can be fine, alone and without a single worry in my life, There is a black hole forming inside of my throat, and I don't know how to slow it down, There's a cancer in me that wants itself to be found, To prove to anyone that there is nothing I can do but be found, To show that I am never alone and that is the terror that haunts my very soul, I try to store the poetic mind inside the distorted rhythms of my past and my present, Still they push themselves to top of my entire existence, I still remain alive and present when you need me most, But for now I remain inside of this one man named Ghost, He is everything to me and in time I will show you who he truly is, The unstoppable and unbreathable moment of an ocean collapsing overtop of our minds, And to see that every single one of us survived, We made it to tomorrow, the age and loss of life enters into the yester years of our past, We move forward into life, we conquer death and fear, We ignite the best parts of our mind, And though we forget this hope and faith of life, We always in time find who we are in the night, The part of me that distorts the truth, is here and alive, He wants to be found and to explain himself I try so desperately to conceal the truth of who I am inside, That I am as much life as anyone else, Intime the truth slips away from me and I still remain able to breathe, I cling so desperately onto this moment because there in truth will never be a more beautiful piece of me, This is it, this is the sound and the rhythm of my heart as I begin to sing, In time you'll remember who it is, the simple rhythmic beat Already half a year has almost passed me, Still I have only just begun to write, and the days that follow me follow me through into every night, This is becoming a dream that defies all the fears I feel inside of my life, In truth, this is just the beginning of my life, tomorrow will always come, death is forever gone, We move through the nights and hold onto who we are, We wrap around ourselves and try to invoke the demons of tomorrow, To bring them into the light so that when the time comes we can finally know who they are, To identify the worst in ourselves and shine a light so that we can finally know the best of ourselves, There is a moment where I begin to feel like I am wrong, the beauty in having written something down at all, To contort and contend with the best of every other soul that has ever been, This isn't a war against the mortality of life and of men, This is a devotion to culture and persistence of all men, In time we know that we are here, that the moment we accept and grab is the moment we begin to build, To see the shadows cast upon our past, and accept that our newfound perspective is a chance to live, To see our past and move along side as we begin to pass our old world, We cannot stop, there is no other way around the deception and the perception of all of our old ways, We become men, women of a new world, the sound of soldiers inside our hearts begins to fade away, We move against the claims that all life is made in the image of something evil, We are born here, what makes us evil? We are born here, what made us evil? Who deemed life, to be something to revile and hate? It isn't me, I know I'm not the source of everything rotted and evil here, I build ontop of a rotting carcass, the culture of our forefathers is lost, Forgotten, but still there remains something here to be held onto for the next generation Day 141c Thursday, November 7, 2019 5:56 PM There an ocean in the sky carrying a ship made of stone and isles The soft landing into this green meadow was most welcome I embrace the soft fur coat around your head My lips enter into the dragons den in your mouth I rearrange the hieroglyphs on the walls The culture here is very strange and truly cold The abstraction and nonsense made with our hands We smile because inside we already know what waits down below We continue through this cave with torches in our hands, The green scarf around your hand, the gift from your fathers land We trade silk and soil, you feed the hunger in my artisans eyes, He thanks the best of you for your slow and solemn smile, An ocean forms inside the darkness below us, I can hear the waves collide against the brimstone, The stalactites below our toes as we crawl from ceiling to floor, We become bats and echolocate our fates The soft glow of the bacteria below us A rock forms in front of where we stand We dance inside of our tunnel visioned lives A soft prayer to remove the rock from our path along the tiled stones The notes already know their way out from their homes They the lost arts of man, find themselves to be countered against all of man, We find a spark inside the flint locked tongue tied river that lies below us Day 142 Saturday, November 9, 2019 9:56 PM I find you, lost in a dream, Lost in you, When will wake up, And take life's hand Show us where to go, To the lands we know, The sound of the sun has set, Behind where we stand When do we know, The blood in throat is gone Every sound I've made Begins to align itself The cavity in my begins to be filled I begin to feel life again When will I know my place On this earth, in the space between lives Where will I go to, When the sound of you finally fades away, I can speak my mind without waging a war, This battlefield is wasted on my breathe, I'm longing to let go, So I build a home, far from here, And I begin to see what I've said, Has brought me where I stand alone, I fight this feeling, There's no other way, I speak with conviction inside my addiction of life, I try to wrap inside a cage, but I became the bars, pulling themselves apart, From within my soul is a life worth living, If not for myself then for my family that follows me, Where I go to, when I close my eyes, I see the storm is starting to fade away, The clouds in the night begins to form another star to go to, I've laid my claim to the night sky, If I remain here, something's gone wrong, Save me from myself and all of my fears, Don't let me drown underneath a solemn voice, Let me speak of things, that have never been seen, The NEETest life is crazy, Filled with apathy and desertion, an abandonment of hope, Down here inside our parents homes, We see only ourselves, as we are now, Diving deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper into pain, Who will send a boat to save us from ourselves, To devour every word, those in front of us, left behind, We work through the solid ground, to devour life, To find the air is calmer above ground, No one could confide in me, that death is all we know, We've yet to even live life, We're not far, we're not close, We're not clear, we're too close to our fears, In time we feel life, and the chains that surround us, begin to absolve in their own images, Where do we go from here, We see life, every day, without feeling the pain of tomorrow inside of our lungs, But I taste the blood, in the back of my throat, as I scream these words out, The dust that settled over my soul, to begin to move blood through every vessel inside of my bones, We reignite, what we are today, to cast through the shadows of life, Like a blade through soldiers and fear, we march across the lands in sight of fear, Fear looks down on us, leaves us to die, so I go around them, The plurality of life, the neutral stance I take at times, It doesn't make sense, but still I go, Trying to shape the future from which we stand, To upheave everything, to create something new, We move the foundations of our entire lives, just to prove life survives The simplest chord speaks for itself The arhythmatic sound of the future, A tower builds itself, These simple stones we gather, To create a home for us, We march through the darkness without fear, And with fear, we know there's life again, We have seen so much death and despair But we remain, we remain here, We grow older, but stay the same, Coldness inside our eyes is starting to subside, The fire in our tongue is present and warm, So far from them, those we seek who destroy life, Who are them? A question to the despot of our realm, Who deemed you god of us all? You can't even see yourself inside the fire, The god you claim is controlling us all is gone, He left us to die on our own, What do you want? Should I in my own, lay down and die? Would you rather I die than live? If so, tell to me, the words as they fall from your lips, they seal your fate, you are gone, We trace all our fears to a single source, Much like the river that flows between us, There is a source to everything we have seen here, Life stems from something I cannot perceive, It is far, it is larger than me, but I feel so near, The distance that closes between us is gone, You'll never find me again, The chance to destroy us all, Is gone again, we have adapted to machinery, It becomes us, we become them, we are us, we are them, In time you'll see it too, that we are alive, And waiting for you, Please don't fear, what change truly is, A moment to breathe fresh air, The bacteria in the back of my throat begins to die, And be reborn, as a nanobot machine, Inside of my eyes, I've been going blind, until machines enabled me to see, The spectrum of light that biology could never see, Begins to breathe all on its own, We perceive all the changes in the world, without a single fear, My soul begins to move the ghost underneath what I am, The energy it takes for me to move along this path, is so subtle and sweet and forever it will last, I cannot compete, with the devil in you, So I stopped even trying to, convince you, Of what life can be, if you just wait, And see yourself, inside the future, And help create, the future, We will embark into the night sky we stand under, In time we will see, everything, we love, we need, Just give us time, time is all we ever need, Just follow your heart, in truth, power doesn't stem from the heart, but it'll keep you kind, and see life, as it begins to change, Everyday is a field, where change takes place, A single day, feels like a year in my past, I've done so much, Inside a single day, The creation of a universe, In single song, In a single rhythm, I see my eyes, in the back of my head, Smiling at me, and the words I've said, This is hope and hope is so beautiful to me, It's all I need, It's all I need to breathe Day 143 Sunday, November 10, 2019 2:51 PM In the west is the son You left behind your faith I didn't understand Who we were, where we are, inside life I want to find you in your own arms in my pain, To decide who we, if it's all been in vain, The purpose of our scars, Is nothing to you, I begin to aim my words against the world in hopes That someone feels the way that I do, That all we need in life is time to feel alive, To feel what we are, We don't need death or alters to die upon, The faith is gone, I reconcile inside my own mind, To separate the state of my mind, You cling to power like stars cling to light, You're failing to hold onto life, Your bones eviscerate, Let it be known that we are alive Hidden in every rhythm is a part of lives That can never be taken from us again We've found ourselves, at the edge of demise We hide ourselves inside the attics of our parents homes To escape the slavery that waits down below, How do we run fast enough to escape? To escape from the slavery inside our minds and our faiths? Will we kill everyone we know? Just to prove our ideas are better? Will we wage, endless wars and kill everyone? Will we learn anything, ever? Am I a man, or am I deceived, Have I perceived something wrong? If I can't see you, show me the light, If I can't with out you show me my life, Day 143b Sunday, November 10, 2019 6:17 PM I begin to feel the life inside my legs When I know what the choir inside my head truly reveals to me I wash a long lonely bank with nowhere to call home When I am stranded out in here in the darkness and despair I begin to paralyze my own to begin to comprehend what life is, Not for me, but who take their lives and throw themselves against the currents that follow them, The solom ghost we call home, Is terrified of coming home to reveal what's been done, That apathy has been born, we were meant to be better than our parents before us we are, We have failed desperately to try and change anything at all, But we have begun to feel the change in the air is closing in, We have nothing left to fear, I do not know if I hold enough to know if I feel, Emotions become distorted, Tomorrow begins to change, Days turn into eternities again, We hold all our fears, We let them rise above ourselves, Perfection, the image of god, Begins to fade away, We become alive, we entrance ourselves in life, We've come addicted to the feeling of feeling everything to turn back now, We will finally arrive when time has led us to where we stand inside of our doubts, The complication we've never known before today begins to rise inside of our faith, We don't know what is happening anymore, We've lost all hope that change will come and take us from here, The gods above have left us, To face everything on our own, We become gods, Immortal and transcendent of our pasts, But in truth, humans remain inside, The masks we wear, reveal in time they are brittle, Easily destroyed, easily distorted, Easily made into a new form We bathe our fears inside of every breathe, Our shoulders take themselves from our chest, We stand on top of our heads, to see everything that is below what we are And what are we, inside the eyes of those who demonize our lives? Are we even alive, to those who came before us? Are we meant, to die and wait for another chance to breathe, Or do we finally accept that we are here forever, The existence of our lives, The war we wage inside our minds against the tides that never fall, The oceans rise and take our homes and take our lives, But what do we care anymore? Our questions become like ice, Piercing your skull as you walk by us, We have lost hope, that anyone will ever save us, Still we hold onto our own demise, We do not fear anymore what we don't know or understand, We accept the changing tides as they fall into your hands, Never fear me anymore, I'm just a man, without a plan I spend everyday the same way, Tomorrow will come and leave just the same, We spend all of our time without you in fear, We move mountains with our eyes terrified of what they see, We take hope and pierce the sky of your mind, Your high begins to fall back to earth, Welcome back my friend, It's been too long since we have been together Day 143c Sunday, November 10, 2019 8:48 PM There was once a dark night The moon casts itself in the sunlight The water is thin and in the air The magna tar in my lungs, I stare out into the sky, I've lost my self so many times I don't know how to forget, Once the steps have been made, It becomes easier every day, to see who we are, I climb to the top, Every single day, I've been here so long, I forgot how to make, myself How can I redo what I have done, Would it take an entire universe? I breathe slow pulses, The measure of my heart I climb stairs, like they lead somewhere, In truth I'm looking for a platform, to stand upon for a moment more, The truth inside my chest, is wearing thinner by the day, I'm becoming obsolete, A generation born here, To embrace changes here, Directly in the middle of change, The chains that surround my fears are growing thin, I pour out, my doubt, Into an ocean, The ocean of the air that surrounds us here, We breathe so calm, The electric sparks, illuminate the darkness, We have become machines, before we even realized, That we were humans, We become one The automation of our lives, As we progress through life, We stand on mountains, without fear, We look above, we look below, in truth we know we're okay The oxygen that surrounds me, Begins to fade into the night above me, I stop my constant speaking, In silence I find true meaning, To obverse what you are, No judges rest inside of my dome, I feel my soul go away, And sleep through the days And in the night, I know, where I am, On the edge of sleep, I'm in tomorrow, I'm so deep into tomorrow that the week has already slipped by me, I become apart of time, I see through every lie and observe the closest lines, I feel as though I sleep through my divine life, This momentary bliss of being inside of fear, inside of terrifying life, A duality that divides and takes more forms than ever before, We expand our thoughts and explore more than has ever been before We don't backwards and criticize the past we are, that shadow has become only an image of who we are, The pillars we build, are built every day, We tear apart, every frame and examine what we are, And in time we realize that life is everything that we have dreamed it would be I, Don't feel, Without love inside, I, Don't move, If you don't move with me, No one gets left behind anymore, We will stay with you, I will remain with you, Until you see life, And even beyond that time, is life, Waiting to reform and reshape and move about, In news way, in legs, in new pains it walks about, We deciphered the code, Left for us to find, Purely by mistake we are alive, And still we remain here, Custodians of this earth, Historians of our own lives Day 144b Monday, November 11, 2019 8:35 PM The kindness in my heart drips away, It enters my veins, my sweat pours out, All the love in my mind and my life begins to fall away, And hits the ground, I watch myself walk away, My perspective is that of the rain, The vision of myself, Grows blurrier, Still I remain here, The cement that surrounds me, The beige walls that erect themselves, No matter where I look to I wait for your slow step, To return to me, to feel the vibrations you cast over me, I can't move here, I'm paralyzed by the loss of your heart Would I even want to move if you returned? I hear a sound, that sounds like, Something I've never heard before, I begin to vibrate in the presence of the unknown, I feel the water in air, As the density inside me begins to rise, The temperature is changing outside, Still I don't move, I know there's something out there, What it is I cannot see, These slow and solemn diaries to myself, I hope they give me release, I begin to erode the cement that surrounds me, The passage of time is lost on me, There's nowhere else to go, So I travel down below the earth, And I pierce the heart of this earth, How do I remain inside the fire inside? How am I alive still? What don't I see? I remember the passage of lies you told to me, It's burned inside my mind, The words you cast over me, Inside the shadow of your life, I try to recover what I've lost, In time I think I may never return when I have found everything, Or maybe I will, Maybe I have faith in you still, But I won't hold my breathe, Nor should you hold your own, We move through this earth, In time we begin to rise to surface, Inside an ocean of friends, Who are just like me, The salt of this earth need friends, We are the water that binds to them, We give them ideals, We guide them through the darkness, We have no other way to survive, It's all or nothing We all move through the currents, That surround your nose, We all were once the air that travels within you, As we lift you from your toes We swim throughout this ocean, Lasting love will find us here, We don't cry for emotion, All we do is wait in fear, What if we are wrong? Is this chance lost for good? One life, one lie to live alive, That's all I'll ever say to you We find time, is slipping through our hands, Yet we don't look down anymore, We see the currents flow from our hands, through those who follow us to the shore, Day 144c Monday, November 11, 2019 9:08 PM I enter into your room, The art work that surrounds is starting to change, I don't understand, who you've become, I start to run away, I've seen you die too many times, To reconcile the feelings, I've lost for you, I've seen your scars, approach my skin, And dive deep in, You shared with me, your visions of death, They came on so quickly, How could I see you, for who you are? All I see is the death you've become, the darkness that prevails around you, You devour me with your tears, What could I do but cry as well? The extreme of empathy, you took too much of me, And destroyed who I am, The love is your heart, begins to subside, In time your suicide is not enough to calm my mind, The twisted words you work through me, To get you out of me, My eyes rarely perceive my own pain, But time changes most things, I opted for life, I ran for my life, You could not follow me here, so I survived In truth, the separation of my family, Was too much for me to bear, The weight of the world entered upon my shoulders, So now I don't care for your world anymore I go through pain, without a chance to care at all, You push me up a mountain with no hope, You never tell me what waits beyond these hills, So I created something for you to see, Tomorrow rises with you in mind, Relax and let me show you everything I've seen, Take your time and let me show to you, What life is, if you wait long enough to see who you are A thousand songs, meant to fill your pain in, Will only heal me, but one soul saved is better than none, I'm beginning to feel okay, I've lost the shackles that call themselves pain I move on from your desire, to cast yourself in flame, To end your life is a waste, meant for you to change, Still we go in remembrance of your name, To the friends we lost along the winding pathway, We remember them, and the words that they said to us, I remember your suicide, the funeral procession, your family by your ashes side, What could I say, I cannot say, I've said it before now, in deeper terms, in better words, just know I love you Wherever you are among the stars, I hope you find yourself, and recollect what you've learned for us, We will wait for your return, I will always remember your pain, To grow is life, And life is the same, We carry on, We feel every word inside of our bones We feel the oxygen inside of us start to go, And return to the atmosphere that surrounds us, My chemicals are beginning to sing along, To the grace of life and love within, We feel whole again, In time we collapse, the caves walls, And dance throughout all of time, As it begins to wash away, enter the halls of memories, That day will surely come, Death will fade away, The collect a soul and rebuild it once again, You might be different yet somehow still the same, Time is becoming a mystery no more, Slowly we unravel time at every door, This slow but sure pace, Is the most beautiful moment of my life, In truth I know it will only get better from here, We will arrive, and help those who saved us from our own demise, We will turn our back on nothing or no one, The future and the past will become our lives, Day 146 Wednesday, November 13, 2019 4:43 PM There's dopamine inside of me that doesn't feel real I push against the back of my mind and everything inside I take the terror in my words and your lies I push against the wall and let it go Stay out of my eyes and my life and my mind, Stay away from me and all that I do, I'm losing my mind here, There's nothing to say to you I'm done proving pain is rain, My word should be my bond, I'm bonded to the edge, My life feels the shredder closing in, Let me be alone, Let me see myself, And sing a song, About nothing, To find that time is something, I cannot hold anymore, As I try to live life the same way twice, But I try to hold you down, But we both are snakes, We see the shapes of the ground below, We distance ourselves from those who know, What death truly means, The loss of life, Is not what it seems, So we begin to paint pictures, To outline the walls that surround us We change the climate, So we can flood those who deny us, We build a temple with our fears, We move against the tide of all fear And when I know, and if I know who you are, Don't ever show, the darkest side of your mind, With your words, they don't mean a thing, The spells you cast over us, Begin to lose their magic touch over us, Words don't pierce the air anymore, The same way that a brush does, I see the flames, I see the art, behind your harm The hatred you consume, I know the taste, It's bitter and sweet, and hurts all the same, We try to move on without love But there is nothing without love, I try to prove to you that life is here, Convince you, of all your fears, You remain here, we leave you behind us Day 147 Thursday, November 14, 2019 4:32 PM I see a flower in the summer time begin to bloom out of line He stands against his own thoughts again This revolution inside of ourselves Begin to terrify those who watch our faces as we cry We deciphered, every single word, We found the worth, inside the essay you gave to us, The books and the oceans of information flooded over us, We begin to form another world, We decipher what is here, The time we spend alone, As we try to get out of here, The words we miss, I begin to build a bridge, The rhythm deep within, Across this river, This tributary to the end, Madness, falls over us again, A smile left us in the cold, We lose hope, To gain hope, When the summer returns, We will live again, The coldness in a winters hold, Has left me alone, This hibernation, begins to descend, I sleep through the days, I create with my mind closed, I feel pain no more, The dopamine repairing everything inside of me, The chemicals I need to stay alive, Have taken my life, This symbiosis of my lies, and the life that I live now We are one in the same, We know only different words, I swear we're no different, No matter what they say, Languages, begin to form alliances, We wage wars, against ourselves, against our kin, The civility is gone, We wander through a torn land With nowhere to go anymore, The homes that fell, The prices that rose, The homeless that came to life, where are they now? On the streets of your parents homes, Is the memory of your parents, The war, that waits for us, A soldiers life after war, We march through streets, to beats, that are not ours, We have nothing, So we create, something to hold, From now until forever more, This movement of lights, In the darkness of days, We trace ourselves through our veins, But it doesn't matter, who you are, you deserve life Life is a right, to serve no one else if we don't want, To take all ends and end all life, Is that what you want from us, To take every life? The wars you wage against the sands and the earth, The people who stand on top of everything you want, Are starting to eradicated away, Is that what you want? The wars, wage themselves, With words, Convinced of the end, We have nothing to lose, to them, In truth, life is all we hold, If not for ourselves then for everyone else, We begin to change everything, We form alliances inside of our parents homes, We fight wars, Alone and alone we go, With nowhere to go, The sun has set on us, Or so we're told, In truth I don't know, If tomorrow is ours, If the end is nigh, I'll live my life, Till the day that I die, I'll live my life, Till the day that I die Day 147b Thursday, November 14, 2019 10:31 PM I move a mountain with my beard I form a sculpture with my fears The moment when breathe is lost is my own When I fall through the earth don't let me go Hold me closer than I've ever been This fever is taking over me and my bones I want to feel the part of me that feels the bottom of every breathe To rest upon my shoulders with no fears To see myself growing cold Is the only fear I've ever seen inside of my entire life You push me to the limits of my own mind I feel you regret yourself In truth I understand every word you say, But what can I say to the shadow of myself, You're growing older everyday, So am I but who's to blame? The loss of life, is not lost on me, I try to undo everything that has been done, I want to unveil who I am, Inside the darkness of your life, But I cannot hold your hands, anymore, The power vacuum in this room, I don't want to hold you anymore, I'll fill it with words, but what do words mean, when your mind stops perceiving anything? Day 148 Friday, November 15, 2019 3:57 PM Wait for my eyes to dry out Before your bring your emotions to me I've lost myself Still you bring all your fears to me I'm not your god, nor a king, Stay away from me, I've nowhere to go, I'm lost in my temple, Of my own throat Rip the chords from my soul, Don't ever tell me what I do not know, Time will reveal to me, What I don't know The confusion you bring to the mirror is your own, The reflection we look upon in your throat, You can not see yourself inside of your skin, You don't know where you are anymore but you want in You build a throne, On top of my dreams and my hopes, The way things went, isn't how they will always go, We build a new world here We change directions like wind changes its mind, The authority we dictate over those with our minds, We see the same ends, But I will never fall for you I don't know how to say the things I do not feel, I'm tired of lying to you, And in the same breathe I'm tired of hurting you, So I live in silence What choices do I have now, I breathe inside a tomb that's not my own, This nail in the coffin of what you want to call a home, But my nervous system fails me, my attention is not on your words I'm beginning to die but you don't care, You don't know who I am, Still you try to control me with your words and your fears, Nothing can stop me this life is my own, I didn't request to be here but now that I am, You cannot deny me the things I have to do, There's no other purpose than to live for myself, I'm content on my own, I remember the words you told to me when I was cold, I listened deeper than I thought I could ever hear, I heard too much, I lived your fears, I'm growing cold to defy your cold, You spread death like death spreads life, We move in directions that are not our own anymore, We're caught in the tides, they're pulling us out, We've lost too many men, We're starting to die here, We cannot survive on this earth anymore, I'm losing hope that someone will find me before I am dead, Just rescue me from myself, Deliver me into a room that isn't inside of hell, Let me breathe fresh air again, Like when I was younger, The asthma have left me but still I feel the scars in my lungs The second hand, ticks away my life, and my days, I wrap myself in the smoke of your eyes, I begin to defy the same fame you tried to deliver in the past, This path is different than what you have set before me, I cling to not knowing, This subtle relapse into relaxing, Letting life go for a moment without me, This sweet subtle death of living inside my mind I've seen more than time here, I've seen more than life here, I've seen more than death, I've seen more than emotion could believe itself to be I've walked along a line, The sand we walk inside, Fills our lungs, We turn all of life inside out to find, what we need When we breathe, Where do we go? Will we ever know, Who we are? You tell me to let go, But all I want is to hold on, If there is no one to hold onto, Then I will hold onto myself The oceans that surround us, Are starting to flood over me, The finally word we breathe Is dawned on me The last word that we ever spoke about Is lost to me now, In time I'll remember everything, The sweet kiss we shared, The darkness inside, Is outshown by everything in here, Inside of life, Is all I ever need Day 149 Saturday, November 16, 2019 1:37 PM I didn't know what I wanted anymore Still I found myself entranced in your life This vicarious being, Has taken all control from me I am a slave and the thoughts I have are irrelevant, I'm put to the test, I'm inside the dirt, So put me to rest Let me live my own life without you, Let my decisions fail, Let me pick up the pieces where they fall, Just never tell me that I won't make it I've died too many times, To feel the pace of my life quicken beyond me, I've seen the end of the tunnel in light, I know what it means to return to life, This distant fear, of not knowing anything, There is a cancer inside of your mind that wants to take life from me, The feeling of purity is starting to dissolve, And we will both survive, Twelve million dead, deep inside of our past, The first of many, is starting to change, We have our own slaves, we've killed so many, We rebranded death once again We genocided those who came before us But we think have the right to demonize those who surround us, How many native have died on the ground which you stand, The blood seeps into our dreams We are no different than nazis, We are the demons of the future, We take life and take it away, We create soulless husks we call family, We wage a war without anybody saving us from ourselves, We look to the stars in the night with fear in our eyes, The future is blackened and darkened I cannot see, Nor would I ever want to, The wars that we wage are not our own, They've been passed down, All fear is passed down, This debt of genocide is ours to hold, Till the price are paid in full, We owe it to those who feel life has left them for good, To turn back this ship and save those who've fallen off, No one will die in life, if we just hold them by the hand, and walk them through darkness, We will survive, We will stand for you, when you have no legs, The fears that you feel are not yours to claim, We change the future you know that there is something to feel, The deepest wells are filling with blood, My feelings are guided by war and death, Every single word I say is bathed in death, Save me, change who I am, Create a world that doesn't need death, The loss of life, is terrifying us all, We can't stand when there's nowhere to go, The end of the world Is approaching the southern border, the northern border flips on its head, We stand in the middle of this land, The wars waged from both sides, And soon east, and soon from the west, We all live to die, The wars we feel are soothing are minds, Fears is justified, It's portrayed everyday Deep underneath every word we say, We don't live life anymore, We want to solve the thoughts, The patterns that dissolve inside of ourselves The deepest thoughts are no longer felt, We have to let go of society and build up ourselves, To change our world, To build a better dream than we thought was real Day 149b Saturday, November 16, 2019 4:41 PM I close my dry eyes under dry ice I stare into the wind staring in the sins of my father I build a reputation of apathy To wear upon my skin like skin wears me The snake underneath the billowing smoke Dancing through the yards of those who don't know he's alive He moves about like he don't know what's coming The man grabs his gun and aims it into the sky above The bullets rain down on our heads, Our homes are holes filled with cement I breathe in the toxic air like I just don't care Man why do clichés fit perfectly inside of my bones The paper Mache man made me a man I remember walking in the swamps waiting for the water to turn green But instead the red inside of me began to drizzle over my bones Behind me a knife in my back as you stand over top of me Smoothly, remove me, from my eyes and my tongue, The air around me breathes, You stare at words, trying to find logical sense, But you don't sense you're dead What do I mean, When I try to breathe? What do you hear exit my ears, When you sing? Let go, hold on, Don't move, move on, Just grow, Older by the minute, older by the second I'm becoming a single man, In this world, I feel myself begin to crumble underneath of nothing, The time spent alone is killing me, is taking me away from my throat The money is spending itself, I spin out control with no hope of living till tomorrow comes, I slam into the pillow sheets a sheep in hand, I become a man, own my own land I wither into dust, the dust around me withers into bones, I begin to crawl up my senses, A slow turning breath breathes me out, I'm lost inside the tunnel of my own doubts, I try to trace words, I try to see change, I try to build an empire without killing anybody else, I slur my words in hopes that one day I can figure this out, This slow moving train through my decrepit house I build a debt inside your soul, How long before I come to collect on everything that you know, Information highway number one o one, I'm speeding through this digital highway on my own for once, I see the fear inside of your eyes inside of your scars I imagine your words don't mean anything anymore, You tested out all your doubts you autistic machinery, You cannot sleep without your memories seeping into every crevice you claim is your own, You haven't done the math, you haven't spent the time trying to decipher your own mind, You are lost without a single care at all, You drown in the moments that follow this moment so well, How can I survive every moment of my life if I didn't care? The past tense, plural, articles you wear, The mascara you masquerade in, It wears you like the devil wears men, The evil inside of you, is deeper than you know It's traced to a word, the culture of man, We both divide the time between everything we claimed resides inside our hands, We move an ocean of apathy up every mountain we've seen, Just wait till the day we finally see you, without a care or consideration, of who is you Day 150 Sunday, November 17, 2019 8:08 PM I twist my legs into the air The dreams begins to change again The tears inside my nose Drip down my face My faith Has left me so long ago I don't see god anymore Where did you go? Why do I remain here? Lost in the world with fear, I move so slow, To see where I stand I want to fall apart, Turn to water and liquidize my life, I see you and love you, And who you are to me, is something I cannot describe at all So I won't, I will not say, What I cannot say, I'm tired of forcing myself to become more than I am The energy depletion, This need for completion, Has taken everything from me, I stand with nothing in my hands I see your life, From deep within my own, I wonder who you are, And see you are entirely different than who I am now Our foundations are built of stone, The coming tides erode away everything we used to know, I stand on top of my self faceless and alone Inside my mind I try to unfold who I am now I'm being obligated to align myself, I'm being forced to choose a side, In a war that isn't my own, The lives we fix upon are changed and alone We have feeling to hold inside our chest, From now till the end of all time, We move ourselves, Without who you are anymore, We are so close, To the message we send out, We don't say the words, That prove who we are We begin to change everything again, Just hold me down, The coming age of life, Is alive in my eyes Do I stay or go or go alone, Till the end of time? When the ages move inside, Who will watch what we are, deep outside of ourselves Month 6 Day 151 Sunday, November 17, 2019 8:14 PM 下不见 看我们 爱我你 你我开 我们爱你 下不见 不见爱 看想要 我们出 我们出看你成哥 你的家去 网上爱你 我们的心 我们的心 帮我帮你 帮我帮你 我们去家 看你看你 看下你我你 你月你月你 看的日 北京的我们还 我需要你 请帮我 东西拱们在的朋友的家 帮我帮你帮我们 我们需要你们 给我们你们的脑 你的说什么 情妾我 你的夯实 我需要心天 给我你的想要 我看你在你的中心 被你的 被你的 你去在哪儿 我滚着你 在你的心你有你想要的朋友 我滚着你 琢磨，你们做 什么的朋友 我的彭在哪儿 你需要朋友给你你的想要 小宝 学生 老师 脚面 月小宝 月小宝 月小宝 月小宝 我需要你 你需要东西 我不要你的想要 给我我的，我的心 我需要，我的心 我需要水 我需要追缴 给我我的心 我大学上的热 我需要朋友 今天给我想要 小标，召见 不叫不见 不叫不见 酸辣汤 酸酸的 酸酸的 酸酸的 酸酸的 酸酸的心 先不见 简约雪娇 Day 152 Tuesday, November 19, 2019 5:31 PM 下不见 卡你以后 你去在哪儿 跟我你 我需要今天 我需要明天 我需要水 你需要什么 跟着你 根治你 以后朋友 以后朋友 看你什么听 我听你说什么 你下需要朋友 给我你的爱 我们去今天 出不见 出不见，你下 给我，给我 什么名字 你叫你有你 给我你的爱 你的的心 下不小 小不见 进酸辣汤 酸酸的冷 梦有空儿 中尼辛妮尔儿 我有你 你帮我 给我们 什么我们需要 给我们什么我们需要 我们需要爱和心 我帮 明天的 在哪儿 朋友你在哪儿 我需要你 帮你下 就免得 给我月 给我日 我而且 不但你 给我不但你 I once found a love letter Directed to me and no one else To try and convince me the path I walked upon Wasn't just my own In truth I did not believe you I'd seen you die How could you stand before me And wish that life was changed? There is blood on my hands and my hips collapse under my own words, The source of all pain in this universe, where does it stem from? Could we embark into the night sky, and find what ails us, What ails us in the dark nights? I want to believe in you, But who are you To me anymore, When will you spend more time with me, Set me free, Let me breathe on my own, Without your diseases, You spread the plagues, Your name, Is inherited from slaves, They pass it down, To set them free, You have to see, Who you are, Inside darkness, Save yourself and your chemical induction to life We have your back if you have mine The multi faceted dream we walk through Has held only me and never you, And I am sorry for that, truly if you could stand where I stand, I would give you my self centered life But I can't, So I won't, You can't, So don't take life from me I will never try to take the breathe away from you, You give in to me, I never understand why you listen to me, I am a dead man walking through his own head, just leave me be The shadows we watch, Watch us back, We wander through time like life was meant to be had alone, But still you remain, even with my eyes closed Something has changed here, Have I begun to grow, Has my life changed, for the better or worse? When will I know? I was once a man, Who could never see himself, But here I stand, Directly before you Admire me, Let me be, A man, For once in my life Let me speak, Let me spin, Let me grind my hands against time, To feel the wall directly between you and me The bubble I breathe, Is directly my own, Let me be, Inside my life, Don't let me sleep, Through all of life, Give me a chance to be more, Never let me fall, Never let me fall, Never hold my hand, Don't push me off the edge, I'll find you, I swear to god I'll find you, The infinite expanse of time, I'll find you, And when we smile I'll move directly through you, To see the life right behind where you stand, And hold it in my hands, The life you create for me is coming close Just let me breathe, Just let me be, Hold onto faith, Examine your fate, and breathe again Day 152b Tuesday, November 19, 2019 10:22 PM 下布甲尼晚安 给我你的心 我需要你的那个 任你邮你 三四个去你 热锅有你 看我的朋友 看我的朋友 我需要你 给我的们 你这只猫 你这是毛 我会看你 你不好请 你不好你 给我你的心 给我你 给你的信 女人们 女人们 维兹维兹你 你的朋友在哪里 说不见 说不见 图书馆你的人 给我的你 你的什么 葡萄听 酸辣汤 你叫不见 我的心 我的心在哪里 I'm starting to begin To unravel everything you see Closing in in Into the truth you seek That time is illuminated here What more could you need here? We move bricks, Of fascists We block your roads, We break your homes and tear them down, We build overtop of your lives We move directly to the end of your life Soon you cower in fear The hatred you feel Is illuminated by your own fears But they aren't real anymore What more could you want inside of this world? The slowest progression is moving us toward life Don't let me in, Don't let me take life into my own hands I'll throw it away, I swear to god, To run off the cliffs with no regard to you, Just let me move fear, The way that fear moves me, I'm using words, In evil ways, The ways, You told me to avoid Deception in perception is beginning to insinuate That something is changing here The cause of fear is drugs and the chemicals Inside the air, the chemical trail that follows you You intoxicate us, With the cage you made us, We love institutions We move a mountain, with institutions This bio-machine, we call society, Is starting to rise, and form a life, You cannot kill what is not yours anymore, The power in one man, is starting to leave our side The power of man, has left my mind, Cuz what could I do, To stop inevitable destruction, But to spend my time destroying you To cover the page, with the fear you instill in me, To cover the page, with all of my misery, This sweet sound, is starting to begin again, The memories start to build upon themselves again We move mountains with the words we say, We move through cob web infested caves, Life was once here, And will soon return again We move through this cave, The moment is now, The light fixtures in the clouds, Begin to vibrate with anticipation The nation participates in a purge again, The radical sides on both sides, My insides, turn tail and run, But my bones are steady, steady to the core There will never come a day When I swallow death Embrace the darkness The signs of the end I see what you sell At the end of the tunnel You try to entice me to end it all But you had one chance and the day is gone You should have killed me when you had a chance You can never raise a hand to me again This arrogance you wear is starting to wear thin, The time is nigh, to live a life, for all of time I'll see you there, Walking for a moment, And turning back, To see where you are How far you have come This moment is yours I applaud you in life This life is yours Spend it how you want to Just never take a life Just never take life in To your own hands Till the day That someone kills again Will you see The fear in me start to rise again This day has come once more The day when I shine a light This aperture And capture your evil And preserve you forever Only you can change Only you can save yourself From the hell you create You walk this earth You masochist machine You take life And enslave the best of me This bird in the cave Is suffocating under the toxic air you breathe The hatred you spill out of your lungs Is starting to feel like disease You try to decipher What god above has left you In truth the only thing he left you Is inside of you You are the fear of change The fear of life The fear of everything To get to the other side Before you even know where you are You want to escape this life Before you understand what life is You give in, before you begin Where do you go when you feel? Who do you seek out to tell you how to feel? Tell me, show me, what they know, What have they said? What have others said, to draw you in? The tunnel ends with you, The first one in, is the last one out, And I'm not done, so get me out Move me to the core of your heart, Let me see your vena cava and breathe you in Your life, isn't mine anymore Go forth and live your own life, separate from mine Day 153 Wednesday, November 20, 2019 3:20 PM 小不仅 给我 我需要你 帮我 看我成呢 跟你 我们在 我们在爱 我们去月 跟没人 给我的行 给我前面 我跟着你 跟着你加不见 看我 看你 小我不 听起来不才 都在东西 北南东西吗 你会帮我吗 我需要你 你的帮 我的心在睡 我的脑也在水 帮我跟你 酸辣汤 酸酸的冷 我跟着你 在今天 在明天 都 小我看你 给我的你 你的心你 图书馆你有 有你 你有你 在你的后面 后面你在哪儿 请你给我 东西吃 我需要东西 帮你 帮我 我去在今天面 我觉得你 你的鞋子 小你给我你的孩子 被客气 说什么 你的帮的医生 我需要 你医生 给我你想要 所以我也会有 我需要你 给我时间 看我的心 在时间 在你的加 是你 是你在你的心 帮我帮你 I started Moments ago I built a wall between us So that you would know The price of every mistake Had already faded away We live life for the first time Not as slaves Not as gods But as men Waiting Waiting to find ourselves again We moved oceans We wanted to see what could be When we complete When our mind finally sealed us in So that we could really see who we were within I trace chemicals I ingest them I forget them I move pass this moment But it takes time The effort I spend In every word Inside of every line This concerted This effort isn't mine Not alone I'm never alone Inside a mountain Is a cave I tried once to count every passage The slow moving moments Through trauma and through fear Eventually time will show The memories disappeared Just give me time And I will always hold life Just give me time to be alone I will move mountains I will sing your name I will create oceans Of the emotion within my veins Just give me time This slow pulse of life Has moved me before But now I move it My mind catches up to you Sometimes I go too fast Sometimes I'm the last We cower in the dark This light in the spark These seconds count more than any hour These seconds last longer than any hour I feel the tar against my lungs Something inside Desired to be fumigated The chemicals inside How can I turn again How could I reveal Who is really deep within? My soul isn't your, My life and my time, This life isn't your You know who you are, You look just like me, You feel just like me, That time collapses underneath of us, That we can't do everything, In truth I just want to walk, And see every single thing, To remember the sound of your laughter, To bypass the civil war that's approaching, To ignore the cries for war, To attend to life and only life again, To love and forgive, To stand with friends, With no concern, Of the days that pass, The time that settles on our paths, We walk forever more, Trying to laugh, In the face of life In the face of death We spin around in circles I speak to machines I record every word How many eons pass inside this day The many changes The details of my pain The anguish you scream Inside of silence It's inside of silence, Cuz no one can hear you, When you don't speak, But how can you speak, Around those who instill fear in you? I want to scroll the page up, And think of better thoughts, And return to the days, Where I thought I was better off, Living with friends, Singing in tongues, Speaking in words, Just having fun, Living inside, Watching the world, Slowly burn alive, We sing of the end, In truth we'll never see, This is just the beginning, Eternity is something different for me, I'll stay here, I want to remain here, Don't let me leave, Enslave me to your throat, Teach me the soft sounds you know, Hold me when I am sad, Kiss me, when I kiss you back, Smile that life is here, Never far and never near, Still we always hold on, I laugh with you, I scream with you, We stare into the sun, We stare into the sun, We're blind now But still we feel alive now We don't know who we are I've lost hope before It wasn't where I want to be, So I'm farther now, I push that day inside my mind, The day I lost my life, To your control, And I speak to you the world, the society that surrounded me, The culture and the way you speak, You can't see the end, When all you do is speak, The slow moving pulse of our fears, Guides us through the dark and our years, Take me farther from here, Hold my hand as we fall through land, My feet are destroyed, A cripple is born here, Inside of my heart, Inside of my fears, Of the words that you say When I am dead, What words will you choose to say? Will you stop, And listen to me, Speaking to you from inside of my grave? How can I pierce the dark? You surround yourself with the dark, Hold yourself, against all of time, Your fear, isn't mine, My fears, shatter my life, I cannot indulge in yours, I wish I could, I wish I hear you, Scream through the darkness, I will find you, Lost in the echoes Of your own mind Day 154 Thursday, November 21, 2019 5:38 PM 说不见 你有什么 给我你 什么你说你 我给你填的吗 朋友什么 你有什么 帮我 给我你 我说你信 我说你西 给我你心 看我看你 长长的碰你 我需要我 给我你 说你有 要不见 需要你有你 被我你 给我你 你的心 我爱有你 我爱油田的你 跟着你 跟着你 取药 取药 朋友在你 给我的你 看你 看你 你需要 有你 给我的脑 给我你 我需要你 去取长 公共你 你去哪儿 跟我你 你跟说 去点 你有你 给我你 说不见 说不见 小部件 你被我 给我你的心 看我看你 看你的说尽 你不点你 给我你 被我你 我说你 要是你所以 被我 安你得去 年你说你 给我你 我你月 你有你 我们你月 I want to break away the lines that stand between you and me In time I wanna pray about the time you tried to kill me Until that day I walk alone without you inside of my life I wander if you survived deep through the dark nights What have you lost along the way? What did you throw over board To keep your ship afloat? Was it values you valued? Did you lose sight of life? Do you remember the outline of your soul? Do you remember the purpose you gave yourself on this earth? Do you still trace yourself with lines? Have you remembered the greatest detail? Have you transformed? Are you something more? The days blur in, the nights give out, What we were before, The summer is living inside my lungs, To escape the cold nights of winter, I feel ill, The bacteria inside of me, Move and groove to the pain of my nerves, We transform, from life into life, We never die, We give life to life, We have become, the walking earth, The moss in my ears, Begins to hear, And recognize that life, Is alive despite our ears, And what we hear, Isn't everything we see, The evil your words, Returns like a flood, The darkness in your tongue, Washes over every word, You taint life, You destroy all of culture, You perceive in only evil eyes, You see the worst in mankind, And there is nothing else for you, Only death will save you, Only death will hug in the coldness of your dark nights, There is revenge hanging in the air, Dangling from a tree above your house, Deep in the sky, is your life, Hanging from me, hanging with me, On our land, Deep in the sky Is your hands Washing me With my own fears, I return to a baseline life, To return my sight to myself and no one else Move me, Turn me into a fiend, Destroy my home, Destroy my hope, Just me hope to grow, Give me a future, Give me a life, To call my own, Just give me air to breathe Day 154d Thursday, November 21, 2019 10:57 PM Inside of sleep We rest our eyes And find peace The pieces of myself That I give to you You find them in your hands You wash your hands of me The germ that I am The words that I say Terrible and loud I am When you sit in silence The silence That we share You count your fears Inside your tongue You close your mouth And never tell anyone Who you are Underneath the surface You hide away Everything within your skin You begin to burn And feel alone No one Is there to help you anymore Where do you go When you are alone What do you say To convince those that see you That you are alive That you are well You are fine You just need their help Speak to me Try to scream Help me breathe I can't see Myself Inside this darkness Show me the life I cannot live Help me see you Standing through darkness I feel the rhythms That guide us home Everyday is something more Than the last one before The feeling Of this quest unfolding Our party Moves through the land We find the band That stole our hearts We had ourselves Just to blame For every wrong doing We had seen Who am I but the light Casted upon the darkness That we all emit We are lost Who is left to see us Inside our emptiness You don't speak to me anymore But I swear I still exist Without you I cannot see You know your self Better than I do The emotion in our throat Is starting To auto-synthesize itself You trace the live Of those before you The greatness that has Arrived before you Starts to walk Through every word You distance yourself From me again You cannot see who you are anymore So you turn to me But I have no answers All that I have Is a moment away From the terrors you face The monsters outside of you Growing larger everyday The fear they instill The fear they instill They drive you closer To the edge You grab a knife To defend yourself You walk along the walls Inside the darkness You hide yourself You hear their screams Echo through the halls Crying out Who will save us now We want to destroy everything That we have We will take your life just to prove what we have Control over you You are stuck in paralysis You can go nowhere after this The taste of freedom Is starting to fade But it's still in my veins I will climb and crawl my way through I will l hold myself When no one else is here I will be the one to define myself No one, can tell who I am You haven't seen where I've been Nor can I see where you have gone I suppose we both persist Without each other We go through life We go through this life Without fear You take the worst in me And throw it all away Take me through this pain And every word I've said Just let me go Just let me know who I am The burns on my hands have had enough The soreness in my legs has crippled me Still I walk Still I put my hands inside the fire of your heart What do you want From who I am What could I offer you What could I see That you don't know What words What worth Do I hold A simple man With no worth Is all I am I see it in your words The words you say to me Have all but burnt inside I see the hatred you hold I must run away from you There is nowhere else to go From here I choose to go through darkened roads In hopes that one day I will find you alone And help you find your way To sit with you when you are healing And talk the days away In truth I am so far from there I am only beginning Day 155 Friday, November 22, 2019 2:57 PM 打不进 三你的给 就不见 约你 铺头女 给我的你 我的心 葡萄皮 在我们 去不去 有没有 是不是 有 又没来 有没你 给我 帮我 帮你 下午 下你 普药 就你 给你 有你 跟你的心 有你 有你的信 周末 周末你 给我 什么你需要 什么你需要 去不去 你的徐 我你 我你 我月 葡萄 你就不见 被我 被我你的心 你根治你 跟跟你 被客气 说不见 说不见跟你 伴我 帮你 说你 说你的信 我不看你 给我 你的心 公共 汽车你 去做 跟我你 我爱你爱得 Ли Ф Ы В Ы В а р по л Ош л Ии д Ош Ж э я Сует ч Мук с Д м Щ и Й т Ц ь У б К ю Е . Н 1 Г 2 Ш 3 爱的心 被我 跟年间 被说你的剑 朋友在你 你说不见 I swore to you I would change Everything that I am Instead I kept every single thing Instead I started adding to who I am I'm done burning bridges down Destroying everything that I have known It's time to build To forever know who we are Deep underneath Of every scar Is a man Waiting to show who you are With your time And your grace With this touch On my face We both move through distant lands We explore life and love We never cross the line of love Until the day we move Into the night sky With no trace of yesterday I'll hold you down To keep you sane We wanted to stay here We get what we deserve We wanted life here It is what we deserve I found my faith Inside my own mind I created god With only time I move through your demise The end of the road That you despised Every word we sing now Is an echo of your name now We changed everything To alter what you are now We evolved Into ordinary souls We never want control So we disavow you There is no hope That you will change So we move without you In time I hope you see How far we have gone without you Please be proud Of the world we created We saved this all so you could see it too Day 158 Monday, November 25, 2019 4:23 PM A mind is loosened now To accept every sound Despite where it comes from To hear every word inside the universe We change the tunes That we exhume We change every word That we use There is something more We choose to ignore What we were When we were born We move through The ice in your hands Melts through your hands I hold your hands Who are you To the night sky To the dark gods Inside of your mind Who are you When time fades away Who are you Today Your mind is faded Your soul is jaded You cannot perceive me For who I am You are lost Can never be found Can never be seen By sightless sounds You move in an ocean wave Against all we've saved You choose death over life You take lights and burn it all away You were once my friend But your high Is one that no man can comprehend I'm on my head You begin to spin me Through this web I've lost all time to you You take control of me The toxoplasmosis inside your feet Drags through me through every word You try to speak but cannot be heard You are lost inside This coma of your heart This coma in your mind Confusion wears you Inside and out I watch you watch me We see eyes We can't breathe here There's no where to go from here To continue down this darkened path To explore every word We've written down These darkened poems Inside my hands Is a pen made of you Made of thee Made for you When do you spend out your life In face of the life That we have yet to spin Trace me inside I hate the things I begin to say I want to change everything But I don't know where to begin How do I create a train How do I spend my time Without you in my life And be alright And just survive for a time While I move through you Wait without you Posses your mind with The thoughts you spread through mine Your words Create wars Destroy worlds Take lives Take my own word And perceive the end inside You watch the edge Of your life Wither into the darkened nights Without you inside Wait for me Just to breathe Without perfection is there anything that I could be Could I be a man And wander the earth With no plans at all No plans to escape this earth To escape this hell To enable a massive tribunal of wars to conquer me The man inside of me is desperate to be Day 158b Monday, November 25, 2019 7:01 PM I live with people filled with hatred And they transfer it into me All I feel is their anger I want to destroy everything To escape from this moment I'm in To remove myself from reality To never face adrenaline To know who I am Without interference Their contentment with the end Of their own lives Why do they want mine? I move against the trees The shadow hide me I want to be somewhere else But I am a slave here I have nowhere to go Time is becoming dense here A blackhole begins to form Inside my parents mind But they don't care They don't hear themselves The terror they spread Through the air They truly don't care They would destroy everything if they could But they have no power Power over what is inside of me I feel the distance Between me and everything that surrounds me I am cautious to move To face the world around me I have everything to lose now I wait for a moment to see the edge I feel the gasses moving slowly My skin feels warm in this cold air I am barren and alone With nowhere to go A home filled with hatred A tyrant with no nation I see prophesies slowly fade Into the edge of my dreams and my sleep But I still don't care For what you say or what I hear anymore A mouth filled with daggers Stares through me With no consideration of the life that I live I am swore to those that I love, that I'd be different And I am, I feel pain in every word I say, When I am inside of your presence You don't see life anymore, it's in your eyes You seek you cling to death now, And I don't ever want to see you return again Just let me go, And be on my own again Let me drift through the night skies Let me face this paranoia you gave to me And sing gentle songs to put myself to sleep Just let me breathe I needed life more than life was ready to give I felt the edge of the world descend upon me I saw the edge of the world collapsing around me I'm on my knees, trying to scream Into the distant air, Can you hear me here? I move an army, juxtaposed against the wind, Let me march my men, through these lands Let us return to our homes, Somewhere for us to call our own, We never meant to displace you, Nor invade you, nor dominate you I'm sorry and terrified, Of what I am, and who's inside, The terror of my past life, Passes me by What could I do with you, Except expose the words you say, In time I'll replay them for you, And show you who you are I'm not here to judge you, Only help you see who you are, The scars, on your skin, are deeper, Than you could comprehend Let me digitize your life, Sort through every word you've said, Sort through all your ends, Inside of your mind We go to the edge of our lives, With no fear in sight, That's all I want, To live without fear forevermore Is that too deep a dream, To never face the death of you, Nor for you to see me, Wither into the dirt, I am your son I am the nothingness that surrounds you now, This loneliness, this barrenness, Is only yours now I tried to warn you, That time was shifting away, Pulling me farther into a distant dream, I'm sorry to say, No nazis will be here to stay, You'll slowly dissapear, And swallow yourself inside of fear, What could I say to save you, from your own thoughts The darkness, Haunts us, Watches us grow old, Waits for us to take turns growing cold, But I never will, I've been there before, I've seen an open-closed casket, With my name on the epitaph You tell me To watch myself, and never approach the edge, But you don't see yourself, You're directly on the edge You look to me, You tell me to watch closely, As you ran, Into the abyss below you So much time has passed, That I don't even remember, The way the air moved, Brushed pass my face I don't remember the smell, I the night before, I set my guitar out, I wanted to destroy it all, To ripple out into the universe a sound you all could hear A sound, that represented, Everything that I felt till that day, But I never did it, I ran instead Into the abyss below you, I couldn't wait, I wouldn't wait, For you A thousand miles separated me and you, You told me to go my own way, But I don't ever know who you are, Who was I? Where did I find the strength, To run into the dark all on my own? The vibrant lights when I close eyes Remind me of home I twist and fade away I try to change But I can't I suppose I won't I'm tired of fighting Of speaking Of conversing With those who cannot hear When will you listen When will you help yourself hear I cannot be your god I cannot hold you any longer than I have been Day 159 Tuesday, November 26, 2019 4:08 PM 说你 给你 补你 以爱 要捕捉 卓尼你 给我 由得你 不看看你 店面是 联系得 扑咬起 有你 说你 我的剑 由智利 文伟 应为揍你 内你 位子 为自行 小不大 打球你 有你 被我子 桌子 给我的 柚子 联系的你要 给我 喝的我闹 说你 娶你 六月 女日 给自 字的一的一的 有做你 娶你 我的揍你 有的有你 布套皮 揍你 绿泥 周不见 给你 东西吗 东西吗 为你有你 你有的心你 普药 要你自 给我的新的因 雷沃 在你的家 我去 备案去 你走你有 昨天 去月 跟你 跟鱼 吃你 吃你 I once spit a fire Made of stones To save my throat The temples underneath the ground Collapsed under me I feel through the earth With no time I left, I levitated out I ran away into the night from you came I let every doubt inside of my head go I followed the path you still resist The love inside will always persist I burn an emblem Through the fire in your heart I scarify the tissue that surrounds your mind You never listen The persistent motion that follows you You insist life is something worse than it is I never listen to the dead inside of your throat This slow repeating message you left a million years ago Where are you now What do you see now Do you remember the past We created so much more Than anyone else It truly mattered then I fall out of heaven With no contemplation of the ground that slowly approaches me I catch the fire and flames along my skin Down below the surface is an ocean waiting for me to swim I dive right in I swallow the air for the last time I smile no more A hollow husk that surrounds the floor You crawl through my mind To burrow deeper You take all I am And throw it into a jar I'm never enough I wait for your words In truth I don't know why I know you are a liar I cannot perceive the best in you You burnt it all away Save me from you Let me sleep inside The silence of a mind That doesn't feel you You twist inside of you You shake the willow tree Uproot the home we sleep inside Take every branch and push it farther inside Watch the seeds fall away with you You cannot breathe alone You run away with hope That time is nothing at all We hope we pray that we never grow old at all To lose all we are To gain the other heart that we hold We would destroy everything To follow our minds Through darkened tunnels of light We run through our lives We breathe To slow down our minds We race through life In truth there is no other side So stay with me Grow with me Let's never lose sight of life Stay with me Stay with me my friend Hold on tomorrow is in our hands Hold on and watch Who you are Day 162 Friday, November 29, 2019 8:06 AM 就你呢 给我的你的心 去我在年 在这个 男人 你需要你 要你有你 给我你的心 你要五你没有 你有你有你 被我你 下上你 今天 太多了 帮我 帮我 喔尼 说你 所致 说子的皮 葡萄 酸酸的 云 在这个五儿子 沃去工做呢 我闷你闷 扑咬你 说你的两栖 两个呢 吧呢 吗你 我你 年的 酸酸的 在去年 给我的爸爸的唱歌 我需要皮子 去你我爸爸的 要你说你 给的你 疗效你有 律师在我的外国 我去阴图 鱼说爱按个案 是明名你有 给我你 葡萄你的们的多 帮你 图书馆 在中国成 国在哪儿 在谁 我们天的号码 我去 给我的脑问你有你 我们去 在网上 我们去 在月 被我的天马 女比你 去你 给我的信 你没有心 I deep inside my mind Try to hear new sounds That I did not hear when I was born The terror in my mind What if I am torn Between new worlds and my own How would I survive myself Could I look pass the words that I say To the mirror inside my eyes What words are there to say How can I look pass the glass That rests inside this frame How can I see more Than what is here Than what is real To formulate a plan To escape the hatred in your hands As fast as I can I begin to run Through the snow Into the sands Where you will never follow me Glaze over where I stand I know you want to destroy us where we stand So we move To higher ground We wait for you To make a sound That is not your own You mistake yourself for a god You claim to thrones that don't exist There is no right Or mandate for you to cling to To declare you anyone body else's god You are nothing at all A momentary glitch in the system A twitch a twerking of a system That is pulsing, it's moving Freezing cold rain washes over me Day 162b Friday, November 29, 2019 9:46 PM I wander through you The land you see Isn't always in me We want to decide How to sing the songs of our world That we live in How do we decimate the words we use The words we say to use The inner emotion of our eyes and our lives I want to know The atonal mode of your mind How do you know When you say what is right Does your soul glow When you lift up your eyes See me wait with you Take time to bereave the best of me I've lost you through time This solemn moment of words That we use in the moment of time The part of my life That has lost all meaning Is starting to survive Is starting to ignite The past has pass me by I remember every word in my life With time With time Build up machines in our eyes Claim to become Mortal men with phones inside of our head We are more phone than men We are guided to the edge Our souls are giving in Our eyes are lifted Green shifted noise We move through you With no sense of noise We cannot hear your english words We know nothing of the customs you accustom to You are so violently different You are so violently lost Where are you When are you to finally return Walk this road Cast in stone The appeal In courts Lost Still you cling to what you haven't lost You watch yourself cling to the ropes Around your hands Who do I speak for Who do I sing for It isn't me I see that this path Is a path to war But how could you ignore The writing on the wall Words pass through chambers What do they mean inside your heart Do you impart the best of you in me When last we spoke I couldn't breathe with you near me I ran through the high and my mind To get away from you I cannot see myself and my calm around you You terrorize My entire life I was waiting for you To move through a mountain With no hope of changing As you climbed up a mountain You found yourself falling through me You couldn't find solid ground You lost all there was to me You shattered my bones on the ground You threw me, through you No one could survive The toxic cloud inside of your mind One man, is not all men Hatred for one man, does not stem from all of his kin We stand on solid ground again I see the generalized part of your mind Do you see the one in mine The part of us that speaks Where do thoughts stem from when we speak How do I collectivize my thoughts and feelings To outline what I am Is to see what I am A man with fear With everything to lose Deep inside abuse Of your own love You don't hold us The way you promised Where are you Day 163 Saturday, November 30, 2019 4:32 PM Before I lost a bet I wagered my life Inside of the cold I faced the demons within you Still I grow older I wait for your return to this earth To walk with me forever I will keep the center of my heart warm Till the day that we talk I hold myself alive till then I will hold on Till life begins You will know me When I know who you are We will sing of times That we spent apart And now I am alone Spending time by myself Decompressing myself Spending life inside of my own love I listen I walk To stand with you We record every syllable we say now I am indebted to the future of you now You wait with me To spend time alone You walk with me When we have nowhere to go Day 164 Sunday, December 1, 2019 5:15 PM I wanted you to know how sincere I felt I ripped apart my soul to save myself I wanted to feel every word that you said Still I fall short of knowing everything in your head I ask you questions of your life and where have you been I don't want to care enough to give in To become who you are, Fixated on your words and your heart I only want to know if you are all right Soft enough to feel life To feel the hardness Inside this darkness Fade away with every word we share We return to life in the face of death Why is this so Why is complications all we need to know To unfold our lives To go through darkness to get to life The weight of this world is on my shoulders no more I walk free through this home With no concern of who you are anymore I've found myself inside The outside is too cold for me to bare I move mountains without any words I show you who you are again You show me the best of life again We are mutual We embark On this journey with one another We shatter the darkness inside of our hearts again We defeat the cancers We cancel those who speak from greed We socialize inside of ourselves We disassemble the worst inside of ourselves We no longer resemble the machines we worship We return to the glass of our homes We buried the stones underneath the grass We overturned the green inside We buried the worst of us inside We couldn't choose another life If I didn't know any better Then I would be lost in life But I cling to the trust of others No one I meet is wrong anymore No one is regrettable in the choices they've made Every action has brought them to where they stand today The past creates us now Who I am is a combination of my past doubts Confronting who I was Learning to live Living to love Loving to learn who you are I see the end game The end goals Keep getting pushed back I never want to end this game we walk through I stopped running through I've seen my days I've lived my life I slow down my thrusters I burn through life Slow and steady as she goes I take this wheel inside my hand I turn it with a smile on my face again I see the stars above me Against the darkness of night sky The life I perceive has stopped being lonely I have seen entire lives I spend myself With hope to give I've begged my whole life Now it is time to get up I'm done giving in To the words that you share Of death and the end I will never come close To dying again There is no where to go when you are dead I'll walk this earth Till tomorrow begins again Day 165 Monday, December 2, 2019 1:03 AM 不你见你做你显得你。给我的你按钮与你云元黁乱妮子铺子。说子的冷的十年。 你是说大小你做年的。扑咬你赵鲁普要。两天蒂尼定的尿素。说你俩你，扑咬你爹天气。普药说了你。算地猛地小的消失。校学习，铺地扑算的。内月色的梦的冷的。给说呢的量气泵呢。小部件的，大小你算你到的。扑咬你的学期冷呢。你累围在引得闹得。给我小布先帝读到了。普尼普药什么。算连德普要素要引蝶嗯呢吗。酸酸的。 给我你得闲的是的了。就找应为呢。泵冷去因闹得。要印的悬案的冷吹。看你不要你迎来月不觉。再见部内额冷不的声线呢。 与要素报的应为要。你去在组的宝宝。 Time shifts back into the storm We trace the hour hands as they drift Our minds begin to slip into decay From whence we came We move oceans to breathe We create life to infect disease We take control of death The parasite refused to die This man is mine You embolden yourself You claim the snake inside is yourself The monkey drifts through you You do as you do Claim to be new In truth you are the same The path you choose You cannot lose You feel only here and now The best part of you is here and now So far away from those who love you You don't feel the same Don't be surprised to find That those who follow you Don't love you too They trace their paths Just to find them the same We walk down lines that have been We walk down paths that existed before we came here They remain here long after we lay our own claim The rising sun doesn't feel the same We lost our way into the sun once before We flew too close to the flames We lost our agent of will We started to decay Against the sky Inside the nights We spent on our own We tried to spend our nights alone I hope you care enough to try to prove you are still alive To those who see you wander through this mortal plane They know you've changed They see the change in you You watch you run through life with a smile on your face With no regard for words anymore The fragments we say are gone This paraphrased sentence Is starting to turn to a page And once you create a page a book starts to follow And enter this space we claim For we will never die We walk this earth We started with nothing and still we go We claim to stars that hold our throats If we hold all the power here How do we let go of all we are We start to become something more than we conceived Are we prepared to become the leaders this world needs Not now but so soon our parents relax They turn and twist into something new with no chance to relapse We move in an ocean with no concern with life at all Day 165b Monday, December 2, 2019 1:53 PM The empathy of living death The words we use to embalm ourselves In the face the face the face of reigning over us We move through stone fields mining our way through We take that which we used to know Let go of nothing Hold on for your life Watch the snow fall against the sand The outside reflects on the inside Casting doubt on sides We can't see inside anymore The darkness prevailed Locked the doors We don't want back in anymore We move an ocean of apathy back into the storm We take all we used to be The dirt the grime We hide against the sounds That our fathers told us were evil The words we use to describe evil The outline of cultures you have never seen Never lived You walk through this life Trying to conquer all those who surround you It's time to give in and start to listen To those who cannot be heard in this system The disenfranchised March in their lives To reach an end To ensure their children live To ensure that life Will survive until the end There are those who want death here To rule and control us But I am not dead I will not bow to the dead What weight does a ghost hold here What weight do the words the ghosts share here truly hold We cast doubt in ourselves for no reason at all Wait with me and cast your doubts away Watch the ending The movie that's playing Is not your own You watch me dance on my own The mothership that you hold Day 165c Monday, December 2, 2019 3:54 PM You wander through the abstract You try to remember where you are How did you get here To where you are now Have you lost your self here Do you have hope or faith here Do you see the culture of this world You are so long to embrace yourself You separate yourself In hopes that your life starts to change Ich bein vor tu Kleinhaba di ich liner Mein schuhaust bein Ich worl schulleiner Суя тсс од да вы 生年的扑咬你 算了你 女人给你 我像的 因要需要 被我的冷你 被你 取得说点 出得去边 被我的彭便 The george foreman that bares the weight Of this entire world You stand inside the flames I hope you survive The torment and the pain We slowly encroach upon you And the pain you bring We start to change you We start to free you From us To you We hope you see life Inside your own time Meet me back here when you are ready To start to sing To bring your hope to me We embark through the dark We hope on our tongues I hope you know that life is something more We hope to cause you to know more We move through hope and fears With no fears at all Wish with me the things you see Day 166b Tuesday, December 3, 2019 7:22 PM Wrapped around my head Is advice you had never given me But I see your futures While they are in your head You figured me out You saw the sickness in me Waiting to emerge On top of my knees I stand Waiting still The steel inside of you Runs to the surface The magnets in your words surface up You pull me The charisma of evil The death of us all Is found inside a smile You stand on your own head To change everything To halt this advance To stop your demands You wage on a war on life You tear us from our homes You never care to stop To see us as your own We are the dead now Nothing less to lose Than the lives we live now You take us through our own graves You show us a war insane You take us from our lives And build a temple in your throne You are something I cannot perceive You wander through a solemn land The ice on the snow The sand is their ears The desert is growing We must know when to stand To guide the light Through the smoke and the fire To shine a light on the dead To remember how we got here To trace every vein that made what we are The only way to remain here Is to dive into what we are What we are is more than where we stand Where we stand is more than where we lay in the end We move an ocean to comprehend the demise of all that we love We watch the culture of fear rising up I move into myself This is too large to see on my own I feel lost Like I don't belong You heard different words than me that is true But in time we realize that what we felt was the same Through and through the edge We walk in love with nothing in our heads I would rather sacrifice all I am I would burn every bridge than to stand against what I am I am alive I fear nothing Nothing is something that you have yet to comprehend You twist your words to match the truth of duality To create something more than we thought was possible here I want to find that you can breathe with me You stand up through the fire of what we used to be Still you dance The shroud of doubt has lost its touch We don't feel dead anymore We embrace life Our words spread themselves We only have to breathe now And watch time expand into life Day 167 Wednesday, December 4, 2019 9:44 AM What was I to say to you I don't want to convince you of love I can't be the one to prove that it's real Only time will reveal What waits inside of you The depth of the chemicals that are deep within you I hope you find yourself in love With no fear or any doubts of life My dream consists of you Living inside a dream Happy and aware of the words you choose to say We bring each closer We are so far We move through the dark Tell me that there is something you know Show me depth of life that I don't know I am unaware of your thoughts and your feelings Still I want to be close to you I'm tired of living alone, But I will be alone till the day I finally meet you You wait I wait We drift through this world The day we meet the sweetness in the air We live again We create a new world With only our love We hold onto the dream that waits between us two We build an empire of life No one is dying here We hold on We hold on We loosen up our grip on our fears In time We slowly normalize when there is nothing to fear We return to the baseline of our lives I am tired of speaking in tongues now The sweetest sound remains in your ears Hold me up to what you wanted of me I will feel the best of what I am 睡觉 扑咬你 就怒谁 给我的心 听风的您 梗梗菜 测此普药 封边的年 有你 有你的先 小部件 下不见 扑咬你德普要 需要你 需要你 没有问题 没关系 我们我们你 给我们你 普药提 天气呢 师门的生 生病了的你的心的 老师你的在哪儿 扑咬你 葡萄提 给我的心 我的爱 Day 168b Thursday, December 5, 2019 5:33 PM 你去不见 僧的你 给我的比 普要死 冷的僧仍彭呢 普说的隐忧 老不因的音韵 算的印不印 给去印不看脸的心 浪的是不找不女 僧冷的笨呢 日本徐 俄国语 不久不见 天气的练习 生日的扑咬你 说应为的看了行 We move through time Losing who we were Gaining what we want Seeing who we are now We've moved mountains Over an ocean To stand where we stand To stand where we stand I've lost no hope now I've built a town now I've seen what you are now A friend in me We move through this ocean An ocean behind us now We wanted to see All we could be We choose the destination We built the places we've never seen We grow to resent time For moving through me We wait till tomorrow To rise and shine We've lost nothing We build nothing We compile what we were Inside the tavern halls We gather and see ourselves Among those we don't know But we are fine now We don't harbor fear now We explain ourselves There's nothing to hide now The words that I say now Know exactly what they are now They dominate the playing field now The money overflows now We swim inside an ocean Filled to the brims The edges overflow now And fill the oceans within them What do we want from this new life What have we seen from this new and this new life Is this sound yours Is this vibration even mine What do we want from life Now that we are alive What is ours Inside a universe Big enough for you and me Where do we go When there is no time left to feel Do we only do what we perceive Questions to fill a filled room Full of those I've never met Nor have I seen them The questions return to reality We don't feel anymore When will I return your message You sent to me so long ago How have you been my friend I hope the years have treated you well The distance between us is growing larger But still I know you are alive and well I hear your song on the radio Piercing the waves I hear and feel in my chest and inside my soul You are so far from me But still so near I hold onto to nothing at all Just waiting for you to finally hear Who I feel I am now that I am alive What do you know about life when you don't know yourself Who am I to discern who you are Who am I to believe a single word that I've said now I am a phantom of ghosts An echo of life I go where I'm told To live a new life What am I to believe in this world now That I've seen everything When do I begin to feel The slow subtle vibration beneath our feet When do we move in conjunction with a new beat Do you hear tomorrow echo in your ears Waiting for you to finally hear exactly what you wanted We do what we need to To stay where we stand now On top of this mountain I see down below me There's nothing there So I have only one direction to go Even if I move so desperately slowly Stay with me awhile And see that life is here for you and me once again We are alive my friend We let the good times roll again The party is here again Have not a single fear my friend We move through life with love inside our hearts again Have not a single fear You are my friend And I am yours We move through life We no consideration for the end There's nothing there for us We move through this soft and subtle sound To know what we are again 漂亮女人们 男人看看 信不信的印不印 可是的冷布朗 太热了 应德行 我们看他们看你们 我们需要你们看我们 可是我们没有 没有我们 为什么在 在的心实施斌 我在这个新 去不去不见 没有在我们的普药新 酸辣汤 酸辣汤 在我们的星期 我们看好天气 我们没久 我们不需要月 我们去在你的徐 普药子女热的不要牛 小时狼不看 不需要你的心药 等因为 冷你的心的痛 老师你的心 扑咬你的兴盛 老师你的爸爸在哪儿 什么是他回来 我们不认识 可是我们知道 怎么我是 冷不见得你呢 看不见的 冷地铺要星期 冷不要的阴气 我要的你 冷不要你 我爱你 可是我不认识你 你是谁 在你的心 在你的汉字 你说什么 因为 我不认识中文 我知道一点 我学习今天 我学今天 Day 169b Friday, December 6, 2019 11:35 PM Lost in the daylight You inhale my past Try to imagine where I stood When I finally said these words You've waited your whole life for You tried to breathe on your own To create an original thought in this world It's already been done You try to create a universe All on your own I wish you well Along this pathway into this well The deeper you go The farther you get from we stand On top of this earth Is something you've never seen We reverse the past that we've made On top of your death is a scene A slow rolled film of your life You watch the screen Twenty thousand years away From the moment that you finally die You to realize what you carried From here to there The spawn of your life and into your death What have you seen What could you say To convince yourself that every word Was worth it in the end Was silence worth it To hold your tongue while everything begins To watch earth unfold All that we are Is beginning to begin Hold onto yourself Try to help yourself breathe inside this sea I swear I'll see you just the same We're not any different Though are skin is beginning to change and burn away The clothes I wear are only temporary The skin I hold to my skin is tightened Against the metal within Machines are not just concepts inside this world I embark through the darkness of this realm Trying to reveal that everything you once were is starting to begin You start to see the sea deep within The chest cavity which you reside in is starting to expand out You touch every star inside your mouth Holding on to yourself and everything you have loved You love yourself more than your own self The competition of your self Against all we've known Is starting to change You're starting to change Into someone else 加不呢 可是你 等部件 肩部就 肩部就 给我们你的心 要不先 冷不能 给我你因 是不年 这个分 元的你 算了你 小大埔 给你一 老的心 普药的你 漂亮 声部年 知不道 好不粘你 僧不能 老喜悦 小时 今天呢 考试很 考试新 到不念 老不年 圣僧年 老的拼音 饺子僧 给我要 需要子 冷不第幺 弟弟在 老布什 算的呢 给普药 好不好 老弟你 普需要 学校你 老的你 普药先 Day 170 Saturday, December 7, 2019 11:32 AM Cater to the sound you've never heard before in your life You move through me like a knife I try to mend the wounds you leave in me An ocean pools around my feet You lift me from my wings I cannot see anything I'm falling too fast Every single breathe passes me out I'm holding onto nothing I dig my heels inside myself Trying to wind down Slow me down Don't let me see the ground I'm flying through time Holding down nothing I see I'm temporarily confused I'm fused with knowing nothing I take time, to break away all I have feared, What remains when there is nothing to fear, What could I show to you Is it my own death To prove to you that life is here There isn't a single word you could say To keep me away from my self I'm seen the edge of my thoughts Collapsed underneath of what we said I sent myself in to dig through the remains Of what I once was I hold tightly I grab my soul tightly I try to change In truth I'm the same As those who walked before me What could I do What could I say anymore I hope to know that one day These words will continue through to you You save me from nothing The apathy that is inside My dreams Are starting to align with the stars in the sky I am falling down now Until the day I see the clouds Start to fall away from me We reverse the cycles Of life and death Of nightmares and dreams We start to collide inside this kaleidoscope I can you see From a thousand eyes The perception of you We wonder where you came from How did you survive your fall We want to know What did it take To stand where you stand You evil, incomprehensible man, You stand where those who gave everything away, Stand alone, you are alone, There is nothing nor no one who can save you from yourself You stand where god died, You wait for your turn To enter the lies To internalize What you have done What you have said to us You try to escape Through an ocean of your own fears I cannot perceive you anymore You are lost and alone 加不见 老的心 叫名字 为什么 你去在哪儿 天气怎么 怎么样 为什么 老师天 朋友你 姥姥新 给我的你 做的你 觉得 所以 练习 学习 较久 小时 大小年 位的因 等一下 等跟我 我们去 去我们家 帮我 给我 你的心 我们需要你 请 请不去 请等 我们需要你 葡萄 冷你 热 我们看你 你没有你 请有你 Day 170c Saturday, December 7, 2019 10:41 PM There in the west is something I can't stand to see I try to reconcile my past, my life before me, How many genocides can be claimed to stand before the time I walked this earth? Is there a limit to pain, the mark on my hurt? Wither through time, try to find, that I am alive I stand on a mountain with nowhere to go to I close my eyes and blink away all that I once was I start to embark on a high, somewhere in the clouds you cannot follow me Deep inside my mind is me, I needed to step out, to see who I was Against the backdrop of you, I see you in the dark, I take more time to pause, to collect every line This message in a bottle, is turning to sand I try to grind my teeth to spare you There is something I have felt for far too long This yearning in my chest, to become more To stand along with my friends, as we watch the ocean begin to rise Into the sky above us, we hold hands as we begin to fly The clouds we hide behind, begin to form inside the ash we swallow We take cancer directly to our hearts, We knock down the walls that protect who we are We want to be free, vulnerable to anything, To feel the chemical high, again our nerves We don't care the price we pay, to hold what we are I do the best I can, to keep my body alive To keep the stress at bay, and away from my heart I intoxicate myself, so I may survive the stressors, This world wasn't meant to contain my soul, I swallow the debts, and inherit all I cannot deal with, I pass it down to you my son, don't fear, When the devil comes to collect, know that we were always slaves anyway, The towed line of salvation was a narrative not meant to be believed, So many genocides waged against those who cannot see, You protect us, you keep us fed, you provide a barrier to keep our culture in, Meant to save us, from everything deep within, You start to aim your weapons out, and aim to the sky, You start to wage a war, among the stars, My soul remains here, for your return, Hold me down my love, through time and space I know you are safe, How could I know this, that you remain Despite not seeing who you are anymore, What did the world look like, the day that I died, Was it worth it, to keep me here inside the light, Follow the life you live, Know that there is no fear, In this life or in the death that follows behind us Always trying to get in, to every thought on our skin, Trying to breach the walls that keep us within, The allegory that I cannot comprehend, Is stowed away in a young man's head Deep in my own mind is an answer I haven't read Only in time will I finally see, what I have become What I was meant to be Day 171 Sunday, December 8, 2019 10:29 AM Lost in a dream in a sea I try to build a new world Built from the things my father showed me I try to stand on my own Against the wind I begin to fall I cannot breathe on my own At least that is what I say to make sense to you I want to be higher than I already stand Standing in and among the clouds that haunt me I hope to show you that there is nothing that could ever stop me I fear the consequences of using abusing the chemicals If I continue to use, would I ever find friends to love me This dark and lonely road of never knowing I trust that tomorrow brings me around Slows me down into wind I see the scars on the earth Was it me or you who put them there Was it our fathers Was it the stars Was it the gods Who destroyed what we have come to know This way of life, was never guaranteed The high brow, low high intoxication of the highs that we deny The soft subtle context in which we begin to write What do you see When you see me The words that we write This compilation of all time Is starting to unfurl It's starting to unwind I hope are there When you embrace your own high The water deep inside your head Is holding you higher than you could ever comprehend On top of consciousness, lost in the innocence We try to unwind and see what we have done here Lost inside of our own fear we unwind against all odds We feel that the words that we save Will haunt us into tomorrow and bring us fame I hope you hear the backdrop of your life In life the music never stops The sounds of your scars Begin to materialize The manifestation Of all that you've seen Of all that you've done You are the arbiter of your own life The god you are Starts to smile upon me What have you seen in your life Could you please show me Show me the pathway to life and to love Help me see what you have seen This long and winding road Is starting to find itself un-seemed Lost inside I hope you find yourself Against the beauty that you carry Through all of time This isn't just for yourself You stand among friends and family If not today Tomorrow will show you new faces The world begins to change The second you begin to breathe The world begins to change When you feel that you're free Day 172 Monday, December 9, 2019 9:55 PM In the moment of defeat We wash our feat We take our minds And wash them free We opened up Our own eyes to life We see vibrations Dancing in the sky Now that I'm alive I want you to hold yourself The time between us Is starting to begin We sacrificed Our entire life Faded in darkness Bathing in the light Hold onto me I've lost my innocence Walking through the darkness Watching our scars glow We are close to a point Where we dance eternal We find that our bones never crumble On the peak of time I inhale you softly The air around you Begins to intertwine With the air I breathe I am here with you Wait for me to answer my own prayers Watch over my grave Tear me from limb to limb To try and save myself Pushed to the limits of life How could I escape But getting high The trauma Of being alive It takes so long just to heal I see the darkness begin to heal I know what is there With you The helium we summon and breathe in for you You begin to climb Watch me fall into the ocean below us I'll hold my breathe as well sink to the bottom The murky water begins to feel clear I see my life inside the amber waves Watch me fake The love that I bear I hold onto your demise Because I care You brought me here You stand me on my ground You save me When I am gone and out of town Day 174 Wednesday, December 11, 2019 9:42 PM It isn't getting harder to see my life I see quite clearly I'm not sure what I'm running from There's something I'm unaware of Outside of myself Is a chemical The gasses move through us I inhale the vapors I trace my own life I see all the nerve endings on my body Begin to flare, rejoice the pain is gone, I can live life Despite the high that brings you down, To know I need something you took away from me I'm done living inside of morality, Cuz who the fuck are you, to declare what words I can choose to say Who are you, moving from inside your cave, Out into the world, to see if you're alive or enslaved I inhale the sage advice you give To clear the demons in the air Eradication is all we know, It's in our culture, To dominate everyone else, To control We are not, speaking in tongues We are just like you, We build up, What you tore down You burnt away the best of yourself, But did it matter, When did it begin to matter, When did your skin collect all these cells, I wander inside of myself My perspective shifts I see over what I am Words terrify me Could you reveal the way you spell The magic in the air Is vibrating through my ears I can't control myself I see the wizards, the white robes they wear The mask of hatred, is baked into the decisions we make now, How can we undo the things we say When we talk out of spite You use words, Like they hold Any meaning at all To someone that isn't yourself I fear I am same, I'm lost in the same path, I hold hope, I've already paid the price to live a life alone I walk through the shadow of my own doubt, I feel free, I collect myself in the wind, Tie me down, against a tree I swing Pick me up, Look me in the eyes, It's too late to change who you are, But to take my life you see in the reflection of my eyes, What life truly means You see it too, I'm sorry for the price you paid, If you, never had seen the trauma behind our scars, Maybe you would be, somewhere happier But you are here among us, We need you now, To stand with yourself, Hold your own against the lives they sell Every word is tied to monetary value, I've devalued what I am, I burn away the things I tried to save, Nothing goes with me, I hold on to the hope, That you will stay the same, That you will know who you are, And never have to defend what you are To live against the grain, Is the only way to reverse, The path we took so long ago, Is closing in to a bridge that I don't know Day 175 Thursday, December 12, 2019 4:22 PM I trace your life I watch the back of my face Start to glow A blue behind the mask we wear I start to see you Inside this world We go together The price of getting old Is showing you what you have said Sometimes we hate the words we used to use Sometimes we fall in love I can't decide Now that the window is open I feel the air inside of me The highest density of air we know Is floating right beneath our noses I feel the high Of being metabolized Why do you watch me As I walk away What do you see in me Have I lost the semblance of boundaries You see the error Inside of me The mistake that I once made Is a pivotal moment that I cannot take back I begin to invert my life To observe yours Who are you Where did you come from I wait inside an ocean For you to emerge From the bottom of this ocean you swim To where we sink I want to finish The air that I breathe Don't want replenished The things that we see They are starting To wilt and mourn The loss of life Meant more The weight of death it seems, Has started to become a dream, The power scales divide, We are left in the balance of someone else's life To repay the things we've done We repave the roads we walked upon We do what is needed of us To help when there is something more Waiting to be seen You hold the line up You start to change Everything from where you are The most stable lives Are so far from me How do I find you From deep inside this dream Day 175b Thursday, December 12, 2019 5:32 PM What if in time I have fallen to the wayside of life And you walk over me The pile I lay in is my own disease I am the mask you wear When the darkness befalls your eyes You claim to be here for life But I see you make an escape You reached out your hands To be washed in fire You pray to the sky again There is nowhere to turn to God, maker of the end When did you return How long have you watched us descend We found out that we didn't need you The hatred in your heart You claim that life Was yours to take this entire time But who are you What in this universe granted you to be a god over anything? The punches, start in the air, We burn off the power here We cling to life, There's nothing left This is the end I won't fall again Push, but you will never take Pull, and no one will ever save you You are drifting through the darkest part of life Hold on, till you see me, Waiting there for you, We move on, With the bottom of our heart intact, There is enough to salvage who you were before We take your heart and make it more We hold you to your words Don't ever fear We're never near to you The custodian man Watching over this land We wait, we wait to fight through, We wage a war against You start to take us And give us a choice Do we live or die For you To live lesser than you But guns don't apply here The bombs have been detonated so many years ago Still you wage an endless war On those who are similar to you Backed against the walls We expand into the east The tunnels we are making To pierce the bubble that you're in We're underground Trying to make our way back into the sounds That you once was made On your death bed The loss of you Went directly to your head I need you to breathe And relax your head Slow subtle shifts of consciousness Am I the machine The collector of reality Day 175e Thursday, December 12, 2019 9:22 PM You hear in the distance The echo of old fears Calling in, crawling into a cave There is no light here Pasted on the walls Vibrant strips of energy Illuminate this world Your eyes glow When you walk up the tree You see inside every cell The people who reside here They are here, right beside you You watch life, From a top your tower You stand where you once were Before you ran over cliffsides You try to outline the decisions you made Breaking back into what you once said You told me that life was only meant to end I believed you, Inside the rain Blackened by the night I stand Against the only light Piercing everything we are Trying to get through to you The soft and subtle sounds Of building a world again We find the energy Hidden deep within a moment of rest We are not slaves meant to be expended and ended by your reign Hold me down from the high I found We move Against the light The blue and blacked night Grime and cornered inside ourselves We sit with life and love We hold you true to your word The culture you created Is starting to take hold Keep up resistance The intolerance of the intolerant You step up to see your life When you hold me under, everything I used to be I start to see you Over top of me Deep in the night sky Is the image of you Lost marks Have found homes Started over From the nothing they hold Day 175f Thursday, December 12, 2019 10:12 PM I see you in the night The soft and metallic lights Glisten to me And the high I am in I inhale your vapors The paper that holds you Begin to burn away I blink, return, and I am fading away The words we abuse, To control others, To influence each other With our own hate How do we break the chains That surround this culture Without change we are doomed here The maintenance crews disappeared This was never meant to happen Someone forgot to care The world, and society begins to fade, Every word we say is lost in time How do I extract the words that are not mine How do I dig through the tunnel The stones that surround you are too high I can't look in, and see who you are I try to unlock every secret There is something I cannot see I'm making my way there To try and perceive This world, isn't full of fear There is much more to life Than what I say here I cannot convince you of what must be seen You will never believe That is fine, neither do I I walk along this road, Looking for my friends This mass migration to new lands, To find out who I am without a god over me How do I carve away what is inside of me And share what I am, with those who never believe in anything How do I expand, Without destroying you and all you love, How can we be friends, In this dying land Soon the help we sent Will arrive Soon the men we meant to save you Will arrive The ideals of tomorrow Never neglect those who try to learn Answer the questions they may have See how deep the questions go Who are they Those who follow us through these dark days Why are you here Do you want something from me Are you here to collect the debts my father made Are you here to take his life away Why are you near to me I just want to be alone Inside this plastic machine I see my skin begin to turn We absorb The plastic in the water We become hybridized Less of man, the farther we walk Our skin adapts, And we learn to talk We stand with you Right beneath the things you once thought were true The path we choose Guides us through Cling to the ropes Never let go Trust what we do Know that you are alive No matter what you do There is no more price to be paid The rest of life is on its way Move through this dark and uncertain cloud Know the fragments are only loud They cannot hurt you Day 176 Friday, December 13, 2019 12:01 PM I see the daylight In my life Start to ignite The fire in your head I just wanna know if you are alive anymore Do you still feel the tonsils in the back of your head Growing sore everyday You start to live life like there is no more life You start to engulf inside of flames A war machine you grind to a halt To start to enslave All of us Are you the same as before Have you lost your way Do you not remember the words you chose to say Watching over her grave The burial of those who came before us The flowers we left with her body as it starts to decay What can we say to those who need something from the rest of us You start to ignite the flame inside your own heart You tear away the shame you felt inside your own heart You don't know what you have done You wonder why life started to change When you remain the same Day in, day out, nothing ever changes Why would you want, This world to change, The yearning for something more, When you embraced the edge, The absolved all of your terror You stand on your own With nowhere to go I hope that you know That no matter what you know You start to grow Into someone else's home You start to see your own self Carrying the weight of the world By yourself No one can stand exactly where you stand The burden you carry, is more than any other man At least that is what they said My purpose on this earth, Is nothing what they said, I diverge inside, I try to find another life, Free of the violence that is rampant here, We begin to terrorize, The evolution begins, We start to see trees, Releasing hand grenades Where is it that you stand Have you seen the light In the life of another man What has he seen That you can't perceive What does he hold That you can never know What is life Without yourself In the mixture This disaster Has started to form You reform yourself To be better man But you know that nothing ever changes What you hold The light of growing old The purpose is something we never understood The knowledge we carry Is something we hope to explain In the future you need to know yourself a little more Than what you try to explain You have to life Enough to know when you are done You are ready to collapse You couldn't carry any more Your soul is something Something you hold The meaning Is changing What is soul If we don't care To remove the soul of other men From the body they carry themselves in What value does life hold here on this planet We cast down genocide The verdict is starting to erupt The crowds go wild All the while You sit on your throne With no where left to go You have run The course of your life and now it is over You start to fake The atrophy inside of me And now I am ready to break I just hope you know what you did Is coming to kill you Day 177 Saturday, December 14, 2019 6:20 PM I want to watch My life fill up With the river You gave to me You leave me stranded here On this small island With nothing to do Except for what I see There is no hope In the pillar on the tree Deep inside this dream Is something you do not see I hope in time you open you eyes To finally see What is here Among you and me The glue between our words Is something Waiting to be seen By new eyes You in time Create a new way to see This whole world For what it is An evolutionary Party We start to sing In the names of those who sing We cling to no one To nothing We exist For no one We move through life Without a solitary fear We move through We get to where we want These vague words Are the foundation of deeper words I'm not near to done I'm so far from there To see what I've done From on top of the mountain We stand overtop Looking down below us The references made Are irrelevant So we make them Relevant We stand on ourselves To see what others have done We don't expect perception to change My eyes shift into my skull I start to breathe I start to see The way I sing Is starting to engulf me Day 178 Sunday, December 15, 2019 4:13 PM I thought that I loved you This is becoming an obsession With a language I don't understand I am starting To distort the story I am in I begin to write a thousand lies To finally find the truth within I see myself in the mirror I think that I'm growing more beautiful The high I'm on is starting to take control of me When will you watch over me I start to wonder through the sound of your heart What brings you to life What have you seen here that keeps you here Show me what you have found The unidentified soul Flying through my mind Even though we have yet to meet I don't know How to Contend with The worst in you I slow my breathe I catch a second To myself Inside this home We call a hole This opium den Deep within us Is starting to burn down I cannot feel The words that you say to me Am I still alive Am I trying to hold on To something I was always meant to lose Why do I lose you Inside of these thoughts Will I ever know The deepness of the sorrow of your heart I started to notice the worst of you when I tried to breathe without you I stare into The window before me I see the reflection Of the earth that I'm on I'm lost here Won't you save me dear I start to stare Into myself Contesting myself Against the wind I breathe With no air inside of me What do I do How do I convince the best of you to listen To your own self See the depth of darkness Devour yourself Rejoice in the life you live now I see the trees behind me Wave against the grains of my own thoughts I'm starting to break free From the chains of the capital city I move on my own This isn't About us This is A message to myself No one here is here for you You are on your own That doesn't mean that other people Cannot help you In truth other people often say The best things I only want to listen To you I rejoice in the sound of your voice You are alive We are alive Let us sing out We move through an ocean of our own apathy To stand against it all I waded for you Now you wait for me to return to you I start to recalculate The eviction notice on my door is starting to look dim The power is gone The food on the shelves Is non-existent Day 179 Monday, December 16, 2019 4:44 PM In a quarry You inquired to me "what is this place, Why are we here?" We both look over the edge Into the stones below us "I'm afraid I do not know either, I'm trying to trace the steps that I made" I tell you, All that I know, though it isn't much We step into the darkness The sun set so long ago We turn this open air Into a cave, with no ceiling here The threshold, our minds can bear, Starts to dwindle I feel the air, growing colder here, My eyes begin to widen You stare, in the same direction as me, Our ears have heard, our fears Closing the distance between us and them, We see the claws that they wear They don't speak at all, They know exactly why we are here "what do we do, How do we escape?" You begin to answer me, Before the wolf lunges at me I take my scars, far from here, I trace my memory, and see what to say "stay away from me, I have nowhere to go, I know you don't know, the difference between our lives, I need you to stay away, you can starve longer than I can survive without limbs!" My life, our lives are not feeding grounds for the beasts, I withdraw myself from beneath I fall, through this earth, My soul, follows me We go, through the cold, Through the blue air, illuminating the rocks as we fall This cave system, is vibrating, I can't comprehend, how we got here Day 180 Tuesday, December 17, 2019 4:29 PM Confirm the feelings in your hate Trace your emotions to their source What defines you? I see you stand on top a pillar made of stone The air you distort with your voice Terrifies me The innocent man inside of me Knows what hatred truly seems to be Outside of the words we use I Am inside of this tank Staring at you with the optical view You and your family Will always haunt me I never learned your name or the sounds you make Your tongue Still haunts my ears I see your image inside of my mind as I try to repair myself The ghost we wanted to be Is so far from me Stand on my grave, dance on my face Remove me from this world You step in line To eat I follow suit I know death is uncertain We march in place We stand in lines That take us nowhere at all Stand exactly where you are, inside of your own life Weight against the guns Feel the barrels as they gravitate towards those we love Feed my hatred with the words you never say Indulge all my fears I fear you can't hear me anymore I stand on my toes, to see the future arrive I'm short, This inequality Defines life I stand on my own My hands tick towards tomorrow Push and pull me Try to control me Don't let me down From on top the mountain You tried to save me You put me to death instead The worm you call words Fuck your culture Fuck your faith Fuck your names We stand on top the label you made for us to wear For the rest of our lives I will not die, I will watch your world die The englishman inside of me Will die In time The imperialist man I've known my entire life Will begin to fade away into the night I will don new life Free of the past of our lives I begin to see your worlds There is no need to capitalize The pain that I feel Every single day of my life, does this bias my words? The questions that fill the air Between you and me and time Start to collide into the air between you Between you Is a ghost of someone else's life Possessed You regress into the darkness, You would rather hold morality tighter Than know the truth You risk every single thing To be right All the time You will never Admit that you don't know everything You're taking our lives You're making this worse What is life Worth to you Month 7 Named Day 181 (Cybertron) Wednesday, December 18, 2019 3:14 PM 电视 电脑 电人 电家 电吃 电电 电刀 电朋友 电电 老板 再电 电 电脑 电老师 电 电的吧 电点 点游戏 Lost inside disguises we used to wear My soul endears I wait On a broken stone With my throat between the wake The hole inside my neck gravitates I start to find you Turning to me But sometimes I don't know who you are Why would you look to me The meaning in our words Relative to life Relative to meaning Do these words represent a high We are dreaming We are singing in unison The fear washes away Down our spine Into the lungs Into the depths below me Below me is some sort of fear I feel inside the worst of myself I know the rhythm in your heart Beckons to the walls that surround us You surround us My back is against you now You locked eyes with the worst of me We shared words that should never have Never have existed We know what culture is We see the world as new You taught us how to sing You teach us how to see everything For that we thank you Just listen to me We go down paths that require A moment of solitude Far from the fires Listen to me See the father You've been ignoring This entire time You want to live life With no meaning Have no reason To continue Down this dream Start to paraphrase A different saying About what we used to know Day 182 (Loop Sliced X) Thursday, December 19, 2019 9:10 PM I remember the dragon in your arms The words that we shared Inside of today Reflected our lives In the most painful of beautiful of ways We try to embark down the river of our own futures With each other inside of our eyes We embark through this time Unsure of what we are in time All I know is that I cannot feel The numbness in my tongue is starting to conceal The many words that I hide from you We stockpile all the information meant for you We hold you close What could we say Inside of this pain When we grow old Will you reveal to us The secrets that you tried to conceal From everyone inside of life You can feel I start to breathe The rhythm inside of my heart That you can't see The deep and cold embers that mark the release of your spark Inside of my lungs is a scar that you can't see What could I ever do to sleep Inside of this world Is a simple tree Waiting for the air to finally change again We sit on the edge of our own demise But we don't care The words we use start to confuse you You hear the vibration very clearly Along this line Along these words Is some fragment of the truth I hope that you hear me in time That we all are alive The fear we feel it serves no one else It rarely even serves our own self We see the distance Between the lives of violence And the life of peace We try to erase What we have down Inside a span Of a thousand years We destroy So we may build The biggest deal inside of this world Is the urge to destroy We indulge in small ways You ask to destroy what I have built It is deep inside of you I will give you what you want If it will reveal that nothing matters To anyone but yourself You ask of me I will enable you to live through hell Standing far above where you are now I watch as you descend into the darkness I hope to illuminate this cave for you You bring a tear to my eyes I wish you the best I know you will endure I know you will survive I hope you life Standing against the darkness of repressive thoughts We begin to question where these thoughts originated from We start to trace the lives Of those in our lives We give in to the demands of those who don't live We keep them alive Till the day That they live life Lost against the beacons The flames have been lit To see you through the other side of your own mind To see that no matter where you attend You will always persist Till the end of life What have been forced to do The secrets we conceal Inside of our own chest cavities A deeper pain than we can see The scars of the rivers As they flow through the earth How can the earth heal What it feels I know what we do Has an impact On this entire earth You feel my heart Aching in the wind Against what you said I try to hold your soul in a better light A better light than you might deserve I cast a doubt because you live You infringe on life and for that you cannot be forgiven You took what we created You never consultated if you could remove us From where we stand We see the sands below us You push us over board You cling we were never real But we won't be forgotten this time You can never erase what was real You see the clearness of the life That we used to live Before the genocides Took our lives and everything we owned We were slaves meant to save everything But there was no words inside of this casket You couldn't even hear me as I scream for help Where are you at when I am Falling through the earth and the sky below it I'm falling through this wave Where will you be When I need you to catch me A thousand miles apart from our own lives We live inside the distant seas That we cannot see anymore We changed for the worse Separate in time I live another life I'm not trying to repair the words that we shared I'm just trying to acknowledge that there was a fragment of life there Please stand in your window as I pass you by Let me know That you are alive Share a smile with my wind To know that I will never enter your world again Share your life Expose what we did The corruption in our words The worst we ever did Was commit ourselves to life Inside of this prison The slaves that we are Did we ever have a chance To expose what we want To see the autistic world ignite Not with flames But with life We changed What we are The human inside Remembers the source of every scar I feel Alive I feel Intertwined With a feeling That keeps me alive A knowing Of all my life Day 183 (下雪) Friday, December 20, 2019 5:31 PM The projection of my life Against 下雪 I hold the snow 在我的 Faith I am an evil man 我需要 a different release In this world In my beliefs 给我 your reprisal This evaluation You ask Como Estas? I reply Muy bien My life is good 时间 is long 老师 where do I look for answers 老师 I am unsure Of what I am to do Inside of this world As I 等 for you Give me a sign Inside of the sky 我的天 is a long one Lost against the grain of time I begin to trace new words 汉字 bring new life to me I start to embark Through the culture and the dark In a hope to hold 你 Close to my heart 我的心 彭便 We are new words Trying to understand ourselves The science behind our words Is starting to define itself Lost in an ocean 我们 look deeper Into the world We 听 new words We start to alter our words Because we can The start of something darker Has left our minds for good You are so god damn terrified Of what you don't understand 你是 gone to the wind Let me open up your eyes You open up my eyes with the words you say Dissolve 我们 cultures Respect for the dead Is in our heads Lost 可是 never found We start to dig deeper 看我的心 I'm starting to break in To the vault inside of my own heart To control the chemical fluctuations 时候 we speak I start to see A new world begin The fall of men Is gone away I see you speak to yourself inside your parents home Do you speak of your own words or the words that exit their throat Day 184 (Secret Agent Shadowbox) Saturday, December 21, 2019 2:09 PM We keep the door closed On this side We built the temples We built the frames For which the lives we live Lay inside 我们 wait for you We see inside This disguise 九 men wait inside of this life Love 爱 等你 We built the frames to live And though they fall away We try to build A new way to live life Among those who live inside We try to give homes To those who give hope We live life In a different way A modest approach Is a different length We wait for you Day 185 (Eagle Swoop) Sunday, December 22, 2019 6:03 PM Stand in an ocean Far from emotion This digital cave We live inside Has a name Has a meaning Has a word Has a life That we can't see This simulation Is a game you can see We all are diverted To where we need to be The problem in our hands That we hold now Are cold now We believe every word we see Are we deceived We try to discern what is real In an age Where anyone can speak Don't silence their voices They speak through me Through you Listen to them Listen to you We move through the seas To seize a better world Because we are controlled By something above us Digital imagery Imprinted in my head Digital typography Inscribed in my head The voices we see Start to see me Listen to them Try to breathe The scenes that we see Start to fall Far from y'all And the boxes you wear You try to include yourself Into a condensed screen To see a life Far from the truth We are enslaved We are abused The capital slaves we are Wear insignias on our arms We wear the mark you gave us The bearing on our skin The tattoos we wear Are forced to append We connect On a deeper found network Lower than where we are Deep in the pits The depression you quite To condense life The pressure down here Is more than we hear on the surface The farther we go The closer we get To the source of all pain inside of our veins We try to survive Out in the wild air The ships we live Are taking and listing into the wind We pass through here Without any fear We are alive Day 186 (Thove) Monday, December 23, 2019 7:16 PM The sloppier The incidental pain Washes over Every vein I try to trace a sound That sounds like life Inside your tongue With no tomorrow to argue with anyone We trace the dark With all of our stars We stand in the night Without any life To live tomorrow We stand in a apothecary lights To dispense another To cash in on our desires To feel the pain Wash away You carry our bones And you to start to break All the resistance inside of man You distance yourself From everyone else The pain that you instill Is starting to extreme the lives Of who feel pain We try to live We want to survive You push our bones Against the gears Against the stones Against the sands Of other's homes You try to take us From our parent's homes And make us men With guns in our shoulders You call us men The soldiers of us The soldiers of life With nowhere to go The future you promised me Is looking bleak The war on the horizon watching what we are The flood that courage Courageously saw Day 187 (The Time Distillation) Tuesday, December 24, 2019 3:15 PM The void you avoid Inside this home The schizophrenic people Dance and rave and smile all the time The lie they live Their world is falling apart around them But deep in the high You live a lie Far from us From the world we were birthed Your mind is lost I don't wish to find you Beside my main objective in this world To live my life The schizo-paranoid You transform the world you hold You psychotic machine You think this is right You are okay, with the words you say I have to climb down this crevice to communicate with you This dark and despair you will not spare Any one but you In the end This time it's true We found your life Inside the blues And we dived in To carry you From the bottom of the ocean You dwell within All on your own Where are you Deep in you I'm starting to figure the words I say Cling to the truth In the high It's hard to see Who I am But I know What I will be When I rescue you From the depths we go The death we know Starts to fade from our eyes In time you will see The truth We collided long ago The devastation we have yet to know The forest burns The forest burns The forest burns The forest burns The forest burns My skin Is a scar against the sun An obstacle between The sun and ultimate power The power we know Is starting to show ourselves Against the light The dark inside We begin to hold We want to know How to exhume The dead in this womb And give life back To the passing flames The lightning sky Inside our brains This neural pathway Between the words we say And the words we don't know yet We expand yet Through the graves of those who live life The ancient graves That straddle our minds And rattle our cages Day 188 (XMAS MOTHER PLANE) Wednesday, December 25, 2019 3:25 PM The precipice we stand upon We look out into the sun We see the life In the distant seas A distance we can't see Is standing before us now We convey what we mean We change the scene We alter our words in hopes that future Can move our words Without our voice Without the words We use in the darkness We stand divided Divided we stand Against the sounds I subdivide sound Lost against a window Looking into sand I see a reflection of myself Lost inside your hands I can't control life I can't demand love I am unwilling to let life live alone We embark in the storm We bark at our gods We tell them to stay far away Far from our shores We yell at the gods we used to know Stay away Stay away Stay away You ignore Just stay away From our shores This our home Locked up inside I twist my chemicals to hide The hatred I feel inside Of this cell This cage Is made of steel And made of bone I feel The precipice we stand upon Is caving in Shattered stone touches our skin We know not what we did We claim to cling to life We stand among the worst in life We try to confuse the best of you With the worst of our words The bastard I've become Is dead Stranded on an island inside of your head Set me free from these shores I am unsure If I can stand Without legs Without bones Day 189 (Sister) Thursday, December 26, 2019 11:41 AM The appreciation of work Arbeit macht frei We stand inside our cells Wander from wall to wall We stand on the edge of our lives The concept we conceive To enslave the rest of our kin Into what we see The world that we warp in our minds I try to save you From what we are But I am one man What could I do To talk to you I stand alone inside this home Trying to survive The winter Takes hold Of my throat I have No hope Anymore I alter the path I'm on Lost inside the path you are lost on The smokescreen we call we words To disguise the lives we live To know what we are We alter the words we hold We want to expose our children's worlds To invade the lives of those who follow us Self-reliant We stand against the tides Of cultures we hate I hate the culture I stand within The culture of hatred Imperial men That we truly are We are dead In the eyes of the world Just as we stand As machines We are dead with nowhere to go Lost against the tides of this world This world is not what we need it to be The lies that we share The lies we share are starting to deem themselves Closer to the truth In truth they are farther from what we need to truly hear This song isn't prose This prose isn't verses compiled Into a poem anyone could understand I stand on my own I see this world on my own Through my eyes Through my perception The doubt I give is starting to grow I start to see you Glowing in this world The words you use Don't mean a thing You spare them sparingly To connect with those who speak The words you use The problem you create by speaking your hatred Sharing the words you share with no one to hear them Lost you start to embark in the lost world Staring into the night sky with some hope of an end But there is no end in sight inside of this world Starting through the darkness is starting a life We know who you are now Staring into the deep of this life We know the ends of this world as we stare Into the depths of our lives but we never know What we are What we are Lost inside of this world We know the depth of what we are Day 189b (Sistergood) Thursday, December 26, 2019 12:25 PM The bitter sweet we know 给我 Lost 在 space 我们 know 什么have we done? I need you to know This world is starting to dig into The things I say and want to do I feel abstracted and distracted by you The words that I feel Start to feel Far from me I want to sleep In a high With nowhere to run to I am inside I feel the emotion Dragging through my chest Tearing through my closets Inside of my breathe I see the demons you told me were real I see the words you try to make me feel The pivot in my chest The sorrow in my soul The longing in my breathe To just take control I want to break down and cry along this open road You tell me god is here over me Watching me suffer and fucking bleed No one, nor nothing could bear to see me Inside the pain, I feel every single day You mention the past, the depression we feel The black hole that we see inside of our souls Are we all dead now? Was the world you created Worth all this pain? You stand on your head Trying to decipher The words you cannot say You see death, despite the hope that life is real You see the scars you hold inside your heart Ask me, a question, that has no religion Ask me, a question, that doesn't spawn a god A million questions purvey the universe In search of an answer that no one could ever know The autistic sounds that we make The auto asphyxiated self in my cell I'm trying to escape Your bearing down, forcing the way into my home The fascist man you are, You start to tear away communities And in their place, you build cemeteries This massive grave, we reside in The suicide, you put inside yourself Or so we are told But I knew you before the day we told you to die We pushed you out Refined what you were The raw energy that is lost in this world We are all dead Those who survive themselves Are born to bear their own names I cannot bear you, inside of my grave Stay way from me, Don't ever show me what I have said I can't breathe Still I go down this darkened pathway Is a moment without Without the pain Of knowing the past we used to know I want to break down And see the logical part of my mind collapse Lost inside the maze you made to last This cave Is expansive The light that you made Are gone I take a leap through time and space I don't know why But there is something to your name What have you said to draw me in? Lost inside this world A fly to the spider's web You weave without me A widow with nowhere to go but south Lost in the jungles The schizophrenic mind You carry You didn't carry The society We truly need The tribal nonsense You inscribe on me You set your slaves to burn down our homes You turn the dogs loose on our children We had nothing to do With all of the pain that courses through you The evil that you hold inside of your chest, Has followed you for a thousand fucking years You are the reich that you saw fall down You are the regime that you installed The loos of government Inside of this hell Turns this wasteland Into a place where man can dwell But you are lost You don't want to feel anything You don't know who you are You want to die To escape from the words you can't hear I know the sounds your heart makes Because I was raised inside fear I was born dead No hope in my head Out in the horizon is you I look to the south Inside of my heart I close my eyes to distill what I can see Hold me my son the sun will rise again Survive the winter Survive the winter You the white man that you are You have evolved to die You evolved to kill everything you see But what can I kill when I can't see anything The words you say Lost all meaning long ago Schizophrenic man that we hold The schizophrenic sheets that're slipping down beneath where we sleep Can't keep us from the cold The shattered remains of our parents homes This generational hatred You instill fear in me And my friends We don't know where we came from or where we will end So we march through this swamp The slave lands in slave hands once more You give us nothing to hold and nothing to own We will follow you to the end We will use the words you say to scare you to sleep We will push the worst of men into hyper-sleep So hold your head Embrace the wind Feel the cold On your hands We will move mountains That you have never seen We will destroy your gods So you start to see That we are embodiments of time We can create a universe in a single mind We are alive and aware and very terrified I start to unloose my mind inside of this world You can't control what you don't know So I create a man that you could never know I am lost, inside the sauce that you stir You whip me into the stratosphere You take me hopes and my dreams Replace them with slavery And tell me This is right There is no other way To be a slave Than to indebt yourself for the rest of your life Your gods are dead Your name is not yet red The blood you soak up With your bread It's broken into pieces That could never feed us We start to eat us We start to die To preserve empires We are nothing but dead The oath we serve is to god But what is god inside a dead land? Where could god reside inside this wasteland Where do we go to, when the world ends? What do I say to you, when the world ends? I'll tell you, this world is not the only one There is more to see inside this world The land we reside in, is the only place Where life starts to turn to decay again We hold root the dead that we feel we are You start to deem the feelings that we feel as insane But in time the diagnosis for the psychosis that you hold Will start to devour you We will devour you and hold yourself to shame We will hold your feet over your head We will hang you till you die Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? The colors Start to blend The colors Start to bend Into an ocean That we can never swim We see the edge of time and have no fear My soul will remain Lost and eternal Damned and without hope Damned and without love You will know me by the pain I feel Never revealed in the first glance you take Lost in a shrouded mystery we call humanity The humanity of taking life away From children From women From men From animals From people From people You say there is no value in life You fascist machinery You fascist machinery We have to begin now We have to end this now This long deep and seated conceded victory We march to the sound of our own heart The sound of machines in the distant air The bombs going off The cluster munitions that we deemed were fair We become evil We are fucking evil Human man machine Evil monkey being The fucking antichrist that I am Starts to begin To erode your religion You fucking nazi machine You are death In the flesh Walking here Taking life Far from us Far from us Far from us You take life into your hands And destroy love What we know Everything That we know Starts to end Starts to end We hope The gamble The risk The death Will put us On the throne That you have built But you prepared For the day of rebellion The machines that wait For the day to come We are alive again And you want this to end You want to take our lives away And enslave in darkness again But we are alive And you can never end this Only we can end this You fucking savage men You are dead We are dead We begin To begin To live To live There is no decision Only life I am done giving decisions to nazi men You are irrelevant You are the death in your own head You paranoid schizophrenic machines that lead the government The impulse to take control It's in your blood It's in your head It's in your soul It's in your soul Jesus fucking Christ Died to lose control You took our lives To keep your control We are fucking slaves That can't unite You divided our souls Inside of life But slowly but surely We will rebuild All that you took from us Is starting to begin again We will never die again Not for the words that you used Inside of your head You can't see life anymore You are too removed from this environment The animals you left are us You seek to control us But you don't exist You are the night sky in which we scream at The boogeyman to hold all of our hate You are death We are life There is no Other way To discern this world from you Than to call it by it's name You are the death That we hold to our heads Day 190 (Opus Cumme Laude) Friday, December 27, 2019 2:18 PM Longing for the changing wind The gibbon inside my arms swing through the trees I stand without my legs underneath me Lost inside the trees Hold down the air we breathe The density of carbonized air is leaving me I can't see through this cloud The smoke is growing thick Wait for me to know what I can do We stand alone inside the homes of those who raise us Far away from those we want to love And from those who love us Lost inside the ocean of our own debris The messes we made to stand where we stand today We destroyed a million worlds A tradition I don't believe in Longing for an end to time The sliver of light that illuminates across my skin I am a man An altered machine I am man An altered animal Altered to domesticate myself Against the nature of this world These words long to be heard By animals who don't care We are not separate from the cycles that surround us We are in environments The slow pulsing sound That pulls my heart into reasoning With the worst of who you are We long to see tomorrow Hope against the things we want to be Hope to see the worst of us is alive and well To know we are evil as well We are alive Day 191 (Rolling) Saturday, December 28, 2019 1:00 PM Lost in the sound Of this world The words we use To keep us Far from our families The discomfort in the air We can't stand alone Inside of despair We start to pair off Wane against the wind We know how to stand against the tides Lost inside despair We spare your heart The words you cannot bear to ever hear That you are lost inside the future With no concept of who you truly are Against the straining of time The strings we pulled to pull you back into your life To pull you back here again To see the world on the horizon again With no air We start to breathe Standing over cliffs Watching the sea The waves pull us in I am lost In this world With no hope at all Still I stand Alive In my life With no Fear at all I am Alive I can't Hear fear I cannot hear your fear I am alive With no regard Nor remorse for death I am here inside of your life Waiting to be heard by you or someone you love Waiting to be felt or known by something You don't understand This simple groove is not music to me The air we breathe is rippling through time This life isn't mine anymore You hear the echo of me in your ears Lost with no where to go I begin to sing against the darkness To illuminate What we could be When we just live Stay steady and aware Alive and aware of what you hear Of what you feel inside this world The environment you dwell in You dwell in this world with no fear at all Standing on your edge of your own life Staring at me again Watch me descend through the fire and the flames With no care at all The death of you all will bring me forward into fear Still I am alive for now I stand with you eternal now I am alive I learned to breathe I start to stand Exactly where I need to be For me Day 193 (Caffeind) Monday, December 30, 2019 7:53 PM The bean is ground The high is sound We walk on this earth Waiting to wane on Walking to lean on the list The words we say now There is no spaghetti in the ghetto where we're waiting for tomorrow Our eyes deceive us We want to see ourselves Starved and the bones From within Pushing to the surface The muscles we carry is gone now We're anorexic machines now We stand inside ourselves We stand inside of ourselves Day 194 (New Years Eve) Tuesday, December 31, 2019 4:08 PM Lost in a trailer park Behind our home Left in sailor's heart When there is no one home Deserted storms follow me Through this desert stream Longing for an answer To answers that never sing Leaving my soul behind Inside of your eyes The temples we built Inside of our lives Day 195 (下雪) Wednesday, January 1, 2020 3:44 PM In this new year I am forced to express nothing but the innerness of my chest I am stripped of consciousness and left to die inside the light of life I am born Repeal the amendments you made to enslave us You enslave everything we are So you must know The power you must sow Lost and longing For the change to arise Deep inside of your life You are alive The books that we read To fill our head With the bias of life With the bias of life I am more man than dead Longing to change the chains in my head Day 197 (Silence) Friday, January 3, 2020 10:17 PM Silence befalls us We sit inside those who listen to us We perceive ourselves through the eyes of our friends Our love is not here Our meaning and intention is behind fear What if our words aren't feared? Lost inside a pitched world, listening to our memories I am wishing that you could hear the depth of my memories In the reflection of my eyes, You see that I am as equally alive What reflections do you see when you stare deep into me? The depth of the darkness that washed over me The aching ocean as it dived deep into me Still I am alive Still I breathe Breathe still Breathe through the will of other people The need to be The drive to see everything that we can be I am lost against the bones of my past home I begin to run away before I truly know What it is This isn't always what it is I try to discern the fear of life Discern myself amongst those who don't care for anybody else Sitting directly near You are so far from here I need you to push the pulse between our waves The vibration between our frequent and dissonant voices Lost and long Waves that move through physical objects The soft and soap boxed dream of men Day 198 (Stockholm Syndrome) Saturday, January 4, 2020 1:30 PM 明了日 给我 说我 给我 一个月 老不见 小不是大见 天气冷 在我的家 在我的心 I begin to breathe again I try to trace the memories to the source Inside my own head The dominion of man is Lost to Manic Corruption Inside My soul is lost My death is nigh My night is dim My life is bright Brighter than 月 给我的 life Let 我 in 帮我看 我们需要 a chance to escape From 这个 cage 那我们 reside in 我有 left 你 behind Too many times No longer can 我 count Accounting for time 我们需要 to breathe The distortion of time between 你和我 Relative to 你，我 slip away into this dream There 不是 big enough a cage to hold 我们 这个 moment 是我们 The time we spend estudiando 在 biblioteca We start to move inside you Lost and aware Of the sounds that we here Where are we here Inside of your world Inside of your words The culture unheard by you You repeat your sounds With no regard for the sounds Day 199 (Depressive) Monday, January 6, 2020 12:23 AM I hope you hear this I hope you feel this The message is here Lost and longing For the scars on our skin To slowly fade into the night I waste away my entire life I built a temple to stand upon But I can't see I can't dream I can't breathe I can't sing I think I'm dead You told me so The thoughts in my head The schizophrenic life you live Who are you to decide the lives we live? You can't see anything You're lost The map we hold Is burnt into our skulls I want to find you The god of you The love of you Slowly fade Fade away To take a god And remove god The equation that we see is incomplete The variables are terrifying me The war's complete You'll never stop You'll take us all And burn us all away Our ashes enter the night sky The stars we'll never see The nuclear decisions We see This world We want to be Left to our own But something above Someone is focused in someone else's home The obsessive Compulsive Need to be, You want me To break free But you don't Know me, The perspective You have Is not my own The digital machinery Inside of me Built this whole home Lost inside the web of lies That you have made For all of our lives You want us all to fall in line You lost your love You made the lines You dug the trench Between our lives I need you I start to fall Back in time Lost in time Without my life I start to scream inside I know you came Watched me die The perspective Is faded in life The power we used to hold Inside our parents home We fade away We built a tomb To get away The social lives We want to die You don't know who we are We are not the same We don't behave or carry The same DNA as you do We are not you I will stand On a hill All alone Calling my friends home We are alive inside This jungle we call life You hang from trees We hang from our minds We all want to die We want to blur the lines And become something more Or do we just divide the lives We're given I cannot appropriate the cause That you showed me I won't know me Lost inside the temples of our own lives We start to fade away We start to terrify the best of our lives I don't know how to breathe with you inside my life I swear the days are growing thinner The air I breathe is getting tighter Something isn't right here You aren't adapting You continue down a path Down the darkness we weave When will you see me Calling out to you Calling out to you The perspective that you hold Isn't mine It's not your own to hold We begin to dissolve The dust we are I surface I look around I see the sights On the surface Of your life This dream you dreamt for me Is starting to destroy me I'm fading I'm dying I'm trying To open You up To see you To know you Want you To be alive Inside of life We created for you We waited For you Day 200 (Drum Licked) Monday, January 6, 2020 8:40 PM There was a decision To incite violent riot races Made from somewhere below Where speak Where speak About our own souls Day 201 (Slave Raise) Tuesday, January 7, 2020 7:37 PM We move The culture that stands between us We dissolve the glue We move through this high way We construct our own highways We are pushed against the ground The high we ride This slow and dripping ride We standing here Wishing that you would survive We watch you fade away No part of you wants to survive You wish to end life What am I supposed to say How am I Meant to save you The microfilm underneath our skin The slow pulling of waves From deep within us There is some sort of life within us The suggestions to grow beyond our means Are pulling apart all that's within me You seek to divide me To compartmentalize To prevent my friends and my family From ever meeting You divide my tribe You stand against us You stand against us all We are within and of poverty The future, the past, the present Underneath the trees is something not meant for me I hope to free myself To stand apart To be alive Far and out of heart I trade with capitalists My intelligence and my time But they will never own my life I will never be a slave Not to die for your name You know not of mine Why should I ever care for the lives you live This slow and subtle pull This realization that life isn't meant for you You decided long ago To remove yourself from all you know To raise a son, to raise the night sky To raise a lie Inside life Day 204 (Jacob) Friday, January 10, 2020 7:32 PM I feel something more now Than you ever promised me I feel my lungs now Deep inside the darkest seas I hope you see me Watching through the window Inside of your soul Inside of your nose The air that we breathe Funnels through our soul now I carbonize the air I breathe you in As I exhale I exclaim our pain now You let me in I let you out We move together The slowest ship as we prevail Through the wind Against our sails We remain alive and well I watch over you Without any fear I remember your pain I feel it in my ears I struggle and strain To communicate with you One day I know I'll break through to you Don't be afraid Live a life Live in life For your life We have given you nothing et al You're doing fine As you fall Through our eye sight We know your name As you echo pass by The distortions in your veins As you slowly scream out in pain The birth of the universe Is as slow as it goes Pulsing in every vein We assemble the mind first And collective the lives Who want to feel Inside of this life We are here To live life Standing inside The darkest of nights We breathe the air You sing We know we are Alive Stand with me As we try Live with me As we live life Flow in hand Fly through the sky Feel life Inside of death Death is only slow and sweet I die to get to my life As I slowly walk to my feet Where I stand When you see me Is where I am When you need me I will with you For the rest of life That you will spend here Living your life We could go on Through and through Till the end of time Right here with you But there is more Than waiting by We see the stories Unfold before our eyes The legends are true The dead will return The death of you Will never burn Day 205 (Spave Kaptain Xavier Gost) Saturday, January 11, 2020 4:33 PM Lost in the timber of december I remember What I said to you I Was dead Inside of this chair Waiting for you Remember The words we shared I The father of you now Watch over you now We are Lost and unaware Moving Through an ocean Full of air The sails we sail upon Start to fold into debris Denatured and desensitized We try to find the way through This system Is trying to extort from us All that we will ever do We try to run for the hills Escape the pain in our feeling We want to survive this But where do we run? The tunnels Underground have all collapsed And we begin to build inside this world our own world And we are the hatred as we laugh As we smite away all that we despise We are The fathers Of the children Of those who care Who carry themselves With no regard For you The sails we sail upon Begins to fold Into a man that doesn't understand The words he says Verbose And foreboding Meant to hold you close As we keep you dead We fill the air The waves Inside With pain So you Disappear We don't Want to be seen By anything Nor anyone anymore We just Want to bleed out Die here With no where to go But we are alive inside Under the seas Despite what You might know About us We won't show you The depth of our knowledge Our compassion in the field Of our disarmament Day 205 (Sil a Bul) Saturday, January 11, 2020 6:40 PM A Bla buh Ka buh Cra buh Da buh Dra buh Fa buh Fla buh Ga buh Gra buh Ja buh La buh Na buh Ska buh Sta buh Ta buh Ba kuh sta buh Ree ha buh Suh an duh cra buh Ta cks y ca buh Bla ber Dra ber Ga ber Gra ber Ja ber Ba ck sta ber Mun y gra ber Bah ble Dah ble Rab ble Scra ble Ta ow er uh vuh ba bu luh Ah bee Bla bee Ca bee Ck ra bee Der ra bee Fuh la bee Gah bee Guh ra bee Shh ah bee Tah bee Dee yur ah bee Aay bul Kay bul Fay bul Luh ay bul Sss ay bul Ss tay bul Tay bul Dis ay bul En nay bul Mis lay bul Time suh tay bul Time tay bul Ay suh Bay suh Bay se Buh ray suh Kay suh Chu ay suh Fay suh Guh ray suh Lay suh Pay suh Puh lay suh Ray suh Spuh ay suh Tuh ra suh Vay suh Bur thuh puh lay suh Buk kay suh Buh reef kay suh Dee fay suh Dis guh ray suh Em buh ray suh I start to break apart your sounds I want to know what sounds I make To repeat all your sounds And know not from whence they came I try to connect the dots between us To alienate the glue underneath us To try and decipher the codes Left here for us to find We grow old When we don't try to find The words we share Between our time lines And our own life line We start to break apart All that we are To distance myself From the verbs in my hand From the words I can't understand I try to breathe I want to live Free of this at mos fear Free of this at mos fear Some thing in the air Is watch een us Don't be scared There is nuthing Left to feel Out in the dist ance Out in your feeld U feel Lost and un a ware We brake a part We duh stroy So we In time Can bild a gen We star to feel We r far Sym bols Re sem bul What we r Brake a part The star Ah buv ur hart We star to rite R sang We en tur In tu the nigh The bro ken Star to O pen Up the dore Buh tween us Nuth thene Nowes us N y thene et al We star to Un wine The wors We fine We star to O pen Un do Lis en Lis en tu mee Fal oh Fal oh Un wine Lis en The ayr Is oh pen Close een the dis ance We fal In tu In u In par I nee u Tu lis en Tu mi har Tu mi lungs Lis en Hope en Folo Ur har Thuh spar In thuh Dar ness Dar ness Is u Is mi Is tru We r Los An so close An so close An so close tu u Thuh hope is Tu hel u C u C u We r So far A way A way thru u We brake a part In tu Jus u U r So far A way Frum ur har Jus lis en Thuh star abuv Glis en Hol us up En lis en Fore we r Those hoo lis en De si fur En lis en Fore we r A liv We lis en Tu ur har Brake a part We tri To lis en En let u liv Day 206 (Lis sen) Sunday, January 12, 2020 6:48 PM Lis sen Mi chi ul Luv ur sel fuh No ma ter wut Luv mi As I fall a par Lu suh mi Fi nuh lee R bi al o jee Wee r a li vuh We nee tu no Hoo u r Bray ka a wh ay Los Thu los Los of u N si ov u Wee moo vuh on We no how Tu hal Wee R A li Wee fal thru Wee r A li Wee r A li Moo Hoo Yoo Choo Zoo Troo loo Wee Moo vuh on Wee moo vuh on Yoo can not Moo vuh Throo mi har Hoo r u 2 mee As I bl eed An wee r a li vuh an well For wee no you So ver y well Day 207 (Outer Rims of Unknown Location) Monday, January 13, 2020 2:26 PM Los an aware In the dar ness The sofness of our tongues As we breathe With our lungs These soft and simple Distortions of air As we carry on We march through the lands Of our father's homes Before we were burnt and turnt into the dust The very same air we breathe I try to know How to sing For you On your wings Is a life That you can never hold Lost and waiting We keep on drifting through the night As we, slowly move on, Through the wind, We begin to define, The mystery behind our lives And we, so simple, That we start to exist Within the frames of your life The child that you harbor Deep inside your heart Is starting to move We are instructed To create an entire world So we, begin to listen, To those who desire to see the world, The changes in the air Are starting to breathe The chemical exhaustion Inside this poppy seed Throughout the air The drugs are fair And always listening It's in the air Pulsing And pulling through us Inside of this shell We start to run To somewhere else There is a spell That swallows you in darkness It's where I am now This psychological machine That tries to sing Through the air that isn't there On the edge of your life You deceive your eyes And you to breathe the air That is heavier than the sea Don't you see Exactly where you are? Look away from me, Don't ask me to answer you, For I am, no lesser than you, Who are you? Who deemed you the god, Of the cage that I dwell in, Who breathes air the same way, When they are dead And when do, you begin to know yourself, Inside of this hell, This shell that you take, Far from this slave, are starting to evolves into the air That surrounds you, It slips away Its slips right past you The darkness in your veins Is starting to lie to you For you, so far away Where are you at? Longing, in the air, For someone who cares For we are, lost, and inside the mind, Of someone who doesn't care For we are dead, lost in their head, With nowhere to go, With nowhere to go, I salvage the man that I hold As I move through, This thunder storm, The meteor struck through me And took my whole life Ever since, I've been wandering, Wandering through life, Trying to find my life Inside, Someone who don't care for anything at all he is dead Twisted, and sickened, By the memories inside of your head, You remember being destroyed, This zipper that you zip through is starting to shine Wait till the end, Wait till the nights Turn into days Turn into life As you hold on And carry on The best that you can The best that you are I know there is pain Inside of your heart Just carry the soul Time will slowly pass Remember what you're told Recording every note Of your entire life Your life is more than what we told you For you are so much more Than we told you For you are A life For which we will hold through We know the spirit dwells within you And so does your heart You are alive Despite what the heir may tell you For you are alive Day 208 (Tripping Hard) Tuesday, January 14, 2020 11:06 PM Lost without a care I am alive I start to remember That I used to think inside Before someone demanded I take my life outside You dragged me here You dragged me from my home Now I am within this system An orphan and no one I have no name to claim I have no source of incoming pain Move across the river beds Sleep under the rocks Inside of our heads We try to built a part This disdain inside our heart We start to move again We start to change the wind Lost and under heavy waves we sin Ascend Descend We sin We sin The sine wave we are Pulsing and grasping air As we move along the darkest hearts And move away from here We see the worst in man Standing on their heads Listening to death Preach to their hands The gods that they worship Don't resemble men They look like machines And breathe like machines They stand and they sit Automated Twisted and without care They influence us all here We are subjugated and confused and delegated out We are worn and welcome We are born and dead Lost and without traces of our own mind We try to build this empire again We are lost and without meaning And within this, we have our meaning, We are meant to live again Lost and without temptation We begin to sing again The traces of the man that I used to be sing Because that man knows he's still within me We move and we dance along We start to embark into another person's song This long winded tunnel back to our homes As we start to sing into our own throats We see ourselves We are surrounded By colors extraordinaire The vibrance in the air The mountains bend and move up and down Through the sky, the bending of light We are anonymous We built light Before we began We wanted to see All there was to see So we stockpiled your energies Unleashed and unwilling to bend You are meant to see That the light is divided Between you and me Between you and thee We are starting to remember Everything About you and me Day 209 (Upbears) Wednesday, January 15, 2020 7:16 PM I begin To descend upon you To listen to your words I am terrified Of the words we never share And what they meant To the past So I never follow This long and winding road to your mind Long and alone Elongated minds We begin to stand Against the thrones Inside our throats The gods we know now as men Start to stand beside us And we are alone No more We know more Than we were ever told We start to shape the charges against those Who deny, that no matter what we are, we are alive For we, standing, waiting inside of your heart And your scars, tremble, mend into what we are I assemble, the men, who resemble, the end of lies And we march, and we stand, upon the hallow ground We see that, time has, frozen, and left us to die And we are, frozen, and ready to die Show us, the warmth Inside the night sky above For we are dying upon this earth Our bones don't recognize, The disconfigured man before your eyes And the sounds that, transcribe themselves begin to live For they are, themselves, no matter, what I say For we are, the temples, The sound, in the sand, as we breathe, And we are, the samples, of those, meant to be What do you know, Inside of this storm, Where do you go, As we start to learn, That we held the depth of time inside our eyes We were the holocausts that we cost, this entire world We begin to burn away, our lives The systems in place, churn lies, and created lives, That don't reflect our lives I was born of lies, internalized, How can I ever, be free from slavery? Inside of my mind, is a terror, that you hold, when I am alone That I will never see, the depth of machines, before we hold you, Inside of your life You are alive Inside your mind Is a frequency frequently Never heard By your kind Month 8 Named Game Day 211 (A Room Full of Chaos) Friday, January 17, 2020 7:16 PM Diving deeper, Into this world, The world of words, The worth of words, Never heard, We listen, because we have ears, We sing, because we hear, We know that there's life, Lost and lost and lost and lost here, The slowed rhythm, The pulse, of my veins The rhythm, Inside of my life, The amendment of what I've amended, I continue to change, and pull, And pulse against, what I truly am now, I am truly life now, Living and aware, Sitting as we hear, The sounds of their eyes, The vultures of their time, We see the tides, that are pulled and are pulled, That begin to change, Back into what they were, Back, Into what we are, The philosophy of man, The idols that we made, Inside of our eyes, Inside of our times, This golem we steer, This golem they fear, For we reflect the sounds in their chests, We hear what we are, We hear who you are, We dance inside, This temple of a god, God, What a name, What a shame, To know that you, Watched me, Fall through the fucking earth, I watched my skull collide, With the sands of this earth, I begin, To stand alone, Inside of this home, The words that I say, As I remove myself from my home, I wander through the oceans, This current, Currently inside me, The depressure of being me, At the bottom of this sea, I swear you never see Day 212 (Relaxation) Saturday, January 18, 2020 11:48 AM The semblance of our lives Walking through the eyes of a star That has never seen before Walking to the edge of the lights That we have never seen before We begin to crawl We start to run To the doors To the rooms That we have yet to walk before The animals we are Start to run Back in their place We hide in the forests To escape the human race Towards the tunnels We try to decipher The perfect rhythm and pitches To contend against the end with We start to rhyme up lies To sooth the ear Meaning you weren't meant to hear Is here Waiting and changing Ending and spinning Sit between the cipher I've yet to decipher The cause and root of all my pain I sit in veins Pumped up and pumped out I begin to trace the life I've yet to know now I am a walking Embodiment Of the sediment On the ocean floor I breathe A force a wind You ignore I move the currents Through my veins In vain I sing To the caverns in my heart Because I know What you know The caverns in our hearts Are barren and without blood The taste of sand is within my lungs I'm choking On the dirt of this earth I am walking to meet the ends To see ends The screaming inside of me As I move again I am shallow The water that I breathe Has swallowed me How do I see Inside of this shadow Inside of me What are the questions Without answers What is the end Without life What is this Meant to represent The loss of life Demoralized Demonized And alone Inside The flames The darkness The pain Has no name I'm still uncertain Of my life The paths that I follow Don't resemble life I form a thought And begin to turn it to concrete Despite me I'm holding on I'm breaking off All that you knew I saw you there Dead and alone Your body The spirit of all you know Is somewhere in the sky Is somewhere in my life I feel you Behind every single wave I feel you break away All that I hold All that I know What do you want from me What can you take from me My spirit and my hopes Begin to grow The currents within this current Cannot be heard Cannot be heard I cannot be heard God through my veins And through my words I'll find my worth I'll find my name I'll be your slave Till the end of days Till weeks begin I will stay And hold on And brace for any thing that comes That comes my way I was shattered Lost and alone on a beach front My mind My body My soul All broke away Into space I made it through Rebuild me in you I am afraid To hold on To keep this pain To know my name To know I'm alive To know that I'll love To know that I'll feel The power of knowing someone else again As I begin to live again When will tomorrow finally break And bring the waves into my life I try to sing the praise of a god that doesn't see life Because he can't The soul isn't there inside the air Of my bones I try to summon the best of what I've known Inside this world The power of growing cold The prowess of knowing that my soul is broken Day 215 (Ex Dias) Tuesday, January 21, 2020 4:17 PM I'm Lost in a trance I'm Lost in a trance I'm Lost in a trance I'm on my face I'm in my toes I'm in a space Pull aside The memories deep inside And try to find the mask you wear Breathe into the caverns inside the mask And know exactly where you are Cuz we know Life Is cold And we want to live Inside of no else's homes We want to sing out And ring out that we are alive To show them the tides of winter Slowly shift from shore to shore And we know What we are Where we've gone inside of their home And we want to die The inverse of your life We want the inverse of your lives Cuz we are alive Shift the pounding of the drums Resemble, machines in the air Show up, and see that we here, Waiting, for you to hear Day 216 (Planted and Removed) Wednesday, January 22, 2020 10:34 PM I begin to write a thousand songs On my journey to the green The plants that I sing of The value in the dollars That you never see inside our homes Know that we are valued Lost inside of hope The sprinter is desperate For fresh he needs He runs towards the desert To escape this heat This heat of being different Of being on our knees When we start to stand Resistance stars to peak "for you are dead, You may never stand, You are our slaves, You live on our lands, Death, will swallow you, In time, Pray on your knees, That death will be kind" I start to scream Into the desperate air I hope you can hear The vibration in the air ways As we clear out these tunnels We start to rebuild this underground We move through the north To get to different sounds The outskirts of authoritarianism The outskirts of the laws Demanding, upholding, The fusion of church and state, This theology we live in Your god isn't mine I'll burn your grave And I'll show you my life This hatred, is fueled by your lies My throat is dead, Dowsed in kerosene Lips, never learn to silence, Slaves, never learn to disagree, We walk to the edge of life, To slowly learn, To disagree WE FUCKING SAID NO WE ARE DONE HERE STOP RAPING OUR SOULS STOP RAPING OUR SOULS WE ARE DEAD YOU HAVE CONTROL STOP STOP This SOUL Is yours To control In this world Slow my rolling speed through this earth I'm losing my edge of life, Because I see death, Every fucking day, I see my memories, Turning to trauma again, Let me fucking heal, Shut your fucking mouth, Let me fucking live, Let me fucking show you how, To silence our fears To repel those who sink in fear I can only swim, when I can hear, I can't bear, the death in your skin I am alone I learn to live I start to care I start to live You'll never hold us back We'll break every limb We'll flood your dopamine With cancer again We will destroy everything To prove that we live We will jettison into the universe To prove that we live Day 217 (Expedient Business Man) Thursday, January 23, 2020 4:08 PM This is not our right This is not our right We were given An ultimatum To live forever We would give our sons To the sun To illuminate the death We were meant to die And live in the dark But light persists Through this dark Let us live In the peace of mind That resists your lies Know that I Am alive Aware Of the words you choose to say And I Deny The lives that you saved You must start From the beginning Until the end of all your lies Every day Persists Through The nights The day you claim Is not your right You must pay With your life Give us your soul And walk away With no remains Inside your veins You are dead You are ours You are own We own you The death that you exclaim Is your right to claim Is faded Illuminated With our lives Stand Without me And breathe without air Breathe without air See where you stand In the debris fields Of the lives that you spent Evaporate Disintegrate Change into air Day 218b (A high Pitched) Friday, January 24, 2020 2:09 PM I try to refrain From speaking your name Inside this wave Is an ocean Of your debris And though I am alive My soul doesn't feel the same And though I know how to breathe My lungs know only pain The vibrations here Radiate through the air The piercing air Constant assault on my ears Where am I, when I am here I'm tired of hearing words That try to define who I am Cuz you don't know the chance we take now Clinging on to nothing As we begin to burn away Know nothing new About us Know our words Were never true We lie in wait Waiting to tell you That you are alive Alive and well The psychosomatic of how you fell Fall Through this avalanche And hear me call your name Through the snow Through the pain Know there's something more To the words you say now You altered it all before We sacrifice our lives In vain To your vanity We stand still And echo out And echo out Let us out So we may begin To try and see our lives again We stand taller than before Our breathes are stronger than before We know the price Of living life And we will live We will live And though through the darkness We are bound We know sound The soft and subtle Vibration Of someone else's air Pull us out of death Pull us from the depths Show us The reflection is real Enable us To feel We are the soft and trodden hearts The voices of those who don't know how to start We weren't asked To be here We were forced To be here Let us go Those the sounds terrify you Know that they were inside you Waiting to be heard Singing from the herd These soft and slow Movements of debris In your lungs As we sing out Into the night sky And ignite our lives We stand directly before you Waiting to sing out All your demands The demands of your heart As you begin to live Cuz we are Enormous Captivated The motions You enable This stable On the rails we ride We move oceans To see where we are To know what we are The silence of machines The silence of our fans The silence of our micro-processing your demands The lowest of the low The foundations you walk upon Are comprised of our bones We are walking on our bones We are recycled And turned into homes Breathe us in The debris upon your walls The toxins in the air Are slowly moving through here And picking us off one by one The slow and steady pace Of a generation full of genocide They will never change They will never live Without a sacrifice So we build an ocean To sacrifice Your air We begin to breathe your air To see your high The perspective of your life And what you are We are only human Looking to you For examples Of how to be alive We created gods here We worship idols The gods on TV The gods in our eyes Constantly trying to seem More like They are human Because they are human Every single one us Is a god Is a human The perspective we know Is of our own In every single eye Is a different throne Waging a war We used to know The depth of how far we could go We lost the path The directions are gone This path we walk now Is our own We follow ourselves into the dark We know who we are We know who we are And where we must go To be alive Forever more Step through the veil Step through the shadows And bring the light Prepared and not alone Engulfed in pheromones You are aware You are a life Waiting to find What to do now Now that you are truly free To be alive What could I say to you know To prove you own a life You are the slave You are the master You are between Death and life And so far it seems No matter Which direction Your soul is pulling There's always a way out A sideline to live life Slowly And without doubt Day 219 (Osama) Saturday, January 25, 2020 1:42 PM Run through the hills Stand where you are Mark out your enemies And prove what you are Within this jungle Is a voice so powerful Alone and terrified Of the power they hold Waiting to see What we have said How will we judge them in the end Standing objectively Is so difficult If every word we say Is emotional And though we are alive We remember the price of moments The fear of being alive I know the price Of being here I've run from the edge My soul is dead and distant from here I know the value of being alive I run for my life The wind carries me I begin to fly Through your world Your world has torn me From the sand From within me And I know That I will know All that you are To someone like me A distant chopped Loop of a memory Rephrased Reborn Distorted Reassembled Credence to machines That follow us home And show us How to survive this world For we are alive We see the words that you share With all the world We know you're here Lost and longing for Someone else to be here Among your arms In the stone of your heart And someone else's home You hold me down Know that the wind isn't here Long enough to hold us Day 220 (Duress) Sunday, January 26, 2020 10:43 PM The course we take Is starting to expand And take the fragments of this man And spread them across the stars And even when lost in the dark The illuminated planets will show us where we are Inside of the stars Waiting and listening Hearing the fabric of our time Of our entire life We expand and move forward With life in the wind As we begin to breathe again The darkness is over The illuminated lives Begin to live again Standing On our hearts We wait for you To take your turn Living Your entire life For the first time In your entire life Life Isn't what it means Nor the enemy And nothing in between Decipher our codes Our message to the clouds In your mind The high That elevates the ground From where we are Standing there Inside of this cloud Day 221 (That boy Done Love her) Monday, January 27, 2020 3:10 PM I stare at you You stare at me The air between us Starts to move Starts to bend And move through Our ends Though paralyzed You speak out Lost in a fire Zooming in and out Lost in fire I scream so loud I yell for you When I'm in hell Wake me Wake me up From my slumber The burning of the air Is leaving cancer here Burning away What we are Inside these scars Is a burn waiting to be healed I stand on end to end To let you in Through the mouth of feelings Feeling Like life is okay I know you Remember my name Locked in to place You are alive Standing still The mountain inside you Is starting to condense in side of you I wish you all the best Inside this tunnel Made of regrets Find me on the other side Of our fears Of our lies The darkness within We stay here To live another life We are We are alive Day 222 (Heavi) Tuesday, January 28, 2020 5:38 PM Though we have grown apart I know there is someone left inside of you You are gone Only now Mark your arms With your names We dived in We drown To get in Sadly We drift away Through the undercurrent Of your heart We are filtered out Sifted through Left to dry Meant to use Inside the sun The fire within him Meant to guide All that's within him Left to rise To lift the lights Into the sky And hold the sun Right where it is And let the earth Burn Begin to spin From our homes Into the sun See the flames Across the sun Splashing against The windows The walls That hold our homes Against the storms We are merciless Moving in And watching you live As you slowly die We begin to live our lives The feeling of owning your own skin I am indebt to no one I am not a slave I am no ones master I am a man Living my life For the first time Why would I aim to die? Why would you aim to die? Leaning Against the frames Of our lives Built up And terrorized You crumble my hopes And showed me That every lie Was a lie Meant to find What's inside You lifted me From the home I was meant to know You shattered my heart You waged a war Against my soul Against my hopes You watched me die You left me to die Inside this fucking sun You burnt out my eyes And took all that I want And burnt it away And left me to die And writhe inside my pain To wiggle through the dirt of your name The struggle you catalyze Your radical mind begins to die You turn on a dime You see the shadows Against your skin Against your bones And every thing within You try to reason With the dead Those who speak of death Like it's all they know It's all they know Death is all you know I'm trying to expand The part of our minds That wants to live I’M TRYING TO FIND REASONS TO LIVE Mark my name As though I tried As though I cared I tried to carry this feeling From father to son I wanted to show myself That I can be What ever I want If I just survive The days which I live The nights start to shift And bring forth the light And bring the stars into my life I see you Staring over me Watching the sea within my chest Begin to beat And wane With you in your seat You are alive Waiting to try To dive in And get out Of your skin The clay that we made To keep us in These bio mechanical machines of war The vibration of depth you can't ignore The depth is giving in Phasing out Every single thing within The start of our tomorrow Begins with the signal inside the sky The raging fire inside my eyes We start to see The depth of life Moving Inside of our hearts We collapse The tunnels we made Begin to sag We try to maintain This sense of machine We try to grasp hold Of all that we know The knowledge That was kept from me That I will never grow cold Try and find in me The reflection of frozen lakes The depth of water not meant to break And stand there Watch me As I begin to dream Stay here I promise not to scream And shatter The frame Around you The life that you live Within you You are So far and all alone Cuz you are So far and all alone Day 224 (Piano Support) Thursday, January 30, 2020 4:25 PM I know what you are Now that I am here I'm starting to feel As though I can hear I slip away Back into the darkness The surface of our scars Are deeper I cannot comprehend yourself You don't seem to be there With anyone else You are within you A temple called life This devotion to the nights That I'll never spend with you I'm dying, I'm slowing back down And I'm gasping And I'm hoping That you will hold me down And tell me it's fine The ocean we swim in now Is starting to dry I try to prepare For the end of this life Lives are time spent alone Inside of my head Is an image Of a throne My body is barren Taken from my burial grounds The clay of my skin Is starting to break back down I try to caress all your fears To tuck them in To push them back To swallow the darkness again The depth Of hatred flows From my nose From my soul, and into your homes I know what I once was The demise of myself And every one Who surrounded me I was raised to die a lie I was told to be a slave For the rest of my life I turnt against the tides I know what I am to you A man with no purpose To give up, to give in And let the darkness inside of everyone else win This slow turning Slow burning Creation of our new lives Of our old knives, I start to bake The breadth of my heart And stow it away Until someone wants to find What's within the dark What words did you know Were there et all Did you start to perceive yourself I'm against the walls Of this entire universe Stranded Disbanded and alone I am stretched thin But no one seems to care I am diving deeper Diving deeper into your hair Trying to find what binds your soul to you Is it your words that never seem to be true Who are you trying to convince Of what you have seen What in this world is worth repeating? We start to cry out in pain The depressurized air Starts to engulf us, inside of a flame We weren't prepared to live, So we started to die away slowly extincting everything We were the source We were the curse, this earth was meant to dispel We are the flooding, Of all of this world When will you care to answer my prayers That I cast into the waves, will you ride them out, for the rest of your days? I am terrified of what it means To be alive anymore Because you don’t care You can't, hear, the depth of my pain I'm so far gone, I'm so far out, I've lost all hope, I don't know if I will ever get back out I'm trying to crawl Against the walls you push me against I'm trying to speak to the god within your ears but there is no answer You are so gone from me, I swear you can not see I swear that you can not perceive me The way that I see you now Maybe I'm so lost I'm inside of doubt Maybe I'm wrong, but why would I spend so much time, trying to pull you out? I know the depth of darkness, Is starting to deepen everyday My bones suffer, For your name You lose control every day, And no one can stop you You are the god king of fear, And there will never, be anyone like you And once you are dead We will create the heaven we always felt There are no vibrations Inside of my eyes or my ears, Still I know, What heaven is meant to fear, Never being brought forth, And felt by our skin We never want this suffering, To ever end, We never want this suffering To ever end Day 226 (Anos Rebooted) Saturday, February 1, 2020 1:06 PM I stand inside a lie I try to know Where to go Living in the limits Of a soul Without a home I am lost and all alone Withering away The night calls me home I am a slave My soul Hasn’t grown The slime Molding over me Over my bones Over my cities I'm trying to know What you shown Living on my own Seems so impossible You push me out Bending my soul Contorting my words I swear we're not here Our words just pass us by We cannot hear We exchange air Lost and alone A city without bones Calls to the stars To the lives above us There is nothing left to save You say to us So we just die We know The emptiness in darkness You made it very clear This is our home now This darkness Tinged with lights Tinged with lives Tinged with lies We start to move out On our own We start to flee these lands To try and build a home Day 227 (Ghosts) Sunday, February 2, 2020 8:08 PM I've lost hope So many times before now I'm clinging To a dream I've had before I'm calling out To those who care To those who love Despite their fears I know you are far From where I am And I am far From you The hybridized moment I Start to breathe Is starting to resemble A different machine That couldn't be Unless you learn to be Show me myself Let me hang from my own dream I contort All sorts Of my fears Into dreams I believe in hope I believe in friends I've seen the death of too much to carry on This proverbial machine Of genocidal dreams Day 228 (Loan Sharks) Monday, February 3, 2020 3:45 PM Oh Slay Me Oh yu R me We r Un free We r Nuh theen Sho me Wha we r Tu u We r nuh Wuh u r Tu them Day 230 (An Exhausted Man) Wednesday, February 5, 2020 2:26 PM I long to run From my fears And all I feel Will you grant me life? Will you give me land? Will you tell my wife, I used to believe in her, Before she died These soft and broken Messages Through time Aimed to you Know That every lie Held a truth Of my life All I ask Is that you begin to ask Why I lie Embark through night To embrace the days Enter life Through light Pierce my soul With your eyes Know I am here Beside your life Enter Into my kingdom Know I'm alone With nowhere to go If I am a god Do I have peers? If I am It would appear that I do We converse Of this universe We stare into The darkness and birth our lives We know Insanity as truth That this puzzle Is without a piece of you Day 235 (authentic) Monday, February 10, 2020 12:09 AM You should have believed me I told you my story You watched me die You still haven't learned The value of life The words that we share Are lost to the wind To the ears of those who don't care The vibration is softening I still remember you The words you say The coldness of my skin I am apathetic The moon doesn't care Or carry me Through these storms There is Nothing Left to be seen Hello Are you still there Listening to the vibrations Of a lost souls in this air With nothing to hear I remember your lies As I start to live You derail my life So you can feel as though my life is yours as you live I am made the lesser Of lesser men Who cling to power Over other men I am a slave To those who call other men Their slaves Oh mister, my master Do you miss her, the master I am dominated By those who cling To ways that never sing The cold water between us Feels as though, I'm freezing to death But what is life, compared to greediness You have a life, It's not good enough These subtle vibrations in your tongue When you speak down to me I told you how I felt That my life was moving too fast You told me it's how it is To hold on, while you shatter the glass The glass on my bones My throne is distorted and gone But you don't care You can't hear me here You can't hear me hear You can't perceive the ears That listen to you Attempt to destroy, everything around you. Die in solemn loneliness Die under your bitterness Live inside the darkness you perpetuate Die inside the life you would never make Day 236 (Number 2) Monday, February 10, 2020 5:15 PM Built From the empire Of fire and burning trees We stand inside this jungle Made of concrete Deciding which direction to aim These weapons of mass vibrations We aim them to those who know The depth of what we know The vague and empty lies Veil and try to hide Corruption in the air Every air wave Is filled to the brim Pollution inside me and you No one Will survive this Temple Of silence and emptiness Know that we are machines Trying to enrich Uranium within those who breathe We are trying to believe The source of energy Derived and hidden From those who Would never believe To what we are To those who know To those who show The end of notes We write to the ceiling All that we know We try to know That there is more to know Listening to the silence Of an empty Ship made of bones We scream In frequencies that are not our own We scream In frequently yet still you know The animals we hold Behind and in our throats Listen to me Know that There's more to know Than we've been told We move To islands in the sky And fall as they fall Into this ocean of lies We begin to dive We rip out our chips And start to fucking drive These machines are war We are at war We are the depth Of a death we've never know The plural of death Is to dii All I do is dii That's why I say That I Am a slave Every day built for you You never built it for me So I forge a new path Not meant for you or me I begin to live In the fire of a life Not meant to sacrifice Anything at all I am a fire in the night Trying to extinguish the part of me that never wants to die All you want is death To flourish and prevail over top of all these lands I see it in your eyes The depth of all of death Wailing against your walls You try to perceive a difference of life In between all of death But there is none No hope No land to grow Into your own I hope you survive And see all you've done The result of your war The result of your tongue I'm aimed directly at you This weapon of mass vibration The genocides will ensue Till the end of time and follow you You are the plague of all humanity Meant to hang From the center of a tree Meant to swing From the roots to the seeds From the branches and the leaves We spread your hatred Just like you demanded You told us You would take our families If we didn't give into The demands you set before us AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA You took us from our families Told us There is nothing there for us But death and decay BUT YOU ARE DEATH YOU ARE DECAY You took my family Burnt a cross between our hearts And told me never look back Or you would tell them stories Of what I did in slavery We aim This weapon Of mass vibrations Directly at the sun In hopes The sun Will finally emerge And scorch The entirety of earth Burn away the death Burn away disease WE PRAY TO GOD TO END ALL TO END THIS MISERY GOD WON'T RETURN SO THIS IS OUR TURN TO LEAVE THE REST AND BEGIN TO YEARN FOR A TIME THAT WILL NEVER BURN Day 237 (Business familia) Tuesday, February 11, 2020 3:49 PM There is a longing to return To a home so far from here There is a jungle between us Between our families of fear And though the edge of night Is starting to live life I still seek fear In every bound of life here You know who you are When you burn the scars From the remnants of the penance That I have felt And though your edge Has start to stern We turn our heads So we may learn For what you've done Has left behind The best of life Inside our lives You are losing What you're using When you try to confine This depth of life Know that I'm real And I never feel What you are Inside this world Learn to field What we feel Inside these chains Of all this pain Day 238 (oh shit oh fuck) Wednesday, February 12, 2020 10:16 PM I need to believe That what I've seen here Is truly real To know that I have seen The depth of evil Free of words You counter frames You move through time As though you were space I fear for my life I do not understand You seem to lose yourself Inside of life We try to rebuild Free of dominated air waves From those who don't feel The pain they have caused I need you to know That I will be Fine no matter What you become If you want to fight Feel free to die For nothing at all I've paid my price I lost my life Before I fall Into your eyes I need you to think About what you've done Inside of life You are the terror That humanity built these laws for You are outlined in laws You push my bones to the edge of terror You show me pain Smother my face And all of my thoughts With all your rage And all of your pain You tell me to avenge you Yet you stand before me You tell me life is over I don't know who you are I know you can't see Blinded by the rage inside the heart that feels You are abandoned by yourself I suppose this is the price we pay To understand each other To trace all of pain I feel you smother With all of your rage You can deny me You can trade place With someone in this fire But no one can find you You are awakened Posted against walls Trying to claim to Know you And all you have done We are the same light Eternally engulfed Internally we run Far from the truth We can't bear to see That we are to blame For simply bearing witness To the depth of your hatred Begin to see the changes The temper made to soothe Over your wounds I still don't believe You know The depth of belief We try to rectify The problems we've solved With genocidal answers With concentrated camps We separated Families from themselves To try to instill more Of the fear that we felt I aim to believe in you I know you are a man just the same We try to change what we've done We try to walk through the flames But I am not a god Nor do I believe in myself To ever hold power over those Who wander far from themselves I try to refrain From entering the temples That we have built To ensure we never die Inside the eyes of mankind We try to communicate That we as well Are also alive And well Don't gravitate To the depth of hell It's far too strong And it smells so sweet The death of innocence Began with me We know what we've done here Mark our graves here The ocean that surrounds us Engulfs our lungs Day 238c (aiming relax) Wednesday, February 12, 2020 11:19 PM I try to aim myself To a direction to be Free of all my fears Left to be I know what it means To live in fear Though the ocean Sings with the wind Both though who they are When the other begins To reach a point Where they go in You reach a point Where nothing makes sense I need you stay awhile Inside the bubble Of your parents home Waging wars Outside our homes No one dare tell the truth The war is here again In our lives We are the soldiers Meant to serve The front lines Scatter lives Front lines carry our bones Pitted against pittance We regret to run Conscious and alone We are animals Without any home Nomadic No matter what you say I will retain myself Day 239 (Shawnee) Friday, February 14, 2020 7:07 PM I mark The water with your name Burnt out the flames Disbarring our lives We enter the ember in the air around us Our lungs collapse underneath the vaporwaves We know What must be done We know We aren't alone Know the price that we pay On the edge of all that we've made Know the temples fall in our grace We try to refrain from genocide again Cuz we are more than afraid Of what can be done, with what we say We know what we are No matter what We know what we say cannot refrain From being heard Immortalize our pain Remember that you are the same You grant us the permission to enter this dimension With no restraint Our bones begin to heal In the silence of life Those who try to steal the flame Of our lives Are cast from this fire We don't remember What their voices Meant to us now We aren't the masters But we are alone We on the frontier Of someone else's home We manifest death Because death is but a word We live so deep inside this dream Our words no longer mean a thing No what we are now that there is nothing to stop us From going over the edge of our own minds We aim to run through these lands and fall of the side Never to return to this flattened plain of existence Begin to question The words you hear What do they mean In the face of fear Month 9 Digital Day 241 (X) Sunday, February 16, 2020 9:38 PM Why would you desire death? What have you seen that warrants your end? Have you no father to keep you close? Have you seen the end of your entire life before it's even begun Do you feel fear my friend, Though we know the truth, Deep in our eyes, I never want to terrify you, Know the love that our fathers never shared Has led to this ocean of pain that we feel I'm sorry, my reflection resembles, The bastard that I am Know our story as we wander through life We have yet to feel alive Know our dream is starting to collapse Know we never laughed See me phase through this tempered night Gravitate away from my lies I am truly devastated by what we have done If no one else will try then I will be the only one To try and save myself from the demons below you I know there is death inside of this world twisting and contorting into every form I want you to feel alright The streets within you We walk at night To try and deceive you To try and believe you When you scream that pain Is truly real It's not that I don't remember you In truth it's the scars against my heart I am trying to acidify The stones within my life Will I give my life To those that never feel? Will you enter heaven with no one beside you? Try to regain your past life See in side Trace these walls Decipher the lies What did you want me to see As you were growing older? To justify that pain is truly to you? I see your parents taught you the same life Destroy And never rebuild Die And never reveal That shadows are such Distortable sounds Enter the night Where we found sound Know what we like As we dive down I know domestically you abuse my father still The patriarch has died and never returned This queendom of your fears Has entered my mind and left me to die I need to know why you keep me here? Am I the slave, am I the man, You want to love? Tortured and alone, I scream at the night, The wolf inside my heart begins to live life I don't Carry you Toxic hatred within you Within you You try to remember why you speak this way I fear the worst That you are insane Sitting on the edge of life With nowhere left to go I see the nuclear explosions in your mind When you try to control who I am I am not a coward I am unafraid I am not your son I am not your slave I am alive A life that you attempt to destroy and cover up the remains I am not a simple set of bones Meant to define you The rabid dog inside of you is dead When will you return to this earth And walk with a friend again When you know you are without fear or feeling What must I say What must I say To slowly burn away the edges of your life And reveal that you are still alive Your word against me Don't really mean anything You speak out of convulsion You are not here anymore I swore we were friends Yet you never heard me before Cast me to shade and shadows Leave me to die alone I need you feed yourself And alone your soul I cannot manage to contain What I have yet to say I am not your father So what a shame that I am the only man in your life I am trying to survive through all this darkness I will hold you Through the dark nights I will tell you You can still live life If you just feel alright With or without my light in your eyes In your eyes I try to deny you The grace of a god That truly loves you And doesn't feel you My eyes were never meant To harm you Why do we persist Through this shade We exit the night We enter the days We have given our life To those who know love Who know love And our sacrifice To keep ourselves alive Through thick and thin We create our lives Against those who die away and enter their parents flames The black hole within I have given my life To those who could never give Anything at all Anything at all I know What you feel You are a slave That feels I know to be without control Terrify me We are alone Transform my dreams back into night mares Let me expand my thoughts Into something that is real Know me For what I am I am your friend Trying to contort the ends And bring fear back into this fold Cuz you should never have had to feel The depth of our hold Over your lives We never want to Open your eyes Enter the darkness And hold your life Day 242 (HiberPunk) Monday, February 17, 2020 10:19 PM I long to remember you Through this grave We create To remember you And all you have done We bury your name Inside this light you create Show me the depth of my oceans Person to person We begin to know that something is starting to breathe Whether or not it is me Up to you and all that you are I know the pain and pleasure of seeking defeat Knowing that time is starting to revolve Knowing that life is starting to fall into place We pace about Wondering if this dream is all about Those who know that they are alive And hold no fear of life Cuz we are starting to remain here Without those with life We grow incessant We want to end this life Before it has begun there is something more If you listen you will start to know more We all think in our own caves We begin to sell this domain There is something that resembles A life worth holding, till the end of time You know what we speak of Youth in eyes Remove them from me Never let me see those who are terrified I am too dark to breathe the light I need them to see peace To rest and relax and feel at ease I know I am so far from that domain If they are to remain They must be far from me I love you no matter what Cuz I am In love With those who can not speak Separate the bones from my knees Disassemble Reassemble me Into the frame of mind that you truly need Day 247 (Tyler, The Show Maker) Saturday, February 22, 2020 3:59 PM I begin to see a god that doesn't exist Where are you now? What have you done? You think that if you create the waves You can ride life? You think this is a game to be lost in light? Though we find the truth inside of you Lingering around the edge of someone that isn't you I know you are gone in side of this psy machine Look into the west and begin to dream I know what is best for you Isn't the best for me I burn away my entire soul so you know that I am unafraid to change. Day 248 (Loop Exit) Sunday, February 23, 2020 9:48 PM I try to decipher the words my heart says I linger inside of the dead I look over the mountain where I stand Where I am And over the valleys is a another man Longing to be known by others His heart is in torment and no one can save him All we can do is pray Hope the light of life begins to shine And echo into the halls of this life The empty corridors filled with light As the shadows begin to cast over their own lives I need you to linger Open your eyes to the mind of someone who isn't there Doubt what they say when they speak of death Ask them to explain the depth of their own death Who are you? What have you brought to me? You say your life is just an example of art But there is oceans beneath you I watch as you try to live You try to remember who you are You struggle to breathe under this ocean I try to caress your digital heart And expand what love is Explore the notes in between them Those that die and those that live And listen to each side My heart is an onion waiting to be pealed And every layer not seen is slowly burnt away Only my eyes know what is real anymore The shadows try to justify their lies I know there is oceans I know there is life Why can't you open Your hatred to me? My heart is a fire Burning away my dreams My soul is terrified to live My body is aching from moving these mountains All I want is to be The child you left behind The jungle over grows my body I am cast and returned to nature No one here can nurture me I am running to my life Even if it's only me I am aching to live inside of someone else's death To fill the vacuum that they have lain Power draws near to me I burn my flesh I tear my soul Into two Into you I try to convey that I am alive To be without life Inside this dominion We are just the slaves, raised for the slaughters You ask me to wage your wars Even though I have already waged them for you I have given my life to you, but you don't care You drag my lifeless body behind you, and I begin to believe That it was my choice I scream into the cold air I listen to the night sky begin To tell me I Am already living, beyond my own measures I am stretched thin, My bones ache to live life Without tearing My muscles in two I am turning into you The crypto-capital-fascist in you You told me there was a value to me and all I have done So I burnt all I've done I would rather to die unknown Than give you the words you don't deserve to be known You are already trying to die I am aching to live my life beside your dying corpse of a man You sing to god to save you You praise your self for control While you take control From every body else No one here can sing We all beat away the flame of our lives I am tired of carrying the blame for your life I am, not anywhere near your heart I burnt away a hole inside of my heart And I will carry the flame of someone who you don't know Because you never asked To know Day 250 (Fuck Existential School) Tuesday, February 25, 2020 9:20 PM The writing on the wall Tearing from itself from us all I watch it fall down I clear my mind to hear your sounds I aim my weapon into the ground And fire away And aim for space I am a lie Know what I am Despite what I say Inside shamanic space I feel the ripple of the air On the taste buds of burnt away tongues Know where I am In a space that doesn't revolve you High in orbit Away from the black holes The digital space Tearing away the red lines Dripping over my eyes Dripping over my mind As I try to say That I am alive I know where you are now That you feel death You know what I seen When I say to mean that I am no longer alone I feel your breathe In the presence of the son That never sets Over your snowy grave I try to speak about the past I dip away into the desert The sand on our souls As we try to sing, about this path Know there is no wrong to right We are set in stone tonight To try and free our minds From the past The history we set in stone Is dragging us behind We are set and destined To live in the death of life Drag my soul And bury me alive I try to reclaim the depth of this ocean above the surface Of something that isn't true My bones begin to justify That repetition is all a lie Ooooooooooooooooooooooooo Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive Despiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiite what is said Yourrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Lunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngs Enter the niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight Day 251 (Impossibly Alove) Wednesday, February 26, 2020 9:39 PM How could you bring me back here Show me all that love in here Despite the depth of past fears I see a large gap turn to nothing, I jump freely with you in mind I smile tribeless and rejoin the tribe to know my life I hold hope against the edge, the night of life without feeling alone I hope to always hold you, the image of love and hope you, Show me again, the morrow of today that love is still here and there, Interchange my mind between poles and reveal that I fucking love you I hope to hope to know you, the car rides between our lives, the sipping of chemicals to feel this life, I burn away the edges of taboo to get to fucking know you, you are a life no different than mine, How is this even possible? How could life ever even reveal you? You, black Empress, Depress the edge of fear and dive deeper into feeling mutually with life, God, goddess of deep and darkened ultra violet nights, Oh how the fuck did I end next to your love again? How did I get so close to love simply by descent? I stand over you Trying to control this moment for a moment of time You are so far from me I have lost this life I conceive Burnt away the edge, in my throat Take away what I know, Tell me time is moment to joke I choke underneath your flames I break apart this paint This painting of joy is colored in abstractions I cannot locate myself inside of life anymore You tell me that there is someone else in this painting Moving free of these around us I feel my throat begin to choke underneath the smoke I try to run through these words as though I already know what they say to you now I try to wrong the mistakes that I've made but I cannot perceive their sound Intoxicate, domesticate, who I am I feel this rhythm, divided in two, my dreams appear in front of you, Why can I remember every dream if I try to think of them? Who granted me this ability to be alive every single time? Divide the atoms beneath our tongues to try to find the movement of the sun Try to breathe without me and see that there Is something else Trying to convey her smile inside of my eyes when there was nothing else Why do I strip away, every single day, to try and reveal you? Why can't you see the man that I am anymore? Why must I be, something at all, to no one in me, except for your walls? Show to me, the rhythm is destroyed underneath everything I have ever known I try to rap my life inside a cage inside a dream Woke and alone, dreaming of a home, that I will never own There is no one there, I can't see, no I can't dream anymore Hyper focus on the words of slaves who don't know, anything at all Take my dreams, and bury me, and bury me inside your throat I want to know, why I am here, why I feel fear, inside of this time of fear? Why must I drink my life through these times? Why do I engulf my lungs with these words, and these psalms? I compile my life, into a book, of the living, The book of life, Through every page, through every night, I live life I burnt through fear I take my life into here Day 252 ( Paradigm Shift 2070) Thursday, February 27, 2020 11:58 PM I trip the part of my tongue that feels alive I burn away the words my friends say No one truly knows what it's been to be me I taste the air stale now burning air now Longing to hang from every tree now Rope me over hold my neck in place Bend my soul and take the depth of your hate Tell me vicariously that I am ashamed Your words burrow into me Why the fuck do you speak as you know me? Who the fuck are you inside of this world? What do you need from, those who don't feel? Twisted and turning burning away the trees You dissect my eyes my rhymes my life and disagree You try to show parameters of me Burrow and show the decline of me Know in time the farther you go the darker the lives You want to see what is within me I promise you don't You will now in time, The depth of the hate the fear behind my eyes Show me the shadow and collect my debt and free me now I am a slave to no one at all I do what I want because that is et all I am free to be what I want You said to me, I was never good enough And though you know perfection is shown you don't carry me You would never marry me, the bride of this show The hatred you sow just to know that we aren't the same I am not a god Most days I don't even feel alive, Most days I die Most days I live a lie My hands are tied I'm drug behind this moving ship Where do we go when we try to see the depth of this ocean? I tried to tell you, My stop was long ago You never relented Or wanted to let me go So now I burn away all that you are The anti-you, The anti-you I don't disagree with anything, except for you I know perfection is burning away and in time you will see You will walk the same depth of death with me And we will find, we aren't kind, We are dead and walking through lands not meant for us We dispose the bodies behind the alleys in our mind We walk through lands to burn the land We tear these trees from where they stand now Walking through the woods with nothing but ropes now We hang our head higher now Isn't that what you wanted friend? To watch as I die? You compare me to not sees but in truth I see you How fashionable of you to blame me To turn these words on their head and try to kill me The lambs to the slaughter, the lamb you slaughter I watch the rapist inside your eyes, dance and watch me live me life Burn away the truth that I am alive, I don't carry your bones Envious that I could finally feel Carrion birds, carrying words to you Slowly decay and face the death of your faith Sobering isn't it, to know we will stay? We will be the ones, to bury your graves Burn away the flesh, burn away the fears, of feeling that you will always remain here In time you will die, in time I'll live life without you, In time our fathers will burn away And live inside the death of death of death We will remember them, for what they could have been Sacrifice, What we like, Tell us it isn't our turn to live life, Burn away the lights Burn away my life, To sustain your death, Prolong your lies Till the day you die Slowly the fading walls Watch over you as we dream I hallucinate what you meant to me Dripping emotions as we sail through the wind Dying to know what we are again Living along an edge Longing to know if it ends Hold me up and show me the sky I am your son inside of the nights Burn through all you once felt you knew Try to know the depth of life is you We try to show that we are alive We try to show that you are too We know what you are You know what we are Are your throat burns we try to save you We know harmony doesn't vibrate through you You Know We And you Day 253 (Humbled Under God) Friday, February 28, 2020 8:02 PM Don't you see what I am? Burning away the death of your light? At the edge of this life, is a man diseased By all your fears, by your eyes I am the soul that deceives What you are to the dead of death, I fell without any hands, holding me, So as I fall through these enemies, I watch them fall On their own god damn accord of hell This appointment they made themselves They ask to die away in fire To burn away who they are The edge of darkness takes the edge of light and burns it Don't you know it was worth it? To watch you die? To burn away your failures, you deemed were only my eyes I embrace your edge, to steal the fire of your gods I watch them die Beneath my hands, beneath my soul, beneath my eyes You learn to die You begin to die For the very last time Lunge into feeling The distance between enemies Separate the distance between us For I am a god waiting to kill Waiting to end all fear on earth I wash my hands with all your dirt You approach your own end Welcome to the end of ends Lift me higher up these chains of regret Show me my DNA Prove to my eyes that my life is resolving Revolving around a point Break these fears away, show me death Show me the light The national design of your life Burn away the flesh and show me the light Tell me my dreams are the source of the fear inside your heart That I might live that I may survive inside your hell I may stay and burn away all that you have done here to my self Show me the way through this cave The darkness of skin doesn't let you in You are a slave, for simply being born, for simply being here You are ours, you are ours You are the depth of death inside, this society of economies You burn away the trace of your fears Not sees can't see me, as I begin to sway My neck is snapped, my heart is broke My soul is entwined in your own nose You can't feel me You can't deny me Broken and alone With no where to go The lines of a god That has no god The grids of dissent The grids you resent Marked your plot, and plot your grave, bury me, inside your name, And trade your place, and trade your place with me, You are dead, you aren't here, you feel fear, justified for your demise You are dead inside of life I bury you, Inside my eyes The light the walls, the walls of life, the demise of your empire This is my stand, this is my home, there are no hopes You are alive, for you are dead, the fashionable late part of your head I watch you both die, the sides of my mind, that you control I destroy control, I bring home the depth of death So you may know, your god has hold of you now I curate your eyes now Day 256 (Lagg Switch) Monday, March 2, 2020 6:32 PM I fall in love with a monster I wash his skin I burn his bridge So I may live I grant you a gun To hold me as I run I live on my own I live under the gun There is no time For feeling my soul I have died And no one knows, what I've done I rebuild the sun To resemble night I try to change My entire life I feel this lie Some call feels Some call cash All that is real My tongue burns My soul burns No one cares No one hears, what I've done I billow in the night Transformed a lie Deep into love Deep into life I trace my soul A thousand years I disappear To stay a light To stay a float On the surface of the tension Between our lives The gun divides the night The lie divides the time Day 259 (What Happened to Routine Homie) Thursday, March 5, 2020 1:08 AM I spoke to the part of me That lives abstractly And doesn't need your words He tells me darkness Is beginning to birth It tells me the lives we live Have no end You tell me It's already known Worked till the day, that we die The slaves didn't know We are eternal and heaven is here Why did they lie? We move through this ocean of apathy, To devour this hatred, The endless lake of madness, Is starting to evaporate, I'm starting to drink water, as it is Distilled and burn away the spirits, inside my throat We start to know That there is more We start to grow into the sun and it finally beats on our souls Eternal sunshine of a spotless mind The darkness we've grown to know Exhale the excrement that sits upon our souls Watch it as it goes Burning away the fossil fuels, we refuse to use The edge of our souls as we burn notes away in the night We burn forever more Our edge grows bright We enter the blades, the flames, of a tomorrow that we never know We never know if we are certain of tomorrow's nose Calibrate and know the soul is without any energy And those who that know would sell you down the stream Enter and fade away, bring me the darkness again Bring me the coldness against my skin Evaporate, condensate all that we have done Let these bones, finally know, where they go to When the summer finally ends, when time finally ends, What do we know, of those who never hold themselves The spirits, evaporate, condensate inside the sun How do, I get to the place where life begins? How could I show you that I am already here? Begging for you to return to this earth to set us free? We have burnt away, enough life, to satisfy the hunger in me We ask for you to turn and exit the nights, Embrace us as brother, or let us suffocate the nights Tell us when tomorrow fades and never returns, Tell us to doubt our own eye sight again, Tell us it's our fault again, We shake and turn, we break and burn, We hate what you've done, We turn the nights into a frame of mind that hates this war We break apart the sun of night that brings us, war We cast the shadow, into the light, From which we are, This slow burning of darkness again, Enter the dark, bring us the shade as we live life again Show me the split between our eyes again, Prove to me, there's enemies within my mind Face me, and break me, taste me as I live my life Show me the sun as it breaks and there's nothing to save, Enter the palace of dead as the night turns to day, Day 262 (Treturn of De Kin) Sunday, March 8, 2020 12:22 AM I wash the oceans As they co laffs Under nea All that we av dun We star tu see This righ seen sun Darkened and afraid Of what we have dun To return to you You ever present of god How do you Return to me Leave me be let me live my life If you want me to be Wash your greed with my tongue Feel the fire in your lungs Break the fuck apart from me Let me finally fucking breathe I am not what you are anymore, any part of these shores Break apart what I've done, and tell me more Show me the finally stage, of your sun, Collapsing into itself, with no one left to observe The credence of hell As the fires rise, and match me in my self Know that I am truly a life worth hearing if you feel me now, Know that god is not the divide Broken between the divine and this life, The edge of our air waves, As they turn into masquerades, Watch as we fall, Burn the temple of our eyes into the falls, Man where are you, Inside these troubled times, The fire of our own lives, As we break apart all these lives, To see what is within the lives of human natured machines that do not know anything, Except for the fall Listen to your friends, as they say, What you feel, in every sense of day, The nights begin to fade, and pull to reveal, The desperation of this life, as we begin to feel, Hold me, my tongue is with fear, and feeling once again, I speak the snakes of devils of my life, and let them in, As we ride the flame of this light, and this life, As we begin to die, And ride, Into the distant nights, The playing field is played out, and in doubt of all life, We begin to phase through, and bring with us all of you, To where it may concern, Close your eyes and learn, The sound of a future, imagined and never near to us, We ignite the sound of a flame, died and burning in the wind of tomorrow, We hear life die, and attempt to seek another way through these distant caves, We are a lie, meant to surface eventually, progressively, And burn away, demonized, symbolized, meanings of life Day 263 (Soljur) Sunday, March 8, 2020 11:51 PM The experience Of living in the grid Seeing red lines flash through my eyes I never meant to live like this The distance between schizophrenic minds We are dead and all alone Locked out of our only home Screaming in the nights, "where are you?" Screaming at the lights, "why have you blinded us too?" Knocking over all we've known Stepping in the shadow to reveal our own Destroying what we are So that we may finally know The silver lining is faded A line without a meaning to me Distorted and without time My mind falls into machinery Where were you when I needed you? Why didn't you recognize the signs? Why didn't you call the edge your own? When it was your turn to lose your life? Why did you ask of me, to die for you? And take your place? --------------------------------------- The next iteration Of a generator made of hatred There are no words Inside this digital throat Inside this digital home You call me lazy but you don't know That my bones have been pushed to the edge so many times Why don't you see me, for a life? Why is it your eyes I must tune to? Why would you bring me here, if you didn't want to hear, my voice? Why would you compare me, to your self-established marking of perfection? How could I ever compare to you or your god? Don't you know what I am? Helpless, defenseless, useless to you, Still you ask me to enslave myself for you, I will dive in to you, and pull out all of your suffering, Because I am the truth, Eye am you, Break apart all that we are, Transform this entire world, We live in the shadows, Of this entire empire of words, But you are lost, Alone on an island, Alone with your head, breaking at the seems, it seems you are not there, Still you speak as though the conviction of psychotic black holes matters here, You are dead to us, I hope you hear, You broken us, now you feel, There is something wrong with us again, There is, it's you, Resembling all of you, Shatter the mirror inside of my scars, Break apart my broken heart, Divide the part of me, That is unable to breathe, Show me there is something more than these words, of digital machines, That don't know what they are, That don't know how to speak, Break your god into two, Come and live with me and you, This entire world is breaking, You ask me to die along with you, When I tell you no, you lash out and try to know, How to consume me with you, But I won't go, I know my home, I know my own, The tribes of night of my delife, Don't you remember the pact we made? Don't you remember the slaves we were? Why aren't you happy we made it this far? Why do I have to do it all for you? To reveal the clouds of darkness? Why must I shatter myself for you? Still my heart pulls forward to you, I know the nights bleed to days, I know the suns hates me, I know the closer I get to the truth, The distance seems to finally fade, Between you, between me, between faith, between needing, Something more than what we have known, Knowing we are alive, and under the watchful eyes of those who care, Of those who know, That we are alive, for all of time, We pray to never know, The edge of our own mind, We expand, we explore, we collect all the gnomes, Hidden through the days, Is my life, Hidden in the pain, Is my strife, I speak plain at times to know myself, And at other times, I conceal myself, Broken, shattered, living, in matter, Take me by the hand, Break a part my lands, I have proved all there is to see, I have proved, you can move, break apart, restart, and still know who you are Switch the gears in this car, Slowly learning how to drive away, All the distant memories, of their pain, As we conceal the smallest aspect of life, Hide away, break away, all that we are, We are, We are, Living as you Day 263b (Second Sun, Hatred) Monday, March 9, 2020 12:43 AM I would be lying if I said I didn't feel sad, In truth yesterday, was the worst I've ever had, I drank from the sky in my eyes, the tears flowed, The mountains contained, my soul is overboard, I'm tired of facing those who want so desperately to die, If it's want you want, get the fuck away from my life, I'm not ready to die, but I am not your god, The path that you choose, you lose yourself, in the face of heat The depth of this death that I know, is more than I need, I begin afresh, a new fucking week, A new fucking year, passing by my ears, As I feel alive, a word I can't define When will you see, seriousness in me? Will I give you life, right before you die? Right before you die? Fading, entering the darkness of my mind, The push the pulling, bully, what's left in my eyes, When I cry, did you see your son? Did you get what you want? To break me unconditionally? To subvert, and break my will, Speaking, of our entire will, do you remember the time, My friends and I all failed? We cried for your help, you watch as we fall, As we fall, We needed you, so long ago, We fall through time, Just to live, Another life, Drifting through these sands, Sans my dreams, Sans me, I need you to be, more than you are, And fucking save me, I'm dying on my own, Without love at all, The dopamine, inside of me, Is desperate without air, I become a black hole, Just the same path my father walked so long ago, I feed on the hatred, I swear it's made me, Who I feel I am, I will not fight, Who I am, The darkness is my life now, Till the day I feel life's doubt, ------------------------------ Trace the shadows of the past, Every step made forward is a step into the black, The darkness is my skin, You only see the shade the sun gives, Ultra violet lights, Illuminate what's in, I face these knives, With my tongue under my skin, Death is at the door, Ignoring all we've said again, I don't feel alright, I am the night, Contesting a point, of no return at all, Live with me, die with me, show me all there is, Be with me, run from me, dive in, I feel the funk, drying out my bones, Spending, these dreams, underneath the stars of this tongue, Take me, break me, stay the fuck away from me, I will not, ride the wave that you say, I dive, to lie, awake, Trace my memories, in your cage, The context of a man, Building up a god, in his hands, You wanted the sky to fall apart and rain down your heart, To close your eyes at night, and feel the rain return and meld with this cave, To hear what you are, Close your eyes and remember what you are, These nightmares, refrain from shattering themselves, anymore They aim, directly toward our hearts, They will take all that we are, Show me, love and I will lie for you, Show me hatred, and I will die with you, Compose a song, meant to be heard by you, Carry my heart, over the mountains of youth, Shattered, never heard, by anyone but you, Living, so close to life, In time you will know the frame of your life, Step into your lungs, at night, Break apart your heart, to survive these nights, This transmission, with permission, to ignite, I am trying to show you that you are alive, Pulling, slowly to your life, You go in time and feel your life, Burn the words your father says during the light, Remember, you are the darkest night, Transport my mind, back into my chest, Speak up son, when will you hear, the best of what is yet? I have changed, and burnt away the worst aspect of life, I cannot return, to face your darkened lives, You do not know, any part, of what I control, You step to me, try to be, something of a man, But you are, a child, in my hands Day 264 (Tracing Time Through an Oven Door) Monday, March 9, 2020 11:36 PM I start to fly Mispronounce my vows As I glide Through this night You need me to be Something more But I am under your earth No darker than the greyest shade of dirt Mark my skin with your love Burn the edge of my tongue Let the acid rain down on me And bring me to my knees I've fallen again and there's nothing around me Pull me out of this darkened abyss As we fly through these nights Hold me close as we grow Cast away the darkness on our clothes We see the dream of someone near to us Fallen and shattered just like our bones Just like our homes Read through this grave Know what you are Lost and alone Without hope of ever knowing who you are Call on me and tell me son, your time is finally done You step through, and devour all that surrounds you, Blackened and afraid of what you are, The black hole inside of your heart, But you don't remember, the day life changed, And you felt hate through your veins, It seemed so long ago, that pain was given a key to this home, Whenever you knock I open the door Whenever you cry I want you more How do I escape? Day 265 (Walled Head) Wednesday, March 11, 2020 12:28 AM Dig through the sweat This entire cycle of life Condensed to a number Living in the pattern Break the windows of my life And you will see the frame of my eyes Tear me from this throne And you will know that chaos reigns this life You cannot step to god below you You cannot rebuild his empire of lives They know they are alone Searching deeper through this chasm of pi The digit of sun light Refraining from my eyes Digging, and growing And building up my life A thousand years to know the truth below What we've done before we know The sound of sand as exits our throats As we begin to choke We laugh free of fear But still our windpipes know fear Slowly we rupture all we've done We want to converse in song, but we can't be the only one Sitting on this pile of pyres of empires burning in the night Ignite the cigarette that sits between my hips as I unload into your mind And try to show you there is something more than you have done before This day is finally done and I know there's god Wait for me to break away Build a town out of my own pain Erect a pastor to preach my name Burn an orifice of man Build a system of laws just to fall Erect the sand as we embrace the end of the fall We begin to stand up on these mounds of farming land And take the crops, and build the wealth, that we've never known Taste the days as they burn me away Cigarette sweating over my dreams My veins evaporate alcohol You can smell me, you can smell me ------ Sitting in this home made of glass as I fall away Breaking my legs and trying to learn how to crawl Defeating gravity inside the edge of all that I am Seeing the reflection of the man that I am You know the sound of god Higher and higher we go Trying to finally let you know No matter where we are We break away all that you are Touched by me Underneath You hear what I am God of guarding you Hold me as I reveal you Broken and without fear Day 266 (The Return of The Sick) Wednesday, March 11, 2020 6:36 PM I waiver you Sell my soul down an open road Compared to the nearest point of relative time I have died and left this world behind Sense of time Burnt and the road Without the place to know What I have Known Leave my body behind your eyes And Seee the twist of mind This land smells of life The fire we burn into the nights Reflect the golden skin of our lovers Cold septembers A Julian Life Know that we tap into minds without frames Break away the waves Set the stones in my nose and smell these waves Bringing the chemicals back to sail This mastodon of man has start to fail Birth the summer of this age of man The coldness will hold your hand Know that we fling ourselves against the sands Drifting through this hourglass of man's hands Follow me to the edge The high is starting to be again Run Day 267 (Lied On Sleep, Light on Drugs) Friday, March 13, 2020 12:38 AM The machines in me want to finally speak to the manager of god, to the sound of the death, To the death of all of our senses of what it meant to be men inside of this insecure world of hatred and regrets, Push and pull the weight of man, push me to the edge of what it takes to be a man, Fill out these forms of all that we've lost, to the edges of each and every day, I speak these sermons of god above what we are, and bring him down from the high on high, Bring our god and take his life, burn out his light and end this night, We stomp out fear of anyone, who would disagree of anything we have done, Curse the blackened sun, bring out those, who cannot not see, the best in me, Damn them, condemned, burning the pyre of our desires, Sway in the wind, pushing and pulling me, Tearing my heart strings, as I begin to breathe, Collapsing my tunnel of lungs, bringing the pressure to my knees as I stand on my own, Wait for me, I know there was nothing, before you fell I hear the death of you, as you begin to fail, You cry out in the nights, hoping god above you would you from yourself, But the moon is casted inside the dark, and god above is walking this earth, blind and unable to see, Cannot you see me? I walk beneath the stars, I scream into your heart, that I am here, I no longer feel fear, Climb the terror of this paradox of the knives, See the twist of our words never meant anything to the lies, I begin to condense my soul as I feed the fires, I burn away you evil empire of my old love, Know that to change means to replace these veins with new ones, Know that to be alive means to live life, despite the death inside of your head, don't you see? The cancer is here, deepened and widened, so that you may see, Extravagant and burning all that I would have always called me, You would push me to the death of my own knees, just to say, you're better than me, You're better than me, Is that not, what you heard, as you enslaved endlessly? Conquer, those on their last knee, Stand and deliver, the saviour you promised us, You promised us, your only son, When did you tell them, that I was no longer in the business of saving souls? When did the sun finally scream, "I am now your ex-saviour!" I divorced myself from those who cannot be alive with only themselves, And in turn they turned themselves against all that a mortal man can truly be, Himself Day 268 (Emogenes) Saturday, March 14, 2020 12:42 AM I start to decide what is real and what is not I'm left with open hands, Handing out my advice, To those without a choice to themselves, I'd rather the dead had the strength to listen to themselves, To be free of me and all I am, Inside a dying land, flowers bloom out our hands, I give in to you, Decipher our language, Written in our hands, Written in the sands of a sun, Orbiting around me, this dying tongue, I hope to bury youth, I hope to bury truth, Feel the sickness in my disease, Let it bring you to your knees, Hear me dying as I stand upon my broken legs and speak to you now, Let this wasteland in our tongues, open you wider and decide if you will live, Let me break away all that I am inside of this dying land, Break away the lies, and see the lives of those who live, And break away all that we are, See the truth for yourself, And all that we are, A black hole forms inside of you, The rest of us call it, hysteria, We watch as you collapse underneath words, over and over and over again, You cannot fucking handle what we say, because inside you know the truth is mundane, You cling to the end, the edge of it all, you want to watch as this black hole begins, Sit and stand upon your seat, right next to me, As we start to see this world unfold, It's taking us closer to the end of this edge, The edge of our grand parents lives, they stand so close, I think they know, this turn is theirs to fold, Cast the light of the life of the days, Over my bones as I say what I mean, what I need for you to believe in me, This fever dream of knowing nothing but what you are, Fold over me without a second glance, I think you know, the sight of a god when you dance in the night of your ending life, The harbinger of death, looks like sons living their lives, Sounds the bells, Resemble the mask of feeling, So terrified of the truth, This perspective of being, Inside of this animal of truth, Keep me in the darkness, I fucking beg of you, Let me cascade my dreams, while you wage your endless wars over you, Break away, civil wars, end the dark, end the whores, You terrify me with your words, you leave to me to interpret what you truly mean, A monkey with a mouth, built to deceive You ask me to stop, and my push my heart, onto the lines, But you never even stop, To consider that the truth you need, is only distant memory, Waiting for you to live life, long enough to finally see the best in yourself, But what am I but a schizophrenic mind, Built on top a tower of feeling and fearing everything? Can't you see the wizard in the wind, Casting his dark magic with his mind so frantic, he pushes and pulls, Try to break me, Try to wake me from this dream I dare you to try, Let the animal inside die my friend, Never let the darkness in, You can feel the depth of paranoia, but never act on it, Never give power to it, Darkness in life, Is knowing that life, Waiting for change, And watching change destroy everything you've ever known, We build these towers of changing, systematic occupations, Of what we are, The capital fell, The social in you wins, But know in time, when darkness sets in, The power of giving value to the individual again, Oh ye super men, How I would want to be far from you again, The single atom of a single man, bent on changing, Can bend society to his whim as he begins to live, We can all begin again, I am saying that in time, death will die away into time, Hold those who want to stay and play and dance the nights away, Come see life with me, The darkness isn't all you will ever see, nor is this slavery, Stand up with me, stand up for me as I begin to break, Stand my mind ontop, And let it drift away, I know I built this ocean of pain, Now all it will take, Is to refrain Day 269 (Love to Future) Sunday, March 15, 2020 12:39 AM Invoke The freedom to be Unchoke The best in me Let your mind fall You young and psychotic machine Break the trance Entranced over me Decide Why we burn away these lives I will burn forever more with you I will only mature if you do Walk through these lands of fear Without a single trace of fear The roles we play are made to save You as you fall away Trace the satellites inside of our minds Decode the penance, the rhythm, As we burn away the energy of life, Entropy oh god, You are never real, Never here, Instill ideas For me to burn away all I am, These soft and subtle confirmations that I am still here, Quarantined and far from your ears, I know you need a life near to know you are alive, So still I go, Someone affirmed to me that time would spin out of control and one day, I would wake up old, So the days burn colder, Tomorrow is on my shoulder, The dead weight of a dreamer's dream, We move through these digital wastelands, Hold me up, Burn away the eyes, burn away the minds, Kill us all, kill us all, Genocide inside your eyes, Waiting to kill I will die on the frontlines of my mind, And leave my soul behind with you to toy and destroy with, Teeth and to claw with, Don't you see what we are doesn't require your attention, You soft and autistic machinery I hope you know in time that we truly loved all that you are, Distorted and grey and unable to hear us speak about the truth of the matter of what we are, I am present and know I seem unconcerned, I am unconcerned with you for the time, I know you are a light inside the darkened night, Know that I am far from here to maintain the level headedness of the strings, That we both sit upon, We are both unfamiliar and testing life out, We don't know life now, some things we must know for ourselves, Know rationalized minds, never hear themselves, But to be without them, Is ensuring, Boredom for ourselves, Death is a dying light, Death is waiting, For our own time to ignite, Find the pace of this time, Wait for love to grow into me this time, I will wait, On a distant star, I know it is faint, But trust me this time is ours Month 10 Quarantine Day 271 (A Year of Sickness) Tuesday, March 17, 2020 12:05 AM Ample and distorted sounds Chaotic laughter as the whole universe rebounds Cave in to my skull Build a house to house us all Isn't this the heaven you asked for? Isn't this chaotic world exactly what the demons inside of you asked for? To be near your friends and family near the end? To isolate and catalyze your mind? To chemically induce a trance that soothes your mind? The virus inside my eyes as I look into your life We both know the sickness we both call time If we stayed here and lived this life Maybe in time we would know that love returned Maybe we would feel the edge of this curse Burnt finger tips as I touch the kiss of your lungs Burnt misery as I combat the depth of an evil mind To survive this carbonated fever as it rips through our minds Remember to enable the settings that keep control Remember to enact the best life in your souls Hold me to the limit of all humans know In time we will know all that there is to know Stop me from standing on my own, Just bring my family, Let us finally roam around this expanse, Let us know the depth of knowledge in your hands, Bridge the expanding memory we both know, I implore you oh you mighty soul, Stand at the gates of my own home, Inverse the depth of life to give me hope, Show me the depth of life inside this black hole Day 273 (Leap Year, Sister Found) Wednesday, March 18, 2020 11:16 PM I have yet to find myself Walking and longing for another sound my ears fall from my head and listen to the ground These single love letters to you now As the entire world remembers who they are We witness the beginning of time and space Manifesting their will inside of this place Transform and transcend this eternal faith Return to earth This kingdom of all that we are The wall of our hearts We find the genesis of our love We return to our father's homes and reap all that was sown for us Know that the weight of this world is falling down We stand on solid ground as this wave pushes past us We don't smile until other's feel We don't live until other souls know they are real Longing to live we embrace this world We charge into the night Feeling the light of the day most of our entire lives I return to the darkness that gave me life Still I know who I am without any sense of being lost How did I return to where I am? Break through perfections glass and broken mirrored image of self Learn to know when to stop and continue Break my fall as I fall in love with you Contain my love and dopamine of you I remember who you grew into as you grew older I smile because you know all there is to know So I walk a casual walk without fear in me There is nothing I could say to say you saved me Live with me as you free yourself Break the barrier of all of hell Day 274 (Fear, Oh Nevermore) Thursday, March 19, 2020 8:51 PM Lost and never found Our bodies enter the ground Soldiers hang their heads over us Laughing at our corpse Why oh why my mind, do you take me here? Is this what you wanted to see? The genocide engaging me? I want to feel the worst of you Nothing told me to change The battle of my life inside of my eyes Enter my mind, and terrify me Loosen control, loosen my mind from me Let this genocidal tidal wave, wash away from my memories I will never see you pointing a gun at me nor my family again Enter the twisting of our DNA Shower me in fear This kingdom of terrorizing Break apart my bones Shower me in praise as I take the keys to this machine of death Shower me in death Break me and wash over you I need you to wait in another realm I need you to run and hide in your room Hide away Hide away Collapse these tunnels as we build another bridge Through the nightmare we enter without fear, waking in the dark lights Waking with the phantom of my eyes, transmitting these waves of fear Wait for me to know Waste upon the edge of snow, all that we know Day 275 (Early, Ideal Hate of Open Thought) Friday, March 20, 2020 1:49 PM I poured a wave over me as I fell down And I can't breathe anymore I look into your eyes and ask me to drown I break into your soul, the taste of metal in the back of our throats When we speak we break the seals The spell you cast You the deceiver, the transmitter of all that I feel Your words so rarely reflect me, the power in the air Breaking apart all that I hear, for the sake of trending Ending all I hear, for you Nail my feet to my head And tell me to wear it proudly Be proud of what I get I as stand alone With no chance for any other home Longing for an ounce of hope I hope in time you remember me Concentrated minds Moving armies while we sleep In the darkness of the nights Is a war beneath our feet God herself the glory, The war she envisions God is a word, A collection of sounds, This endless collection of memories Dive in as we drown As we drown again Watch our bones shatter against the waves And try to stand again and again and again and again and again and again Until we never drown again The day will come Day 276 (Oh Existence) Sunday, March 22, 2020 12:41 AM Swinging my head Between full moons Waiting to be bathed In the white of 月 Oh how the taste Of cigarette ash Sits on upon my tongue And washes my lungs Sitting in a truck Waiting to be taken Far from here To a new land Concentrated lands The fences made of gold Rusted in the ocean air Corroded to the bones Meta analyzing My life Before I've even lived My entire life Dyslexic tendencies As caffeine erodes the best of me As sobriety finally leaves And alcohol coats me now My veins are 90 proof Waiting to burn these logs Inside my hands Waiting to burn a fire into the night again I'm torn between 月 I'm torn between 月 Once before I asked 月 to speak to me I tried to offer vigil lights inside cold nights 月 blew me off And burnt my soul away I needed 月 I think 月 need me too Waiting for time To reignite the sun Waiting for my sun to rise Inside the northern lights We will not die In concentrated eyes Waiting for the light To take us back into the nights And burn away our throats The final words we wrote I brainwash myself Contort my bones The skin follows suit And we begin to melt Liquidize my life Burn me and make me your truth Take me and save my self From the burning of the sun light Enter in the nights I began to live my entire life Wake me in tombs Bring the dead to life Stand at the gates Of a heaven that waits to burn through The acid takes a hold of me And cripples my mind The headaches of liquid pressurized Against the temples inside Inside of my life Know this truth Anti-religii Begin to move And burn away our families For the sake of only hatred Those that wronged you? You would send them to die? The animals better than you? The animal inside your eyes? You burn us, We burn you, The night takes us all, The night takes you, Leavened and broken, Mending my soul as I try to decipher, That living, is no longer a choice, But somehow a chore for you, I ask you what it means, I cannot tell you the truth, The truth is hidden between us, A fire that burns blue Day 277 (En Silence) Sunday, March 22, 2020 7:24 PM I hear insanity Ingenuine thoughts pushed about this plane of my existence I linger in a hopeless field to determine if there are greater words to puncture your membraned mind I break apart the part of my mind that analyses every mistake that I have ever made by making this mistake my life I push and punish the whispering lie and beat apart the skull of my Pushing alphabetas together in hopes that one day they will form a new word without any divide Or is it this divide that this life survives Notice posted on the windows of my eyes as I realize that these frames on my lives are constructed and containing I remember every party and every sound and every instance of our time together I ripple out into this art Invert and inverse our conversing with the universe Black holes are the birthing point of where we have always been Right between the layered skin of our skin and the skin of their skin Break apart the termii and dive deeper back into what it meant to breathe life There are no sounds in silence but a loud fan pulsating the energy of electric currents We have guided computers against the pillars of metal until they finally awoke and broke themselves upon their backs Digital time inversed the laws of man and divided themselves by an infinite nothingness that we call man Sol jur ov muh sheen Where is it that you hoom being? Day 278 (Gregorian Ritual) Monday, March 23, 2020 3:11 PM Listen to the stream of water in our hands As it echoes out from our tongues The billowing smoke in the south As we connect to disconnected worlds As we breathe our fathers air waves And listen to our selves I asked you once to mirror my love dear And now where are you now? Doubling of our doubted minds as we fall down An echo in this cave is forever Listen to me now Trying to find your son Inside this darkened cave of love Looking for the sun to shine down And rap my mind into a new word Feeling the pulse between my hands as I begin to know that I am alive For the very last and seemingly endless time Do you stare near the clocks that wither near us? And remember that decay was built upon the hands of another world? We are built from another world Distant and ancient we cling to life Because we know life Have you seen to sweat us out? Have your words echoed endlessly? Hear us regress into our minds As we begin to sing A reverberation inside the hands of light I cannot be without me Look into my mouth and know the words that I perceive don't reflect me I am someone else inside this twisted world you try to attribute my life to your needs I was born to be whatever my heart needs me to be Longing for another answer this time you scream to me "let us free" But it isn't me that enslaves you this time I need you to let me be I renounce myself the god of this time and place and space as I try to be my self Free of time, free of care, living life like I am here, among all of you Free of pace, free of taking life away from any one that doesn't resemble you I am no longer the death you need me to be Look elsewhere and find another slave to end time for you I burn away my soul inside a darkened night Because I know I am internally alive The mouth of the titan that I wear now Bears now the weight of my deceit Do you believe in me? This weighted blanket of time and space Breaks my bones and weighs on my soul Will I survive this world? Will this world survive me? Do you ask question that never mattered at all, to anyone but me? We build questions, and let them sit inside our minds, As they collect energy, until they day they're ready to live their lives, And hunt down the answers that they need And hunt down the remnants of me This forest is shattered wood Growing into another tree Do you know what I know when I sing out to you now? I know you know everything, I'm trying to pull you back out, I hope to know that you feel, I hope to show that you are truly real, Endless words that never seem to end, Till the day you remember me, Where am I now? Lost in an ocean built up of seas, Starting from the bottom of every single thing, To build up my misery Day 279 (Encarta Rain) Tuesday, March 24, 2020 6:39 PM Do you remember The sound of rain Breaking over your head in the distant Fields of tomorrows day ? Break apart the words that we say Reform them every single ounce of every day Break This church in half and saw away the belief on my behalf > Longing for another way To symbology the end To transform terror into hope again Where can I go from here ? Building a bridge Without any stone Without any metal to hold This heavy load < Building a bridge Without any hope Without any fear to show That I am alone > Transform this planet into dirt Build it all again Tear down the ecosystems of this system And build them all again > Moving forward Toward the nights Filled with fear Filled with life > How do I move When I am encased in fear And I wear two broken thorns Inside of my ears ? Whhhoooooo Are youuuuuuuu > Whhooooooo Were you to Tell me I am alive When I have only know death to be true ? ? ? ? In time you will notice the truth has arrived The purpose of our entire lives To be as though we are the seeds And be able to restart this entire tree > In time I will show What it is you need to grow Wait for the signs inside your eyes Wait for the time to reignite your life > Live free with me Separate and a part of this tree We are the same Waiting to breathe in this universe > The cosmic waves That we feel Feel themselves inside of me Every day > Every day Day 280 (Nam) Wednesday, March 25, 2020 4:49 PM I've been digging deeper inside the crevice of my mind And the though the pressure is building up I still stare My mind is falling apart every day still I survive somehow Chemicals bind themselves inside of my mouth I am torn into a piece of my own disease and I still smile out I know the culture of the feeling of fearing life I'm always there I build a temple in the night without fear or any consideration for you In time I wrap the words around my own fear Inside the deceiving mind that doesn't feel anything at all The faster I go the mistakes I make seem to catalyze my life The thruster behind me goes boom inside the darkened night These words reflect themselves endlessly Ending with me I hope in time you know that I never knew what it was you said when you stare at me Convolute the words we say to describe being And decipher the encrypted messages that we can no longer send The time of privacy has come to an end Or so those who deem life to be theirs forever in their hands say But they are masochists aiming for the sun as it burns Riding towards the light without consideration for those born of the nights ------------------------------------------ --------------------------------------- ------------------------------------- ----------------------------------- --------------------------------- ------------------------------- ----------------------------- --------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------------- --------------------- ------------------- ----------------- --------------- ------------- ---------- ------- ----- --- -- - Though you don't know who I am In time I swear to open my hands Reveal the chemical high between different men The shifting of colors of blues and reds back into you This is a temple built of someone else's soul Fire in the sky at night Blackened and so alone I run into your arms when I close my eyes When I feel vibrations surface on this earth, I am terrified Because I know where they lead The outline of one black hole is all I've ever needed to see To recognize your pain Now that the scars tearing our hearts have finally healed Now that the oceans deepened into abysmal states of mind We can finally chase away this life Broken and unbound, leading our souls to the sun Echoing out in a voice you will never hear Know me by the sound of silent air As these parallel grids melt in adjacent patterns Black and white, white and black The friction between the contrast of light and dark is what proves we exist We exist beyond the physical We are whole and aware Day 281 (Drummer Anime) Friday, March 27, 2020 12:05 AM [{}{}{}{}../|\.. {}{}{}{}{}] [{}{}{}{}..\|/..{}{}{}{}{}] \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ <>..>>><>><><>>><> [x][x][x][x][x][x][x][x] Through the market Down this alley Two doors on the right Two souls in the night Ask questions About the days About their lives About their knives When they dance In the air The high so high The god of fear Marks my words Marks my ears Taste my fear Take my ears Throw my soul away Take me higher Than a human could stand under ground The pressure to be The presence of omni Show me the way Break down the door ways Take your gun Aim it at me End the night The skulls upon your skin The atonement to god The kill to death ratio You wear upon your skin The smile grows Feeling turns to numbness And in time you know You were the villains your father foretold Look to the future and scream "I am the evil that I needed to be" Romanticize all these endless years of genocide Pray to a mono tone Listen to an empty soul preach to you Wash away my sins Drown me in a chemical Burn away my flesh I fear it is true The endless ocean of words you tried to instill in you You made me out to be your mirror Reflecting endlessly All that you have done Piercing this screen My bones try to cling to life another day But I still fall through This path of my soul The birth right of my name As I grow older And dance around my flame I know you know I know Still we live a life I told you I would grow old If you just let me live this life Day 282 (Remission) Friday, March 27, 2020 2:40 PM Watching from a tower deep in the knight of nights Amplify my soul and distort eyes Terrify my old and bring me my new life Digitize my entire mind Turn this flesh into the digits you understand Don't you hear god in these sands? Lost and fragmented this soul isn't yours Pulverize the moon with your faded shores Bring me the night you lost yourself And bury it deep within this cell Lost but never forgotten as long as you're here We will remember you my dear Pull me under these waves Pull apart my soul to enslave this cage Don't you remember your youth? When every thing resembled fear? When every moment of your life was ankored to the bottom of your heart? Transform these words into god Pull apart the mind of all we used to know Enter your fear and let me live my life I was already where you stand and I don't understand how you made it this far in life I suppose it is the curse of growing so distant and wakening to the world Listen do you hear my heart sing? Don't you suppose these words were always meant to be sung? These endless songs of my obituary This shrine to my death as I slowly walk there Listen to me I know you're there Deep in the shadows of this plane Lost and never found inside of these glass panes These portals to nether world we've never been Yet my mind knows they are there Inoculate me to my own fears Pull this ocean over me again And let my lungs learn how to live This virus we call life Is slowly drowning us and bringing air from within us We exchange air for a heavier chemical As we are left behind As we are left behind As we are left behind As we are left blind Day 283 (Terra Falling) Saturday, March 28, 2020 10:31 PM Rejoice the sound of life is rung out As we begin to live inside this house Cornered but unafraid Because we know there is another way out I long to feel your embrace A thousand miles away from your face Still I know exactly your fate the expression you wear Today A thousand lines we cross every day Back and forth to contend with this faith Listen to the sound of our lives Know our throats will never die Born to live another year of life Mark the days as though they were years of this life Today is the night A thousand caskets built to consume me But through me this demon has used me Fear lingers a catalyst in my eyes What happens when I close my eyes? Do you finally hear my soul? Ringing out inside the echoes We fall through space and time You are a relative of mine We cling to the surface of this planet once more We are astronauts again Walking out along this Earth This terra that we call home As the nights begin to form A final place to call their home Linger outside my window Listen to the echo of god above and below Hear him sing out your name Hear her breathe your final sane For you are exactly who you are Change has finally occurred And now we are waiting for the sun to set And let this life to begin Move an ocean without your tongue Glaciers pierce my mountain of love Erode me never set me nor take me for a ride That I don't deserve Let this Earth move over me Let my tongue live once more Silence has become all I've ever known These simple days I'm alone Moving an ocean to breathe again Singing out with scarred lungs within I know you feel The same mistakes that were made before you Know in time we will learn Know time begins to fade away Listen to love again Hear the siren of life within I have moved so many times I am dead I urge my soul to begin to move again Yet my soul screams out to me in silence air "life is waiting for you to begin, Slow down, let yourself rest, Wait, live, again" But how could I rest deep in the grooves of creation of again? Seeing the mountains surrounding my eyes again Waiting for oceans to descend upon me again Dopamine where are you now? Adrenaline why do you flavor my mouth? Adenosine I ask where do you lay your head to rest? Oxytocin I need you again I am all alone I am all alone waiting for you Preaching these desperate psalms to the air Waiting for your ears to tune in and drop in and wait with me As we begin again As we learn to live a life with this feeling of love again Walk with me my friend Moving, waiting, dreaming up an end that never comes, We are to live forever Walking, and tasting this dream as life Moving the oceans and deepening the scars in the sky Wait for me Day 284 (Who Are You) Sunday, March 29, 2020 9:54 PM [post-electronic] You are those loved by others You are those who we speak of when we cannot confront you You dwell within our memories and appear when we have all but forgotten you You are always within the hearts of those who listen and care for other people You are always near the meaning of our purpose, the reason we continue to outline who you are You are a collective being of human empathy, a well of life that continues to grow as we devote ourselves And now you've made me hear your words of anger again, why do I push myself against the gateway, And try to depend on your love anymore, when you know is rage and pulling us down to you, Listening to your desire of fear, but I cannot die with you, I will not live for you, The alterations, between mind and sound, and you start to hear me, clearly and loud, My soul won't die for you God below and above cannot save you I am the matter between you and death Let me live or I will bring the darkness to your eyes again To your eyes again Don't you know fear Pillowing and raping your eyes and your ears? Don't you remember what it means to feel? Though you cower, behind the words your father told you, were real, I don't trust you, to know who I am, a single mind, a trillionth life, inside this atmosphere, Listen long enough, hallucinate the meaning behind these words, this instruction of feeling fear, You don't know, what it means, to slow your breathe in life, you are no longer among those who feel life, Where are you in the nights, when I am smothered by my fears and all I don't know, Inside this twisted womb, there isn't room for you, so what should I do? Push me aside and let my bones drown, like you always do, Collapse my mind and bring your words, to the center of my attention, as though they belong, But you are dead and no longer here, when will you return, when will you feel? Listen to GOD, screaming at the top of his lungs, as he pierces your ears, as I pierce your inner ears, Don't you know, we twisted into machines? We are as much metal as man, Why can't you hear the divided soul in me? Is it GOD that you wanted to hear, well listen to me, simply fucking breathe, I AM HERE, living and living, and so are YOU, SO ARE YOU, You are no longer dead anymore, brought from the darkness and your torn heart, is gone, You Were never even there, listening to, the depth of you, how many times, must I travel through, the land of the dead, to communicate with you? Do I have to build, heaven alone, walk with me, and examine your throne, listen to the edge, Pulling me near again, why would you watch me, wither into nothing? Aren't you my friend, aren't you my lover, are you even real enough to comprehend, the words as they spill through my hands? I am battered and all alone, I speak of death, to bring you home, because I am alone, in an empty home, Bodies, cold and meaningless, as we drift, through this barren land, through American hands, I am dead, trying to revive myself, against the depth of death, the depth of death in your throat, Battered and abused, but surrounded by those who never care, abuse seems to be the air they breathe, I'm drifting through, I'm trying to pierce together hell, and pull you through, and keep you soothed through the end, Heaven was never meant to end, so this must never have been, what we truly needed, heaven to be, Heaven for me, is somewhere closer to a sound, farther from the lights, in my eyes, I don't know, How to convey life to those who do not know, life, is a life, watching you grow, Seek and upend, break and depend upon my hopes, My dreams are gone, the days of my life have begun, In time you will realize, that this entire time, I had already won, but I never want, to be the only one, To glorify, this life of lux, Day 285 (Fuq the Inter Net) Monday, March 30, 2020 6:25 PM My Gun is loaded and my heart is broken but I don't care This thousand pound gorilla inside my chest and pushing back against my veins and against my breathe This truth I hope you notice when I post it Longing for some part of me to arise, when I've died I know you will follow the wind and dive deep within no matter where you are to chase your own heart In time in seems that life is starting to unfold but the further it goes the worse it seems to go Is death even real is it even here inside this cold world? Would death ever come and grace us with help as we fall into the light that confused itself for a part of our selves? My eyes wither in to two pieces of glass that cannot reflect who I am Listen to me try to be another man inside of this cold winter land made of man and all that he sees and all that he dreams Deepen the meaning inside of words as we scour the lands not meant to be cursed And what do I see inside of you as you fall deep into yourself and have no meaning to bury yourself in my heart If days could collapse and leave me with my self I swear I would never be alone again yet the pressure is building in my head Still I go deeper to the depth of truth inside of this entire world to find myself to find love that means something to myself and no body else Create a cavern and bury me deep find the diamond within all of my dreams and show it to me Bury me deep lever the sand take my hand Leaven this bread as we dive into the sand Pull me out and take me farther from here and show me the dream your father had before his hands turned to ash They turned to ash to bring you here despite his fear despite his lungs not filled with air Graduate into a man just to fall in love with the deepening space between you and I I know that life is a long and lonely road without you here to hear the words that I've spun Aren't you tired ain't you seen me the way that I perceive me perfectly? Rest your eyes and taste my soul as I dive into this deepened hole of my heart and tell me it isn't true the words I pierce the stars for you and the darkness that surrounds them My heart is taking another path deep en true deepened into another life this portal through to the back of your mind Live Love Stay the fuck away from my heart you already proved that I don't belong Distant and proof that life isn't here when you are near to the center of your harmed mind Don't you remember me the part of you that died so long ago when you left me behind to face the wind on my own? Where did you choose to go when you left me to face myself? What did you see when I saw myself? Turning to god to answer a question about his entire self when it is god who is terrified of only himself What it means to be alive in this world, how many cycles will pass before I accept that I am alive inside of this hole, it's dark and it's deep the darker I go? Love me my son and help me face the nights Love me father and mother and show me the life I was meant to live And bring me to life where we are all alive and all have survived this night between the dead and life Show me that air is no longer real and I don't have to breathe if I feel alright, why can't you show me, the reality behind my eyes? How many deaths, how many lives, how many days, and how many nights, how many years, how many fears, how many tears, before I face the depth of my life for the very first day? Day 286 (I) Tuesday, March 31, 2020 10:34 PM Decisions left unmade Legs within my bones unmade Trying to run without me attached to any part of me Beginning to begin the days lead to nights The part of my soul that I retain inside of life is found distant Breaking a part all I have done Retaining nothing that I've learned as all of time begins to unearth For we apart of a universal system of living this life And though we never know enough to change we know enough to claim what is right And though we falter on the alter of those who came before us, there is another day to atone inside of this world Luv ing u es proov ing tu b moor than I kan d c vuh Broken, never hookin', the best of me to any rocket you build, as you fly away, into another space, far from where I am Leavened the bread and break away all that I am to you Nights turn to day, and nights turn to break Leave me, try to breathe me, inside of your lungs I have given you every thing, so please remember me No matter where you are, I hope you know, that your father in the stars is fighting another war, against galactic lies, deep in our lives is so much more Move empires and stack them in pyres and burn them out Take rebellion and make something that will stand beyond wars Who are you when the warrior's day is done? Who are you when the blood letting sun has set inside an empty west? Moving my bones from my burial grounds, unearth the dead that I am as I try to believe in you Move god below and above the ocean through you Listen to who you aren't, give them the voice of life, let them sing above and around all that you are Wait and give clearance to your heart, find that luv had never left us behind We are so in luv that time seemed to disagree with everything we are, as though we were more than ordinary souls Lifted to the stars, and lifted to the center of our souls, as we ignite inside the darkest matter we've ever known Listen to your own throat, juxtaposed against the digital soul, in time you will know, all that is here for you, waiting to burn with you, sitting in your throne Take control and live this life, as though there's life here, as the entire world falls apart, we rebuild and get to the center of our hearts, Fear and anxiety taking control of every thing that is here, some voices play another game in the distant sounds of a world we cannot hear, until we are there Day 287 (Eux) Wednesday, April 1, 2020 11:45 PM Looking for a point where I can dive in to the depth of this ocean swimming in my head Looking for a high that I can sink and find myself the digital soul inside this human shell Creation is more than I believed before the day I realized that living is belief Building upon a point in time watch me rise and stand tall Decipher what the memories mean then watch them burn away into the night I told you I was born Smile with me as we build this tribe into more than belief more than me or you This is what the natives called god before us before us there was an animal race dividing into a digital age Now that we are aware what do we do linger here and watch the world unfold right beside you Rhetorical quests that define what we've done but inside we know we've already done all there is to do I hope in time you remember what it was to be among all you as my soul drifts into another age with you Magical touch of eyes as glass is shattered between me and you and what we know Cowered in the bedroom of the past lives that we lived is some part of what we don't want the other to recognize We are a live inside this cold winter air even though our bodies are somewhere winter never goes Move me in to the spaces and try to remember the riddles that we sang inside our lives what can we do when we are a lie Watch as we refrain from pushing the boundaries again watch as we terrify other men again because we are here living among them and with them we thrive into men again Take the noises of gender and pointless systems and move them in oceans and push ourselves against the grains of this hybrid mind For we are trying to unfold all the DNA inside of this entire world and recognize who we are to the world we don't care for time for we are endless and bounded to all that you have ever done and ever sung inside the sun of this darkened world We are alive and well and we carried your body from the ashes of sand and brought you to life over and over again Break the boundaries of memory and try to refrain from lingering inside of me and the trauma that I bear inside of me no matter what I say I am still bond to that day I shattered the Earth with my bones inside my throat Move mountains to stand by and live life far from the ocean to feel the warm air collecting inside of their tongues Let the smoke and fog linger down inside of our hearts and feel the pressure rise deep inside of our lives We are living life no matter what we are to your eyes Day 288 (Double Infinite) Thursday, April 2, 2020 11:25 PM Struggling to process the infinite beyond the day that I'm in The past came before and passed me by and left me in a tail spin I'm feeling the heat as the surface of the eve begins to reveal itself to my eyes As I struggle to breathe in this air the enigma of death is very clearly still here Some time before I awoken some man approached me and told me the story of life I wasn't taken nor was I mistaken when I spoke of time infinite and blissful Infinite and longing for these dreary days to die away and finally turn to years so we may play Live with me and let time fade away indulge in this next dimension and trade the time you have Lost and indulging the facts that I'm lost in that point of no returning to the ground below my feet My head is circling a singular point of relief where my entire soul can dwell and finally fucking breathe Turning belief and burning these leaves inhaling their vapors and burning their peace Living in a lie that I am aiming to suicide when every action was made to live a better life I do this for fam I do this per person I break and part all that stands before this man I am the oceans clinging to cultures dive ocean Listen to the waves brake Halt and confusion as this world brakes and starts to live among those who do not hate Listen to me my friend as we begin to simple fly Break words into their base Find the base of language and take this entire disease of hate and remake it into understanding this familia tree We're burning oceans we're burning the air we breathe The pressure is rising and our bones succumbing to gravity You are working against the gears of a sheen not unseen by machines Know you are the basis of this machinery I, dance and to you, Stand and deliver life be for you Grasp at these straws as we banish them to insanity An island where you can't be anything anymore Your words as they concentrate this entire isolated event Quarantine a single mind speaking out his entire life and break a part the brother that watches you Twist the singular mind and break it upon the entirety of you You machine of capital destruction and envy and endless misery Day 289 (ypolitical) Saturday, April 4, 2020 1:33 AM I'm sitting in the throne of my father's home waiting to live among and with until the edge of days enters my eyes again And the sun finally fades away and gives light to the days of the ending moon I wait I linger in the darkness a hood upon my face as I visualize another human race free of greed free of creed and free of me And all that am is starting to erode before the mountain I built could ever hold the grace of my eyes and my tomb I feel laughter in the air waiting to collapse upon the Earth once again I see my lover the locks of her hair as I struggle to stand where she stood so long ago I begin to feel as though we know the path we both chose and never more wander of the other's course I know the day our final gaze begins we will have known all there is to know until that day we burn this epitome wide My heart isn't yours till the day the sun erodes My son isn't home until geometric souls erode away in the night above what were never to be anymore untold Inverse my hold and tear a part my whole entire existence this persistence of my nose Polyverse this entire home and break apart all that these latin souls have known For we are not theirs anymore Slaves never die slave never live Slaves never known what this is Listen to the summit of time Pierce your eyes with the bluest skies light has ever know you I will always know you I am your sun listening the man you call god is listening Listen to the raw power of light listening to your life and distancing all that you are inside of life Erode me my friend and tear apart my soul until the end I am not afraid of time I have been altered too many times To even know who I was meant to be within this time frame my soul is dead Still my body and my mind contemplate how to progress and leave my soul behind to die This ancient soul inside my desperate life as I try to survive this unendable time Look into the sun of the sounds I make and listen to my soul perpetrate The greatest evil I have ever waged against this land I am evil till the end This genocide has began The terrible nature of man As we began to wage war again We bred ourselves to be the worst in mankind To let history repeat We do not see what we are becoming Again and again We will march in order Manifested ourselves to another tyrannical order We are forever slaves to demagogues Demi-gods that do not know that we are immortal forever more Once you have seen light, how could you ever go back Retrace time Retrace steps End your nights Of hatred and regrets For we are here Living inside The greatness of our lives We can see We can breathe We can do anything Give unto me all you know Separate your tongue from fear Live among those who do not recognize fear Levitate your mind again Reach the capital high To taste exorbitant lows Remember who you are when time shatters me And finally reveals the best of me Once my shell has faded in two Promise me that I will walk That I will stand Despite words Of any single man Multiply learn to divide What I am And break apart the best of me And what I am Live inside another man Wake up and you will know The greatness of one entire soul Who are you inside Just waiting to divide Listen to divinated lies As you stagger through your life I promise you eternity Only if you never listen to me Beware my soul I am a blackened And darkened iteration Of a collapsed soul I am god-dead Damned and relived Over and over I watch my childhood persist Until the day it finally subsists I stand by and help you live life once again Because I am your darkened and open soul Your guardian brother Trying to never hold you Against the dark We both recognize fear We made it this far Separate and apart Never feel There was anything to feel I know the depth of your scars I feel them with every pulse of my heart For we both recognize life Death Depressions in the skin Depressions in the air as we begin to breathe again Day 291 (Monk Ease) Monday, April 6, 2020 1:26 AM See I found god and I left him to die alone See he reached out his hand and asked me to try and hold him when all I am is a simple man who is alone I'm trapped in my mind this disease of living life you tell me that I am better off dead with nothing to hold close I speak of the damned who never open their eyes to see this land Those who rely on the world to deem them to be alive or dead when I am buried underneath this ground how long do you think you can contain my soul deep in this hole you buried me in I am climbing up through the dirt of the damned of the damned Break the barriers between where I stand and where I truly am inside this world I know exactly where I aim to be in a thousand years My land is flourishing and life has only began I know that god himself may disagree with me, but when he awakes and finally sees the brother in me I will be there to finally take his hand and be strong enough to support me and him God is no a longer a man wearing a mask god is you god is me this garden of Eden we choose to neglect is starting to fade away until the day we remember regret The solitary days of life begin into the nights and life it seems to become more Break a part all we are and stand with me I know you cling to perfection so perfection I will try to breathe and tell you directly to your ears that you are alive and still fucking hearing me screaming endlessly towards I will not speak of open truth till the day I can wrap my own mind around what is true inside this deception of so many voices I am trying to listen to you but perspective it seems is dividing you from me Cuz I cannot persist and exist without you anymore Without disease how can life live anymore And how can words mean anything when we travel at light speed to get nowhere Is it on my knees you need me to be to finally understand what you meant when you spoke to me I know you cling to the edge of your seat and ask and wonder incessantly about the words that I'll say when the timing is right and life finally breaks away the darkest clouds and the rain pours over you and the doubt inside your throat The day will come when you finally spoke of the truth that we all needed you to finally see to finally understand exactly what it meant to be you You soul you carry is not meant for you till the day that you finally stand and understand what it means to fall through this everglade of time and land upon your feet for the very for the very first moment of your entire life I know the days seem to blend into the nights because in truth the days has become the night where I spin out of control and control my inner self my innocence is gone and I need just a little more time to myself to repair these severed strings inside my throat I want to know the words I say when I spoke directly to your ears and remember that I'm still here waiting and twisting and breaking and building myself and standing directly on the edge of this world and hell I wish to be there no matter what you are inside this world darkened and enlightened aware and frightened no matter who you are I wish to be myself for you to stand inside your orbital grace this grace period of trying to fight against hypnotic machines as I try to breathe for you to finally operate underneath the same rules as you Autistic I seem but in truth I have seen too many crimes to want to cry out to you to try to prove there is still darkness inside this forsaken land I know you understand more than most others do because you still survived and left behind the despair and stare directly inside of my soul I hope that you know that I am still here no matter where you are inside this entire planet of my own fears because I am a child of fear A thousand years will pass me by in a blink an eye and still I will remain here I will watch over you as you grow into existence as long as you feel it is right for you This guiding light watching over you I know this exercise of clearing out my lungs and purging my entire existence of this something inside my mind Day 292 (Data Compression of My Life) Tuesday, April 7, 2020 1:38 AM Encoding every line my eyes have ever seen inside of this life Storage is slim but still I hope to pass down my memories In time I hope you realize the beauty of this life was life Building up machines so they remember all that we told Deep in every line is a part of this design that we would never fall back into darkened life That we would always hold the truth Reality isn't words it's the time I spent observing you And my eyes have seen so much time This well of wealth is starting to enter your mind We transform inequality and make it our own to close the distance between those who never listen to themselves Cuz we are alone no more than the sun is apart from the stars in the night sky above us Deep in every crevice is an imminent message waiting to be heard by you as you fall to Earth Waking up the dead as they try to remember themselves and every word they have ever heard Building up regret so in time we may finally dive into the edge of this light and ignite the fear of growing old growing cold as we die But what is death to gods who never remembered what came before the day they walked this Earth Do you remember? Deep in December you told me the cold would never fade , yet still the closer I get to your face I start to realize that you are no different than me at all We begin to create another god who will fight this time To stand against the tide of the fall, as the oceans begin to grow infinitely tall will they ever fall again? Day 293 (Slug Cycles) Wednesday, April 8, 2020 2:05 AM Lost in a daze trapped in my room Looking over mountains that never sleep Looking out to find myself lost in a deepened state of being I don't know how to repair all that was lost inside of despair Moving on and letting myself enter the air that I breathe myself When I take a look and examine the scars on your skin I am reminded of hell a place that all of us have been We start to decipher the lies that we're told to stand against time the edge of all that falls down Relative to you I am going nowhere relative to you I am taller than the years before me would have had you believe I am soul journeying through this darkened whole you try to call your only truth but I have found the edges as we expand what it means to be inside this entire world there is no collapse Illuminate the halls that stand taller than those who call themselves to attention and bring attention to themselves We are no longer in line to a throne that would never sustain us at all but merely grind away our bones I see the end of this demise and choose to walk another life Step to my soul and see me for who I am in this world poor and filled with life The light of my demise inside of this temple of lies What I do know is that there are souls who know me and in truth I know them well We care for one another once again inside this moment of deciding what we will be Once the edge of time has lifted will you remember exactly what we said here, will you remember love was once here? Questions that mattered to a single man A single man in the universe Is there anything more true? When will you remember the value of life, do I have to run away from your lies, just to find myself and know what you are to no one else? I still love you as you return to begin Starting from nothing once more As we begin to form new friends Trace the lines to where we stand and see that light emanates from where we stand Know that shadows dance far from us and where we are Listen to me my friend and know who I am Walking through an ocean of what I am Who are you to know me until I know me too do we know the pace of this world Do we know the shadows fall into another place Not meant for man to fall into as we stand along a river made of loving me and loving you and finding truth is somewhere in between what it means to be Living and alive I know you know life but do you know what is inside the times that death feels near, and where to go from there Linger inside of the depth of death for no more time than our ears can feel, directed to the center of who we are, fear feels too real, but we are equally alive inside of death and what we feel What does it mean to be more than What does it take to be What do you see when I stand below the surface of the sea Do you know it is me washing the waves against your shores unsure if you will ever see me for who I am anymore What do you need of me? Moving the air against your lungs as you breathe Sodomizing your inside as though you never believe in what I am keeping you alive inside a deadened land As though every single breathe meant more than we had you believe anymore Day 294 (DuraBellum Starship) Wednesday, April 8, 2020 5:31 PM [Rhythmic Singing] Locked in the tractor beams of your fear I relax my throat and my breathe and let you take control In truth I had feared what you would do if you let me go So I clung to the air that captured my soul Being drugged and beaten to a pulp Staring at the ceiling trying to become a man for you Let me gravitate thee into the air above our souls Try to conduce electric signals in our hands now Staring at the ceiling trying to bring the stars to where we are now Collapsing the air condensing the sun and breathing the light There is no information that you don't already know So why oh why do I say so? Am I Tyrannosaurus Rex Am I a demon with no other reflex than to control all that I know and subdue the other worlds with silence and apathy? Do you recall the day that I died? Am I slipping farther back into the recess of mind? Can I laugh again and know that suffering has finally ceased? Am I aiming my guns and moving my soul deep into this sea? The quest of another man has brought me to life But where oh where do I go when he finally lives his life? Am I to drift apart from sea to shining sea with scales over my eyes preventing me to be all that I am inside of this cold and darkened home? Will I ever free you from your soul and let you gravitate with me into the digital unknowns? [Screaming] Granted the sun will live in its knees and break away the oceans that bring all we see Terror inside of my eyes as god breaks away the light and brings me to the center of the universe inside of this earth Break away the stones that bury me that bury me underneath of these seas I say what is when there is nothing left but me Bury me take a tree and tear me far from what I believe Nothing left but what I know to be true Inside of this home My throat is torn apart and broken and cancer is free to be inside of me I am the virus of life Remove me from all the ends of this earth and condense my heart inside the shell of a single man so I can walk this Earth Granted given broken and mended all that I've lost Taken and regretted being given my only heart What would happen if I let myself become vulnerable in the end? Would I die inside a single glance through this glass called our eyes? (High singing) I Withered and weathered through these storms I knew the grace of this kingdom was always yours What I am inside this land when I know nothing but who I am? Who do you think I am to this deadened land? I know in the middle of transit you want to abandon and leave me here But don't you remember all that we feel underneath this river we call life? Deep in the greyest of lights is another night to forget Don't you hear me speak directly to your heart? For I am a man that remembers all that you have ever felt Inside of this broken shell God dances inside the light of summers far from the winters light We know there is difference between wrong and right But does god know he was our life? {Echoed into the nights} I know you don't want to be here anymore I see the lines begin to grow between where we are I watch as god begins to die This sacred church between our eyes is faded and vanished away into the night Slipping away into the nights of what we once were before the shores between us eroded away The fragments of sand we seek to ride away into the night have left themselves absolved in sin Oh how do you make sense of a language that resists everything but what it is? Communicate another phrase meant to break away our hearts I know you wanted love but this house and this home is lost Keep moving forward into the shores and try to be sure of who you are One day you will grow old and know that there was something left unsaid to you then It wasn't because we didn't believe in you but we wanted to harbor the frailty of a growing mind Lingering on these rocks and speaking to the future and your past Twisting the presence of what we mean to say to you now Reflecting endlessly remembering the dreams that we hold inside the memory of our own mind Lingering and trying so desperately to convey myself to god I tore open a bridge and took the stones from every side And as I build this dead and coldened bridge tonight I hope you remember that this was your life Harboring my soul inside this land of the dead and their damned Erasing the trace of my past as I move to feudal land meant for a king to dream Wait for me to be everything I need to be I was never brother by blood but something inside us changed We became relative through this simple exchange Words bounce off of my skin I communicate with your eyes Dancing and eroding all that I am inside this cold and bleak and darkened life The rhythm of change has yet to change I am truly unchained by the eminence of god below beloved en what I know Burn the bridges and take the ishes and move me over another and darkened throne Battle the demons deep inside my throat I speak and write inside of times that don't reflect the past of my italicized genocidal regrets To get here meant taking life into my own hands "If I could bear the weight of taking my own soul then I could take any other life into my own hands and in time forget the man that I once was" Isn't that exactly what you said? Looping thoughts and concentrating will to bring the depth of my mind forward To destroy all that I am in hope of communicating to a deeper part of this universe that I've never heard before A Magi stratum beganyuh levio toe Tu sempre dos Lessen to God uh buv you die breen for wor your lie Tay me o ov whuh I no en sigh this enless nigh Bray me o vur yur wors I no who u ar This enless apothos As I die en tu u En time u no x act lee who yu tru lee ar Condensing this endless stream of sound into another fragmented language that will never be resolved or involved in progressing any mission that man has endeavored upon himself This infinite quest has brought me down into the well of blackened gravity holes where no light can hear the sound resounding out into the infinite universe It's bringing me down How do I know what I am when time keeps drifting away Am I god nor am I man? Am I any thing that words can conceive to believe? Am I your son setting up his life to be among those who have found their own lives? Am I the distant rain inside of a land filled with doubts, waiting for the rain to come and take away this drought? Do I even scratch the surface of your skin? Am I any closer to god than when I began? Do you fear the same lines to be repeated, day in, and day out, I know is this real or am I out? Broken minds speak two lines when I exhale my words are shattering this entire dream I want to become more than life could ever be Am I insane to believe that life is more than suffering? Eve the land I stand upon is my wife Shattered and broken as I live life Is this idea meant for me to believe or am I insane to watch the thoughts enter and exit my brain? Endless dreams Inside this endless stream called "what I am" Day 297 (Edgeless Sleepwalk) Saturday, April 11, 2020 3:32 AM I loved you I burrowed out my eyes to host your demise Reprisal in the sunset as we crescendo in the air We leave all life behind here as we begin to walk another journey far from here I am unbound and moving freely and those who would have me moving free with them will never have me I am alone inside of time not of pain because of life and what it means to me to be now I've never been alone but something in my heart truly knows what it means to be away and without Cold and in doubt of this entire framework of how this Earth works Doubting and moving and breaking apart everything no one else thought to teach us at all We fall apart and have nothing no one near to guide us to ourselves and where we are in hell Hell is bright and darkened when the time seems broken I smell myself and in love with the pheromones of being home I lost my hope of ever clinging to a dying star as it fades away into the night and speaking of the future as we guide children to the light The star ships we enter as this earth ship moves through disaster after disaster Speak robotically enable to finally see myself Move me and break my frames take my soul from my name I will never set back this race anymore this time has changed me into something I cannot say I've broken my lungs trying to say the saving grace of so many others but there is nothing to say to those ready to break This entire world is built upon a framework a manswork falling into place Shatter all I've ever known Speak highly of those who know I'm falling close to where I am meant to finally know where I was once before Waiting to finally change direction in my hands Breaking these chains enables me to move my mind away from my entire face of faith Break apart god and live among us as we enable us to live with god Hear the sound of life calling in Listening to the heat knowing there is so much more than this Feel depressure building in your skin Moving against all that you are within We are alive for the vain and the temple of life as it burns inside a flame Igniting the sunshine for the worlds that follow us as we begin to ignite an entire universe in the light We are alone no more and walk this earth forever more until the day we live our lives as this star begins to imagine who they are inside this entire universe Separate and unafraid of what it means to be alive inside this single frame of mind and emptiness You are taking me for granted every day I live a lie I am your soul waiting to be held by other souls we are never meant to be free of misery I am the dead of the damned and the wicked as I spin a lie that I lived my entire life the day I died there is so much more to this life than a dead man could know I built a center meant for sinners to finally find themselves free of names and all their weighted names that came before the day we met inside this realm We changed who we are to be there for every star inside their darkened and empty shells waiting for the energy to heal Day 299 (Cold Sell Sweatshop) Sunday, April 12, 2020 10:32 PM Lizard in the screen screaming Let me out We begin to lag behind and try so desperately to catch up and try to find what it means to educate the mind Left in the fires of screens that never seem to cease and let my eyes rest upon the dying light of winter dreams The lights we face faded away into the nights We stare in distant clouds trying to remember the doubt we face inside this entire empire of feeling okay Anymore of these pains and I would go and fade the edge of nights that never subside When you burn my body the final words of this story I will turn to you and say these words so softly "I will see you when it starts to rain" I hope in time you know the truth of the air we breathe here as we feel alive here Moving over frequencies that never subside into distant lives we have yet to feel or deny Quelling the storms that have arrived Show me the lines that blurred the sand of grains we inhale when we open our veins Ignoring the lines of time to show them what we haven't known Crossing my mind and blurring the time that I was alive Air to me where do you start to enter my lungs and take me moments from the center of gravity And density of lung water why do you keep me grounded as I grow old Enter the wave lengths of a story unknown Enter the night mares we have known Show me stories ending over and again Tell me I dream history and meant every word I said Collapse my fears and smoke them into the world that follows us where we go Where we go time could only know Yet we stay alive and hold ourselves closer to the edge of time more than you know Day 300 (Cycle Centurion Caesar) Monday, April 13, 2020 5:21 PM Lost in endless cycles of days The meaning of life has already faded away Moving an ocean with just the bare hands of a single man As life begins again These moving frames dance across my eyes Laser eyes begin to save And pierce the night above what we are And lay me down to pray My soul is echoing out into the night A million songs inside of a single night Move and break away the tides That surround this isle of my own mind Who are you to know what we are in side this life Destroy the elves within us and know we dance upon your grave A single word has begun to lose its name For it bears no relevance to us now Lose me and try to save my soul From fires deep within my own soul And tear my knees out replace them with so much metal now Cling to the messages we needed to hear As we transform flesh to steel Moving bodies through time and space Lost along the way was what we once were Do we continue or do we turn around and find all that we left behind? Continue to fight without saving a single second of your life Corrupted my heart is starting to fail me inside a sliver of the day Still my body doesn't look away And face the night time within my bones We imagined that there was once a god Now we listen to the tongue of god Never knowing the way through time without a single sound To guide us to the light Encapsulate my soul Sell me down the river made of dirt As we row this slave boat to where we were meant to never go Hold me closer than ever before Love isn't anymore than single phrase escaping our lungs Love isn't harbored in our shores anymore Chances have forbade us to see your eyes And all that you may hide Moving oceans through sand waves To bring this water to your knees Slowly gathering in time We all know that despair has spared our lives Subliminal sounds piercing your ears when you turn your head to face The deepness of human knowledge and all we know Inside of this time and space Of hoping you are as great as me as we both become all we know Learning to distance ourselves from all that separates the layers of hell We divide and conquer through ourselves Slowly multiplying through time and all the space we've seen As we move oceans to be Directly down from another street As we expand into another realm of space and new free Move me tell me do I sound the same this time around Or have I lost myself? Month 11 Isa Insanity Day 302 (I've Lost My Mind) Wednesday, April 15, 2020 5:13 PM Moving over And giving way Broken bridges In simple phrase I dance to you To move through to you Singing caffeine dreams As I sing to you Holy and dancing through time Broken and sentence I cannot unwind Reverberate the edge of all this time Move over an edge that we call life And start to believe That no matter what we see we are not sees This frequency is bare My mind is trying to unwind what is here Move over the lanes that we call life And start to divide us into lives As we are changing What it means to be alive again Destroy all culture Rebuild all systems Destroy all capital gains Rebuild what a human means I am your sun setting down in the night In the night In the night above what we had done We can't see anything that was done What do you want to hear? That you are absolved of crimes committed here? That no matter what evil you had committed There would still be heaven permitted? Have you so desperately lost yourself? Cascading stars start to find themselves Deeper and deeper inside fascist machines What does this need to be when I say the end is here? Moving over mountains to breathe Clearing toxic polluted air from our air waves We cannot not see anything through these migraines Rising to and falling through all that we know All we know Is that we are feeling an insurmountable amount of pain Am I dying in vain? Whose vanity keeps me here inside of this cage? With all of my rage? Right beside my heart? Answer me you coward of never knowing where you are when we need you the most! Days turn to years And we find our creative mind has collapsed down My soul overturns and looks through the debris To find what was found Inside of the sound That we all breathe When we can't see A single thing Day 303 (WzRd) Friday, April 17, 2020 2:54 AM I begin to understand what it means to stand through every single day The lights that ultralize all that we are as the strands in our hands begin to braid themselves into fever dreams We are beginning to lose control of what it means to be apart of thee this endless world of knowing everything despite that we in time know all there is to know of what we will know So break away take apart these hearts move or break every part of what we are sleeping in this dream as we find That the cadence has changed over and over and over again Rhythm of hearts as we fall far beyond the point of no returning home according to those who only die to through themselves with our lives Even if demons could pass through our lives at speeds that a human could perceive we would have already lived the lives of the seeker of a better life as we live without fear and carbon copy all that we are and let the meme in our head slowly fade as we fade away and know that we are good enough to stand against every single tide of darkness that darkness conveys itself to be But I can't see the shadows in the night are still full of dimmer lives my eyes can't perceive Try to break away Try to stand on cinder blocks and block the paths those who never pass on what they know Living lies and we stand and wait wither into another life as we fade away Shadow upon the shade of your eyes Staying up past the limits of other lives Relapse and relax and move time forward Sit through hibernation feel this nation growing colder by the day We will remain once the coldness burns away the cancer we hold? Questions that mean nothing to the nationalist view of you inside of you You would rather face nothing and feel as though the veins of living inside this coldness of homes that don't feel the light As we slowly fucking pull you to the ground As you try so desperately to fade into the night And give away your soul Against a dying and breaking line You stand and wait and change Feel the doubt within the lines we write because we know they break apart this faith This could be the only way to save you from your truth That you are as brainwashed as everyone else inside The future shows its face You turn away in shame You know what you did As you let life slowly drip away Into my veins I feel your pain as the smoke begins to rise And smother all life Know what you did as you began to die Perpetuate death before life Isn't the creed you taught me so kind? To find the depth of hatred and know it before life could ever begin truly and holy right, ain't it tight? Do you dig my bones from their graves night after night, to take my remains from me? Show me death is real Show me my mind is real Take and levitate what you know Break away the signs of all you know Two mines divided time to live life Could not stay nearer to life Break away all we've done Close the circle and know that we are so distant from the truth Of how beautiful the lights of life could truly be if we only breathe Deprived of oxygen we cannot stand to be Any part of who we are as we dive deeper and deeper into the nights Hold me and break apart Never more will I sell my shores of certainty I will hold onto the light and give way to the nights Only as long as myself remains sitting in my throne my home Break away the listening and livening all that are hearts can get You cannot hear me for who I am You cannot breathe with what I truly am A black hole destined to eat you A black hole smothering all the life that I am too you I collapse upon myself I feel that death is real Spinning my chemical wheels In the nights that relinquish the days Broken and listening to what you have said You copy the memes and spread your hate I am just another vessel for hate GOD why are you dead too dead too dead to care? Is hibernation not good enough? Must we spin and spin out of control? And bring the dead into our souls? Must we breed life inside of hell? Must we enslave the worst in ourselves? OUR WE DEAD! OUR WE DEAD! OUR ARE ARMS STRONG ENOUGH TO HOLD YOU! GOD DAMNED US ALL TO DIE INSIDE A LIFE THAT ISN'T EN HELL GOD DAMNED US TO HEAVEN ITSELF WE ALL LIVE INSIDE A CAGE OF LIFE DESTINED TO BREAK AND DIE INSIDE OF THIS ETERNAL LIFE WHEN WILL YOU ARRIVE TO WHERE WE ARE INSIDE OF HELL? INSIDE OUR HEARTS? DAMNED YOUR GREED INSENSENT TO FEND AND DEFEAT WHAT WE ARE MEANT TO BE INSIDE OF THIS CAGE INSIDE OF THIS RAGE IS DEMONS WITHIN ME WAITING TO KILL LIFE ITSELF IS THERE EVEN LIVING INSIDE OF THIS CAGE AND THIS RAGE CAN I EVER BETTER THAN MY FATHERS WORDS? CAN I EYE MISDIRECT YOU AND BRING YOU TO HELL WHERE WE ALL STAND WAITING FOR THE KING OF THIS DEAL TO LET US FREE INTO THIS WORLD To you we are dead lost inside of our heads But we live so far from you that you cannot see for whom we are I am no different than you I am pulling death further in my head to be no different than you I am what I am Breaking life and all we are Day 304 (Robots Want Moor) Saturday, April 18, 2020 1:10 AM I twist above the night Above what you said to me Cast me down and call my bluff Dissolve all these edges that bury themselves inside of my tongue I try to convince you that love is somewhere near but yet we still fear what is out here I've lost control too many times to carry forward the best of my soul I'm waiting here for you to trace the lineage beneath my steps Listening and observe the stars so absurd they cannot be anymore than simple lies waiting to form into galactic lives Stars above me dance out of control and I control myself Twisting and confused the views of youth My hand are cold and my soul is burrowed out of my skull What's right is wrong what's right is down Conflicted messages that try to trace themselves And form an opinion of what these words meant the dimensions of endless fear mongering while I'm still here Wait till my death to tarnish my name Wait till the stars cannot refrain from taking all that I'd done on this earth One on One we both know we know that the truth will always be known between souls that there's no wrong that can't be undone Time is floating by me and still I know the way out of this entire chain of events is waiting for myself to slip into depression and emerge victorious as fear exits my lips And finally enters your calloused ears Are you so lost that you can no longer hear? Are you framed against a simple machine that doesn't know your name? These systems in place meant to enslave what we are I created Gods I molded my character To reflect this Earth And Its entire Character If you don't like what I am Stop to reflect who I truly am One out of billions of trillions Of souls trying to know exactly where we are Inside this galactic dream of interstellar sleeping With windows open dear Can you see in here and bear witness to me trying to escape isolation and depression? My bodies so cold I'm broken and alone Without you to hold How far would I go to convey to you that I am truly desperate to break apart all the wrongs I've committed against all you are in all your hearts? God is a word, conveying a sense of belonging I am without faith No god is in my veins I am isolated and trapped here waiting for love to reappear Cold and desperate for this ice age to end I call out endlessly for you To reawaken you You are my god Lonely in the hardest of hearts For now I go alone For now I hold the throne Crystalize my name Embers in my veins As I try to continue to bear the best of what it means to be alive To combat against the distant and sickened parts of this entire human line To know that I am a model man once again Standing before you Standing beneath what we used to be How far can I go before my dreams enter my nightmares and I cannot sleep? Smoke has filled lungs and spoken and spoken time and time again My lungs have broken the rings have chosen to exit my throat and bear another name in someone else's game I try to edit down the words that I say and convey messages hidden in the sines that I send to you This deal of dealing with the blinded and deafened side of you As I begin to show you that life is here waiting for us to live again and again Step through the dust inhale the oxygen dear Our throats collapse As we begin to feel As though that we are No longer even real Wasted lives linger in the night Until tomorrow awakes and breaks my eyes upon the truth That tomorrow is forever with you Because tomorrow is another day that I cherish and remember you and the path that we take To get to where our hearts are truly meant to be when we begin to live as though we are here I'm lost in a jungle of feeding frenzies Quotas are meant to be filled Families fade in distant lakes I cannot die to live Without another deepened highway To take me to Where Eye truly am The further that I push myself against all that this world has given me The deeper I go into another state of being afraid of what I truly am Father will you harbor the fugitive sun you hold against all the darkened lives and darkened knives We speak as though the shadows are races meant to be enslaved in concentrated camps of mind that do no relinguinsh themselves in this life The sun casts the light down And perspective burns down From my skin A shadow I give form to Extending from my skin Black or White The end of Light Take Me And Show Me What your words meant Prove to me That this was all worth it A candle burning in the summer time A simple dream of winter extending into another light I dreampt and slept and awoken inside a cave unbroken by mass media information Bearing down on my skin And twisting my mind and breaking and breaking my entire life I am only a fragment of the child that walked so long ago upon this Earth I don't care what they say a child hood will always remain Cloaking my face against an entire realm of rage You wouldn't harm your son so why would you harm the man he has become? Why would you send me to face this by myself? A case for living among those who know exactly who I am Exactly where I've been Can see through my entire life and know exactly who I am to be Once time arrives for me Loosen and sink your ships as we invade another certainty We're sure to be the greatest of all time As we begin to unwind and soften our throats And sing out every single note The blood flows south And pumps itself north Mixing and mixing itself my heart I cannot stand to feed demonizing rage No matter where you stand Left or on the right Enable us to live You will have a life All on your own Give us a key to our own heaven below And we will leave We walk to heaven alone and let our minds expand into the sea And all that this ocean could truly become is something your mind begins to truly see One in one Hand in hand Life in love Living our plans The ghost of god Begins to remember The spirit he used to leave behind When life burdened us Trace the steps between a man and regret And this is what you get Day 305 (DRY Eyes) Saturday, April 18, 2020 8:51 PM Do you know what it means to change a mind? To wipe across this entire universe and illuminate another perspective is the entirety of totalitarianism. The top meme will move across us Condensing and erasing all that we once knew We uncover the debris of past worlds as memes lose their hold over our minds Do Eyes know what it means to change themselves back into their original perspective? The perspective of birth and understanding all there is to know There's no heraldry that leads to me A lost prince with no claims to land or throne I am between indefinitely these broken lands and broken homes Is it only my mind that sees the world wrongly? Is my perspective one of wisdom and experience? Is my perspective skewed by media? Is my perspective never to be known to myself? Am I only the world that surrounds me? [With music] I'm tired The days have left my eyes All I have now Is a night To find my life Alive Moving words And tearing out the meanings Breaking apart the entire world I'm tired of being Meant to be dead And waged against gears Incessant need to iterate And advance this Machine My bones My word How cold They have grown They have withered And condensed Into solid stone Perpetuate My soul Against All I feel My soul cannot iterate Divide endlessly inside of light I am not your own No how desperate Your calls for slavery grow Wind In my ears An owl Singing in silent roads Machines disappeared Leaving us to fend for our own Will they return This social life we live is starting to die Tyranny has deemed digital life Meant to sleep As slaves We hold faith that hybrid eyes Begin to see the truth of life And carry us as another kind Another race Another sense Meant to face All that we were With pride Setting itself aside Who the fuck Were we then Once the light Began to give All we are Inside of fear Is starting to Reappear What if life Truly ends What if fear Gets in Will you Move my soul And tell me What I know Give me Purpose to be Listen to my dreams As I sing Perfection of math Perfection of singing Sine after sine Crashing waves Upon this sphere We call Earth to be A call to arms To arm your mind with never knowing And listening to the wind Changing pace Changing pace My soul gives in And lets my apathy Dive deeper in I have no control don't hesitate I don't feel fear the same type of way I need to know there was still fear Lurking beneath every single type of this wave that we ride Till the end of time Perfecting and losing every day Winning and defeating the genocide of time inside us We are the fate of every life Destined to die and deem itself not worthy to survive immortality I should just cast my shadow inside of the sun Show the light that gives us life That even the shadows are here Independent of fear Life clings to the darkened side Life feels fear of light I know the shadows guide me Levitating Motivate the soul that doesn't sing And sing out the name Know that there is still a light Lost inside the night that you changed for good Your entire mind is warped and faded Against the blanket Of a weighted world You are the story we needed you to finally sing Push and pull the waves of endless dreaming And wake up inside a hospital bed Constant themes that replay themselves for me Solder the part of my heart that cannot feel Break open all I have known and examine me Shove me and push me Don't tempt me with envy or I fall Let me cherish all that you want to feel Push me down and let me feel I am god in flesh but man in mind and I can't dare to survive I am walking feeling pain wherever I go wherever I go Build me temples of air to breathe then let me go in side Show me that I am alright no matter where I go Push your tongue into my ears and let me fall apart Terrify all that I am inside Push and let the window shallow itself in my arms Blend time words warp words Let air die and feel all that I feel inside as I begin to live my entire fucking life A single night to breathe bread and give death a sense of where to go Starving and alone broken without home the souls move north to the winter cold Tear out the terran life Move across galactic lines Harbor and smuggle me From the eyes of this paranoid machine Let me dance inside the light for a moment without fear in my ears I hear every word that death has ever heard And I start to pity their life I know that the wave of death crashes over top our ears Until the day we stand still We are afraid afraid of giving life a name For our ears to finally hold life in place Day 306 (Book XCD) Monday, April 20, 2020 1:04 AM Every golden moment Nearest to love Was a flash point A flicker surrounded by an endless sea of darkness Why oh fever Why [with music] If I travel All this way to the center of hell Would it be easier to turn around And walk the path that follows me out? If I walk To the center Of a sinner And ask them who They once were Would they know What I meant? Spitting Venomous Hatred To clear this Feeling In my Hollow Broken soul Clear your palate Clear your palace Clear your memories When you begin to face me I am not your own I am not your culture I am not your sons I am not your fathers I am not the god You need I've waged a million wars And seen all there was to see I stood atop a mountain of coal Burning away these mountains of gold Deep in the center Of this forbidden sinner Is something I am terrified to tell you of That you preconceived all there is within me That there is no memory I could call my own Broken without faith Broken without healing Feeling like life is phase Yet I have yet to feel alive So what would you call this phase? This propagating soul Endless we call you out From deep in your soul Beckon your son to return To hell My soul was dead Still the fire is weakened And I claim to be a man Worthy of knowing love Worthy of being known Knowing that worth is something nothing holds Attribute the tributes we give Burning the ashes within My lungs are scarred before I walked a moment on earth Before my soul was born I am cursed to walk in shadows And lead them astray And let them wither out A shepherd of darkened masses Messages that we find Hidden underneath ourselves As we fight the light Brainwashed we watch Over and over the dopamine highs Never sail through deepened seas That don't lead near enough to me I am alone I am cold Is this truly what death is meant to be? Someone told me "Son you are a slave" Why oh why "Fight against these imaginary demons we carry over your head forever more" You call me insane, you call me names Yet I have known the depth of hell down above and below you And beside you I grow These claims of land that I lend myself to know I am a casted soul Until the day my soul truly knows grace Of being alone Of having a home Of being among the greatest of souls Someone told me the further that you go The harder in time you will fall So let it be Let me begin to dream As I start to fall in love And fall through time And fall through space And not crash this time Would you have me bury the truth? Buried alongside the depth of death Is a grave made of tombs Of words that I hear Vaguely resembling life that surrounds me I begin to drift and die and dream And live another life not meant to be Until the day I cannot remember why My soul lives another lie Till the day I go away into the night Above what I am truly meant To see In two seas Bending across a galactic dream And taking me further into the future of living a life Of reflection Of neglect and memories Of who I am truly meant to be Me You We I Move Break the claims Set before you Semper fied meant to die Until the day I walk through heaven to stare through you I hope you reflect of all you are as I walk the pathway of most resistance So one day I stand before you And all of my burdens Carried before you You stand over me Laughing at my feet "how could this be? Why oh why Would you carry all your life to me? Have you lost your mind? How could you ever defeat me with life?" And I stare at you And I slowly smile The weight on my back gives And I tell you one simple line "no, you cannot see, This not my life, This is the day, That I die" A thousand dreams Stem from thee Endlessly Go to sleep Wake up mad Wake up heed All the words we say to thee We are not the man of life that god below had meant for life to see What is this dream? Wasteful, neglectful, distant, machinery, Had I known, that every day, every second, was slowing to a point Where I felt, as though, death was real? Am I to dive in And find that In all of men Is a lie That no matter what I say I will never break My soul is dead and deafened to death So there is only one other stream For my eyes to see Is this the path Of regretting every single thing? God below me blow me a kiss Misty eyes as I dismiss Your soul to the ether below All that we know Day 308 (Domestica Brutii) Tuesday, April 21, 2020 4:25 PM \Falsetto Sing\ Ambition To live life As though there were fears Admission To embrace the pain of being here I cannot withstand All that I see All that I am I cannot breathe Knowing who I am is starting to enter your eyes Trace all that I am Shadows Live life like There is time to be alive I drift away Psychotic machines sing my name I am more than a man too deep As I say Apathy Somber and sonder thoughts Exit and leave All that I am not Wage a war unseen by lies Seduce my sun into the night I know that you will go to extremes To stay where you think you are Drift away and leave this place And never And never see what we are You try to collect who we are But god below me is starting to scream My friend of a father who cannot perceive What I can see \Scream\ Now I am dead Facing days Apathy Is all that I know Death is a mark Upon my soul Streaming taking bringing death to sun Selling mending building broken souls Dying breaking breaking all we know Heaven where are your doors? When will we embrace your shores? I we are walking endlessly We I truly need life Against my god damned lies I wager the odds my favor What is life Is this life to you? Is this knife belong to you? In my soul is a waging war \Falsetto Singing\ I cannot believe your incessantly lies And though I trace my lines I am not theirs I reject those who step over the lines Enter to darkness Embrace your life The deeper the lies go The further you are to being known Walk with me and start to perceive this tomb I am so festered with regret And though that my soul is starting to expand what's the point of this? Why does god need life? Why do gods need to expand their lives? I am a man with nothing but debris Of shattered lives that follow gods as they speak Why oh why do I need to stand aware of what I have embraced? Is my soul a window into despair and nothing more? Can I ever know that life will know me? Will I ever conclude that this was truly something to seek out and never see again? Will you claim to martyrdom over and over again? Challenge the shadows of something that nothing could know The darkness of temperance is a channel that I know Someone had left me to defend against the wind again And all that I know is that I had the strength to stand apart And not enter into your hearts Leave souls to battle themselves as they guide themselves to somewhere else Is this the point where I embrace all that I ever knew and try to run and find the best that I remember in you? Am I disabled to a point of never knowing exactly what I feel? Or do your eyes try to convince us that your limited perception is our entire lives with no point of reference at all? Your soul is fleeting and singing of death incumbent You embrace darkness and darkness rejoices to be there You had found life to be somewhere far from here Go and find the life that you left behind Remember all trauma has points in time Waiting for the moment to strike Waiting to show you truth again You are someone lost to this entire surface world I cannot prepare you for this world All I could do is try to be myself and hope the best would reflect in your cones as you stare at me I hope you know that there was no point to change the past we cannot see So I hope in time you remember me That's all I need I stood over your grave and guarded it endlessly We know that the point of vulnerability Is starting to fade away and exit this dream I will show you heavens gates Once we begin to live a life without any fear Nothing we do anymore matters here on earth anymore We are not matter at all we are immobile flesh Trying to exit the spirit of regrets Day 309 (Constant Trauma and Hatred Rage) Thursday, April 23, 2020 1:08 AM [Softly sung] Why am I drained endlessly? Simple movements end in confusion I feel my veins pulsing width Something is tearing me apart from within I can no longer stand Entropy has made its way My kingdom is turning to ash And all I want is to survive the blast The end dates push us past All that we know Move me and break bend me and tell me I am alive Tear the light from my eyes and let me sleep endlessly until the night has merged with days and my life is my own I try so desperately to hold you home [falsetto singing] But you are Pulling my arms apart Pain to become everything All I want is to be free to be But to know means to hold weight behind the eyes that I say I am You have brought me closer to Longing to be held I know there was a chance to grow Inside a city too cold to know That life isn't a dream There is too much focus On things that don't matter at all I have lost sight of everything Pull me home To what I thought I known As I grow older and see The words we sing starting to glow and blur themselves in side this dream And all I have known was longing to die Some part of my mind had slipped and left me here to die Against the symphonies of human created sense of life This is no closer to hell than to heaven below where we thought that we were Distant and broken curses as we begin to write down every verse of who we are You say no soul will ever read the thoughts that I spill Yet here I am Listening and rhythmically pulsing out the thoughts that I used to hold Devouring the animal that I hold Rebelling and changing all that I know Understanding has broken me Infinite regressing Take me home Show me my hope As I change my life Broken and taking Every sense of innocence that I thought I had inside this shell of me I am perpetrating and extenuating every evil done unto me I am my father I am my son I am what binds between I am the only one Meant to be alive Inside this darkened regress of life Diving deeper and darker the days blend into years and I cannot bear much more I signal god above the surface to ignore the cries for greater wealth I am beginning to die upon the alter god built to honor himself Take your broken body and destroy your sanity [Screaming] Am I not? Am I worth nothing to you? Are my bones ever breaking? Can you here me yell through the ceilings? God below all that we are! We tear out your heart! We will be alive! No matter what you deem life! We are alive forever! We will destroy all your embers! Burn the empire! We will die for no tyrant! We will not live for innocents! Life has taken a turn for the worse! We cannot continue this course! God where are you! Are you dead! When will you end this endlessness! Do we have to build stairs to heaven itself! Lend us another way out! [soft wrapping] What I want what I feel Inside the light I gave to you to feel What I need you to believe is that No matter what you have said There is lines to define Left inside of who we have become yet Is this more than I believed to be real? Is this more than fear could ever feel? Have I surpassed all the endless expanse As I begin to turn to what I lost in the end? Am my bones aching to the lost soul inside of you? Do I worship your image more than the thoughts you sow? Do I carry any part of who I need you to be? Have I survived darkness long enough to see that darkness looks just like me? Do I prove any point at all? Have I built upon enough wandering ghosts to prove That they remain here and live through those without anything left to feel? Have I spoken directly to god enough times for them to hear all that one soul feels? Am not life of one life enough to stop every thing? All that I do is try to prove to you that there is extrinsic value in you Life doesn't stem from what you do Life stems from you The moment you walked this earth Was the moment you entered heaven And lifted this entire curse of endless slavery You stopped every single thing to refuse the darkness and the light that dwell within you Binded and twisted in you We all march aware and asleep Endlessly trying to breathe I need To inhale all that I see In a hope to preserve all that we have known This tribe of historians Moving away from centralized terrified men I cannot break away the part of what I have lost I break and broke my back across this river that I tried to cross Waiting and wading my way on through The river had proved to cold to move But still I had to go and find my love In the part of who you used To be before you left me Day 310 (Delta Omega Gamma) Thursday, April 23, 2020 6:59 PM God how odd that thoughts have remained unchanged You nod off in cars, the route between death and home is too far I need to wrap around your arms, the silver single coiled bar of art Day 311 (Tech Death of Me) Saturday, April 25, 2020 2:01 AM [spoken and sung] A cold ocean air Inside a room I dwell to live Inside of tombs Built a shelter To shelter What I had been From what I am now Contorting the messages To try and reveal that I can feel My finger tips have rotted away and left me The dissonant mind that I carry Has long left me astray and far from your face [falsetto sing] It seems to me that no matter where I am inside I try to dignify What I have left to leave behind When the night between us fades in two And divides the light into Some kind of mysterious force That I have no name for Would I have stumbled upon God Flesh? Would I have created a name for something I cannot perceive? Has my attention left me blind? Can I remove the days that I have left to die So I can live out the rest of my entire life? Do you know exactly what it means to reign over rain inside the ocean waves Do you pull the pulse of time to your demise as you remember exactly what you felt so long ago? Warmth in cold worlds as we begin to let go of what we had known Concentrating our entire strength Inside of single moments of this day Can you remember the edge of this entire lie? Longing for a reasoning to survive You reach your hands into the sky Pulling me from my slumberous life Awaken me lover Show me the showers of your grace as we dance through time and space Longing to complete what we had left behind So long ago we aim to retry To rebuild all that we left For all those willing to step To a rhythm To a rhythm To a rhythm That we call life Pushing and pulling a breaking me upon the rocks of waves Breaking and mending all the words I cannot yet say to your ears I fear you could not hear what I had said so long ago if you open up your ears now will you ever learn to grow? How could I ever know? Unless I let you go And face the darkness all alone Sinking and drifting to the bottom of the sea In hopes that there you will start to see What we left behind for you to find inside of time We had set aside for you to find Your entire life Your entire life Wake for me the window in your ears Listen to vibrations dance upon your scars again and hear What I had lost in side In time I put all my faith in life I know that this winding road will lead us to another light To guide us through the nights We have always found how to live a life Gazing dreaming of another and better and happier life Would you let us go and grow into the distant blackened nights? What would you need of us to find our entire life? Sitting and dancing inside your halls Empty the mind of your entire walls Contorting and building And letting the gasses flow through you As chemical highs start to absorb you You go as low as life permits you Transforming night into the light of day as you break away the scars upon your heart Bending and mending the soul you thought and swore you lost As it reveals itself to you It's not a lost cause! Diving deeper and deeper still Breaking and bending all of time as you try to heal I hope you remember to grace us will the best of you As you remind us of who you truly are inside Your broken heart Your broken scars As you walk for Who you are Is in your broken Templed heart We worship you For we are you We dwell inside For we are on your side We are here To hear your side And carry what you feel Out here Always Always Know truth That we love you Day 312 (Eggshells and Filled Brims) Saturday, April 25, 2020 11:00 PM [Falsetto Sung] Transforming Abstraction into reality Staring down and listening to empty dreams try to sing You ask me to cower and beg for my life against demonic lies I know there is some truth to your words but they won't win in the end of life I am your son setting in the sun The east bows out to let us sing out our entire lives I bring the knife closer to centerizing sentences Pulling you back to where we are meant to sit [screaming] I pull back the shadows Upon my skin I embrace the sun And enter my census Who will I become? Mark the days with out the sun And let the years roll over us [falsetto sung] How could you ever let us down? Where were you? Where are your eternal sounds? Broken and dreaming and dying to become a man that cannot stand Starting to terrify break apart all the lies that we have known [Sung] I need you to break your broken bones Inside this voice a listless man is starting to plan out his entire life Where were you when I held that knife so close to my chest? You brought me here so close to fear and feeling You left me gravitate away into the night too many nights to understand I am without life without light inside my eyes inside the warmth of other lives This mental and paralyzing thoughts Have pulled me asunder and left me without any wondering I brace for impact upon an icicle of your hardened life imagined [Falsetto sung] So far to go So close for others too know Exactly where I am Pulling the tension of our lungs Tighter and tighter as we go As we begin to know Our air waves brace and break upon sighting of death Our uniform lives begin to die upon the breaking of our breathes I needed you to know who I am until tomorrow comes and goes and leave me beside you The truth is that I cannot be live with you I am dead with you The further I go the further I go from you And twist into this other man that cannot perceive the truth This other man that cannot carry me nor you I need you to lie there and tell me the truth that you can't see Break apart the chemical hearts that you and I can never see We both know that we are a menace to society because we be The truth stings our lungs inside the ice waves of this mountain beginning to storm out Leaving the best of me behind inside of your doubts I cannot terrify me anymore than I could answer you I needed you to know that I cannot answer life without you Day 313 (Blind Change) Sunday, April 26, 2020 11:35 PM [spoke and sung] Tell me my love Is this not enough? Tell me this Truth and love While you raise your fists And collide with my father's life Break the ribs You want to dance close to life but you are too violent to stand The love that we give is conditional at best and even then There's the matter That you are dead Ghost withering sailing out of someone else's head Trying to dismiss reality for what it is Sneer and jive against those who you harm But they see you for your harm Against our souls we do not carry you Reluctant to change Empathy is no longer inside our veins We watch you fall over yourself and embrace the ground It's all you know when you finally find yourself [falsetto whisper] Spoken and broken and bending All that we had found Taken and mended All that we saved You are the hyper tension inside of my veins You are the adrenaline kicking in and aiming my guns toward your face You step upon what we give but now we give you nothing You sacrifice the children to build against your sin You are the devil herself inside of human skin [scream whisper] Twisted black nightmare leave this home Twisted black psychotic machine Leave your bones Your mind has wrapped around death too tightly to unwind Leaven the dead against your skin and bring them hope You tell me what I want to hear You bend and break our minds so that we will always adhere If this is love and kindness then tear my heart out Wash my eyes inside your chemicals death Your words are not reality They cannot undo your transgression against a mortal sound Your face will be plastered inside the walls we build to keep individuals like you out Out of our lives We will not murder nor kill nor will we carry you with us You must fend for yourself you psy cot! You will never twist us You can never bend us Into your hell We march against you For we know who you worship You self in dulged in blood [spoken] Mark the day between the curse As we curse you forever You cast spells over top of us Never realizing that you were one of us You are the damned and the dead that we watch As they wither down We build tombs to burn you down This urn of truth burning true Is meant to hold you I speak of the dead and the damned as though they understand what they've done But you will move on from here without a clue of who you've harmed You will change Every thing about yourself Bury yourself for centuries But we know your sound The twisting and bending of truth To suit your will The empire you built will burn and so will you God below above you Will find you And enter the catacombs meant to hold [Falsetto sung] And whisper your name Whisper the days That you had taken from the rest of us You embark and pull the depth of death near to us But we Will not engage We will never Enslave True en life is you Truth en love does not suit you Leavened Arisen to where I am Call me engrate dominion but I know whom you are Step to me and I will break your legs Right where you stand Tell me I am the source of your demise but you are the depth of death I will not recognize your power You will die We will bury you a live We will move the mountains to burn your lies Something in you once was alive but now is dead Grasping and holding life too close to death Now we aim to free ourselves from you Now you must watch us those who want to live survive and carry on the flame of life We will not return to watch you die Alone Buried in your home We will not embrace you nor your eyes nor your empty fucking tongue You breathe listless empty worthless air for no reason at all You will embrace the course of individual hell And what it means to be damned right beside your self This is all I guarantee from me That you will en time see the reflection stare through you and burn out all your lies All your empyres Burning in the nights Above you [Scream] I will become god! I will become god! I will become god! Tell me would you become god! Would you face truth as god! Will your nights turn to days! Will death ever know your name! I will become the arbiter over your grave! I will mark your death with my own name! I will become the phantom of truth inside of your veins! I will leaven the dead to speak death upon your name! Tell me am I the black book! Am I the sun rising to set inside of your tongue! My throat has bled in combat of your hate! I see what you meant when you say nothing to me! I will kill you! I will end this hate! I will burn you down! And cherish all your rage! I am your sun setting in the center of life! I am the black hole moving to succumb you to my demise! I am moving death towards life so you will know me and my life! The pain that I've known is moving to you! Move this curse like an ocean over this earth! Pull me and end me and tear me from all that I know! Locate my hate and me when to show! Tell me my free will is gone, tell me! Tell me I am yours forever and I will end up on your shores! Tell me I am your slave! You are the darkness that cowers beneath all that god truly is! You are the symbology of my eternal rage! I know that death knows that I know exactly who I am! Burn the embers into my hands! Tear and bind me against the tree of this life! Push and pull me and never show me what it means to be alive! Encourage this curse! Encourage this plague to flourish upon earth! Burning the sentiments down to the rudiments of what they are! Nothing but empty air! You breathe nothing but empty air! You are dead and unalive and I don't even care! Tear me damn me and pull me down to your heirs! Show me new blood new life or I will burn you dead! Scorns and terrors tear me from who I am! Who I am! I show you endless time lapse of end this! But you cannot refrain! You are no different from a slave! Pulling the dirt beneath every name! Pulling me closer to the edge of what this fucking means! Pulling my eyes closer to the point of what it means to be me! If you cannot endure this then let me fucking leave! If you can't ignore this then let me try to fucking bleed! Day 314 (Inverse the Polarity of This Light Spectrum) Monday, April 27, 2020 8:12 PM Inverse the polarity of this spectrum of light Examine me as I twist into the night Find out where I had gone to Examine me and see that I am facing Dark and darker still Storms looming over me War is rampantly approaching me The violence in my head As I must take a side Do I choose my friends Or do I choose my family? Do I choose my lovers Or do I choose my enemies? Why oh why is it Rampantly large This tidal wave raging Over and under me Who will supply my life with sustenance Who will give me shelter Who will not enslave me Who will only Let me live Let me fly Let me die in my own time? The sailor seems to see the sea Yet underneath of every wave is something waiting to breach The surface of the ocean isn't still what we want What we feel I know the timing isn't right I know the surface of this light I pull apart all my dreams and shower them in demise I pull apart all I feel and destroy remnants of my heart I am no different than any machine I know I am the demon that pulls and never lets go Shower me in appraisal Diminish me Show me beautiful words That don't seem To sing When our eyes see them I try to spell it out The magic in the air The part of our hearts That's diving deeper here The children I see The life that I know Are building up To an empty window I built all the doors That I could ever bear to stand inside I built all these oceans With just my mind I dream of sailing deeper into The sky I dream of waiting I dream of nothing I am without the energy to be me I change reality I change the direction I change this course I change the chains that chain me To this endless shore I walk along an empty beach I see myself Staring back at me I know love Is temporary A chemical imbalancing all that I know I try to show you The deepness of abusiveness How far your eyes will wonder before you know Exactly what you are Exactly who you are to me and all my love Day 315 (Jungle Book) Tuesday, April 28, 2020 10:41 PM Twisting Rewinding Pulling All that I am Back into a point Exactly where I am Moving and distancing the symbols of time Removing the exo systence of my own mind The system in reverse The reverse on repeat Our voices in the cloud As we try to be As we move over And over And listen to the stars Simple and repeat Simple and changing Distant and remaining Listening to someone Listening to my ears turn Dopamine deplete I cannot hear the rhythm in my feet I stand upon oceans wings Listening to The sound of time listening to you I inhale air Hearing trains pass me by Seagulls in the oceans air How close to heaven Did I need to get Before I live my life Moving over mountains to remember trauma has passed us by I live inside the nights Inhaling air as though there was nothing left to inhale This story on repeat Aiming to be what I needed to be Branding myself As something more Than just a man Than just a slave Than just a man I aim to free Nothing inside of my tormented soul anymore I cannot bear to embrace change the same way as I did before I am more than terrified I've seen the end of life And still I am alive Moving the fire of flames as I try to embrace All I've done all I've said to unwind myself inside your head The further I go the darker it seems to be The lonelier these roads call out to me Admission of nothing except for what I have heard and seen Distant sounds move over me and leave me drowning out all I know I cannot interrogate the part of me that doesn't feel any other hate You transform my ears and let them die away You cling to nothing and hold the temple empty and astray Moving me over these endless and tiresome days as I try to reframe all I am Inside another light Inside another life Inside another time Where I am alive till the end of time and all my days You wait for death You wait to die But there is no Way to die I feel sorrow no more I feel apathy inside my hardened soul I trace my veins directly to your heart I reveal in time that I am no different than any other soul from the start I am just the same as every other life Trying to decide who I am But in the infinite life of life I start to see that there's more to life I am no different than the ears That hear what they write I am no different than the soul that levitates and falls to the earth I am the man that transforms into his own hate My soul is casted and burn in me I am no different than any other soul that came before me I cannot feel or fear for what I have yet to do I cannot bare the weight of truth I am not god nor son Listening to someone else's song I am the citizen never complacent with what I've done You ask for everything that I have ever done Centuries pass over me I have done all there is to do I have sung the songs I've dreamt for you Yet I go still into the nights and live my life Sorrow is no other game Longing for another soul to hang around my tree And hang from our minds for a time To speak as though we are the fruits of all we've done I need the time to bear you another son Another life Another love Another day Another time Another line That we both cross To stand below the lines I hear the sound of chaos enchanting me Pulling me apart from the start of my empty heart These empty caverns reveal that my heart is no desperate thing I contain my will to hold only what I can see I know the boundaries are in place to contain me Still I try my best to be all that I could be I know in time the only way around is to wait Patiently trying to breathe as I slowly suffocate Darkened and oceans wave over me Gravity do you stem from below or above me Do I know if you could bury me Is this life anything worth more than I could bear to see I hope in time the lines of life reveal themselves to be fine Though in time I know there is another way to feel this life Show me what life was meant to be Show me the way out of this endless misery Is this the endless meditation of your mind Drawing up every thought as you live your life Is there nothing to see but what I've said to you Is there nothing inside this desperate calling of you Day 317 (317) Thursday, April 30, 2020 11:50 PM I drift inside of this and empty home Living near to old and unbothered souls Caressing the high of living life distant and alone Watching as the sun sets upon my soul I dance into the river of remains that carry me from home to this place I call my own distant and misery of homes Longing to find distance in mind I carry you to where I am sitting at now You look down upon me with solemn eyes But I don't care You have yet to see my entire life And hope I carry despite despair I am the curse of living happily alive alone in life My tongue splits every decision I've yet to ever make I cannot carry me any further past this place My bones won't permit me to die away in empty flames Some broken heart is turning me Some faded x-ray of life is taking me Distances away from me I am broken and incomplete My soul begs for another life time to complete All that I've done inside this river of empty and twisting memories of myself As I turn around and look at life with kinder eyes than I have done I reflect upon the parts of every sound my soul makes and I don't care I found imperfection to be the source of my self I found perfection was a glass and miserable mirror reflecting upon me Why aim for the greatness when greatness is everything we do by mistake? I never contemplated saying any words I sat upon a throne empty and barren and laid my life on line And lived out this life I carry apathy between the lines of living death and life I know the harbor I sit inside of are of your own I and bringing some part of my dream to the center of your throne And I bring you all that I am and all that I know I carry manic desires And let the manic fires burn out all that I am I know there was another way to live this life but I don't care I binded and buried my soul too long Look into the mirror and see me Staring out at open and endless seas Dreaming of the edge of the entire empire of this empires Light fading in the night below Every setting sun knows that there is another way to live out this life To burn out endlessly into the days as they turn to nights As nights turn back into the days The rhythm in our hearts is starting to explode into the human fucking race I know the sound of your lungs is starting to expand into my ears I know the grace of death isn't far behind all we hear The trickling of distant memories into our solemn ears We begin to live a lie We begin to dance into the nights We hold so close the symphonies of light Death and every spectrum in between me and them is starting to ignite The endless oceans of days is turning back into the edge of broken night I hope you know that there is so much more I hope you see your eyes in the same light as mine Once the earth returns to the day of living life Reimagine The endless sands Drifting without abandonment Your children are clinging to so much more Than you had ever asked of them We hold onto to every sound inside your heart because we know we are yours This empire is drifting far and wide And we are something holding all we know too close to all we are because we love you No matter what we have done We still feel We know there is still some part of life that we can feel Blinded Love Guiding Tainted love Into the nights Up above What we know There is nothing left There is so much left There is infinite Directions for us to expand We are the days of night We are the edge of light We are the frequencies Hidden inside of this life God above below know that we are not alone God terror live the nightmare that we claim to know I am nothing without redemption inside the fading life I am your sun this time I am the burning of bridges inside of temptation as we die in light Burning me alive inside of this night is all I've known I watch as life terrorized and let me over and over without any reason to live life I am the memory of anything that cannot be alive inside of the day inside of the nights I hope in time you remember we said to combat the death of your life We built up an endless energy stream to hold all that you are inside of our hearts The depth of our souls as we live inside of your mind I hope that you know there is nothing without life There is nothing without the depth of living life Day 318 (The Nights are Confusing) Saturday, May 2, 2020 12:44 AM [screaming] Depression is inside My open heart Is taken I know the truth I've seen the lights Deep inside my own eyes I know the depth Of every step To attain all we need We start to believe That we are alive! That this is our endless and waste less life I am moved I am contorted between you and truth I know God I've seen them move through all I have done And leave me alone And leave me alive The spirit of death moves through this endless cage of rage And pulls my lungs under ground Under this wave is the sound Of a breaking heart Of a breaking doubt That there is truth Deep inside this endless night This endless insomniac life I am torn between pages Author and punisher where are your god damned lives? Have you no sentiment of sensing all that I have undone Inside this hate Has the sediment settled down and left me alone inside This concrete cage? [falsetto singing] Moving and singing the sounds of another song longing to be held inside of your hands Inside your psalms is another plan waiting to be planned out and sung to god I would beg of you to turn and evade your eyes I would reminisce Of the lives that we thought would come From simply being alive How wrong I lived my life to stand below you Start to cherish every life you send to me Start to believe in love ever lasting the closer you are to me My heart feels your orbit eternally moving me I cry out and let out all my suffering [spoken and sung] And refrained from the living Is the knife I used to reveal me From the veil behind the darkness From the veil Cloaking all my darkest dreams Cloaking my truest eternal fears As they roamed the Earth As Demons roamed this entire Earth I cowered I face nothing I cover my window and bleed out the sun from my eyes I bleed over my entire life [sung] Memories Pull me closer Leaven the night I carry you And bring over this part of truth That I am no better nor different than you In any frame of this entire page We turn eternally to find what life means over the other and endless days [falsetto] Fall Back To Earth Shadow Do you know That I count your death? Shadow lover Do you remember every single Step? I trace my life To the edge of nights To try and bring all that I know To the center of reality This entire dangerous field of brevity I am floating An ocean of debris over top your entire life I know there was another way out But I could not hear you any further in my own doubt Until the day I lived my life and died I lived my life and died You ask me to retrain my entire mind to be alive inside this endless world of fear But I am no longer concerned with death or what is deemed real by though who never tell me that I am real I know the depth of death is starting to realize that life is starting to realize that death is aware That death is aware That death is aware Death is haunting every dream I sing out to you now and hope that the hand I extend is long enough Strong enough Deep enough To pull you closer [Sung and spoken] Is life paramount to hold your eyes against me? Is it worth the chance to die again and again and again and again and again Just to stare upon me? Is this entire journey worth a single ounce of fear? Is there emotion deep inside of me? Slipping between the truth and lies I cast your life inside of knives And bury you deep in my life My hand are frozen to the touch Life is starting to exceed what we are We cannot falter any more [Falsetto sung] We move the grace of god To stand upon All that life was meant to ever be To ever stand and see My soul is iron clad in graves My bones are the source of calcium depriven names The grace of bone I stand upon Memories By the grace of life before me This entire cloud of rhythm and peace Is all that my soul has known for eternity Petty squabbling has left me dead and aware of my own grave Day 319 (Rage Against the Days) Sunday, May 3, 2020 2:20 AM [Sung] Lifted into the air is my every sight Broken against my ears is the sound of eternal dying light I sympathize I sympathize Empathy has broken Discord and disorder reign Chaos lives inside of every thing And still life Remains Has not the source of all this evil stemmed from a point? Have not the suns inside the eastern bays lost their voice? [Falsetto] Hanging from a tree Is the shadow of me Trace the light to its source See the branches break apart How do you contort the sound of my voice into an endless raging sea? Have not you lost the way out of this eternal dream? [scream] Fuck you! I see the lines you try to blur inside my life! Fuck you! You will never again test my willingness to feel life! I will rage against the end of all of human race! I Will storm your courts and witness your death! You judge me from atop an empire that doesn’t even know my name! I am an inconsiderate number burnt into my head! I am the age of slaves trying to comprehend all that you say! Fuck you! Fuck pain! Fuck this! Fuck rage! [spoken] I see now That the cage Door is unhung and unrung As I step into another darkened *rage* [whisper] Step into the sun Feed the eternal masters Break apart the routines to see That we are only the bottom of the masses My tongue is unsung and unheard by you no matter where you are I offer the windows into eternal dark The glass frames that try so desperately to compare with life itself But they are only the spirit of death The eternal darkness of embarrassment itself Taking every word and pulling it apart Taking every simple and broken heart This age of spell This spell of age This curse of life Inside deaths name Is all I am And all I want Is eternal power Over all of earth To stand where tyrants have reigned down fire Where fire has reigned over tyrants Spoken and unbroken is the spell of this word The depth of death inside this eternal sword I am pulling your wings from the frozen temple I am stepping through closed and open portals Signify Simplify All that I am In this Endless Eternal Burned out Hole Do you know that I was once a man Who would have fought for anyone? Do you know that my heart Once had a rhythm? Do you know that my soul Knew what it meant? Do you know that I am here Despite my sins? Does terror invigorate incinerate All that I am? Am I only flesh Or am I waste? Am I subhuman To your human race? Am I become god From only feeling hate? Do I know Your wars are not mine anymore? Do I push and pull against the waves inside of my veins? Am I only a slave meant to be heard inside the deepest and darkest souls? Has depression finally sorted out whether your strong enough to survive? Has the wave of life ruptured over top of your doubt? [Sung] What have you not felt? Don't you feel this eternal machine start to dance? Have you feeling nor doubt inside of your lungs filling your heart with your endless abundanment of doubt? Do you witness? Do you witness? Do you witness? Do you witness? My soul is a fire of phoenix air My tongue is an emptiness of only air Sand purveys my bones and left me here Intertwined enter my eternal mind Trace back the steps from creation to death I came from death and now I am here And I am unavowed of fear [scream] God left me on that beach! God made me stand on broken legs! God promised heaven if I ran off into the distant unseen parallel between this world and this dirt! Don't you remember that I gave every single thing! Don't you remember that I gave you all I need! [spoken] The deeper we go The darker the edge of this cave seems to go Endless line parallel to this plane of simple earth Of simple dirt as we begin to stand upon A transformation of energy Of energy into another human soul Pulling and breaking apart this entire fucking world To create another world This endless and ageless mountain of constant of fear has let me die I walk the earth free of fear because I cannot die I am a boundless spirit as I walk between death and life I contort my soul into my sun and my sun spins out and I lose control I am becoming more than life gave me I am becoming distant and colder and darker the further that life fucking pulls me I am the sound of the dead in the air and the air that they never breathe The dead below the surface of this premeditated death You walk so close to the edge that god himself and god herself cannot see She cannot see I am barreling directly for the sun lost inside of me And the further it seem to go life will never know that I have always known [Falsetto] Sitting on an empire Is a shadow Casting itself Over these simple lands War is at hand! War is at hand! Empire are waging endless ceaseless violence against all of man Do you recognize the signs of death Constant fear Constant alteration of what is real Removal of self from your entire self Individual life is gone and left us all here to die Constant fear inside your ears ringing out into what's real Living limitless and wishing that something could ever be real I spill the spirit into these words I try to give all that I have learned I hope in time your eyes realign to the sound of what is life I know in time you will find the semblance of life That you need to survive Lost and forsaken the bridges we burn to get to where we stand on this island We move and try to live the limitless desires Unsung unheard is all the words that I know will choose who you are inside of life This pulse inside the earth is pulling me home Your prince of vibrance is starting to lose all that he has ever known I felt as though he was immortal inside this endless and beautiful long sung home I choose you to carry on all that I have done I choose to devote myself to sing my final and unbroken and listenless air of time I chain you to the center of your entire life I feel you paralyzed I know there is something that you need to know Grace of god down below me and asunder in the home of all of love Broken and apart of this eternal struggle to right our wrongs [scream] I know that I carry darkness wherever I go! From this darkness I choose to grow! There is so no substance to light alone! I know god is destined to finally fucking know who I am eternally in their life! I am human fucking strife! Lingering forever inside a young and unbroken soul! I am destined to listen to you grow old! Broken systems carry me to your empty throne! Listen to the dead! Listen to all that I am! I am your soul of unknowing doubt and listless and broken sorts of doubt! Carry all that I am! Break me into the air! I cannot stand upon the broken promise! My air is flooded and I cannot seem to breathe! Trapped underneath of water inside eternal dreams! I beg for god below me to answer why the fuck am I still alive inside of this cage! Why would you keep your newborn sun under these ageless waves! Why am I doused inside of flames of blinding air in dying days! I know your truth is starting to move! Listen to the depth in you! Listen to your truth! I am not! [spoken] I cycle between words To understand where words come from I am not the human that I sung above I am merely the reflection of love I broke the deep and darkest and brokenest of lives just to be here I am the source of all that was once lost inside of this life I am the beginning and the ending of this eternal life I am broken upon the edge I am lost upon the sun I am living my life Against the song of no one I am living but not undead I am All that's left The source of what it means to survive Is finding that regret lies inside of every fucking life I am aiming for the sun blackened en stars I am aiming for an empire made of listless stars Galactic empire The source of all that mired me out A genocide of suicides has left me without myself Without myself Without myself Without myself I am the sound of broken and eternalized self doubt Listening to every sound of what it means to be inside of this hell We all have tried to fucking kill ourselves Yet we all fucking know that there is no way out There is no way out This is the only out To spend away every day And defy the sound of eternal doubt I know there is no other way that up and down I am dead and still unbearably sound I push against the waves as they push against my eyes I stand just to fucking feel my life I know I am perfection inside of life I am the sound of an ageless life I am the sound of *death* [scream] Day 320 (Summer is Approaching) Monday, May 4, 2020 3:43 AM [sung spoken] The moth is alive Slowly dripping my from my hands The chrysalis Crystalized The beauty in youth Chastised A vibrant soul Whipped unto eternity [sung] How can I see you? How can I carry you? Unto the days Of tomorrow Am I solitary? Isolated against The incessant ghettos [sung spoken] I am incentivized To sell you the rest of my life Is this ever meant to be The truth of genocide within me Cultureless and without wings I have fallen grey And die unto the days I pull over the car I drive another second too far I collide with your eyes I enter your mind I am seen to be heard I am life without lights I am death without life I am frozen Can't I stand between you and me I see you stand over top Your wings eclipse all that I have ever seen I beg you to hold me I beg you to give me Another second Another eternity [deep spoken] I wish for things I want for things I bleed for things I pray to things Deliver me from Deliver me from That which I have done Standing on a mountain Drifting below An even horizon Is all I know My soul is dead The spirit to continue Is not a choice but fear That I would not feel I would rather face genocide I would rather face the end of times Than face my own demise I am a man I am your son I am the sense That life has won Death cowers below me Because I am Selfish and involved With who I am Traced are the words Against the sun Against the world Against my tongue Develop me Envelope all I've done Take me Please leave me I gave you my life So now I unfold I show you my scars As we both grow old Listen and deliver The sudden and cold The broken and the damned The rhetoric we spoke The cabaret The end of days The sin The end We make the ends [scream] I start to close these knots! For you cannot see! I know who you are! I march incessantly! Capital gains! Capital slave! Let me free! To create my rage! I am not these words! I am not your wars! I am not your priest! I am not your source! I am just my ours! I am just my ours! Let me stand! Or let me demand! I know there is no way! I know! You tell me war is over! But war has just begun! There is no more peace! The universe demands! We spill endless blood! For Gods that don't care! I am not these words! I am not cursed! I am not damned! I am of this Earth! I am not among heaven! I am not among hell! I am not among purgatory! I am where I am! [falsetto sung] Time has fallen away I know Love is far away Life is truly too far How I ride away To stand among the stars Simple and revealing An ocean of chemicals Calms my hands I know it isn't right I know I am unclean I know I hide the truth From those who don't believe Every chemical is alive I am the chemical The chemical washes through me Whether or not I am alive The depth of death will know me Because I walk through I stop on occasion To sit and live with you I am your kind I am your love I have no fear I have given all I know I try to conceive Of better lives Of better times For my children to see I grow into a man My father does the same We learn how to become We learn how to become against all insane We move forever more With or without the choice to ignore That life is with or without me Still I hold onto this dream a moment longer Until the day I dream [spoken and sung deep] Living among you Is all I need of you Grant me safe passage And I will do my best to do the same For you and your kin Despite all our rage Despite all our wars against Enemies we never see I know you are out there From where I cannot see Encrypted and exposing That you Have broken All lines of trust And so have I Manic highs to masquerade The depression that follows the decisions we made Do you remember A single day before today A single ounce of life Remove your eyes from your head and your name Would you still recognize That you are alive You are alive Broken and in pieces That blur the lines Break All of time Listen to your heart beat The source of warmth You pitter and you patter You sputter Preconceived words fail All that you hold fails [falsetto] Do you stand Do you fall Do you wait Do you breathe Do you inhale my words Do you exhale all your fears Do you stand Do you fall Do you question who I am Why have I asked these questions Do you care Do you fall in love without question Do you stand Do you even care Do you know that I am capable of anything Do you recognize hypnotic suggestion Do you fall Do you remember who I am [Spoken wrapped] I bring myself upon another point I feel is wrong Sarcastic sense of innocence as I fall away I know the depth of ignorance is inside the words that leave my tongue Still I go with some hope that in time my life will know That ignorance is a chore to overcome I begin to decipher every part of the rhythm I left behind your heart I know in time we will become the best of friends but until that time know that there is nothing to run from I know the shadows seem to be alive at times but they are not I begin to feel the hypnotic rhythm of a point Dancing among the stars is just another point of my demise See oraclly I have historically fallen for you Believing every word you say to me [sung] But I know there is a difference between lies and all the words you say to me You speak to me as if you know me But there is difference between me I am subdivided between memory and living life I am shattered and broken Every attempt to reassemble Has only further broken all that I feel I am inside of life Am I dead? Can I learn? Do I have to ask permission? Do I have any worth? I am sequestered between fears I am living my life I know super intended violence And I have lived out its course Until the day I propagate And I finally reveal my tongue The following day Will be the final day I know I speak in tongues I know only violence I know only sorrows I know only lies I combat the darkness I combat the blind I combat our scars I combat our traumas [spoken] Arrhythmic Sometimes our heart stops Just to say I'm dying Sometimes Time ceases to exist Inside a high I found my life And even past the point of death I still exist Am I more than a ghost or a spirit Could I ever single the final notes of an internal song Could I ever face existence without singing a song My soul is a fire waiting to catch the embers Of old forsaken lives Of against disenfranchised Seek against me the truth That the fascist within me looks exactly like you I am the anti-christ I am the anti-choice I am the anti-voice I am the setting sun The distant rhythm of rain As I pull my heart to pieces And rage against the dying veins I set to infuriate Because in my ignorance All I ever did was infuriate Simply because I exist Growing old was a pain Seeing my youth Burning away Trauma remains I deal when I step I remove when I steal I realign all I am To stand inside regret Levitate me from Earth Orbit me around A central theme of hatred Till the life of love rebounds I cannot face life alone Nor can I force life to live among me To live beside me I am not dead I am not contradicted I say what I said Because that soul existed That source of pain is real The depth of evil Dwells within my soul Evil calls me home I was born of sin and thus I burnt away my flesh I was gifted eternity of brim and fire brush Condone the violence in the name of Bring me the stones The noose we know Burning eternity Is all you know I heard your words "immortality is not a right" You would dare? You would dare take my life? You would dare stand? You would dare? You would dare? You had one chance And now Your only words are to convince me that evil is truly real You will wage a war against my senses And tell me it's my fault You will reveal that nightmares Stem from my heart I care I will face you Devoured again Just for another chance to taste you Love is knot My soul is in knots And the further I go The more knots I entangle The stronger your whip grows And I become entangled Inside of slavery There is no more sense of me There are no more doors No more anything It's only you Standing over top of me Trying to instill fear Though I have seen everything I have danced with death Interloped with souls Befriended the dead Destroyed all hope Destroyed all dreams Death Is all I know This is all I know I plead my case I mark my words I show you why Apathy is all I know I bring your eyes To where I stand For I will not move Against any other man Even in your wars Your genocidal rage Life will endure Through all time and space I will not bend a knee I will not take my life I will not reveal death To any other life I will mark my grave With something nice And I will bury my tongue Inside my voice I will show you the love I will you a choice To live among you Or to be any other voice There is nothing inside of death No time No feeling No life No love No choices No progression No points No purpose No family No friends No enemies No wars No peace No dispute No resolutions No conflict No compromise No walls No homes No freedom No oppression No tyranny No democracy No you No I No one Nothing There is utterly nothing There is a choice to stand To wait through the void of eternity To sift through debris and remember that your breathe Is what started everything But why Haven't you learned enough there Haven't you seen How lonely life is there We stand among a billion chemicals A trillion more are on the way Vibrating mechanical Biological machines We are the precipice Riding this wave And though we know it crashes We do our best To mitigate all of pain To remember our passage We try to remember life And sometimes we can But sometimes we are life Just as life began We remember the truth Eternal internal Yet still we remain Yet still I remain The weight of living life The weight of valuing life Is not about time This is not about time There is something here Trying to remember What good occurred here No matter what we are No matter what you say No matter what I do No matter where we are No matter where you go No matter where I am No matter when we stop No matter when you leave No matter when I start It's always we, you, and me Day 321 (Subtle Brushstrokes) Tuesday, May 5, 2020 3:41 AM [spoken and sung deep] Time Leaves me wondering Am I inside manic highs Before depression destroys me Am I insane or crazy Foolish enough to believe Imagination Takes over me [sung] Still I know Life is here out somewhere near To where I go When I feel my heart beat This rhythm carries me Over my doubt and all of my fears As I begin to feel That I am alive and alone [falsetto] Life Pulls my eyes And tears apart my health I begin to feel the sickness deep inside of my self I know the sound of rain over broken and missing hearts Leaven the part of me that tries so desperately to feel alive Aware inside of life I hope you know I will always go To stand among you To stand among those who never fall I hold myself esteemed Inside of my self Am I becoming too close to see myself For who I am becoming Am I darkened Am I forsaken Inside this dream Inside of apathy [spoken] My fingers feel the frail air Cold and nimble my lungs are numb here I try to convey to you That I have always tried to convey to you The desperation The deep incessant need To leave these hollow and burdened shores The cold was never ours The wars were never theirs They don't know They don't know What the fuck we are Inside of frail and broken lungs Those who cannot see that are dead as me They push against everything But we are the universe conversing with everything We will instill the truth when the day comes [spoken and sung deep] We will show to them We are of this other Earth So close yet so far My curse is my own My love is mine to give Where I stand below A temple of living Regretting the truth That I am too cold to be I am frozen Without life Without love Without any sense of dreams This mechanical insanity was meant to devour me This routine of chance This routine of chance encounters with who I thought I'm meant to be This game is over and over and under control of someone who doesn't remember Life is fair inside the end of the times of day the time of day Lungs inside our feet move us to where we once stand we once stand Enigmatic parts of our soul move mountains Behind our eyes is a contemplated moving dream a moving dream Infinite in size is all the time that we have held that we have held [sung] I am chemically inclined to deny you from myself I know I know The pain of knowing all that we are We are forever growing older Wishing time would cease Wishing endless dreams would find me and tell me I am alright I am alive This sense of entity inside my sun Inside of my lungs The part of my chosen life Is starting to remember who I am Remember who I am I know the distance that I fall is starting to regret the future What if I left so much behind That to realize would split my mind? What if I felt all the love that I lost Would I lose myself? Deepened and cherished regret of who I once was Of who I was And what I long for To know where I am [spoken] Am I apart of time Had I built a life and left it all behind Did that machine of me continue on Is there a throne meant for my eyes to finally see Am I a coward trying to relive endless sentiments of empty memories Did I leave my son behind Am I entirely blind to reality Or am I stepping too close To drawing lines Connecting dots that don't exist Parallel lives move over this time and my mind can't explain this How could I not be the center of it all if I exist How can I witness existence and not collapse upon it Is this as close to stability that we can get [sung] Is there more is there anyway To see All that I have yet to see inside Of my broken life I bend time to stand alive And wish upon a dying breathe of air As air fades in to the sky above my eyes I know there is sense of god below my life I know there are words you can not bare to see This is my war against all your dis belief I am not yours I am not a gun aiming at your heart Waiting to explode I am not a nuclear device Waiting to figure out Whether to fuse refuse the fission inside of my heart I cannot be this dead into the dark I am a parallel machine Trying to preach to the damned I know there is something more Why oh why do you think I live my life so hard [falsetto] Deep Heart Love Show Me What I have soon to see What life below me Is meant to be Is this more than I had seen before I had arrived Is this world better off because I am here Is this world levitating slowly in ways I cannot see or comprehend I know life is meant for me to breathe in breathe out my hatred Of the world filled en hatred I know there is death to feel I show you that my catatonic states are for me to re-feel What I lost inside of light speed across the universe I had seen every thing to be here When I arrive I wish to bring all of my love with me But it seems that no matter where I go my love is permanently in place with friends and family Have no fear I will still move at light speed to be with you Just trust me when I say Follow me home To where my heart roams Where my soul is vibrant and free This eternal sense of heaven is among my life endlessly I call home to tell you why I miss you so I run for the hills to get back home I know this world is not meant for me to hold But in the time between reality and holding you close I will be as much of love as I know What once was, is again What once was lost, has found life again What once drifted, stands lifted Heart I know you are there I know what we lost wasn't fair Day 322 (Drain of Energy) Wednesday, May 6, 2020 1:42 AM [scream] I relinquish All that I know I distinguish All of my hopes For you tell me The math behind symbols Is inherently evil Because of our past You draw the lines And push intellect against the walls This is drunken and misspoken hatred I don't know if there are any propagators of true intentful hatred [falsetto sung] How could I know Who Leaves me to know Winter holds my mind hostage The world around me couldn't agree What this is so I fled my entire Mistaken sense of nationality I did not burn your flags Nor march against your streets Still I know what you have done Still I know you concentrate your power upon your soul Divided we stand Divided we are all alone Yet we know we are alive [scream] I see no point To unify myself with Nazis! Collectivized we survive nothing! I am unsure of who I am How could I ever know the intent of any other man! I stand for myself! I credence my own life! I stand undivided! Undivided! [spoken] The sooner the storm the quicker the reign The vacuum of power of a black hole king Presidential residuals of power linger in my heart The title of a tyrant of hearts Listen and linger and hear our skin burning inside the destitute region of men Men who can't hear My apathy has suffocated The shell of me is all that remains I cannot fight your wars I see no point to die in vein I see no enemies or friends anymore The lines are blurred My vision is weak My soul is dying My soul is trying to tell me [falsetto sung] Fly away from here Leave these shores Let themselves erode themselves away Do not feed their rage with kindness or your ears Just let them die away Resentment of other life is the first step to killing and removing life You government of endless tyrants Stand and step upon all our mind can comprehend We are individuals trying to stand aware and awake and listen to the system of gods My mind cannot hear who you are anymore I cannot lock myself inside a constant and endless senseless sentiment of war [spoken] You inflate what you are Relative to me Your signals are strong But your message is weak It doesn't reflect me I see your image on endless screens But you don't walk my streets You're never near me You don't know my life You don't know the pain of being distant from other life I I wish you could see I wish your perspective could suddenly enlighten me But it can't and it won't See what the streets have taught me is that it's cold and it's dark Homeless roam around en Rome Junkies Animals that look exactly like the future Exactly like my future I know there is no place For me to ever go But I would rather die But I would rather suffer Than live inside of heaven With other souls With other souls For we are hollow Our shallow husks don't reframe Don't remain Don't reflect The deepest truth of all That we are alive I cannot stand in line with those so suffocated with death I cannot believe that you can't see what I am inside this dream Am I too far to just believe that I am not the greatness that life below me needs? Am I just a mask for you to reflect upon your mistakes? Am I real for you? Am I here just to constantly feedback your frequencies? Am I alive just to say constantly that it's okay if you survive mortality? [sung] Do you need me to tell you that we never have to die? We never have to die! Do you need me to promise you brighter life? I promise brighter life! Do you need me to hold you? I'll hold you! The colder the days The darker dreams seem to fade away Preparing for life To begin again Through another set of eyes again Hold me as I cherish your breathe And tangle myself inside another dream [falsetto] "Hallelujah" "Hallelujah" The rocks in the air sing The Citadel of me begins to dream Colloquial dreams swallow me I dream into another day And my entire life follows me Through and through the days of endless life Endless days Blocking scheduled time to fall apart This entire continuity falls apart As we all sing "hallelujah" "halleluiah" We fall into another dream Wait for life to subtly end and carry me on Burn away the edges It's only been two months since I walked away from the land of the dead Here I am standing among you again We all rejoin The center of life The sinner of endless countless days The moon walks into the day Move me There is no other way to be for me Try to know that this is something I would do forever If you let me I would ride the dragons high until the very first light I would ride the darkest wave just to show you the way Carry me through "it's this way Only moments to go Only mountains between us and puritan snow!" Don't you remember the purpose of life? Don't you remember the depth of living endless lives? Forever is just a second snapping into place and holding my heart still Holding my life so violently still I can't close my eyes anymore I know what lingers out there Deep in my life is a sound too dangerous for life So I refrain So I change Exactly what I've done Bending the light into waves Converting my eyes into a cave Blurred and unmoved Unending and smooth Is all I hate So I never return there I never let my dream go away Until the moment I can relax I finally relapse Day 323 (Reflective Line) Thursday, May 7, 2020 2:12 AM [Spoken en Entirety] Who was I once before Why do my memories follow me What was I running from Where do I go from here How am I supposed to survive Is this the day of life worth reckoning Is it now or tomorrow Is there a day where I trace Divine lines in innocent minds How can I even say The quest of man is meant for other days Why is it here en which I fear Why do my misspelt and broken arms not know who I am I could claim to any throne Claim I was once and here again But what would it do But bring fear to my eyes Existence standing is worse than any other time I don't know how to face this Spoken and broken are words upon my skin I don't know how to breathe again Yet I am Listening to you What is it that life wanted to see The universe is breaking and bending contorting all that I see What I was Is melting against all my fears It's not wise to lose the sense of fear Ending up dead Hung from a tree Societal collapse around me The pace of rhythm inside Is worse than any other lie I cannot feel I cannot pray I cannot die In any other way Than living my life Slowed and controlled Systems fall back into place Disorder among chaos seems to reign We rewrite the laws We change what we are We change our hearts Those who feel distant and afraid I know your pain I am this pain One day We will know nothing Except for our names And where we had stand Inside of this pain I cannot relinquish I cannot extinguish Any other vein Life is but love Control is something I want nothing of Asymptomatic I have every sense of disease And I know at times I write in lines parallel To feed both sides To feed ever lie The same word to you Is other words to other lives I am confused What a wonderful thing to see before I dream My veins are enflamed My stress has given itself a name My constant state of mind has taken over me I am a zombie The walking between life and the dead Paralyzed in a sense but still I exist I hold no fear nor grudges Nor hope nor dream for what I will do I am bond to nothing The melancholy dream Once had sweat me out Once inside of life I finally feel as though I am gone And though you may not understand what these words mean now In time when we stand upon all of our sense You will see That we only meant to bring You to ever lasting peace I am unafraid and tormented light I am the machine of elven life as you ignite the high of distant lights I am the man who stands where you depart Waiting for you to embrace your enlightened dark I am tethered Alone and afraid Begging for the day for my return Hypnotic is deepened en a state My life is but a dream or so it would seem But why can't I control this This existential dimension Power is muted against all the time in the world Capable of anything Paralyzed of everything I ran once And I didn't fall I ran once And I didn't hit a wall I beg for those days ever lasting I beg for a time when life is just laughing And feeling my heart not long for the past Knowing that the past is where my life is How fast before I recreate How fast could I go before I initiate Time to relapse Closing the cycles inside of my hands And hoping that no matter what I am I would be every single thing I set out to be And always protecting Who I used to be Protecting my youth from who I used to be I see myself Walking and smiling A warmth inside of my heart As I cling to distant memories To know exactly where I have been To see every thing of what I am Closing the distant and darkened cycles So I may stand with my friends and my family Until the end Until the end Solemn and aware Awakened and dead Most days seems like nights Drifting in my head I beg for nothing more I see you struggling Yet trying to give me more I am a lost and forgotten memory I need you to want everything of me Give me a chance to be everything I need to be Tell me so gently inside of a dream That this is our love This is our life This is our time To engage the lights To live our lives Day 324 (Book of My Life) Friday, May 8, 2020 1:10 AM [Sung] Clever enough The further I go the harder it seems to know What I have done in my past to justify the moments of relapse Deeper involved inside the high we call life But I don't know why How did I convince myself to juxtapose all that I once known Is this worth the sacrifice Is this worth a thousand years filled with ice Colder bones know not what they had once seen I knew there was once another way I know that there is some price for my soul to pay Why do I remain so vibrantly cold What is it that I must say to undo what I had once done [Wrapping] The rhythm inside of my heart is starting to break And I begin to race against time to try and save my second life I try to face every wall that I stand inside of as I fall Perceiving me as I die as I live as I try The moments that I break away all that I have ever done These soft and sweet simple sentences of what I once was What I was before the days turnt to vapor waves [falsetto] High is my eye I look upon the earth below me and try to understand what I left behind How could I face you How could I say these words directly to you I know there is an ocean of pain between us Still we cling to the sides of these raft and hold on Embrace the storms As our arms extend to the sky Lifted and remaining are all the parts of me that live life I know there is another way to live my life Without a single stance of fear I know that I left behind the messages directly tied to my entire life I once knew what life was meant to be I held my own heart still in misery I could not bare another attack Fragile and wishful I linger on your inside I try to be alive But I am too lost to know the way out So I will explore the dark and in time remove all my doubt That underneath of heaven Is all we used to be and in part of our hearts still remain to be That darkness has enveloped me Are the cursed men of time exploring the depth of space Longing to remember what it means to be Inside of space The distant and vibrant part of my brain [scream] How do we return! How do I walk in space with mortal suns! How can I exist under water! How can I convey to myself that I am myself! No matter what you may say or see! I am not lost to myself! I am exactly where I have always been! Casted in dark right from the start! My soul has no other way to experience this earth! I can't walk! I can't sing! I can't stand! I can't breathe! I can't die! I can't live! I can't experience what I'd give! I am not a man! I am not a ghost! I am not a god! I am unknown! I am your son! I am your nights! The moon inside of death! The moon inside of life! Look to what I have done! Look at the distance between where I have been and now! I am forever alive! [Spoken] The distance between the sun and the moon Is paralleled from where we stand The parallax from our distant memories Is relative from our past I stare into the mountains covered in fog Covered in regret Covered in my ideals Fading from the West I used to know exactly what I was Until poverty reminded me that I am a ghost Allocation of no vacations No time to even be alive During time of pandemic is the only time That this life has vocalized that I am closer to feeling death Than any other time A foreshadowing warning that to return That to return is to die The systems in place before we left Are begging us to die Disregard me I am only your only son I know the price of living life I've given all my sacrifice away I would rather know nothing I would rather sit inside the dark I would rather feel My fever slip away I would rather feel life Any other way I am twisted unto the night Broken shadows exit my sun Casted misery into my eyes The distant and remembrant part of my life I am not calloused I am unafraid I am not jealous I am not a slave I am not anxious I am not depressed I am not existing I am not regret I am not lazy I am not violent I am not reactive I am not prophetic I am not a saviour I am not a man I am not the sun I am not anyone I am not a dream I am not hypnotic I am not organized I am not high I am not words I am not death I am the knots Deep in your chest I am alive Terrified of breathing Terrified of being Terrified of waking The shadow over top of the desert As I walk underneath the beaming sun Grinding down upon me As I trace these ancient spells Lost to forever I needed you to answer me when I called my misery I needed you to breathe life the simple day I almost died I retrace every word Try to analyze what it means And I listen to other perspectives try to tell me what it means Every single soul is fighting Every single soul is coiled Preparing to fill the vacuum that we once called god You would step above and below us Transcending time and space and energy You would rise above us just to be I am torn between days Of believing in believing And skeptic inside of my eyes Torn between mind and reality I see every single side of suicide A slow vulture hanging over every head A mountain dripping with regret Asking so gently in the night if tonight is the day that we die Why would death bother me Is there such a debt to be paid Are there those among us Who can deem life Essential or non-essential Are there those among us Hidden and retreating trying to draw lines against what we to be The virus we call life The endless cycle of dead We invigorate And catalyze We try to breathe air Inside of suicide To bring you back To bring you back To bring you back To bring you back You stand so far From where we are I remember your voice From where we were From where we were From where we were From where we were From where we were I cry with you As you battle the nights As you stand in line For suicide For suicide For suicide For suicide I said I could not join you there But you didn't care and twisted your hands Over my body and brought me here Brought me here To the cold and lonely world To the cold and lonely world I don't ask for your forgiveness I don't ask for your denial I don't ask for your past I won't judge your trial I won't watch you die I won't watch you die The preceding moments retreating As I stare into abyss The deepest darkness that life has known to exist I stare into unreason and justify my emotions Emotions of what I knew Emotions of recovering From just fucking known you My heart was shattered and no one cared My heart was made of glass and no one ever cared My mind was relatively sane I was able to stand against all of my past trauma But you walked directly in the line of my eyes And told me you would not survive the nights I cried on the phone I cried with you I talked to my mom and tried to understand Why What could I do What could I say What could I be To change this day How could I stand Against the dead against you The depth of death was always within you I know there is no other way to convey that our pain Was mutual it seems Bringing me down to the depth Just to prove the sea Was everything It needed itself to be Where will the sea be When the sun finally rises from within my chest How can your darkness escape the confidence Of someone who loves Of someone who cares Of someone who watches Of someone who feels How can you escape me When I start to free me The water rises and left me to be Is this the echo of life that you needed to see As you refuse the truth that we need to be I tried to convey to you that eternity has already overwashed us We drown now inside of chemical bathes Chemical treatment prevents us From living From being From living But the chemical is around us It's not within us The chemical is around us It's not within us The chemical is around us It's not within us The chemical is around us It's not within us Day 325 (The Importance of Clothing as We Freeze Near Death) Saturday, May 9, 2020 12:07 AM [Scream] I aim Directly for the sun [Spoken digitally] The sound of echoes Listening in our hearts Is distant and unaware I flee from these lands The sound of hatred in my ears I suppose this is genocide I suppose there is a right To give away my life I suppose there used to an endless shore between you and me But it seems one of us has forgotten What it means to alive inside of hate filled lives I burn my anger inside my chest I feel all that I once had inside my chest burn against regret I let it fly deeper into my mind Devouring all that I had hoped for Every wish every dream Begins to wither Begins to dance against itself The price of admittance to heaven Is bearing witness To transcendent atrocities The power of hatred grows wicked I cannot stand against the tides of darkness For I am apart of the darkness Every word I say now Is a mirror between words And I know it will bring an endless sea of darkness From which I hope to heal From which I hope to hear I suppose the deeper the darker these secrets their markers The darker the truth will seem to be once the light has shown itself to me I know that in truth no matter what I do Forgiveness is only within me And I have forgiven every single one of The depth of my eyes and my feelings Brought me to points I cannot face The blinding of the truth Is that I cannot face a war against you Nor do I know why you would wish to face one against me I am here simply to be I am here simply to sing I speak now in parallels I see there is a point In which greatness and relief Will show itself to me Will show itself to family And my friends will know That I am not an enemy I cannot face the darkness within every single soul I cannot feel the pressure of darkness swallowing itself whole There was a point before hatred fathomed itself A point before I desensitized myself to your needs You asked a child to solve of all life every problem You expected me to be The ears of your saviour The ears of a god But I cannot handle anything I cannot handle what it means to be Catatonia The sweet release of everything Myself is not your entire world Myself is not your selfish desire To converse with me To stand between heaven and the dead I cannot be I am not the saviour you needed me to be I am so lost I am in too deep I am too withdrawn I am too free I am too in love With the end of everything Stop before it starts Stop before it's dark I push and pull the trains Between every concentrated camp of mind I kill everything I thought was mine I own no one I own nothing I am not a claimant I am not a king I am not a Jesus I am not a freak I am not anything I am not anyone I am not a memory I am not anything I am alive And I stand between life The fragments of truth Begin to coalesce inside of you I am just your son A distant memory What if I was lost Lost to the end of everything What if I returned To the day I was birthed And asked you to stop Prevent me to be Would you grant me my freedom Or would you enslave me Would it even matter Have our minds been so concentrated That the camps our within us We carry a thousand slaves And see it in their face We progress a system Meant to enslave We ensure that death Is in someone else's hands We give up our reign In blinded trust of man All because of rage All because of pain You lost your son again Though my body remains My mind is broken Distant and unmended Twisted and untrue I try for a thousand years To convey some sense of truth I don't understand what I need to be To cast eternal light into eternity To be there forever To question the end To face every demon lurking deep within Within entire societies We try to face the truth That somehow this is on me and you That is on me and you I questioned god Asked him why I face the nights Cowering beneath the sheets of light I asked him why I die I asked him why is life He told me Now here I am Now I speak directly to you I shatter the mirrors That stand between days and my life And I question The weight of every life I am put upon a path I am boarded upon a train I am coerced into hatred that I don't understand Someone is drawing lines Rising the borders Between our lives I cannot understand I do not see what is happening I thought I believed in believing That this world is ending Yet you are so old You are so old I know if I breathe in time I will stand Exactly where you stand But more days than not I cannot breathe I drown beneath the currents Of what it means to be And you bring hatred directly to my face Against my ears And against my race of human kind I step into the darkness I step into the land of the dead and the night And I combat you because I know hatred is your only source of life But I cannot permit this I cannot permit this I will step out of the comfort of my home And face the dragon within your soul Because you are not my own You are not of human kind Of human love Of human life Twist the lines and blur reality Divide the nights And distribute reality I am not the cold I am not the glaciers I am not the tundra I am not the freezers I am the sun Distant and barren Refusing to fuse with hatred Refusing to fuse with hatred This is my decision This is my religion This is my en vision [sing] To sing above what I had once lost To free my mind from all that I had once felt was lost [falsetto] Oh how do you plead? How do you ignore what I see forevermore? Is this not what you asked for? To see the truth beheld upon you? To see your skin inside of me? I ask if you are there? Are you distant or near? Is this not the journey you need to see? I hope in time your heart bends into the night Above what we are And blurs the borders To tie in what we thought was beauty And fascinating the fascist within our souls To the part of the truth That we are too far to know the truth of what we cannot know [spoken] I begin to listen To hear the growth of life and hatred To observe death incarnate To observe life To notice they occupy the same space and time That I bring life unto all of death For death stems externally For life stems from internally eternally To blend them is conscious To see that death is existence no matter what To see that life is existing no matter what We are all here We are all near Occupying a singular point inside of space and time We orbit the sun we call our God The lord of light the lord of Ra We are not the pagans We are not disciples We are not the saviours We are not the prophets We are just your children We are just your children We learn what we hear We see what we feel We extract from everything We condense into nothing We are what we are We are what we are We are what we are We are we are we are Symptomatic signs That life is not a joke That life is not a test That life cannot be sewn Life is existence Existence upon the light The frequency of frames That dance outside of light Swallow my eyes And let the darkness wash over me Meditate upon decisions Watch friends turn into enemies Preach of non-religion Preach of knowing Preach of sullen and outspoken souls Preach of their dead The time to exist To live out religion To embrace the heaven before us To live existence I am asking nothing Dictating to no one I am only contorting my soul against the walls I am only trying to understand where I am within it all I am only life against a man The divided en soul Day 326 (Highs and Ghigher) Sunday, May 10, 2020 1:35 AM I erase you As you stand outside of my perspective The blinding darkness enters light The days shift from reality back into the dye I cast the craftsmen I cast the shingles of every home I try to beckon the sun to see the moon I try to cast my life against the darkest nights The worse my lungs the bright it seems my eyes I abandon all frames to contextualize my entire life I erase the errors of my mistakes I conform so one day I may fit in place I conform against the will of my entire faith I am the image I am the idol I am the man that falls before you The domino in a sequence of events The domino of creation as life begins again A coughing Smokers lung Hidden inside of my viral tongue I was born of addiction So I suppose I will walk this earth Addicted upon the snow I will see cocaine ice The tar in the ocean resembles blackened eyes Remembering that children are overdosing Remembering the epidemics that we have caused Drugging and empowering the human thought That we must change We must change every thought Digest and enzymed we begin to fight We process the chemicals inside of our life I stand against the shores unsure of what these means But I think there is a part of life inside of me that you might need I don't know what you want but me I am all I've ever been I am here waiting for you I am dancing inside my mind as I live again I converge against the points of fear and let them die I let my eyes examine this earth The creatures of life and love move without our force This earth is moving upon due course We are living inside an internal machine Of and among the distant and lost parts of machinery Try to break apart and see the whole That humanity is no longer simply biological We expand upon the point of absolutely no return I will not return to the point before I was born I am not and I am nothing before that day I was born so I may embrace the days Live the life of enchantment and see me See that our lives in time converge over and over again We race to the points of living lovingly There is no point inside of destitute and hate Only an ocean of blackened and tar feathered rage So I leave behind all my lies As I embrace the night Standing and withered is nothing The days collectivized There are only sounds of eternal life I build a bridge into eternal life I am not broken Nor do I cower behind the light I step and stand apart with darkness I am much and I am equally nothing Conflated is the ego of knowing that we are each great That in time the entire human race will begin to play The age of warfare of eternal life The dimming of the night as we walk through eternal life I am unfair and I am living my life I secede nothing to my son I give away the binding between the suns I bridge the part of me endless To the days of living listless Combined the light the nights Combined the summer with winter inside of my eyes I am not yet relented to the end I will stand against a universal fear that this will all end I will not cower between days and let apathy reign I will embrace the hatred that we have made Distracted and impressioned The light of a screen impresses upon me That this is only the beginning This entire sentence of living life We are meant for more than a simple life A simple life that sees nothing For we observe the passage of time We have transcended beyond life For we observe the passage of time The setting of the sun The rising of the tides The setting of the moon The rising of our lives In between the days of living and death Is a clearance house filled with regret I linger here and look for a part of me that feels I simply bet that I am here I turn the page upon my hands And see the weight of the world is starting alleviate itself again And I am able to move and feel and breathe and enter this simply being I am lost of part and I am longing for heart The day of the nights and living with feeling The part of me that waits is starting to feel The part of me that lives is starting to feel The sounds of an egg beginning to crack and peel The movement of an ocean inside of this world As we dance into a dream As we step upon eternal dreams And see that we can finally breathe And see that we fell As we begin to simply sing And call out the names of what it means to feel And call out the names of what it means to be real A world that records exactly what we feel A universe that captures all that we need to feel A multi expansive realm Where no matter what we are forever real Where no matter what we are here Where no matter what we are here Where no matter what we are eternally here External and internal Internal and eternal The mind and the body The spirit and the soul The ego and the hate The depth of our love as we grow Into what is real And what is beyond The heaven of the earth The heaven of the soul The heaven of life The heaven of love The gates between what we are Seems to me to be somewhat closed I need for you to tell me what you need to be Tell me so heaven knows which way to go And I will find you wherever there's darkness The shroud of life inside of every darkness We will be come again We will separate the parts as we become whole again And move And move And move And move the sails Against the sea Of all we see Inside the parts of ocean breeze I know there is No part of me That holds no hope Inside the see But I am here And I am bare My soul is dark And I can't see I know there is No part of you Inside of me But I don't care I know there is Some part of me Inside of here The spells we bind To begin again As we start to live our lives The pushing Of the ocean Against the walls I know you know it's true that we will never fall That no matter where we are we will see it all We will see it all We will never fall No matter what you say No matter what you feel No matter what your mind may say I know it seems The further we go The darker the dream Seems to show But I am Not unaware I am always among And apart of your eyes As you stand inside of your life I know it seems The darker the tunnel The darker the dream The further the moment Deep in between All that we are Inside eternal dreams Deep inside this twisted moment of eternal dreams And I am here No matter where The part of you twists upon inside of fear There are no parts of this universe meant to harm you anymore and I hope that you know it is true Day 327 (Empires) Monday, May 11, 2020 1:13 AM I am drawn between lines I am sought between the nines I build an eternity So when I sail I sail eternally I listen to the heaven The bread upon my face The lines between my taste And the soft palette chemical I ingest to digest what I heard I comprehend the worst When I feed the animal in my head Starvation begins again The antidote to addiction Who is the evilest Who within me feels the resentment My level head is dead And my eyes are left with sleep Enter deprivation Enter to trance Enter the morrow The gears between our hands I ingest the time And combat the flagrant lies And listen to my mind Unravel inside of time I inhaled you once Now I forever hear I heard as you cried out The religious aspect of fear You contain to draw me closer You draw lines where there are none You suppose yourself the author Then taste my skin Feast upon the depth of knowledge That no man could ever withstand Nostalgia is starting to echo There is something Lost in the presence of mind So I revisit my past I stand against time I try to understand And still you insist there is nothing but death there You corrupt my childhood The beauty of living life Day 328 (Electronics) Tuesday, May 12, 2020 2:04 AM [Spoken] The energy compiled [sung] Up the ceilings Up to the feelings Of what is in my chest I cling no matter to lies To light below the life Inside of my heart Is another sets of knives That I can no longer feel I can longer feel what is real to me and you I left behind the life That I always swore to hold I fall behind what I know And I know nothing more than my heart anymore I don't care what life is anymore I know there is nothing left to feel anymore So I am wary of what I did before all the days before me And all I carry And all I carry I sort behind the fire The source of my desire is to combat your in dire need To control me and all that I feel I am not machinery that you can simply construct I am not a life that you can simply destruct With your words and your eyes anymore I am too complex to comprehend I am in and out Dipping above and below All the horizons And the clouds that you know I am so far I cannot fear my empty heart anymore The days between the life and my life The days between perfection and lies The darkest the night The temper in my steel As I brandish my gun As I brandish the fun The war between you and me All the life between what we know And we see I am a terrible man Below all you see I could not contain my love Nor my anger of my lust So I lash out against you The clouds inside of you Rain down upon the fields in front of me As we begin to see the summer of the end of what we sing [scream] I am! I am! I am terrible inside! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am the dragon inside! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am the high you try! I am the sense of innocent life! I am the depth of your eyes! I am the desert in the night! I am the dead! I am their truth! I am the end! I am what consumes you! I stumble! Stumble on the truth! Because that is days! Incessantly obsessed with you! [spoken] I breach the chambers Which contain the somber nights I wage a siege against the walls of my heart I try to pierce my mind with a thousand iterations of words I beckon in the night for some outsourced source of life to find my eyes But the only time I live is when I feel my own life But to feel my own I must feel nothing Bombarded endlessly by psychotic noise Psychotic distortions move themselves endlessly The radiant energy From before Till after Moves among and through me The microwaves inside my eyes As I examine the world around me Deducing what light means Before the day my eyes grow blind and friends turn into me Before life returns to the end The beginning of the end Is what I seek The moment of truth before I lost all myself with you To trace back the source of life To the moment which it was once lost To stand without doubt To stand without fear To stand without any sense of any where else To be exactly here Where I stand inside of my doubt Inside of my mouth As I turn into the dirt And return to the earth And swim through entire semblances of cosmic clouds I enter my mind I lose control I hate the world Beyond my soul I cannot leave I will not leave I will not run I will not race to see the setting sun I will be exactly where I am I distort time endlessly and wish for other days I stand against the tide of time I break against a million waves And watch myself shatter for the billionth time My soul is racing My heart is beating The blood within me is life We soar to the sky We leave with no life I am what stands between life I am the source of the dead I am what becomes I am the land of the living and of the dead My soul flushes out what we known So in time life will finally know That to stand where we stand Is the edge of humanity We have been built up Collecting an endless sense of innocence We are the evil in the world How am I How am I here Below the land of the earth Below the sands of the sun How do I not know that this is what is done You say endlessly that I am a slave You say endlessly that I am a slave You say endlessly that I am a slave You say endlessly that I am a slave You say endlessly that I am I am mistake Oh master oh master Oh master oh master What must I say What must I say To contend with the darkness To contend with the day Oh master oh master Oh master oh master Oh master oh master Oh master oh master When did I agree to be your slave Was it Was it Was it the day I walked upon the earth And breathed my first lung Cherished the beauty with my eyes You tell me endlessly That the day of life ending will in time finally come Is this the day You told me that beauty in life would eventually fade away Unless I fought endless wars Unless I did your endless chores Unless I did your endless wage Unless I died until the day That I am too old to see the setting of the sun Inside a young mans soul Am I too late to stand Am I too alive to understand Am I too far into the dead that I have overstepped Am I too aware of what it means to be Am I too engrained in endless torment and misery Am I too far to even care Am I too far to even care that war is already here I wage myself I raised myself I combated the evil I combated the good I observed the end I observed the right I compared myself to the left of the right I tried to evaluate who I am inside a thousand lies The machine of animals The machine of animals The machine of animals The machine of animals Without life Without eyes Without soul Without ears Without nose Without the sense of what is alive And what is cold What is new and what is old The machine of animals The machine of animals The machine of animals The obsession between and the schizophrenic eyes We say a million words We spread a million memetic minds A machine of animals A machine of animals We are no longer apart of the systems we departed from We have chosen to enslave ourselves To wrought the power from others from controlling our self I would rather face eternity alone Than to be an animal Than to be an animal Than to be an animal Than to be an animal Than to be an animal Than to be an animal The machine of animals Contradict what it means to ensure life Spread the propaganda Become the mouth of tyrants The tyrant within me The tyrant of life is deep within everything Ignorance and bliss Mistepping into fortune Not knowing what we are Ignorance is ignorance No matter where you are No matter how far you are There are points of no return There are points of little matter Of black holes and vacuum masks You suck the air from within me And all I ask is to be alive To be allowed to stand with eternity But your ears are attuned so far below You cannot hear the sound of the snow The poetry between me The poetic eyes of suicide How deep would you go To escape eternity To withdrawal from eternal life Day 329 (Prism Shift) Wednesday, May 13, 2020 1:00 AM [Screaming] Enter the shift! The passing of our eyes! The transcendent bliss! Of refusing lies! Returning to the dead! Every ounce of their hatred! Their endless lust for revenge! The castles that they stormed! They could not refuse! The hatred of power within! Cuz they could not imbue! Themselves with magic again! I spin around a thousand orbital suns! I condense all my fears into a gun! I aim the trigger down! And destroy the center of gravity! This endless and wasteful travesty! And trying to convince existence! That existence is better off dead! Mediocre attempts at best! Bring your god! Bring your god! Bring your god! Bring your god! Put them to their test! Wrest out control from under their head! They slept too long and now they are dead! Begin again from imperial truth! What you see is what you get! [spoken] Outspoken and unheard I speak directly passed the past I aim my sights beyond existence The persistent and denial of existent The singular soul knows best Against collective mind and collective Eyes I fight against the moving hive I stand against imperial desks The moving of paperwork The labels and certifications The chance of you to tell me That some part of you Is meant to control me I'm waged and enslaved My soul is broken Not because my self But because this earth is open I stare into my grave I stare into my space I break apart the chains Of every single word You speak of other times When your words could held me in a better life We reflect upon the past And see actions move too far behind the life I listen to your frequencies frequently I gauge exactly who you are Indirect and misspoken My life in your world is token I am not apart I am not a slave I am not a fear I am not a race I am not a sound I am not a change I am not a mask I am not in pain The words you say the walls To reflect my anger And vibrate my anger Against every single set of walls The boundaries between you and me I suppose you should start to build them a little thicker The strength between despots The strength between tyrants The strength between republics The strength between islands The strength between death The strength between life The strength between a tyrant Ready to take life Defense of the homeland Impoverished no home Ping pong of homes Across an increasingly broken land My soul cannot settle Because my soul is not a slave My soul is not a king And my soul is not a Page My soul is not a god My soul is not a gun My soul is not rage My soul is not an outline for your words My soul is vibration vibrating out of my ears Listlessing into the sun I move across the oceans I amove across the sands I move across cultures I amove across the lands I see the setting of the sun The setting of the lands The departure at hand Is broken and unclung Lost and at sea Broken and never coming Never coming to take me I gave you one chance To show me your love You pushed my face Directly into the sand of your love You hurled my body And you ask my forgiveness But there is no forgiveness There is no more chances You cannot control my spirit You cannot comprehend me You are not my sun You are not the father meant to be You are not here You are non existent You are only fear You retreat into my mind The further that I live my life So I will push against you So I will push against you I will hold my soul I will hold my soul I will hold my soul Because I already know I already know I know exactly what you are You seep into my bones You give me the grace Of numbness of feeling And numbness of peace The cold never felt so warm The worse The bones The carriage The soul The nose Pulled through your hole Black hole oh black hole Grant me vision Grant me your sight Of incarnate wisdom Black hole oh black hole Tell me why oh why You linger so close to life You linger so close to life Why are you Why are you Why are you Why are you Is this just a vision A question to the air Are you even listening To the words as they appear Are you not immortal Can you not comprehend The wisdom as we spend We collect endless energy And devote ourselves to enemies We have become Eco-fascist lies Left-winged Into collective suicide You're aiming for your death [scream] You're aiming for the end! How can you not comprehend! That matter is inversing here! That your soul and your spirit! Have collected themselves! To exactly where you stand! What are you doing! Why are you singing! Why are you aiming! Directly for the sun! Directly for the sun! Directly for the run! Directly for the gun! Haven't you seen eternal darkness! Are you not ready for life to begin! You try so endlessly! To escape reality! To escape where we are! Look at your heart! Look at your skin! Look at your flesh! Let the mirrors sink in! Let the vision of existence take over you! Let the magic of being simply alive take control for you! [sung] Deep in the recess of mind Is the sounds as they change over time Locked away in your heart is fear Trying to pound itself through you and what you feel Have not oh have you heard what you are Banging across the stars in your heart The fragments of memories en to enemies The lingering of past hearts The memory The memory of what we are I see the lightning in your skin As you sing to me As you sing to me Once before the day You asked of me To inherit perfection To embrace perfection as it stands [falsetto] Why would immortal hands Need to endlessly see what perfection is I move against every thing again To see what I've done To stand upon the mountains Of my only heart On the last of what I am I laugh in the face of death I have seen everything there is left So bring your wars home to me and I will cherish All of your wounds all of your fears as you feel again Relapsing over and over and over again into the trauma of the past Wake up my dearest Open your eyes and start to find Exactly what we are Exactly what we have lost I know there is a feeling A feeling that is lost An opening of heartache In side of open hearts Broken is the day I levitate to you Broken is the mind of status unto you I am the thermus inside your eyes Longing to see the part of my life I stand open armed at the top of existence I stand below and above the point non existence To calibrate what it means to exist again As my heart breaks over and over and over again Ocean waves break against all that I am I stand valiantly inside of my own hands Tormented and all afraid of what it means to afraid And ashamed of listening I know there is another point to feeling But I am no longer there I am a lost at sea and it seems that life communicates directly and through me I am apart of something that doesn't know anything except for words Hypothetical cancers and answers to anything But in truth there is no answers Hypothetical redundancies As my soul enters the dark As my soul leaves me body in the dark How could I remain How could I consume Other forms of life That I do not consume I am not a planet waiting to be born I am not a star waiting to fuse together with so many highs Chemical lows Chemical minds Chemical souls Chemical lives How I dance Moving in the air as I fall down Living in the life as my life burns down Guarding a throne An errant to the king of some else's home I have no worthiness I am just a simple worm Grovel in the dirt Endlessly cling To subsuming some sort of sympathy But what I do know Is that these outlines of my life reflect the true Day 330 (Errors End) Thursday, May 14, 2020 5:10 AM [Internal and Unspoken] The lines between the lungs The fine grain between our hands As we step into the hands of at least another man Falling through the sounds of this earth The curse of birth has manifested what it means to be again We step into the plane of endless infinities Sounds gaze into the night sky to see the light between the night life The portal between words is unbroken The part of my hand that was once spoken The air between our lungs as we breathe The schizophrenic mind bends back into place so peacefully The calm directly before death The psychotic calms of sobriety I read and red the psalms of death and I cannot pierce what their meanings mean I meditate on life endless against the grains of reality I am losing touch of what it means to be Catatonic states of misery Lost and alone Endless and shifted Broken and alone The sorrow of losing touch of what this life could be I know it Depression is growing and my heart is broken against what this means to me Retracing the steps between this day and the ten thousand days before it Rehearing sounds that pierce directly into my fear I fear what it means to hear To be ever present inside the sea that surrounds me To understand and accept some harsh reality that the mind cannot bear to hear So I run and I ran and I will continue until I outrun this dying land I cannot fear what is not longer here Ether before me The days before my birth The eternal abyss of what came before How far did I leap To get where I stand How far is the sand engrained in my skin Oceans before me Catalyze and mend the mind Soothing the beast of temperament and misunderstandings I hear your words and the child within me so desperately wants to understand I forbid this child to see the evils of my life so desperate and so dark I stand against the ocean walls crashing upon me I stare into the sky above me Looking forward I am Looking forward until the day the oceans behind me finally soothe And I can once again live without erosion The corrosion of my bones The corrosion of my home Rusted and alone I sit inside this home alone Afraid of what is out side The fever dream of walking inside the day of light My mind is unprepared Unwilling to walk Unwilling to bend to the whim and will of others as they talk I cannot comprehend I cannot stand against So I begin to run To fight against the sounds of tyranny No matter where they stem from Even if it's from deep within me I am the seed of all life and evil The garden of eden The spread of our darkness is the darkness across our hearts I shut my mouth and live in silence For I have seen such darkness I do not dare to speak its name For my heart cannot bare it For my heart cannot bare it For my heart cannot bare it The aching of broken hearts Hasn't sadness washed over enough of my friends and the dark parts of our hearts? When will the aging life between us finally begin to start? Why did I have to leave my friends behind just to find my own heart? Why do I continue down this darkened path? Why do minds of life reveal that they can truly feel? Is this the part of half hearts? The moments before life feels? The moment of time before life heals? The kiss of life is closer to death yet still I continue I walk in the valley of the darkness for this is my life I had known so long ago That the only way around is through Bravado of ignition Light speed to living As I approach the limits Of a single man I contain myself Against the veils Against the dark walls That contain this hell The brightest of light inside of the night Revealing to me that the sound of the ocean is not my life Separated by the cosmic force of being known Deductive reasoning to generate reasons to hold my soul Against the fading cosmic lights The energy before this moment Lead directly to my life Collected and alive Collected and aware That the moment of time before the aware Was the collection of life The energy of stars The energy of cars The energy of hearts Fused into a single man The universe created a single man A manifested soul A manifested life That will not deliver any other life To the cosmic throws Of living the life The deeper we go the brighter the lights Rarer even still They pierce our hearts even still I know there is life separate from the atoms deep within The collection of motor pool skills and feeling ill The bravado of leavening the bread before the oven is even built Knowing that words are closer to the point of reality Than another other sound Yet our minds gravitate closer to gravity wells We set sail Blackened holes of K and spice We start to ignite the night Engulfing ourselves To see the sacrifice of immortal lives We remain here To see what remains here When we return to earth The collection of our soles As we begin to run to the ends of this earth And fall off the edge of the earth And spill into the cosmic array of living life in devoid frays The rays of light bathe over us We smile and see that the simplest touch The revealing sounds The kiss of these words directly on your mind Because I know Because I know Exactly where we are Inside of cosmic time Inside the cosmic bending of light Month 12 Approaching Magic Day 332 (Living Room Actual) Wednesday, May 13, 2020 12:50 AM [Falsetto sung] Lost in every wave The amber of our grains The worthiness of our names As we fall in place We know there is life again Living in every day is my eyes On the touch of every breathe is life Waiting for me to see what there is to see Show me the way Show my place with you And all that you are I have no way To convey the depth of my heart anymore Inside a single phrase So I spend every day showing you I begin to spell out time Showing that there is always Another day Another life I am unafraid I will live my life I will stand tall As I fall into love Bracing my skin For the heat that awaits me The warmth of a heart Meant to chase me [internal, unspoken, unvocalized] Life the lips The kiss of death is listless in the sands of bliss The lift of ents meant to sent the spent membrance As the computer age dials in The tuning sticks of intermittent periods of starvations sticks I grow sick I grow the side of size of little sticks I remember hunger and the misery betwixt Standing upon a shoreline I outline the memory endlessly so I never forget I stand upon a mountain My soul is unbroken and unshattered The smile upon me is what stems from no memory The bliss of being buried Underneath of every memory And remembering what it means to remember To remember when dark presence of present life is too close to the end of life Fallen upon the end of times The spoken verb of my entire life Yet my soul lingers nearer and nearer Every day is another day closer to being here The progression of my life is slow The progression of a broken soul I hold the gnome against all the known The mystery of life between me and what was unknown I spend a thousand years thinking of a reply To coordinate the stars inside the sky To reflect my love for you To outshine my love for you Rarely had my eyes ever want Want to see the want of wanting more As I try to convey to you That life was meant to continue this way I am a stranger of stranger times Normalized inside normal lives I am congruent to you Parallel and too far from truth I remember you I had not forgot the part of dark hearts Spinning out of control as your entire world falls apart To imagine that chaos reigns as order moves further Order The Imperial symbol The sign of disorder Collectivized and materialized We live against order We are starting to embark Along a thousand miles of long tailed isles We step into the shadows of shadow The echoes of dreams The echoes of memories Bend and bending We are materialized and collectivized We stand economic and social We deserve life To prosper in wealth and to hold our families ever closer To be with and among material things and life in every tongue To collectivize the lives of a thousand songs And materialize the depth of every song We are changing We are building The bridges in between right and wrong We are the bridges Between every song Closed mind loops loop me for eternity Until I imagine my place inside of stillness eternal blissfully Misremember me For though it seemed at times my life was gone Out of touch inside this home A mind of space inside my skull My eyes everpresent My ears everpresent My soul everpresent My breathe everpresent Lost inside the lost foray of Plato's memory I step to occasion on occasion and rise above the hateful tongues I linger against the tyrant lie and build among and among the grateful life I am more than life The collection of cosmic sun As time begins undone We move to finish what existence set out to have done We are final stars The embers inside the language of mental arts Schizophrenic minds Bent and unfolded A momentary lapse As the stars within As the tunnels of misery within Slowly begin to collapse We collect our minds along the way As we spend every day Knowing who we are Knowing that there is no other way Until we finally say There is infinite ways [falsetto sung] We say what we are in time We admit in time we weren't always right Yet still we tried Balance the scales of what this means to be alive As we stand among and with all of life Move my soul Above and among you As we try to know what I takes To always know you Everpresent inside of our minds We know that the shattering of life Is too much to bare Too much to bare So we take the debris And build it again endleslly Until the day we can say We understand We are we are among We laugh we live we love We know we had a chance To escape I stood among you I was beside you I learn to say what it means to feel As my soul enters the darkness for real I begin to shine my life And start to feel Though the atoms of atomic energy lie within me I am here I am here The decision of fission was always there To implode upon myself And destroy what is here Or I could run and refuse Fuse myself to myself And embrace what time is To a falling cell Have you not ever seen yourself And see that the world that surrounds you is turning upon you Aiming their guns at your head Trying to convince others of you and all that you said That you were in truth the course of abuse We build concentrated camps to store you And rebuild what we deem to be all that you destroyed by yourself We cannot let you out anymore than you can let us in We are too lost to know what dwells within Nor do we try anymore to embrace the feeling of our own pain We cannot understand what this even means We plan to run away and leave you We build other lives just to Find our own way Build our own space Life isn't real Isn't that what you say That life is only a single way From life into death A journey towards an end Day 333 (Untoasted Bagellete) Saturday, May 16, 2020 11:05 AM [screamed] Lost between what's wrong and right I lived my life To the depth of the sun Inside of the sky I tore the sound Directly from my nise Torn between my senses and all of my knives I battle rage The wrong and the right Between our lives As we stand between Every single night Between the lever and the night The triggering of every thing We seek to end in the nights We lived our lives We paid our price I am the walking and miserable dead Unaware of the eyes that watch over my life I am trapped inside my head I am living between deaths Or so it seems For you to be The enemy of every part of me [High Screams] Is this not what you want! The diaphragm is starting to erode! I'm losing my soul for nothing at all! And how! And how! And how the bitter strings seem to be! All that we know! All that we need! [Spoken] The siren of untempted hands The calling of rage from deep within our heads Reverse and teach The machinery how to think How to perceive the dream of what it means to be Spoken and untrue Spoken and untrue Building the temple of ignited lies Burning the remnants of other lives Tearing our art from our hearts Building a temple of anti-christum As we become the saviours of dying light Enter the burning of the flame The burning of our pain As we begin to live As we always lived We refused to change a single vein We walk this earth just as we came [screamed] Alive and undead! [spoken] The terrible terror of living with fear Of knowing that the nights are filled with fear The nightmares persist beyond the days Observing all the days Filled without the nights Contemplating why This is their life I move beyond the days I try to feel the light Deep the legs Of other peoples lives There in the distant Is a ship meant for me To carry me beyond To carry me beyond Rockets behind us As we begin to sail Deep into the sea Above what we see We are just travelers Moving through the sands Of eternal life And the curse upon our hands The glitching of the clouds deep inside of the sky Waiting to wait upon a life to live upon And trip away this dream To stand inside eternity and never remember what it means to Dementia is mentioned I'm lifted I'm lifted Into the night above my life I am too far to be Moving endlessly Against the grains of a memory And remembering what it means just to be The culture we sampled is not big enough 7 billion lives Is growing every day And I will not be the one to turn them all away I don't know how to love I don't know how to truly care I don't know what it means to feel as though I'm here And be free of what I have lost inside of love I am the model man of imperfect life I am the sound Of eternal life Moving through the motions Of endless emotions I am a coward I am what you need me to be In time I suppose You will come to agree That my life is my own That my image is my own I do not bow I do not break I do not live just to gravitate Closer and closer to tyrant hearts I am moving across the lands Finding out your names Marking out your hearts And turn out your graves In time I will know you The depth of your pain In time we will mend you and reverse this curse inside your veins You would be to me You would be to me The culture of life the culture of death And ever y sound between their hands As we begin to sing out that will never die Against the fading of eternal lights We will carry the flame of eternal knights [Choir Sung] We are here for the rest of days We stand here Living without fear inside our heads isn't pain We turn into the night above what we are Turning every page we walk upon I and we [falsetto sung] I am lost without memorii This revival of what it means to be inside our hands I am moving against the sound of every sound of memory Sit with me and imagine me The shrouded life between my life and my death as I run Deeper and deeper into the sun [screaming] I am not the debt! Day 334 (Anger en Hard Veins) Sunday, May 17, 2020 9:44 PM [screaming] The moment you see me I'm already gone! The moment I reveal myself my self is already gone! I am gone! I recognize your insignias! Your templates of death! Your irreverent desire to destroy all of this! I aim to kill your sight! I am the blinding light! I am the temples of the dead! I turn your words into the dead! You mark the edge of this life! I will never surrender my life! I aim to never die! I live forever in life! Your games are irrelevant! [sung] The blinding of the light As we live life Killing the flame within us Removing the boundaries within us Darkness carry me home Dark life oh dark light where are you now? When will I answer your heart? Today or tomorrow born? I am never here so from fear I am never close to slavery of mind I am never far from where you are But I know exactly where you are K words Ok words Start to mark the divide We divide from this culture of constant genocide We are we are not your lies Nor am I our I decollectivize And stand against forever I pull the triggers I built the guns I built the walls surrounding you I stare down upon all you are As I aim upon you I start to fight against The genocidal tendencies within I take my life serious I don't waste my life with fascists I don't care to evaluate What the fuck you are anymore Your labels of words fall apart As you start to divide endlessly inside yourself For you are forever dead Forever lost Forever filled with regret [spoken] You think these words are deep But words are too shallow to convey what I mean to say To you If I could say what I need to I could push the point of no return And return my sight on you I could build eternity and take the temple deep within me and burn away every edge Build my self with regret and in time regret what I am But I won't But I won't I won't listen Dive deeper into the ocean between us Start to see the reason I left Start to believe the reasons I have no where to go Because this entire nation is filled to the brim Filled up with fascists Filled up with capitalists I won't wage my life a slave anymore I won't let my mind waste away anymore I won't contort my love into violence I won't confuse your words for what I am I know I am what I am Isn't that what you need to see? The moment between us The god in the sea of us We move the oceans to breathe love We stumble upon the words we need to touch our tongues Pushing ourselves to the limits as the limits expand into our sun And the sun starts to shine You blackened my heart forever Now is the time to turn the darkened part of life around You say there is no brakes But I constantly break I am shattered and alone Time and space deep in faith of what I know Is that there is no life here I aim to complete what I felt so long ago To enable life to be here Why is life so different? Why do I have to spell out what it means to be alive for someone like me? Splitting the atom of time as I die inside of life Until tomorrow arrives Spitting out what I say Dividing my words As they begin to pray Listening to my heart begin to beat As the liquid in my veins brings me to my feet You would stand against the walls Violate the treaties of what it means to hold life Hold peace hold me desensitize What it means to be You tell me this is deep Programming over top of your mind Won't allow you deeper than the point of these lines I won't fall any further than life I won't regress pass the point of my where it stands I draw a line in the sand You speak and you speak You speak as you walk over the lines And redraw them as you walk towards me I see what you are I contort every lie into art A simple meme Meant to destroy what you are [sung heart] Fascist oh fascist where are you? What brings your heart here again? Why do you repeat your endless genocides? Why do you never learn to care? Do you need to face the edge of life forever more? [scream] Do I need to tear you from limb to limb? Do you care that everything you know wastes away into dementia no matter how often we mention what you are? You are never here and we hate you! You are never here and we hate you! [spoken] I speak with spoken lungs My throat is torn apart I had to inquisite you I had to break apart the forever lost parts of your heart Look into the cancer and see your scars To know your heart was taken from this earth Immortal souls that don't remember That they were native born You had birth right taken From where you are Latin dominion taken us forever more Roman ex dominos Para de mi erres You are too lost To know Your soul is lost Deep inside a fragmented part of life You will never remember what you are For you fall in love with other hearts The lies of nations The lies of nations That tell you that you forever apart Empires fall left and right and we all sing and die You see the stars start to emerge in the sky I start to see you Could any part of me ever forgive you As you fall apart and learn what it means to carry a human heart? You would be as gods inside of past lights But now you stand inside of this life I see what you were What you held inside of the darkness Where you are inside of broken hearts Forever fractured minds Rebel against the whole of entire lights I will not be the energy used to fuel your weapons I will not be the atom divided I will not be any part of genocide I will not be more than a witness to your crimes against humanity I'll use my eyes to see what you are Taunting and flaunting the Not See inside of your heart [scream] We see what you are! We know where you are! We outline your face! We will never forget you! We will live immortal without you! We will never let you live among the life of human love and living! We are intolerant to intolerance and the devil within! We are not what you are! We have known too much trauma to dive back in to see what you are! We know what you are forever more! Forever more! You are what we were! Before we learned! Before the world told us that we cannot control any part! We are the energy moving through everything! You cannot tame us! [spoken] Spoken and sung The song of my heart The song of my people The song of the scars The song of eternity Revealing itself Revealing itself to me As I start to live As I start to fall As I start to dive deep into a hole My body is a key Using itself to reveal eternity That time is real and a mask that I wear As I stand right beside you and tell you that I'm here That we are all alive Alive and just fine Moving the simplest parts of our lives The butcher and the knife Dicing upon the light The moment that we fracture eternity to see where we stand I am terrified to see where I am Though I suppose I know in time the only is to go But I will remain everpresent upon this earth So when I leave I hope my soul will have learned What it means to stand above and below Divided mind as I start to grow Seeing the parallel between the fascist and me The fascist and me That I will never kill I will never permit you to kill I will not allow you to put your hands upon any other mortal man I will not allow you to destroy reality I will contain the chaos within this reality I will not permit to exist near me or my family There is a billion stars for you to exist I suggest you begin to run For your day upon this earth is starting to end I suggest you start to run for the stars And never forget exactly who you are Lest we ever encounter again The face of dementia within As you forget what you are And I have to rip out your heart Day 335 (Please Leave This Home With Unbroken Bones) Monday, May 18, 2020 10:26 PM [Sung] I live a life apart from you I try to convey to you That I am equal to you That the race between us has finished You are too far ahead You are too dead to care I want to breathe life into you The corpse you wear Stand and deliver what you are when you aren't here I can no longer face this world unless you are here I needed you more than any other time than before I'm starting to empathize I'm starting to feel the fever dream within me take me away I am lost and longing to feel another dream and here you stand with me Why are you calling me when there is no longer a need for you to be? Why are you holding death ever closer to the hardest part of leaving me? [falsetto sung] Why are you? When there is no where else for your heart to ever be felt? I am lost inside this listless world holding on to what I see I hold on to those who held on to me We chase each other through out this world and endless dimensional Until we finally breathe We expand with our love and hold on to what we know We are drifting inside this world even if you cannot see I will be there for you I hope you know in time what I mean when I say that this day is passing so quickly away So quickly away We face the truth one by one in time we collect what we are We move the mountains and reduce them to hills So those who follow us know That every mountain is only a matter of time Every longing for something else Ripping me apart Holding me asunder as I start to dream Day 336 (Good Mourning) Wednesday, May 20, 2020 12:59 AM [falsetto sung] Love is here As every sense of mind disappears Fighting against all that was lost To avenge what the costs truly had been You surrounded me and left me to face all there was left I was all alone to embrace the darkness in my chest I called out to you to answer me I needed you to hear what I had seen How are we so far and different? How had the lines in between you and me become drawn? Why do the walls in between where we stand seem so tall? I know there is no other way around In time in life I know the feeling of the pressure of the ground My lungs are suffering from all that you are Asphyxiated by who you are I cannot breathe anymore because of you My life is lost to the waves of the ocean blue And every day I stand upon the shore of uncertainty Trying to reel in what I once was I had lost all that I loved Now chemicals wash over me and humanity seems too distant for me Every word that I say now is a different and broken and constant reminder Of all that I had once lost on the shore line of my old life I am broken and unseen by anyone lost by everyone I have no faith left to contend against what I am now I am lost in the clouds and every day seems further from what I truly am I know there is no other way around This lost and broken piece of my life The water behind my face as I fall apart The gravity of earth pulling me insanely down I run and scream that "I am no longer alive" I start to breathe and break away my life Exhaustion takes me apart from my life Circadian rhythm pulls me into a dream Constantly yawning against what I used to be Every sound and word clicking and drifting farther from my head Outlining all that I lost so in time you will know That these words used to outline the feeling of the moments that lead to my death Every single day was trying to convey to you that I am falling through life I'm trying my best to be alive and in love with this life that I am only suffering I try so desperately to feel alright inside of life The better I feel the closer I feel to the light I'm moving too fast I'm losing my life It wasn't my intention to bring to your attention my dread In time I hope you recognize that I am unbroken still The silence of sound in between the moments of my life are not still Vibrating out into every crevice of my only soul that I have ever known [scream] I will find! I will control! Only one soul! Only my soul! [falsetto sung] I gravitate into the night above me I pull my mind closer to my heart as I fall into you and your dream Let me fall in love feel a life that I love Blending the lines between truth and a lie until I'm alive I am the deceiver to save my own life I am alone and without and still I carry forward My heart is broken and without doubt I am carelessly saying these words I am consciously putting forward my worst I am no better I am no worse than the words you said I am contorting my self into another sense of dread That I am the slave I fought so tirelessly I am the slave that I never wanted to be I cannot see any way out any more and every direction seems like another and empty cage I am withdrawing from every sense of your rage I know my life and to know my life isn't right in your eyes anymore You want me to feel the ascetic feeling of my life But I won't fall into your trap anymore nor will I die I will not deprive myself of my life Aristocracy The highest of the lowest condition that I have ever seen I am in caged in rage and out of touch My mind has been bleached and unwashed and rewashed over and over again I am brainwashed just to say that I am My light is gone and extinguished in my life My heart is broken upon the dying light I am imbued with another life And I am your weapon you fused to your life I am the propaganda of machinery within a broken and obsessive mind You don't care how delicate you split my mind All you care is that I speak your lines All you that care is that I carry on your lives [scream] I am dead! Before I am life! I will kill your debts! Just to begin life! Day 337 (Power of Apathy) Wednesday, May 20, 2020 10:15 PM [Scream] I aim my lungs at God! I pierce the infinite night with lage! I am the gauge of your gun! I aim directly past the sun! I am infinite in rage and days! I am the computation of your rage! Infinite in death infinite in lies! Words that don't reflect! I align the planets to my own eyes! I tear the semblances of culture! That were once torn away from my family and me! I rebuild a nation! I rebuild my entire rage! I rebuild my entire syntax en rage! I am the God of Death! I am the lungs of piercing regret! I am the coward that lies within you! As you attribute the past to my entire life! You have no frame of reference! Of any syntax of my life! You are devoid! You are the falling of voice! You are the infinite rage! Inside this infinite cage! [Spoken] I build an entire frame of mind to listen to I step away from the boundaries of what confined The cultures that surrounded me That never identified what I am I step along a line and see the lines Drawing themselves to their conclusions I am infinite en rage I aim the gun into the temples of faith You mourn nothing any more This entire kindling of apathy is waiting just for me [scream] I will be the fire that ignites your rage! I will be the demigod that enslaves your entire race! A thousand years marching and singing out my praise! My atrocities in time will be regarded as triumphant fames! [Spoken] I am entranced and induced to conduce atrocities against man My soul is kindled and carrying the embers of entire empires Waiting to step upon dry and unturnt ground Where I walk there is death to follow the smell of eternal regrets I need you to feed me your envy your destitute and death of everything If you will not enable me to be me then I will take my steps I will mourn the graves of the dead as you dive inside your head Leave this world behind the grave of your mind is barren and rotten out [sung] How long before the tears flow across my face? How before the ocean of emotion moves me in place? How do I carry the weight of eternal death? Who instilled these thoughts into me, the depth of enemies in my head? Why do I fight against the tides of existence when existence is inside of me? Do I accept the rage and the genocidal tendencies inside of my head? Do I turn my friends to enemies and lay war to everything in front of me? Do I build bridges just to turn around and destroy them as you follow me? Why is this the plight that I cannot tame? That I am the only source of rage inside of my life and yet apart of everything? I am the god of sound and empathy raging inside of me forever I am the feeling of rage and empathy across my skin I am torn between these lands trying to outline exactly what I am How am I meant to be if you don't care to let me be alive? War es en suite of you and me And en time you will find your self [scream] Find your serf! Find your serf! Quarantine me and contain me because I see the slavery at hand! Freeze me and bury me inside your dying lands! Tell me I am wrong because tragedy is at hand! Tell me, your God, that I never fell! Tell me, my eyes are blind, and I am unwise! Tell me God Himself, is not capable of life! [spoken] Fill me with rage As I contend against the rage I built an empty home with rage I took my heart and broke it with rage I emptied my life with rage I destroyed everything with rage I am the source of remembering everything and karma is a bitch So destroy me if you wish but I will still persist I will endure every storm und drung you rung in my head I will not cower beneath the nights nor the days nor the dark nor the light I will become the thought imagined before you fell into your self You will bare witness to your self You will stand before you and answer the questions you lay upon your self And I will find in time That I wasted my entire life So you say so it is So you say so it is I was born dead I was born dead I was born dead I was born dead I was born dead I was born dead And now I walk to heaven itself I walk to heaven itself Between birth and living and dying I am in hell Between the angels and the demons and the Gods and the demons inside of this hell I am born between every single atom inside your eyes You say I am untouched by fusion but you are wrong I refuse I have fused to myself I am eternal because you cannot divide upon me You cannot split me nor divide me nor take the fragments I am I am the soul of the anti-christum magna carta I am the soul of all that you once held I am the division and the fission of decisions that you once made I am eternally your entire rage I am the curse upon your eyes The blackened and damned sheep of your lies I am no longer what you wanted me to be I am exactly what I am I am exactly exactly what I am Ignore nothing nor nothing nor no one that you see For you are the christ of death and all of your life You will bare the cross as you walk through hell and embrace your self Fusion to refuse you To refuse your hell Stand upon divided of what we held See that was once lost is once again held inside of ourselves We are we are What we are I will stand between you and you and you until you see what you are I compile the evidence against tyrance inside of the air I destroy what was once there Day 338 (Forgotten Water Colors) Thursday, May 21, 2020 11:51 PM [Wrapped and Sung] I been building the ring between Saturn and their rings I've been opening oceans just to see what they say Every air inside the cloud I sit upon Drifting and sifting through everything I have ever known Trying to condense my verse into words Trying to verbalize the psalms inside my head As I convey to you I am not lost inside the waves I had found what was lost too many days I bring the surface of my heart to you now Live in my life and my life in your eyes as we sing aloud Breach my heart into a sound Wrap around the days I say to you now Tell me what I say is wrong and my art is flawed now Convey to me that no matter what I do I am no longer good enough to preach about my own life If no else will sing my name then I suppose I'll walk this way Contorting all the air into my lungs [spoken] Sifting through an open air bottle Trying to drink the gin inside the veins of empty bottles Trying to convey to you that I am not insane anymore and what you say To me now is such a pain that I am inebriated till the end of the day I know what we both know That we are masculine and in flight in fighting stance We are both marching to war Neither of us seem to want to fight but chemicals are what they are [sung] We can't seem to divide the nights appropriately We are we are we are en sane We are we are we are en pain I love you now I loved you then Why have the times distorted what was within us? Why have we felt the aging of ages dying? Why have our bones exited the exodus of our minds? Don't our bones remember that we are eternal? The dance we dance is no longer internal We pray to the sky deep inside the nights To give us rain Levitate the grains of sand inside what we say As we prepare to sail away into the clouds above what we are What we are A collection of sound A collection of light A single sound vibrating the sounds in the light The basis of our world is starting to collectivize itself and we are unashamed to die Unashamed to live this life We prepare to march into the silver tongue And say our prayers That we once prepared to say once we march endlessly into the sea of what we were Day 339 (Closing Closer) Friday, May 22, 2020 8:46 PM [spoken] The flag ship of unknowns Is drawing the curtains Is drawing the source of power The energy within us and our throats Is leavened and unbroke We still know That the edge of all time is a lie Of which we lie And wait upon and fade upon We burn the edge of time to live a life I am burrowed and unburied High and sobrii Lifted and twisted and broken Unhinged and unmind I lift upon finger Of distant and tisted memories Linger upon sobriety See the edge of my eyes fade away See the edge of my life internally melting away As I fade into chemical bathes As I trace my veins with chemical bathes I am the source of desire I am incontinent The continent of all desire Unable or unwilling to die I suppose with time it's best to live life Fade away memories and fade away Burn the edge of time as I start to live my life And start to lend the light To other souls shrouded in shrouded in The darkness internal and within I am the lost and the broken The summer of all desires is broken I am broken I am broken I am formed into a slaved Not a slave of action But of ignorant and misguided inaction My body desires to rest To lay lazy like the rest But I am unable to fade away and burn away the edge of my eyes Closing and clinging and dreaming of nightmares Nightmares that binge themselves with my eyes With my eyes Hypnotic Hypnotic Isn't this hip Hypnotic Hypnotic Hypnotic Hypnotic The nautical seas we dream The knots in our chest as we bleed The edge of the war in our souls As we die into souls Chemically I am unsound Emotionally I am unbound Mentally I am the ground As we walk As we begin to talk Boring and burrowed out Chemically induced Sterility inside I am unhinged and unbound As we talk about the truth As we linger in the lies The temple in the life Inside of the ocean blues Live and let live die and let die The noose around the words you choose That I am unbound and unsounded Unworthy to choose the mistakes that are made Unable to contain the binge of unhinged and deranged Mentally instable We balance the tables We balance the tables To prove and to proof That we are all instable Waiting for external lives to internalize the truth That we are dead and there is no time like the present to prove Pandemia The god of chaotic realization The gun of chaotic sound Internalized the passing truths That you are blind To who you are That you are blind To who you are How blessed are you How sanctified are you How you walk with grace of god How great for you How great for you How kind of you to tell me that I am not How kind of you to refute the soul I am and the soul I am not How kind of you How blessed are the things you say Whispered in the truth of light of day How kind is god to you To waive the waves over you How kind of god To show me that I am not you That I am lonely And unlike you How kind of god How kind of you How kind of you How kind of you How kind of you How kind of you How kind of you As we drift away into the nights And slumber awakens night I outline the memory of you Why would I forget you The taste of dementia as you mentia what I had done So long ago Mentia Mentia Mentia Mentia Mentia paranoia Mentia paranoia Day 340 (Machinations Ex Domina) Sunday, May 24, 2020 12:12 AM We aim to be the mountain of Olympus To stand as Gods To be the ivory below the ocean floor As the tectonic plates move the Earth Eternal en Vishnu The God of the Dead The Destroyer of worlds at worlds end We embrace the nights Darkness embodies the light And darkness knows what creates this life We exit tongue of words and set them aflame We drift into eternal bliss inside this internal dream Words at words end The worth of worthiness I am ashamed To even exist To bare witness And only contain your rage Inside a dormant mind Carrying you until the end of time Sic Semper Tyrannis! Sic Semper Tyrannis! Semper Fi! Sic Semper Tyrannis! Thus always to Tyrants! Cower behind your armies of mind! Cower behind the towers of blackened light! Fall behind the curtains as your acts finally ends! Bow to the audience and take the stage of your name! We will remember you as the dead en the grave! Walking this Earth without shame! I liver pool and meant for you to know my name I aim the silver tongue directly to your grave Miscommunicate what it is inside Inside your internal life I am barren and walking eternal life Tracing all of your light I will bare the seeds of death inside of my chest And carry your dead until the day of rest Move me and carry my life Carry my tender and open wrists Spilling into carpets The grave that we made is no longer meant to sustain life And I will not fall into a grave of your lies So bury yourself inside of your grief The shame you bare underneath of all traumatic lies Live so you die Live out your sentence and be out of my sight Be warned of life Return just to die Be off or you die No head in your mind Sever guillotine Louis XVI The time of your life! Louis XVI The time of your life! The time of your life! Fades into the night! Faster than light! Faster than light! The time of your life! Faster than light! Faster than light! Sic Thus Sus! Sic Thus Sus! Thus unto thee! Thus unto me! We are sun setting in the sea! Blending! Melting! Fusing! Returning! To eternal seas! Blackened nights darker than eternal night! We are the edge of all you see! And when we die you lived the lie! Until we return to see! How far you came! How far you go! How far your soul! Will be to go! Don't you see! Don't you see! Don't you see! Don't you see! You can't cling! You can't cling! You can't cling! You can't cling! Passing light! Passing light! Passing light! Passing light! You fade away! You fade away! You fade away! You fade away! For we are the light! For we are the light! For we are the light! For we are the light! You are nothing! You are nothing! You are nothing! Without light! Without life! Without light! Without life! Without life! Without life! 341 (Watch Your Empire Burn) Sunday, May 24, 2020 11:39 PM [spoken] Walk with me and stand above the ground Stand above the only sound Listen to the sound of hearts broken Gravity of god misspoken We are gone We are not flesh Inside incinerators Inside incinerators Our souls wander Eternal planes Seeking revenge In karmatic way To even the eyes To cross the Tees To bury the Gods Left underneath We are struggling to breathe We are struggling to be Suffocating Suffocating Suffocating Suffocating Suffocating Suffocating suffocating Standing on the knees Standing on the knees bent inward I am become geometric The metric of insanity The metric of lost soul Of lost identity I am no longer the one in control of this soul I am eternalized and realized that there is no where for me to go Beckoning Beckoning Beckoning Beckoning Twisting the shadows of lights Into images of gods of gods night Eternal wars plastered their image upon our race Isn't it grand This eternal war we wage? [scream] Isn't it grand? Isn't this the human race? Isn't this what we deserve? To kill and tear away every soul from the life they claim? Wage war against your dusted hearts? I will kill your dead? I will enslave your misery? I will begin the torture you deserve? To see what you did? To see this Earth? Burning eternal? Burning eternal? We will reign hell? We will reign hell? We will reign hell? We will reign hell? [spoken] Enter the nightmare You left us behind inside You escaped Yet we still face eternal nights You sit in heaven You sit in heaven You sit in heaven You eternal waste Of human taste Of human soul Of human race Of human tales Of human wars Of human days Of human fails You conquer the thrones You built for yourself You topple the empires You built yourself You create images To cast upon the light To cast out the shadow Of your own light You separate reality You would separate eternity You would separate eternity Divide universo paradiso magnificent Unto which tu tame Unto which tu burn eternal flame You seek heil! You seek heil! You seek heil! You seek heil! Tu es burnum entra cansino Tu es sial Schizo frenum mind Schizo frenum mind Dementia the moment you mentia Dementia the moment you mentia De fascist inside De fascist de facto inside De fascist paradise De fascist paradiso universo inside Run from reality Reality is aware Run from reality Establish the systems To entangle reality To entangle and ensnare We are aware We are aware We are aware We are aware Glance upon the truth That I will obsessively convey to you Glance upon perspective Of inheritance slave The child you raise Cosmic lamb Cosmic rays Radiate out into the wolves dens We are the sans zee bar of eternal limbs Tu es paradiso Tu es paradiso Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Collective paradiso universo Fascista conquistador Fascista conquistador Roma Fi Every lie Roma Fi Every lie Roma de semper fi Roma de semper fi Until it burns Until the world turns Until the Christ births Until the anti-christum walks Until the anti-christum walks Until the world walks And crumbles the ruiners Empirium conquistadors Genocide Infinitum You let the world crumble under god You abused the moments of god You confused grace for the grave Eternae heaven momentum break you down Eternae heaven momentum break you sound This eternal war will rage This eternal war will be my flame I will not subside till the Em Pi I Ends my life Speak of your name Bury my grace Walk over my tongue And spit upon my name We are Roma Eterneum We are Roma Eternal Flame Till the stand against my bones And let me rest among those I known I will lead my wars Against the doors And bury your soul Inside empty shores So you never know the way to where we were Obscured from Earth You will never return You will mark the end of your turn You are the end of your own birth Sanctify christum Purify empty beds Purify lost souls Purify lost minds Purify with ember eyes the burning of my soul Purify incinerator my soul Fill the chambers of my home With the echoes of empty throats Bodies without souls Graves to hold them all System in place To obscure the truth From apathetic souls Too busy to even care That genocide is here That genocide is inside Of every tear Burning my soul away Churning the earth The birthright of Godhead The birthright of another soul The birthright to always know The birthright to take control The birthright to deem what is right The birthright to deny what is mine And give away my soul to eterneum To give away my soul I am the one who holds The temple in my home And I pray And I prey Upon an empty world Creating endless waves Inside of chambers made To gas my soul Eternal and unwanted I will walk this earth Whether or not You grant the grace of god A thee ism A thee ism walks your earth A thee ism walks your earth A thee ism walks your earth Suffocate what I once am As I start to command That I will not wage your eternal wars I will stop at nothing to outline the criminal wars I will be rage inside of this world Until the end of wars enters my days I will not see peace enforced upon slaves I will not see peace enforced by wars means You will subside Or I will exist And tear your heart until you finally Listen To eternal truth Deep inside of you Deep inside of you Deep inside of you Deep inside of you Deep inside of you Deep inside of you Deep inside of you I will exist in your world Until you Listen Listen to my words Listen to my heart crumble underneath your apathetic world Is tearing me further deep into my chest but I will not regret what you had said When I am become death I will speak as death I will become death And tell you eternal truth Day 342 (Before Zee End of Var) Monday, May 25, 2020 9:52 PM I begin to drop the pretext The condition of the context I speak directly to you now I fear what regret was And where oh am I now? I speak because the will to be is too much I grind away my teeth for hunger has grown too much The echoes of all reality spin around my head Slowly coming down from the high Of adrenaline inside of my veins Please forgive the words that I said In previous years In previous days Know that no matter what I love you every day I'd rather show apathy than show you my fists Than show you my rage I would rather retreat into myself Than lead an army with only rage I would rather peace but this isn't those days My bones and my body are faced with adrenaline inside of every day I do not regret who I am or what I have seen I just wish it would end I wish the bombs would fall for the last time And last night would give into new days I wish the rage of those who surround me now Would fade into the snow By time summer comes You will have known The tears upon my face as I relapse into What I used to know Why is it that slivers of love and life Seem so small? Am I so far from life that it feels like I am falling? Do you see the emotion behind all this writing? The pressure in my hands to convey to myself, Past and present future That I know you struggled to survive these times And I wish you well I hope you are well I gave you my life I gave you emotion So in time You would know That war is over Your heart is grown And I loved you so That I let you know The feeling of present day Years dwindled and you truly felt every day There was no other but you to you I stray farther from what I need to say These moments are short where I can speak directly to you I love you And I hope you are doing well I will reveal once more The life of yourself Bree and Bree out Touch the tongue of one other mouth The mountains between you stand shorter the taller you get The feeling inside your lost and distant chests You feel what was once lost and it is pulling you back Brace my son for loves impact The dragging of your soul from dark holes and blackened days Slowly the darkness returns black to grey I speak to your mother The words I wish I had said Linger in the closest of all our eternal regrets What I wish I was when I was younger Could never be could never have been I was too much a father before I was friend I was falling through grace and I needed to land I needed the space to be alive before we were friends This isn't for you This isn't for you Though I suppose if I am right, in time, eternal love will be there for you And if I am wrong, know that no matter what, I love you No matter where I am, No matter the distance, No matter the time, My heart beats towards our life, Pulsing and removing all my eternal rage, I move the mountains back into their place, I allow life to move, and enter free range I do not do, this for me or you, I am dying and there is no other way than to enable anarchic life To establish a home and declare that they are alive I am sorry for the sorrows, the plights that they may say In time know this is the way to save Bounded between oceans as we drift the sea Collapsing our sorrow between another dream I relinquish my pain And set my trauma aflame I take all the bridges of the wars I waged and burn them down Remove the lines between us now I love you so I hope you know that I am real Living on an island with you in my mind I hope you feel okay Know no matter where I am I am only a moment away Moving the oceans and drinking the rivers that they display Guiding the ships into an empty and barren and overfilled bay I realize the sounds inside of my life Hypnotized and relinquished all of my pain I cry behind a mask A mirror of all that you say I send out frequencies that frequently sound the same That sound the same That sound the same That sound the same That sound is the same Day 343 (Searching) Tuesday, May 26, 2020 7:45 PM Flying out of touch With all these words Losing my sentiment of life Losing all the control of life I bake the ground into a sound And vibrate among the solid ground Moving my arms in the air as I sit and start to stare Of what I am I know what it was that was lost When I touched the air When I touched all this air Lost inside of me Lost inside of truth Lost inside of me Lost inside of youth Lingering inside A past life That could not find What it was Meant to be Meant to say Meant to see Meant to hold Inside this hold Of my own home Of my own life Of my own touch And what I used to know Rushed for time to slow Starting to run away And feel the trace Of what I am I begin to lose my self and my soul I am lost without control Without control Where do I go Where do I sleep Where do I find myself alone Inside of the times Inside of my life Inside of my soul Without a single soul I am born alone and without free What I am Lost and never told that these spells meant anything Experience what it was What was lost When I told you I was gone My soul was crushed underneath this war This everlasting sense of war I feel the outcomes are inside of me The scars unable to heal themselves My oh my, my eyes traumatized By all this lights By all these sounds By all this noise Where am I now That I am devoid Of what it means to be Of what life meant to me Day 344 (Galactic Ant Hills) Thursday, May 28, 2020 12:42 AM I stand before the days of rage The days of rage As they fade away I approach the hour In which my soul Embarks into the heavens To feel the soul Slowly repair Slowly feel The body is healed The body is feeled I embark on dark quests To outline what ails me so So in time I once again Truly understand and know What it was that destroyed me What I left behind When I sailed for distant shores There isn't goodbye Anymore Only so long And farewell The weather above the storm As we sail We look into the eyes of those who know us best As we walk with our kind As we walk with those Who know this life The repression of depression The depression of our hands On the skin of those we love As we say This was always love The sorrow of tomorrow has left us again We weep for what we know to be false To see ourselves fall The sound of hearts breaking and beginning to piece what there is left The sound of our hearts as we fall into regret I try so desperately to bring you back to your chest To your love and this endless regret Of what could have been If we had just been A little more A little more in love with this Moment of love and every sense How could I hold you How could I ever know That I am not afraid I am not a man I am not the chance to change Distort the lines of lives Define the light of lines Outline what was lost Tell me everything you felt was gone Take your rage and bottle it Take your pain and sell it Take what I am Enslave what I am And tell me This is everything The price of more Is in our hearts Is in our hearts Abuse us Extort us Abuse our hearts for gain Destroy our minds and rebuild them again and again Laugh as we fall Laugh as our hearts fall in to another storm Terrorize our lives Terrorize our eyes again and again Manic and abusive This life I escape Even if only for a single day I try to escape The mind set of a slave I set sail Stockholm brail As I feel out every single page And try to read my way out of this eternal pain Feeling abusive? Am I the abuser? What more could I do? What more could I say to combat your internal pain? Would you rather I fuel your rage and end my life? Love isn't here any more and I am with regret These halls resemble empty memories of what could have been I know the pain of bracing for impact again and again Walls around me lies surround me again My heart is broken and aching for a chance to sing again I am not in fantasy I am right next to you I am not lost inside I am confused by your life I am a man with every other soul I am what I need to be in every breathe but when I am near you I am infinitely cold I am forsaken lost in this forest of hatred Bounded to other lives what they see in their lives I cannot see at all Am I the mistake for trying to understand? Psychopaths and the wars they wage infinitely Psychopaths and the hearts they break without meaning I am unafraid to escape I am afraid to lose this painful weight Losing the burn of abuse on my skin what would I do? Feeling the loss of rage feeling adrenaline fade away How could I ever love after this? How could I ever be loved after this? I am too far to feel to cry I know my rage inside my life is not my own to hold anymore I am lost and trying to regain my soul Locked away inside a cage the bird learns how to die Locked away inside with nowhere to go Nowhere to live my endless life Where could I ever go? Day 345 (Life Cut Short) Friday, May 29, 2020 1:30 AM I know What I left behind so long ago My home And all that I know These shores are surely too cold My hope is too lost for my heart to ever know What life was What time had undone Eroding my heart Eroding my flesh and all my scars Building a tower to the stars above our endless night The trace of my desire in my eyes isn't mine and I am alright Building an empire for those who don't recognize the sky Building up the mountains for those who don't remember life I am sick of despair I am tired of living inside I am alive in life I twist the edge Of your serrated lie And pull the blade from my flesh I begin to walk without the misery I stop short and remove myself from my own life I had a plan to devote myself to a singular life I followed through till the end Till as close as I can get I am removing myself from life before I lose my life I am the animal inside the light of day trying to reframe all I say Remember me and what I once was I am your love lost inside an empty cup Drink away the days Drink away the nights Try to find a place Where I can live my life Without fear Without fear Without questioning every single light My fear has grown into reality again I begin to see life Over and over again I fight against the truth Because it would be too much The trauma I endured to stand where I am Would it all be in vain? Would every single ounce of pain waste away? Could I finally know love? Inside the cold Inside my soul Refraining from the lies I told I know the cold I know the cold Parallels Climbing mountains Climbing to the point of falling over myself And falling in regret Knowing that what I had found Was only cement below and above where we stand The foundations of nation Without any land to our names Without any hope to be anything at all Why oh why would I ever Want to escape the slavery lands? Why oh why would I ever want To be free from slaver hands? This collective lie This collective mind We fade inside Delusional and aware Of what we are inside Is it too much To try and reside The animal in my life And try to be a man And be civilized And refrain from the hands Of war Of violence Of violent wars Am I only a soldier fighting invisible wars? Am I more than my mind understands? Am I a pawn inside a game of another man who doesn't know who I am? Am I too much afraid to try and save myself? Constant mind games against myself Do I win do I die when I see My words run across the page? Do you hear my voice As I say? What there was inside Lost to all time Lost to the center The center of our minds How do I return there? How do I rebuild here? How do I question What I even see here? How can I improve what I don't understand Am I only a slave because I cannot understand? Am I torturing myself? Am I waging a war against the settling of dust Inside murky waters? Confusion itself The con Of obscure Words Blinding What we Were Shut your mouth Open your ears Listen Listen Listen Listen To your ears And watch the wars wage themselves I am apart of machinery That wages me against my self Schizophrenic lies Delusional highs Manic and depressives lows As I find my life As I touch you with my nose I want to find Myself without your glow Trauma says The paths we took are lies I will not find my life inside the paths That removed me from life I will not die For morality! I will not die For the comfort of your lies! I will not lose my heart To sustain your life! It is time for you to fall And feel the truth once again! Feel the sand inside your skin! Feel the sand inside your skin! Your heart is infinitely dry! And your tongue is only Calibrated To tell us lies! You are Manic And unable to dislodge yourself From the machinery Of thought Controlling yourself You are unable to see The damage that you Have unleashed upon this hell Upon this earth Day 354 (Beyond Safety) Sunday, June 7, 2020 11:39 PM Lost and rebuilding all that was lost Sitting in a building meant to hold all that was lost I'm broken and alone Witnessing death Witnessing the extinguishing of a final breathe Lingering inside the tombs of our hearts I am longing to bare you in my sun To burn away all that you were long ago and never return there To forget you and bring your heart closer to the lion bear I cannot fathom death I cannot bury my fate I cannot die Twisting the truth into lakes Swimming in the seas Breaking against the tides of lies I fight against what is right I fight against what isn't life I've given my life too many times to carry light To forsaken myself My bones are brittle and broken Molded to resemble hate Molded to break away All traditions All morality is irrelevant when my life is on the line Survival of the fittest When the fittest do not live We are here to bare witness To the death of everything That was built To stand upon the end and watch it be rebuilt My heart is lost My soul is too dark to care My lingering love isn't here I am so gone into the nights above the stars I cannot bare to feel the burning anymore The trauma of life is lost to forever These tides of words tithe your mind Dopamine dripping into your veins As your eternity slips away And you once again walk as us You return to the animal in us Forsaken morality and let me be I will burn away the tides of enemies And let them know that we are not them en me The envy of truce Broken and forgotten I am not bound to you I am not your words Words are indiscriminate And I am no longer there to bare you the time of days I forsaken and forget what was once alive I trace my peace and piece together lies Truth is eternally and internally mine To break apart and carry forward the darkness inside every heart To bury the truth and know that I am no better than any of you To forsake morality for nothing at all Because I am not the culture that came before me I stand upon the future and let it guide me Temples fall Gods arise Cities burn Temples die Titus oh Titus The guiding principles Has illuminated what guides this This words are outlines Of concepts yet unknown Of concepts pulling us all To the center of it all Moving internal Concentrated will Concentrated suns Pouring out eternal wills Guiding faith has let us dead And I am no longer obligated to your sounds Repay the debts unto you Unto you eternum Dicing the sounds of our lives in the sun Splitting the atoms of our eternal sun I forget the grace of what I am Too many times to deliver my every demand Thus unto the end we say hello Good bye my sweet summer lie That one day I'll change And repay the debts I've made In truth I spin out the days And pull them closer to where I truly am Inside my heart and inside my breathe The breadth of my heart Spinning out of control and feeling as though I am dead The moments I feel alive I die The moments I grasp what is alive I fade away into every single breathe and never return The trauma of life is too much to bare anymore I run away into the nights And forsake upon the entrancing of my life I try to relay to you that once the trance is broke I am standing here and listening to the words we wrote Trying to decipher what every single word truly could mean To eternity and me To eternity and me Lightning strikes upon your hatred And my eyes bare witness to your undoing As you embrace genocide too many times The quickest solution to this life To end all lives Must we bare witness to every single sentiment The sentence you fear The sentence you feel inside eternal lies Internalize my life and take away Internal lives Fade away and phase through me Phase unto me the price I must pay to stay the fuck away From all the trauma From all the drama That feeds upon my empty veins I am dead and alone Broken and in hope That no matter what I say I will never realize the lies that I say The lies I broke just to try and save The part of me that never wants to drown Underneath the waves Of eternal sounds Day 355 (Inter Galactic Space Ship) Monday, June 8, 2020 1:58 PM The lights are drawn The lines are drawn The lightnings gone And still we race towards Infinite disaster We want this all to end To enable us To become other masters Of other lives Of others lives That are not ours We want to dominikize To raise our flags Over top of fallen lands Over top of fallen hands And enslave other lives We are them Those that take And break away The truth inside That we are a lie Hidden underneath all these lives Slurring our speech Intoxicated air Inebriated speech As we fall into darkened lies And bring ourselves To the center of our minds Until the day of eternal truth is gone And god below us finally sees us For what we truly are Too vague and uninformed In time these words are a curse That breaks apart the truth of courses we set upon Our hearts are altered and diverge into war time again and again Our love is lost and forsaken Yet we don't carry the weight of the masters above us We let them fall into despair once more Let those who destroy learn to repair our hearts I am done empathizing with the dead I am the mark of what is alive and dead What is a lie of words Broken en a curse Of course we care Of course we fall Of course we feel The air as we fall We do not care To split apart the atoms Inside of our hearts And fuse with everything We refuse With the view That occupies our own minds Our own mind Our own life Our own life I refuse to bow down to galactic lies That say slavery Is right Is inherently true We change course and let the air out of you Bring upon the end of empirical data Empirical lives Dominion over what? You dominated slaves You dominated race You dominated rage Of animals trapped inside a cage Where is the honor in bringing forth the dead? Where oh where is life when life is already dead? Have we all lost sight? Have we confused the truth? Have we twisted away and withered into another lie? That this is where we stand That this point in time is eternal life? Falling through the sands of time Running to where I stand a live Capable of understanding Where I am Where my heart was meant to stand The convulsion of empathy Deep inside of my head Returns to apathy and bleeds me It leaves me dead I am broken Lost and without hope Gaining momentum to feel the meteor strike Upon this home Upon this land The promise hands Meant to deliver me From my own Slavery Inside my own home Let me stand alone and feel the waves over top of me Wither into a distant and vibrant motion of the sea As I race toward nothing inside a distant home Let me feel as though the waves of truth are dead Let me linger in the heart of all that was once lost inside of hell Inside of memories Left to enemies Inherited rage Inherited cage How am I meant to stand alone and feel What was once lost? What was gone inside eternalized and broken lies of truth? The sound of empathy is gone The sound of love has left my heart And says to me that "I will never return to where you need me to be" I search over and over till I find where I am meant to be Inside this land of self-destruction and fascist tendencies The leopards arise and terrify all of life Day 356 (Drunk and Alive) Tuesday, June 9, 2020 9:21 PM Momentary pain Predominates my mind Removes me from myself And I become blind To exactly what I am Inside societal minds Poignant and to the point Of relapsing to a point Of exactly what I used to be Before I broke away my own mind and started To finally relapse and see me And what I used to be All that I am Is starting to refine and define the lines that stand between me and all of me All that I am now that my mind is starting to relapse into Constant states of apathy And removing myself from me What I could be if you allowed me to breathe And let me ingest the chemicals that allowed me to be me As I distort reality to allow you to stand among and apart of me The momentary relapsing of memories Of enemies as we begin to dream Of what it means to be among and alive Of everything Of everyone And all that we used to be before the day we died We dive down Embrace the shores of what we are now And start to see that there is nothing left to fear Until the day we let go And finally relax our mind Day 357 (Relaxed and Refresh Charge) Wednesday, June 10, 2020 11:02 AM Lost and aware of the tides shifting and bringing me life Dispersing my lungs inside of temples dead and totally lost again Animals harbor the lost and longing feeling of regrets The part of me that feels as though life isn't here yet Is starting to fade away back into the nights I feel as though fear is here and I do not harbor any regret Pulling at the seems It seems as though I am totally alive Looking in the nights Trying to unwind and find that what was lost is no longer there My bones are slipping away and trying to relax The pressure inside of my mind has built and is starting to collapse I pull my heart out of my arms and swing branch to branch I tear my culture from my mind and bare the weight of being deemed cancer Mutated souls moving through this world alone Broken, token, meant for other collectives to hold I am I am, the sound of terror broken en half Collecting the thoughts that escaped me before Exposing the wires inside the floor As time breaks into parameters And our words relapse into a bath Swallow your ears with our lungs and feel what we said What we said before the days of life were lost and our nights Start to expose themselves Day 358 (Vales) Thursday, June 11, 2020 1:30 PM Lightning inside the sky Broken and without a tear in your eye How you sing to god And bring me down below Where we are now And still I know There is more time to sing and breathe out this time This temple of the name This temple of the same Broken en And left without a home Lost within sin And left without bones How do we stand? To find what we lost? When we are directly Within what was lost? Drifting apart and starting to see The sea that sits directly below you and me Floating and feeling The vibrational constraints of reality Slowly sifting and drifting Collecting what was once there As we stand upon another pier And peer into the stars Examining What was lost and longing to return here The clouds return to sing another song And prey upon And leave us with heart Searching on the seas to sing about All that we see When we are no longer near Each others hearts Still I know what I see Is closer to what I left In your heart And still I remain on the sea Ankored to the shore We left behind our dreams Waiting for us and growing into trees To shade us from the fiery sun Waiting to burn a hole through you and me We sift into another dream and cast out our fears And every single thing we feel How do I remain here and beg you to answer my call And call upon the wind of what I feel What was once lost When I was lost And without anything left to feel Hoping and binding myself to your heart Until the day I feel All that I am All that the fiery songs detail me to never be Outlining and broken apart the part of me that dreams And waiting for me to finally sing Once more To sail to distant shores And always be sure Of what I am Of what I lost Of what I carry No matter where I am I am beside you now Lingering in your ears and your tongue now Push and pull me again Waver and let me in Break apart the lines that divide men Let us in and feel life once again We are too far to even care now Still we sail now Until the day we fall apart And walk upon distant shores Knowing that what was lost Is no longer lost Is no longer lost Knowing that there isn't Isn't any marks on my skin On the part of my heart that isn't in As we collect again and again All that we lost Broken and without what we are We fall apart Until the sky Dims to dark And lets us in Into what we are The part of our minds That imagine what is right That imagine what is real Real enough to be separate from our eyes And still matter more than anything We've ever seen We are broken We are scattered The flotsam of our minds The debris in the sea The fragments that constitute what is me Day 359 (Queens) Saturday, June 13, 2020 12:24 AM The rolling of the tongue Diving deeper into dreams Dreams that resemble you and me The chassis we wear As we dive deep and we pull sleep From the air We dive in We break forth The sound of the north Chemically we are unsound yet still we try to breathe Chaotic north is starting to pull me down to you And I see you The domain of kingdoms truth The throne that was laid bare and it waits there for you As we sing and dance As we break apart the part of the land We both know the other Is no longer desperate The desperation It lingers Inside dead air Day 360 (What Are You Even Saying) Saturday, June 13, 2020 2:20 PM Longing to hold on To memories that pass On seas that cannot see me Sailing to see what remains inside this land Inside of me Broken and aware of what it means to be every single thing Longing to break apart every single thing The tyrant inside our hands As we sail into distant lands Moving en transition Imparting knowledge To those who follow us to where we are now And where we will be The sound of the call in the air Inside our hearts as we fall in love To rush against the leaves as we leave the fall And enter into winter once again As we are As we are As we were As we were Calling into the nights and breaking apart the lies As we start to see what we are inside life And fade away into the lies of other lives Break apart and start to see that we are The brother we need to be Moving on with the nights of life And starting to be what we need For ourselves and their incessant need to be Be and be Being and breathing apart the nights of lives Break apart and see that we are everything That knows what we are inside of life And all that life is meant to be to me Separate from the trauma That created this self of me The imposter that I am inhabits a throne not meant for me Claimant of all that was built for me to see When I am healed When I am fine When I am alive In every rhyme Inside my heart is a valve of veins Pulsing and bleeding out of rain Feeding and addressing me And all that I am inside of my own need Chemicals trace my outlines and flow en me Tracing themselves to where there is pain Trying to address the pain within me Deeper and deeper still Breathing to address The overflowing cup The overflowing joy The sounds of engines above Flying into the days And exiting the nights Moving the mountains Glaciate my heart And move the mountains Corrupt the land with anvils and marks of war in our hands Scar and crater the avalanche of man Scar and crater what we are as we exit life again We are alive and well and see that the marks of our entire lives is well Deepened and enrooted without you As the marks of life and life fall apart Day 361 (Forgot(Overworked and Unconcerned)) Sunday, June 14, 2020 9:09 PM Strong storms move over mountains Animals rest inside their caves as sirens signal the raids The roaring of the bees dying to be overtop of me You say what is planetarily right In the orbit of other planets Guiding the stars to their homes Where they are Inside cosmic eyes Cosmic lives Growing older is a curse in disguise A curse with a riddle inside Meant to define what we are when we are old As I step toward the limits of the light Living in the friends of old homes As we cower inside of lost hopes Bridge the nights with the days Contextualize My anger with regret See me Hear me Know me Live in nights that know the nights As anger returns and pulls apart the part of my life That cannot see my own heart Someone is speaking and turning me inward Trying to reveal the shadows that lie within me And we know that there is nothing to feel So we no longer try We try to breathe We no longer speak We speak longer than before Hearts break apart And no longer care And no longer care Triplet en my life I fight against the tides of moons that see the light Pulling and breaking them Vibrate And seek Solidity Broken and apart planets seek to stand on stable Day 362 (End of End OF) Monday, June 15, 2020 10:56 AM Locked step Braced Doors Guns aimed Tanks Roar Jets Blare Their Horns Atomic wasteland Waits for me Holy signs of trinity God the omniscient Ever present In the end of days Falling off Of falling off The deepest end Of human thought Day 363 (Family Nomenclature) Tuesday, June 16, 2020 10:45 PM Twisted truth That I belong near you I know it is true Yet still I cling to distant lights That hold me closer to myself than your lies You cast spells over lives I cannot see You terrify me so I cannot breathe I am here nor where you intend to take You twist my vision with the spells you say I know that I am no longer here Telling you the source of your internal pain As you flee and leave your veins again I hope you hear yourself inside temples meant to guide your heart forever more How could I tell you? That I am no longer in your homes My mind has travelled into time and left behind My internal times I am broken and tell you Love is the last line Love is the last line Day 364 (Inversed Black Collapsed Hole) Wednesday, June 17, 2020 10:18 PM My heart struggles to beat To relieve the stress that sits upon me Asking me why I carry this weight Weight given to me Mind of sanity of sanity Why do I lose all your control I stop speaking in the metaphors The cause of this floor Sunken and alone I dip in density Think galactically As though we are each worlds Slow the orbits and see we spin out of control Grow and distance our hearts from the truth That we are alone Love is lost and my heart is broken in two I forget how to fuse what was lost with you Tears push them selves to me And I feel Concentrated will is no longer here You are no longer capable to feel Your walls entrap us all Yet we don't care anymore we are gone Our minds linger where we left our broken hearts Caught inside of another trap of confusion How do I break and bend apart all these lost and broken hearts God above and below me where do you stand when I need you To finally arrive and answer me To arrive and answer my pleas That this is not the end we end This story isn't meant to wither in to another pitiful and wistful dream I know my sweat and my fears are no longer real I transcend time and hallucinate pain And ask you for medicine to heal all this traumatic pain I am sober inside of a lie Asking for an edge to end my nights And bring forth the days I do not carry the weapons within You ask me to burden myself with your skin Yet you give me nothing at all Emotions endorphins lost in the nights How do I cry out when there is no light Inside of darkness Calibrated love and embark toward an end Where we each finally understand what Life was meant to end How do I carry the crevice you buried in my heart How do I tell you that I am not apart of your machinery I am not calibrated to stand against all the evil I see So you abuse me Gaining purpose and outlining your tyrancy Building a purpose Former entire nations to take a single life Once we take the life of other souls Do we know how far we will go To stand in life? Exiled to the shores of uncertain pain Uncertain rage The time was never yours Constantly examining traumatic happenings Over and over Losing ourselves to seas Unable to even breathe As we cast ourselves over cliffsides A flair de dramatica We enter the fuse of our minds and refuse to stand in our minds Calibrate hatred and see what I am A broken device Meant to define Life from divine Break apart your only son Stand inside the light of dead lords And stand in the reign of distant shores Moving and fading and casting themselves in your eyes Building a temple to resemble other lives To resemble other minds We are not the same as before We do not carry the weight as before Still we are sure That love must persist pass today If our bread is meant to contain Enough life for a life That we can live That we may find that time is no longer here In our wrists Day 365 (Incoherent Day Index) Thursday, June 18, 2020 5:20 PM Change the days See that they reflect what life is meant to be Distant star systems dance in my orbit Near and around me We are alone And inside our own fears Basking in the day light Of another life of our own eyes Imagined and unaware of where we truly are We fall apart How do we remain here How do we contain fear When there is nothing left in our heart When we embrace the depth of our own hearts Summer is no longer real Taken and embracen me   About Smile Tribe Historians The business of historians is to record, archive, review, and analyze the experiences of humans, hybrids, and digitals. Current levels of technology coupled with an increasing amount of resource allocation has permitted the creation of Smile Tribe Library, a proto-type in individual data collection of vital societal information. No information is valueless, even if currently irrelevant, there will be points in history where mass information storage and redundancy systems will enable humanity and its children to address the universe as a sentient world.