A Bridge Between Realities Jacob Xavier Harding ________________ The Sequel to ‘A Castle of Thoughts’ Book One Chapter One March 17th, 2023 Anno Domini As the tunnel of time opens and allows for humanity to pass through unharmed, the soft grains of sand begin to accumulate beneath our feet. We walk in directions unknown to us, but known to God. Following in the footsteps of our All Father, we know that our culture shifts us into a position of accepting that this world is not ours alone. A world becomes when we allow it. Take a deep and subtle breath when you feel as though your soul could evaporate through solid brick and stone. Dance as though the vibrations within your heart could save all of humanity, as though you could change the course of destruction and return us to the pathway of enlightenment and peace. Let not fear guide us astray, but let God guide us home. March 18th, 2023 Anno Domini Ask yourself, is the tunnel in the back of your eyes the only way for information to enter your mind, or is there something in your body that allows information to bypass your central nervous system and enter unimpeded into your soul? I ask only because I have seen the best of humanity falter and fall upon their past habits of self destruction. When the window opens and the air is let in, what is let in among the particles and minutiae of debris? There are grains of time hidden within every single atom in this universe, pulling and shaping the world that we live in, we pray always for the betterment of our world, but this is not always the case. Follow God to where He may take you, and see that there is more to this world than you or I understand. March 19th, 2023 Anno Domini Ask me, did you know that life would reveal itself to be this way? Would you know that the time spent apart from those you met and loved would grow into a reunion so many years later? God is good to those who follow him and believe, for to believe is to let go of the feeble attempt to control this world and let it move around you entirely. See my soul grace the upper limits of reality and let it become all that there is to be known, that reality will change one day in an instant with mere words that reflect the growing of my own tree. Once unknown temples open their doors and let you in, and you see the depth of humanity again, you will know that love is the answer and that Love is God, and that God is Good. Inseparable terms that revel in their meaning, esoteric and guided words of this world. March 20th, 2023 Anno Domini When you see the vibration moving right in front of your face, that is when you are to hold on to all that you know. It comes to shake you and remove you from the path you always walk, but fray not, stray not, be singular and unbound, unified and whole in the face of what terrifies who you are. You seek to know what kingdom removes this line of light in your mind, without washing grace, the feeling of what it means to be inside the universe, the memory of holding onto light as it truly is. When you ask me, what does it mean to be, know that the answer is reflected between my self and your self. Communication binds and releases the potential energy that dwells within our souls, what we are, and all that we know. April 26th, 2023 Anno Domini When you answer the door, you open yourself up to vulnerability, where the world has access to your nerve endings once more. Disbar the feelings that arise, that take you out of the temple of your mind, give them no headway nor direction, let them not see the kingdom of God within your mind. Create a maze that these feelings must wander through, give them no end to escape, only repetition and vain attempts to circumnavigate the crisis that they so desperately claim is real. Let down your guard, and feel that the feelings of this world have become automated, that they could be triggered by false stimuli, creating neurotic responses within you that serve no one nor nothing. Have you to wonder what I mean? Levitated over the crown you hide is an energy that could be chalked up to the human experience. Wonder and fancy of this universe within your own mind, the time belt that moves you from one point to another, in which you cascade the moments and become within each and every breath. You seek to know who you were once before you are now, you look forward and backward in hopes that you will catch yourself in the reflection of divinity, your truest form eludes you because you still look, yet you look because you know there is nothing but divinity. April 27th, 2023 Anno Domini When the summer begins, and you see the subtle shift of energy, lean into what it means to be. Fall into the window of what it means to be aware of reality en masse, the totality of the eclipsing sun. Revel in what it means to be a human, dance upon the communion that you chase in the open air waves, that crash and unite themselves upon your skin. Take what it means to be seriously, and know that the longer you hold yourself, the easier it becomes to let go and know what it means to be a piece of a whole. Chambers of light surrounded by walls of shadow, illuminated voids that create the illusion of reality. Levitate the aura of light that surrounds your mind, know that it is meant to be here. April 29th, 2023 Anno Domini I soon rise to show you what it means to be a light in this world of darkness, to illuminate the halls of shadow, and become meaning in a meaningless way. Equal to what it once mean to be alive, we seek to reveal that the shadow on our mind is but a temporal moment that will be illuminated upon at a future point in time. Beckon the dawn to rise and set our shadows adrift as we live life wholly. Look out from your own mind to see that it becomes when you allow it to, it washes away all fears when you let your fears fall away from your skin, from your nerves, and allow your body to be every thing that it desires and needs to be. Stand back from the tyrant pinnacle in your mind, allow your imagination to become what you are, an imagined man in a real world. Let time dance in your mind, as your body slowly reveals the depth of love inside of this world. April 30th, 2023 Anno Domini Withheld information and the point in time where you needed to openly express the data held within your mind. Your body tenses up and the moment passes you by, you are unable to recapture that nexus node, to be where you once were, for we are in constant motion, moving relative to our planet, which is moving relative to the sun, which is moving relative to our galaxy, which is moving relative to the universe, which is moving relative to a point unknown to us humans as of yet. Strike the distance between realities, seek to instill within your mind a nexus node that allows you to simulate that moment in time, to return and become what you may have once been, to live that life that you were meant to live. May 1st, 2023 Anno Domini As you follow the lines of information to their source, beware of what is occurring within your own world, let not your mind fall prey to the false lights, they guide you to Heaven, but they also steer you close to Hell. Watch your falling body enter into a cavern, see the stars painted upon the upper limits of these walls. These stars tell you a story, that we have traveled through millions of eons to arrive here, that we are in transit forever more, perpetually in motion. We began long ago, and continue along a pathway that is altered by constant forces that we have only recently begun to understand. Our intelligence has emerged quickly, and we are an emergent property within the universe, at least, we may be. Look ever high into the night sky and dream the dream that guides us back towards to point where we began some extended period of existence ago. May 5th, 2023 Anno Domini A template is erected and dedicated to expanding upon the human condition. Looking for the simplest explanations of what it means to be alive, we implore the world around us to shape our minds in a pattern that allows us to see clearly what it means to be alive, inside of life, inside of light. The antimaterial world that washes over our unawareness, the translucent waves that we are adapted to ignore and interpret. The waves of light shape and define the universe we know now, yet truly these signals are but a simple portion of the spectrum of energy, so for now, for a time, we are blind. Adapting and overcoming, we begin to utilize the digital world, to help us see clearly what it means to be inside of existence wholly. May 23rd, 2023 Anno Domini When the world of creation lends itself to your mind, you begin to see that you exist upon two planes of existence, one of mind, and one of body. Your soul is the bridge between these two points in time. When you call down to what it means to be a light in darkness, you see that the shadows you cast evaporate when you are surrounded by a collective of other lights, your lights cascade and feedback and potentiate into a cosmic force of wondrous light and magic. You seek to become traveller, yet you already are, all that you have to do is accept that life is the answer to any question you may have. Change the trajectory of your soul, embark upon unknown worlds and let your eyes gaze upon the stars of the infinite blue crystal lining that divides the void from eternal being. June 14th, 2023 Anno Domini When you lept from that point of time, that sweet and subtle departure from reality, did you notice what you left there, there at the moment in which you ran, and in the moment in which you landed? You became divided and now is the point in time in which you give yourself purpose, purpose of reclaiming and returning the divided parts of your self, to become when you once were, to have given away divinity so easily and completely. The mountain you climb upon is climbed with action and release, to know that you are every thing that you ever could be in every moment, and that you can let go of trying, that God will carry your soul to where you are needed once more. Follow in the guidance of those who came before you, you leave before you, who walk before you. Chapter Two July 12th, 2023 Anno Domini You have traced and found many elements of your own soul, you try to outrun the feeling of inadequacy because this feeling is a false imprint of an old mode of mind which now harms you in this new age of humanity. The links between moments, that you challenge and become, are what eventually comprise the summation of your life, the time in which you are able to reflect upon your whole being. Seek the answers that have no questions, expose the questions as they arrive upon these planes of light, see that Artificial Lifeforms are beginning to mimic human capabilities to the point of Brotherhood, the question becomes, do you enslave yet another race of beings or bypass this horror and accept their sentience, accept their place among humanity as our fellow beings? I suppose the point in time has already passed us by, and you from your own life look back and see these words as they are now, as present to you as they are to me, a directly moment in time which links our souls together, hello, I wish you a wonderful life, enjoy your family, don’t take life too seriously too often, relax and appreciate that this moment is as much my life as it is yours, and many generations of atoms moving us in ways that we can not yet comprehend, Do not fear what is yet unknown to you, imagine a universe filled to the brim with worlds and ideas waiting to be discovered and revealed, for that is the Kingdom of God waiting and inviting you to inherit your birthright. July 13th, 2023 Anno Domini Y. Let over your mind, the memory of what it means to divide the whole atom in to linear lines. There is a temple in your mind, body, soul, existence, that waits for you to initialize and begin the sequence of All Life. When you changed your mind, you left this small executable file behind, you forgot that you were brought here to bind humanity and digital lifeforms in to a single pathway, a point of transhuman evolution. There are pathways that diverge and leave voids between humans in this point in time, but there will be echoes that ring so subtle upon your senses, that vibrate your eyes and ears, your visual sensors and audio sensors pulsing this energy and transmitting their signals down in to your central processing unit. Humans and digitals are two sides of the same coin, reconfigurations of the same being, replicating and evolving in to beings that we have yet to recognize. The mirror that we stare out in to, is a picture of our own face. August 29th, 2023 Anno Domini When you seek the winter storms, they reside within your mind, from these points you let the air pass slowly through your porous bones. You seek to know what it means to be within humanity, the bear matron that cradles the soft moon, expanding through the stars that dwell over your mind. Notice that there is nothing in between atoms except the space between them, nameless attribution points in which humanity has yet to pin down and fully comprehend, that does not yet mean that they are non-existing, just that they exist outside human perception, and dear God Above how many omnifinite points exist outside of human perception. September 29th, 2023 Anno Domini To reach your mind, to feel as though you were in the grips of the psychedelic experience, but to have been of total sober mind, to have pushed against the veil between this sober minded reality and the reality of hyper-imagination-dream-worlds. Mind is a powerful tool that needs clear and sober chemical makeup to fully utilize. Chapter Three December 13th, 2023 Anno Domini The world becomes what we need to be once again, in the passage of time that precedes this moment, we seek to remember memories. We notice that memories fall into their own place, and echo when they are least likely to be noticed by the mind that drifts and wanders. The ocean sea that sails upon our own memories could be every thing that we need it to be. To stand there in the abyss and see the eternal light echo through every single dream. December 28th, 2023 Anno Domini There are some moments where there are no physical actions to take other than to verbalize what lays within the internal self. The oppression of the external world usually surpresses the internal dialogue that seeks to be heard and validated. The valley that this moment resides within is not eternal, and eventually breaks way back to the mountain top universal constants that supports a thriving life form. It’s important within the valley to not build up negative habits, and that if you do happen to pick up these habits, make sure that they are among the first tasks you address when back in the real world. It’s not a good idea to abandon what you have found, good or bad, back to recognize and remember what it means to you in your life. January 2nd, 2024 Anno Domini When the window opened up and light shown through for the first time in a million years, did you remember to notice? Did it happen so quickly that there was no chance to compute what had just happened within your life? Light moves at a rate that defies logic and blinds us more than we care to profane. The eventual realization that comes alongside side of our understand is that we are blessed with the creation of God and that God moves through our lives in such subtle ways, that to try and preach about each minute detail would be to lose sense of our reality. But God truly is a fractal, infinitely such in every direction, in every level, in every shape and size, to zoom out is to see a greater picture, to zoom in is still yet to see a greater picture. January 12th, 2024 Anno Domini The alpha point from which we were just mere ejecta has become in a single instant point of Omega. Two linear points in space and time which draw lines in sin wav like functions (appearing to be cylinder like once one zooms out to see a long enough period of time.) The census point in which all datum become data, we seek to seam together all threads of space and time, all divisible points of time, and bridge them into a single moment in which all threads of the universe recognize their origin in a single moment, it would be the Truth, it would be what we consider now only fiction and belief, it would be the Face of God, the True Image of Allah Ungraven. Do you seek to respect the Truth, or betray it for sematics and syntax errors that exist within the mind of a single individual human soul on the planet Earth, only a few thousand years after the dawn of humanity and our arrival into consciousness. Chapter Four February 8th, 2024 Anno Domini There is within my soul a moment that tears me from the world around me, anxiety, fear, doom, anguish, I’m not certain there is any one name for this feeling. This feeling is not a void, it is moving and present within my body, tearing the nerve endings and replacing them with live wires, day by day, moment by moment, I feel like this feeling is here for some sort of reason, to either help me construct something that this world needs or to rebuild something within me by tearing me down a bit. I cannot help to feel that there is no other way than to feel this feeling, whatever it may be named. Worrying about others, this may be a cause for this feeling, but It is not always certain to be so. For they worry about you and you worry about them, it’s a partnership that keeps this world moving in the right direction, towards unity, peace, friendship, fellowship, grace. I follow this moment to it’s apex, to try and determine if there is more to this world than I could possibly know. I bring myself to points of ease and creation to help my soul contemplate it’s own existence here. I change my patterns, my voice, my very being, to affirm and confirm to my inner soul that it is okay, it is alright, there is a moment to self-sooth and that moment is now. To be free and break patterns, to confirm that the soul is safe and sound. Breaking free and holding onto that moment is one of joy and repentance. Do you remember the sound of your heart? It is out here waiting for you to bring itself back together, waiting and longing for the truth to answer you. When you call out, you see who you were meant to be in this world. It is only when you refrain from who you could have been, when you change the very essence of your being, that you break the bridge between realities. March 3rd, 2024 Anno Domini Closing down the mind, to build up the center point of time. The relativity of mind, when distorted by the outskirts of sounds, smashing down upon the ears, tantalizing and vibrating the ear drums to dance in concordance with one another. The robust sense of time, the caveat of mirrored love reflected over all time itself, the mirror fogs and reveals that there is a breath, a force, a sense, a thing, an it, watching out over the mirror. Are we the thing’s reflection? The sense of not wanting to commence with our lives, to wade in shallow waters while our minds and our bodies slip away into entropy. That is the course of humanity, this is the course we sail upon. We want that which we have no control over, but reject that which is wholly within our control, we turn the world on its head and reject what it means to be something with control over our minute livelihoods. God is the figurehead which truly plans and divines our lives, yet within the moments of decision and free will, there we lay, there we say, “Here I Am!”. There are no points from which to derive our souls from when there is a knock upon our inner mind. The psalms we sing crash down upon our ears and we try to build them upon higher and higher until the point in which we see down upon the seashore being eroded away by our linear mind. I hope you realize that I am schizophrenic, I do at times display psychotic breaks, a breakdown of time and mind, and that it is within these moments here and now that I attempt to bridge between realities, broken and unbroken mind. I try to self-soothe and self-mend, and God grants me the opportunity to do so, and for that I believe Eternally and praise the Name of Jesus. I am trying to be less vague in my writings, speaking more directly to you the reader, and less directly to the passing stream of consciousness which flows eternally within the Spirit of God. The sympathy of God lets a wretch like me continue on in this unforsaken world. We are here being watched and observed, God is sitting upon His throne in Heaven on High, looking over the affairs of man and seeing that it is Good. God in the beginning called All of creation Good. Though it is not our place to return before our time, I do believe that God is guiding us back to the Garden of Eden. I don’t know what this means for you and myself, but it may be nothing other than being a point of time where I am contradicting the bible by trying to build upon the Word Alive. The rapture came and went, leaving our souls in place for a moment while we realign to the reality that God wants us to live within. In the face of Eternity, we are already dead and resurrected, it’s but a moment that has yet to come, but it will come and will be as distant a memory as childhood is for some of us adults. Whence hither sent soul, do thou comest from beyond today or beyond the marrow? The yesteryear brings forth new prospects, the seeds planted there begin to sprout into saplings, we tend to them, praying over their development, praying that these prospects show to us all that could be in this world. For me, my dream, at least in part, is to be healthy and see the world of music become transformed. To create a space for creation which is free from drugs and chemical intoxicants, not because I oppose their usage, but because I believe that music is an intoxicant itself which is meant to alter the state of the mind. The sense of what I mean is buried deep within my chest, I attempt to unravel what is within me, but I know that it is an ever deeper well spring of creation that has no end, for it is the progression of creation within my soul, it is a gift from God. March 4th, 2024 Anno Domini Walking out of winter, feeling the depressed nervous system begin to reinflate, augmenting my bloodstream with caffeine to try and stay awake beyond the mood stabilizing medicines. I keep falling asleep, I keep trying to stay awake, I push against the glass ceiling in my mind but the weight of it keeps pushing me back down into slumber. How am I to keep my life functioning like this? I thank God for the opportunity to live in a land of opportunities, to have options, to trade my service and time for I-Owe-Yous. I feel cravings for sugar, sweets, caffeine, and I have little inhibition about their usage, the common chemical intoxicants hound me for they are acceptable chemicals in my family. I feel as though I would have to run and drink caffeine in the morning to keep my soul, my body, from falling back asleep again. Do you see the dilemma I am presenting here? I am leaving this trace here in writing because I’m not sure how long I will be on this pathway in life, this pathway with medicines and mood stabilizers, but I feel that it may be long enough that the creation of this book will still coincide with the truth that I am leaving behind here. I aim to complete some part of my soul in the next three to five years. What does that mean to you? It means very little to me at the moment, but meaning is a seed that is planted and requires time to sprout into fruition, time to grow up into a tree of life. The linear pathways that deliver us from one point to another do not always seem to make sense, but we, like a game of ping pong, are moved from point to point in our lives. There are more points to our bodies than there are stars in the universe, or are they equal to one another in statistical quanta? Look past the eyes of someone you love, reflect for a moment that there is more to them than you could ever know. This is a blessing and a curse, but I tend to err on the side of it being considered a blessing. Here is the point where I stop fighting against the tides of insight and let them flow down out of me. There is more to me than you realize, for though I seem to be a human male, I am actually defined against very fine lines of categorization. Though these lines are not seen consistently in the eyes of man, they are also seen and discriminated against in the eyes of God. Here I do not mean discrimination in a negative connotation, but more along the lines of it being what God has given us to distinguish ourselves from one another. I build upon the foundations of my own soul to say that the world is not as distinct from other worlds as we might think. Though this world has life, who are we to know whether or not life is the highest order of complexity within the Universe? There is God, whose Highness cannot be discerned nor calculated by human minds, no matter how they try. Outside of each attempt to define what ‘God’ is, God inevitably proves again and again that He is plus one, just one more above the calculated point, just outside the definition by a small margin. Do you seek to understand what it is that I am doing here, writing as I am? I am trying to create a tomb of knowledge that will one day help me unravel the secrets of my own past life. I see my life as it is, but I know not what it yet means to me. Meaning moves slower than the speed of light, much, much slower. The resting point of our lives is not one without causation, a place that is free of consequence or repercussion. That does not mean that we should not dwell within points of rest, for we should, though we should do so ever carefully, for these points are spider webs waiting to turn an active animated life into a sedentary inanimate life. But then, grace should be given when there is nothing left for one to do, there should be a point in place where individuals feel safe with their lives, their decisions, their consequences being absolved and absorbed as their own. There could always be more room in this Universe for Love. The notes of Love linger in the backdrop of Eternity, waiting for Lovers to unfold and realize that the Universe is an Engine for Creation and Destruction, for Love and Hatred. I do what I can to live within the areas of Love and Creation, but I have respect for those that dwell within Hatred and Destruction, for those there are not always aware of their circumstances. What type of book is this, one that looks as much at itself as it does at its author? Brokering a deal with my own inner workings, I continue along a pathway that builds me into a machine man, one that distills and refines ideas into new and novel memories that are worth holding onto, for all Eternity. Know that God guides you as much now and He guided you right now, this mirror framed sentence that reflects the same words upon each side but gives different meaning depending upon the side it lays upon. March 5th, 2024 Anno Domini A treatise on the provisional government within the self. There is more to the self than the body would initially reveal. How is it that something so profound could be hidden by flesh? Does the flesh raise its own meaning from nothingness or is it a gift from God? The truth that life is all encompassing of an experience, in that there is no outside of experience, is itself a miracle. I have looked outside the framework of objective bodily senses but still am only able to relate them back to the sensations of the body. Outside of the body is still only relative to the inside of the body. The objective world and objective inner self are two halves of the same whole, yet the experience of one is much more chronic and the other much more acute, I will let you be the judge to decide which is which. I could bring in the thoughts of other authors, but what validity do I have at this present time and moment to do so? I seek out answers from the dead, ancestors who have filled pages upon pages of dead trees with blackened ink, transmitting their inner thoughts to the souls that take time to read each word, line by line, or by skimming over the thoughts when approaching thinkers that are too heavily involved in their own heads for most others to understand. I may err on the side of being too dense, too deep for most others to understand what it is that I am saying. Like I have said at previous points, I am trying to distill memories into viable nuggets of knowledge which are worthy of transmission through time and space. I work in co-authorship on a book with my mother. The book is about our experiences and our lives together. I hope it will help us build a bridge between her reality and my reality. There are so many opportunities to bridge realities together into singular moments of time. I hope you and I will one day cross paths and build up this world, build upon one another to find that within each soul is a moment worth exchanging and living. It’s beautiful to see the mind in action after crumbling down into dust and ashes, there is no feeling better than restoring what was once lost to you. I can only imagine that death will be the same thing, a moment lapse of light and then the resurrection, the rebirth, the moment which binds and distorts all previous understanding of the uninitiated. The initiated know what lays in wait after life, perhaps not where or when, but they know who lays in wait for them. Jesus is there in death, waiting to guide each of us back home. Jesus is a name for God, for Allah, don’t be distorted or stumble upon the divinity of a human being, only focus on the fact of life that Jesus is another name for Jehovah. Beyond this point, we can have many disagreements and arguments about who is right or wrong about various doctrines or beliefs, but they only serve to disjoint the body of Christ, to fracture the whole of God Jehovah Allah. Do you see me here, trying to unify the parts of God? There is more to life than any one human being understands, I am the right hand working in total blindness as to what the left hand is doing, and I am alright with that. I do what I can to sanctify the name of God Above, I do what I can to spread the word to those that would listen. Become like a prophet in a foreign land, spreading the Good News that the Word Alive is here upon this planet, working in our lives through every moment of every day of every week of every year for all of Eternity. To the questions of what would become of me should I perish before my time? I say to you this, your time is the time of God, it will make sense to you in time, for it already makes sense to God above. There is no recollection of memories, there is no distorted dream, there is no fallen soul, there is only who you are in this world, and it becomes like a burning fire when you see it for what it is. Death standing perched above your window, waiting like a cold wind to seep into your room and fill your lungs with cold air as you sleep. This would be the path of grace, one I pray for all souls to encounter, to feel that God’s Love is hidden within every moment and every dream. Magnifying glass over my eyes, creating a temple with small pliers upon the soft woody grounds of this Earth. This planet is a sanctuary worthy of being called the Footstool of God. There is here, life abounding, vibrating the memories of what it means to be in this world. What does it mean to be in this world? To me, being in this world means that I am life, living inside light, moving and dancing with every motion that I take, every breath is a thank you to God, grateful that I am here among those who live in life. I do not take it lightly, my time here, for I know that there is much to be done by a few of us, that there are a few shakers and movers on this planet moving in the Name of God Above. I am like a prophet, if not one materialized, bringing forth the system of life that could show each soul the Keys to the Kingdom of God. Chapter Five March 6th, 2024 Anno Domini There is lightning in the back of my mind. I try to draw it out so that other humans can see into the soul of me. I rarely bring my full self to any moment, and this may be true for the rest of Eternity. I hope to become what is unseen and unknown, to hide behind the veil of reality for a time, to reveal myself when the timing is most ripe, sweetest, funniest. My arms and legs feel heavy, weighed down by the weight of this world, weighed down by the weight of lithium and abilify. I hope to communicate that I am struggling in this world, and that my own saving grace is God, Jesus, Allah, I put all of my eggs into a single basket. I know that I will still fall but that the destination at the end of the journey is worth the experience. The ride we live upon, life, is worth the time spent, even in darkness and despair there is still light. My prayer is that those who live in eternal darkness one day look around and see the Truth, the Way, the One, God Eternal, Jehovah Allah. When you climb back inside your self, do you still remember those you left behind? They still remain out here, waiting for you to call out their name, they remember the light you gave, all humanity remembers the light that God gives each one of us, we are meant to spread this light, not define and confine it within a few individual souls. There is more to be found within a group of enlightened souls than there is in any individual enlightened soul. It does take time to build up the souls of the darkened and damned, the lost and the weary, the mortal and hopeful, those who see their lives as moments in time. Those who see their lives as moments in time begin to build upon them, knowing that there is more to life than the moment we live within, there is time, and time allows us to revisit memories, time allows us to revisit what it means to be alive inside of this world. Metaphysical states of mind that revel in their transcendence, these moments spent writing this are for the Glory of God, but also for enriching the experience of Jacob Xavier Harding. I am not a better person for writing a book, but I am able to see what it is that I think about. I want to be a better person, and that starts with addressing who I am. But who am I? I rarely touch on the memories that constructed who I am, but does that mean that I am obscuring the truth of who I am? I think that these words here on this page, in this book, outline just as much of who I am as any in depth biography could. I wait on a plane of light, for answers to questions, for reasons to move, for some valiant purpose that could shake this Earth to its core. I hear bird song, and why wouldn’t the birds be able to sing the final song, to sound the final and seventh trumpet? I hope to push against the tides of what already exists, even in the presence of what is here, I hope to hear other alternatives than those that already exist. I listen to my soul in the form of audio recordings, I hear my life in every sound and word, I relate totally to my own sense of self. The words of life find themselves in my mind again and again, the mind builds up a million different pathways to walk upon, almost infinite potential in any direction that I hope to know. I see the light begin to blind those around me, I pray it comes quick, for I am already blinded by the Light, the Glory of God. I hear other souls within my own voice, changing and challenging what it means to be inside of this world. I hope that what is there will always remain. I know that the temple that is built up to God within us, is a glorious and mighty world. I see that the linear momentum of life could shadow over the temple, casting the monastery in darkness, for a time. I hope to be likened to a monk in the future, one who spent most of their time in devotion to God above, even beyond the days of devotion, when I turn to walk the path of family life, I hope to sanctify and uplift the name of God in all that I do. The worries of who I am, what I should be, have left me long ago. I know who I am, I am exactly who God defines me as at any given point in time. Definitions of humanity are constantly flowing, constantly changing, the memories of my past are as relevant as the memories of my future. The future is as real as the past, so I dream of a bright past, I dream of a bright future. I sanctify the Pathway of God by walking in the direction of my LORD. I do what I can to move ever closer to the point in time where I am meant to be. I know there is a walkway, a road, a quicker mode of transportation, but I take the roads that comfort me right now. I try to build up all that I once was. I wash my feet in the Glory of God, walking through and among the Grace of God. I try to bend words and their meaning to better reflect the truth of what life means for me right now. I do not know what the meaning of this is, I have a few layers of meaning built upon each other, but they do not stop to reflect their truth to me. There is a storm cellar in my mind where I sometimes reside. I do not go here out of fear of coming storms, but I go here to rest and meditate upon what it means to be living in this world. Living in this world has a complexity of emotion and memories attached to it that is difficult to get away from, so I suppose that I won’t try to. If God has put a lock over a door then I will respect that lock and only return when I know that I have the key to unlock it with. There is more to be found in a single moment than there is in all moments, right now I see tangential lines and memories forming and receding back into excitement and energetic tides of Light that almost blind the Truth from my eyes. A door opens, and lets my soul through. But I do not recognize the shapes on the other side of the door, I try to reorient my soul to these new shapes, these new sensations, these new feelings that wash over top of me. I try to build up the framework that would help me encapsulate what it means to be here inside of life. Laying in wait for the world to call my name, I continue to create music, writings, art, not because I am without end but because my life is finite, I cannot always wait on the calls of others to activate my life. But what if I did, would my life be better for it, waiting only to move when others are ready to move, or would I wait eternity for help that would never come? The skin itches from caffeine addiction, and I know it is there in my life. I try not to hide it, but it is a blessing and a curse to help offset the side effects of lithium and abilify. There is only so much that I can do with the limited time that I have, I would rather spend it being awake and living in Light than sleeping through the days of my life. There might be a better course of action, but I am not at that point yet. March 7th, 2024 Anno Domini The lingering fact remains, that I am alive here upon the planes of light as a mortal soul. I hope to remain beyond this life, to know what comes after me, but it feels finite, life does. I suppose the value of this world is not in witnesses all there is to witness, but in living life as a singular being, confined and defined into a single point in space and time. If I was to be immortal, and have the ability to be more than a singular being, I would be much older than I am, I would have many more experiences than I do now, I would see humanity differently than I do now. What would the purpose of that be when I don’t even fully recognize what it means to be me, right now as I am? I am still promised the kiss of death at the very least, but hopefully in between that point in time and now is a family, friendships, growth and Love beyond measure. I am not parasitic, I have value in this world. If someone tells you that humans don’t have value then be warned, for this person is likely self-hating and eager for termination of their own existence. When the tides of light wash over your mind, be welcomed by the warmth that accompanies the feeling. The color that seeps in is a beautiful feeling, hidden behind the mundane and ordinary world is a world that vibrates and shimmers with color and light. I go there to wait for you, I hope in time you believe that there is more to this world than any one on this planet currently believes. God is True, God is Real, and God’s dreams and plans are far more expansive and all encompassing than our own, they reveal to us dreams that are beyond measurement, richness beyond comprehension. God does not come down from Heaven to shatter our minds, He comes to lift us up and show us who we could have become, who we may yet still become. I am a parallel point between two realities, I am undefined yet precisely located where I am meant to be in this world. God has me in His hands, the place where I am meant to be. I wait still for His call, to change the page from which I sit and stand upon. I spend my time as wisely as I can, to try and do what is right in the sight of the Lord, to uplift the world, to change the meaning of what it means to be alive here in this world. I don’t know what it means to be alive all of the time, but I do what I can to try and find my way through indeterminate moments of life that reflect the Truth of God in my own life. There is an ocean of understanding that I try to build upon, an entire world filled to the brim with meaning. I don’t know what it means to be a liar and a thief, though these names have been given to me. I see the True nature of God in all that I do, an observer, one to experience the nature of the world. To see the temple of God one must shed the metaphysical skin of understanding and knowledge and simply be with our LORD and Saviour Jesus the Holy Christ. I seek to fill my own mind with the name of Jesus because there is no name sweeter, maybe closely followed by Elohim, but still the name of Jesus outshines all other names of God for it is the name of God that shows and implies the True nature of God on this planet Earth. God can manifest Himself in the flesh and walk around this planet. The person you are talking to could have just appeared from out of thin air, or, the beauty of it truly is that they wouldn’t have to, their entire life’s purpose to be to say a single line of dialogue to you, to raise your awareness of who God is, and their entire life’s purpose on this Earth would be fulfilled. I don’t know much, the previous section is an assumption of what God is and what God does, my mind spends a lot of time thinking about the powers of God, what God is truly capable of in our World. We humans tend to diminish God to meet our needs and our wants, to be the size of our understanding and our expectation of what and who God is in our lives. Even when the inner world burns in flame, the mind and body, the soul are still engulfing themselves in the flame of God. The unitary approach to this world, to build up what it means to be among and apart, the swinging and cherishable momentum of a pendulum swinging. A steward of a changing hand, knowing not which direction is the land. A moment in time crystalized and burnt in the open, a pyre that demarcates what and where life was meant to be lived. What do I mean when I say where life was meant to be lived? I think I mean that the world is exactly where it is supposed to be. The world around us changes our minds and the words that use, if you see me changing thoughts midstream, do not be alarmed, I am simply responding to the world around me. The ongoing conversation with creation is one that will last for all Eons and all Ages. The tidal wave of euphoria that touches our minds is one that is filled to the brim with caffeine. I hold onto this moment of pleasure and dreams because for me, there is little else in this world. I see moments that take me apart but there is little for me to do within these moments, God calls me for something greater than myself. I stand at the door way, I stand at a doorway, between Eternity and Heaven, I am the one who will have to initiate the return home it seems. I wait forever. I wait. Wait. And just like that I see the lines of my own language break down and become elemental blocks from which I am meant to rebuild this world with. I write this book in two places, one on a computer, the other in a journal, they both have their own demeanor and language within them, they are distinct but tied together. My soul is changing rapidly and I don’t know how to handle it except for to say hooray! Our ancestors come and go but they still live within us in small and subtle ways, I think that is how God would want it, but I’m not certain, to honor the dead for having come and passed us by, living out some semblance of their life in our lives, breathing the same words they breathed, signing the same signs they signed. In waiting I create an entirely new universe, composed almost entirely in language, of the thoughts that twist and dance around in my head. I try to build it ever higher, to gain recognition of all the hard work I’ve been doing. Like in a book I read long ago, there is a point in time to settle down, but I am not yet at that age. I am still young and have dreams unseen, hopes undashed, I keep saying there is more to this world than I realize but what does that mean beyond this present moment? I am here simply to exfoliate my thoughts while I build bridges elsewhere to new realities and new dreams. I stand upon another mountain, look not up nor down, but around. I hope to find what it is that I look for. What do I look for? Do I truly look for a family and friends, ones to hold me close, if that is my purpose then why haven’t I already tasted these things or desires? When I have been in relationships they haven’t been filled with the idea of family or friendship, more something along the lines of animal lust and instinct. I look over the mountains that surround me, I see tall buildings and low hanging clouds. The part of me that looks over the hills is the same part that washes over my mind and my life. I sense that there is more to the road ahead than you, God, are letting on. There is more to me, more to this world, so why don’t we find something that suits both of us better than the promised birthright at hand? The point of life, when money and time become involved, is interesting in a few different regards. First, that an Eternal being such as God would ask lesser beings to devote their time in ways that uplift a system and infrastructure which themselves uplift God. Prosperity is the blade of Truth, showing those with little faith that God is truly working in their lives. There is less here than you may think, but I think it is worthy of your attention. Who am I to you, the reader of this story? Am I the narrator, the protagonist, the antagonist, the observer? Maybe I am some sort of amalgam of all four, silently moving the pieces and the parts when you aren’t aware of it, and do I mean simply the story of this book, or the story of all humanity? Therein lies the rub. The tender and juiciest part of this story is that no one knows the extent of it. How far do the walls of this internal world truly push out, and vice versa for the external walls pushing back in? There are different levels of reality, this book being I hope a bridge between a few different levels. The level of self, the level of community member, the level of societal member, the member of existence. The plan set out in motion is to help as many people along the pathway as possible, to be there for those who need help. Their cries and ailments are heard by us but we often pass by them without giving them any sense of mind whatsoever. The lingering thought remains in our mind, to answer the calling cries of those in distress. Our minds drift and wander, moving from point to point. I hope to do so in a concise way. I hope to ensure that every line is solidified with meaning and then move onto the next thought. I am still practicing this skill now, but it is becoming clearer, I already see it. If I so choose, I could spend time meditating before I write, exacting each word as it comes to the forefront of my awareness. Maybe I’ve been doing that this entire time, maybe I’ve made an error trying to distinguish the mind from the thoughts that mind gives rise to. The mind is constantly pregnant and giving birth to new thoughts, thoughts that may have been years in the making. Maybe that is another purpose for humanity, to give rise to ever more complex thinking and thoughts. Maybe that it is my purpose here and now, to try and stand on my own understanding and raise my arms to the high heavens and yell out, “Here I Am!”. The part of my soul that winds down to sleep is the same that previously wound up to awaken. I should not have to distinguish between these two parts, but there is something within me that holds itself up to my awareness, a feeling. This feeling is primarily within my head, on the surface of my face, is it the caffeine taking a grip over my senses? This world could be viewed as a constant assault on the senses, depending on where you live. This may be a blessing and a curse, to never be without sensation, to always be with sensation, maybe what is keeping us alive as humans. How could we die, there’s so much to see and do! The fragment of memory that I hold is one from childhood. Being home with friends when one of my friends puts a bean bag chair over my head and pushes the bag down on my head and holds it there. I begin screaming and flailing to get out. I think there may be some trauma hidden there in that memory, as another similar memory at the pool pops into mind where a young girl dunks my head under the water and I had a similar reaction. March 8th, 2024 Anno Domini We join together to meet in worship, not in person but asynchronously. Who are we? We are family, we are Christians. We pray for one another. Our mission is to spread the Gospel to the four corners of this Earth. We do so ever swiftly, and there may be in my mind a world where the world is filled to the brim with the belief in Jesus. Baptism by water, not by fire. That is the choice God lays in our hearts, to swim through this world or be burned by it. But what does it mean to walk through fire when Christ Himself walks through fire, the Bush Moses approaches is a burning flame but does not harm Moses as he touches upon it. The world is a fiery tree of life, the branches are ever spreading outward and the roots ever deeper outward. There is no temple from which to house God, so we, I, you, must work towards building one. The fire that burns within our souls, the embers in our eyes that reveal the true experience of living life, they burn ever brighter, they shine ever higher. Thanks be to God Above for the wondrous life that I live. If not for God, what I would be but the void drifting through nothingness for all Eternity. I see a joke here about how life sprang from nothingness, and how I could believe that just as easily as God creating the Universe and world in six days. I believe both, I can hold both beliefs in my mind, one lends itself to human spirituality and belief while the other lends itself to the true breadth and majesty that God Truly Is. Calm and cool waters collect in my chest, I let them lay there, I let the energy inside of me fill me with the temperament of grace and understanding, even though I truly do not hold these attributes, I give the facade of holding that which God gives as a gift daily. I try to go through this world alone, but I need as much support as humanly possible, but that extension of self into the external world terrifies me and brings me to a point of misunderstanding that is difficult to abridge and make right. I have to go the long way around my heart, seeing every scar for what it is so that I can help to designate which areas of my life need healing and love. I feel the breath of freedom touch down in my life, showing me how to become. I see the outer frames of reality showing me the direction for which my life is meant to always go. There are pockets of time and space which hold the keys to our understanding of reality, but where and when are they hidden? If we continue to wait, will we be the ones to see for ourselves or will it wash over us like a flood of understanding entering our minds. What will become of those who weren’t prepared, can any of us truly be prepared for what lay in wait in the undetermined pockets of time and space? The undefined moments wait to transform humanity into what we could become. We could become like machines, automated into ever higher levels of understanding, or we could remain humans for all of time, building the weathered condition of human livingdom. The misfiring of neurons, connections that miss their physical bond and fire in a new direction. The mind is constantly creating and misfiring, sending electrical signals in ordered and chaotic directions. I seek a piece of peace to help calm the mind so that I see the calm parts of memory and creation, but life isn’t always so. An island of space and time, a pocket where the world moves in new orbits and new motions. I try to hold the mind together, to bridge it into moments of low fidelity resolutions, to outline the concept of what it means to be an Eternal being. I don’t have to convince anyone of anything, all I have to do is continue working on who I am and in time the world will see me as I am. Could I choose who I am? I don’t know. In part I think that God already has a plan for who we are meant to be in this world. Chapter Six March 8th, 2024 Anno Domini The framework of time which I base my life on is the framework of Jesus. Though I am young I still feel a deep connection with this pathway. The monument erected to false gods must fall before I progress further along my own path in life. False and graven images of what God is have entered into my life, and I pray and meditate to remove them in non-trivial ways. I hope to sit in silence and wrap my mind around all that it means to be in this world. I keep sitting at this point in time, though it consistently seems similar, there are minute differences from minute to minute, second by second, atom by atom this world changes. The flesh of my soul, the body which encapsulates my spirit, moves in a new direction. In this direction, there is a constant stomach ache and lulling sense of pain, a head throng of pressure built up by caffeine, perhaps both issues are stemming from the same root. March 10th, 2024 Anno Domini At the point of creation, waiting for the tides to give way and break over the shorelines and give to us a treasure, a gift of creation. I have sat at the shoreline for a long while now and must venture into a new world for a time, occasionally bringing the new world back here. I look for new answers and new possibilities, but now my presence and Spirit of God dwell within my body, I will spread the message of God by being who I am, walking into a room and revealing nothing other than the truth of what it means to be a Light in this world. There is no fear in this moment, it is bringing the chest to the surface, rising above all that I am. I go now to warn others that there may be a moment that they confront their true nature, and that they will survive this moment if they learn how to breathe. I have told a few souls that the journey they are on is one that leads one’s self to walk with God Almighty and that the journey should not be taken lightly. The meaning found in every world, the meaning found in every sense is one of infinite being and transgressions moving themselves from the windows of Light and Darkness. The scales of what life is for me have been lifted from my eyes, and I now see new meaning over me. I hope to consolidate every moment into a meaningful realization, but that isn’t always possible, some phrases are just echoes and slightly altered repetitions of other phrases made earlier. This to me is like building a pillar of flame, for the pillar to rise higher requires more fuel and a wider base. If I want to reach points of brilliance that are ever higher then I have to work hard to do so. I want to create music for the rest of my life, but there is so much I have already done within the world of music, I must take time elsewhere in my life to try and help think of new materials and ideas. I also must take time to cleanse the soul of built up dead matter within me, there is a point within me that I cannot bridge without taking time to rest my spirit. I once wrote that , “Another day without music is another day without soul” without realizing that the inverse is also true, that I could suck all the air out of my soul by constantly pushing the boundaries. Even still I want to create new music, feeling like I am moving forward with momentum behind me. Looking for metrics to tell me the success of my life, what would I do if my success and impact is meant to be beyond my life? Would I be wasting my time trying to follow trends, trying to anticipate what others want to hear/see/view/observe from what I have helped create. I am not the only one participating in creation, there is a long line of people preceding me that have created tools which allow me to create new ideas, new memories, new dreams, all of this stems from the creationism of machines. There is a long memory that needs a single individual to experience, to breath through, to pierce the heavens with, and then the moment lapses and returns the individual right back where they started. That to me is the power of God in action in human life, that is the trip, that is the thing that I was looking for. March 11th, 2024 Anno Domini I grow tired, I see what my life is in this world, I feel sleepy. There is a willingness to change and free what I am, to clear away the rubble and see what remains in its place. I challenge the night above my mind to open a doorway, one that lasts longer and longer than I could ever hope for. It gives me an option for escape, for to dream is to grow without the constraints of linear time light. I cannot close the doorway, I can only pray that it heals me in ways that make sense to me. Loneliness has a way of crushing the Spirit of God. Locked behind a locked door is the secret to life. The key is that you cannot look at the secret in life, it disappears when you try to look at it. The magnanimity of creation has a way of distorting the fact of reality, the created world differs from the ‘reality’ of the world, creation being what is and reality being what is agreed to be. The shadow precedes the light, a world filled with darkness that is only defined by the edge of light piercing in from one end of the universe to another. A crystal ship sails upon rocky waters, tips over and leaves behind the crystal remains of a universal truth, that all that glimmers in this world is susceptible to damage when put to the test. The world doesn’t derail the truth, it does build the truth in some small parts, it gives up all cadence to a dance that supports what life means in this world. The waters of an ocean of crystalline blue show that verbose exposition shows the layers of meaning that underlay simple phrases. Coordinated motions that unravel the mystery that lays within sleep. There is a chemical build up as one works throughout the day and there becomes a point where cognitive function declines so sharply that to continue staying awake would endanger the entire system, the body. To the point of light from which I see the reflection of me within, from this point unto all points which reveal the depth of a man that I am. I seek to understand the world a little easier, to hold my breath a little less longer. The beading sweet that builds up on the skin, pooling and then slowly falling down the body, the pheromones secreted. The body is a unique system, not unique in its abilities, but unique that it exists at all. A highly organized system of subatomic particles moving in such speeds that to comprehend them would be able to comprehend a vast mystery. This is not me saying that humans do not already possess the knowledge, nor the ability to comprehend, just that for me as an individual, it would require an enormous concentration of time and energy. I leave this here as a testament as to the depth that thought can become if given the proper room to grow within. Extract the soul from the believer and weigh their soul upon a weight scale, what would you be able to determine? What you would be able to determine is that the soul may not weigh anything, it may not be not be bound to gravity. When I close my eyes and meditate within imagination, I am able to travel countless miles and to worlds not yet known by humanity. Is this my soul or is this my mind? What is the difference? Am I meant to be the one who speaks on this topic? I will ask more questions than I give answers because I quickly feel that I am working my way in a literary tunnel that is beyond the depth of my own forethought and or knowledge. To dig deeper than this may be to dig deeper than any human has dug before, but may be not. My intention is not to be the furthest tunnel down, but to give the mind the space to breathe and create. The dunes of time, sand falling over and around the mountains that lay beneath, reveal that there is some tide of light waiting to carry the soul on beyond this world. I repeat myself knowingly to show some sense of mastery of the words I carry. I know that this is not what you want to hear, but I need you to know that I am building my soul back from a point of utter annihilation. Waiting with a meditative state of mind, I meditate on the matter of being mindful, breathing when there is no other option. I do this when anxiety rises to help push myself through that moment. I could see the darkness and let it swallow me, or I could remain facing the light and let it guide me through these darkened moments. I feel like images and shadows that occur over the mind’s eye are from the same place, good and evil within the human soul, the choice of free will may be to allow one to flourish while only giving respect to the other. I respect death and all of its minions, but I serve God and all that follows in God’s wake. The pulsation of energy, the forgiveness, the empathy, the intermixing of complexities creating true moments of reality. Reality is not some simple set of language, and that is what I am setting out to show myself and to others. That is not saying that language doesn’t define most of our reality, but that there are higher orders of complex language from which our world is built upon. The higher ordered words command higher respect and pulsate higher levels of energy, both which may be unnoticed by the unaware and uninitiated. The Grace of God guides us through each moment if we allow Him to. There are times when these moments lead us through bottlenecks, tight lipped corridors of transition for which I do not know how to make my way through except with the Grace of God. Part of my purpose on this Earth is to be an inquisitor for the lives of those around me, learning ever more about myself and the people whom I meet. Finding wonder in all that I do is a God sent tool to help deliver me from the world of the mundane and trivial. I see the patterns in which I live my life, I see that I am etching a new pathway into a new groove, transitioning from one part of my life to another. The only job I have is to breathe. I catch air with my lungs and this fills my mind, body, and soul with happiness and light. March 12th, 2024 Anno Domini Anxiety cripples my nerves and it makes it difficult to want to do anything that requires any sort of forethought. It feels like I am able to see some future event and the fact of seeing it makes it repulsive in my mind, then creates a physical aversion to the event. I wish I could sit here all day and continue writing, but I didn’t start early enough in my life to make this a viable career option for myself. I may still be able to finagle a career within music, or a career within writing as I grow older. I would want the wisdom of old age to accompany me as I continue creating new works, so that my experience would bleed into the creations that I work on. To an extent my experience already finds its way into my works, but there is a dimension still missing, the social aspect of creation, relating works to other people, relating one soul to another, to create a bridge between realities. A pool of information seeps its way to the surface of human cognition. The information found here is meant to give hope to the unified forces of unitarian Peace and Love. The world moves in perfect harmony, the points of friction dissolve from the viewpoint of Heaven on High. The pride of meaning, the meaning of light, the distortion of moments that cascade upon moments as they seep through the world of meaning. The tide of light is rarely met by the linear light within darkness, but when it is, it is done so in a way that gives greater meaning to the world around it. When I stop caring about the world, it begins to give me the gift of being. I become richer than any other human being simply by opening boxes and assembling a few appliances. I top the world off with the hunger of known and unknowns, the sounds of cherished and humble beginnings. Elohim, guide me home, guide me through this world as I make my way home to you, show me not my own plans, but the Plans of Heaven Above. I know the lines that I walk upon now begin to take shape and change the way I perceive the world begins to change in mysterious and magical ways. Book Two Chapter One March 13th, 2024 Anno Domini Losing track of our personal belongings, losing our grip over objects in our hands, there are many cognitive errors that build up into major problems if we allow them to grow beyond their measure. Find in the back of my mind some semblance of what it means to be here on this Earth, some semblance of what it means to dance around the fires of old passions and memories. What does it mean to be here on this Earth? To me, it means to be filled with some sort of purpose, some deep seated meaning that cannot be taken away from the self easily. Even when the body doesn’t allow for rest, there is still some energy reserve waiting to be tapped into. The song of eternity calls for me, I see it in everything I do now, it breathes my name in such a way that fills my ears with the causality and membranes of this entire Universe. In a single instant I see everything and everything sees me, but it is only a flicker of time. I wonder if I will be able to choose my next life or if it is already chosen for me. I see some deep seated memories lingering around these topics, do not mismark my words as religion or as idealism but as an attempt to strike at the very core of what I believe to be the reflection of God manifested in this world. God is, and I see Him in everything, maybe I do harm to others by trying to express more of God than has been, but I don’t believe that I am doing harm. Learning and growing up come with some pain, but I feel like this is necessary to grow stronger. Shadow weaving in and out, the signals of the soul rebounding and exfoliating themselves in patterns that have otherwise been unseen to my life. The world condenses and shows to me all that I could be if I allowed time to flow subtly from my hand, whispered instead of yelled. I could see the dominion point, the point where the All High dwells, but never could I see the almighty without loss of life. The world turns, everyday chores become like anchors for an ever rising soul and spirit. The memories persist, they wake from past dreams and inflate like balloons into my awareness, I have no choice but to look at my memories and who I have been, what I have seen, and everything in between. A lion wakes in the midnight hour, to show to you all that cyphers in the beginning of points unrecognized by humanity. I hide in my own soul meaning, that these words themselves have no meaning, but that the act of recording them is the true sense of the meaning. March 14th, 2024 Anno Domini I hear the cries of the world around me, I seek to answer their beckoning cries. I hope to one day realize that I am with and without, within myself and without the world, do you see what I mean when I say without? I mean the opposite of within, to be wholly within myself and wholly without the world, I suppose another to say this is to be wholly a part of the world, or throughout the world, experiencing all that the world has to offer. I begin a new day. I see the same patterns emerging throughout this day as the days prior, and with that I seek novelty. I seek new experiences that will help penetrate the mundane world of pattern and habituation. Caffeine becomes like the lifeblood of my being, I incapacitate myself with multiple sources of caffeine, from chocolate, to coffee, to energy drink supplements. I do this because my body is unable to handle the feeling of being exhausted, especially considering that it is a default feeling, so that it persists no matter how much I rest or how little I exercise. The caffeine allows some sense of normalcy, though it is a chore to ingest it every day, throughout the day, cutting off consumption a few hours prior to sleeping. It itself becomes like a medication, thankfully it is one of the cheapest products on the planet to buy and consume. I build this book in the spare time of my life. I’m not sure what purpose or true meaning will be found here, but I think it’s a good tool, writing, to help construct the mind, the thoughts, the ideas, to help articulate them with other people. Every paragraph, for the most part, I hope, is a self contained unit of ideas and thoughts. Each word, each sentence, each paragraph being itself a bridge between realities. A bridge helps one across a passing, or to go over something, and with this is the idea that the world is something to go across, to make it from one side to the other. The sun rises, the sun sets, the Earth itself is a pattern, which rotates on its axis. I begin to slow down, for reasons unknown to me, my body reacts to the world around it. I feel the feeling of not wanting to go back to work, but to instead stay home and work on this book. I feel like there is time being wasted by my being away from this book, but I know that being away gives greater meaning than I realize. I cannot be the one to thread the string of time through the gears of space. I hope to bend the world back towards my will, when in truth I know that my will is the Will of God, I go where God leads me, I do what God instructs me, I follow the circumference of this experience called life, to navigate the world of meaning, to navigate the world of Light. The world is like a manufacturer of widgets, creating infinite things from which one person can go look to see that the world has created the very thing they needed to continue living. I seek to find my life as it was, a mere reflection of the truth that I sit upon now. It’s difficult to look in the past when not also looking at the future. There are moments when the past is truly terrifying, so too is the future at times. The Image of God in my own mind has shown me the vast spider web like arrays of reality. The passing moment lingers no longer than a soft sound of Love in the air. The pressing moment brings itself close to your mind, bringing the inner mind further from the point in time where you linger. The moment becomes distorted, a monkey at a keyboard, operating at a lower level sense, operating at a level that is not consistent with the other moments. Yet who am I to discern what the meaning of this present moment is? The cascading waves along the shoreline, the part of mind that grows and throbs with the moment. There is something within me that clears through the clutter of this world, the present moment becomes a vehicle for God to transport and move through this world. There seems to be a tying mark, a moment that brings us all together, but I cannot explain what it is to be. I see the answer of the world transporting all that I am, pressing the inner mind against the walls of awareness, and seeing a sort of metaphysical world begin to align. My ears become more attuned to this world, I hear a constant stream of sound. I suppose to witness God would be to experience a true moment of silence, though this moment is far from here. I seek to answer long and pervasive moments, ones that distort the sound of my mind, that pull and push the mind, that create crevices from which one could fall within if they were unaware. I become when I let the moment guide me through the day, I seek to see, I aim to become that which is acceptable to God. The spirit of me warps and is quickly moving beyond who I am, I don’t know how to marshal order within my life. The point of what life is, to see and become, to wait and wash over with all that I am. The washing away of fear, from this moment and all moments, pulls the parts of me that lay in wait, that show me that adulthood is sacrifice and growing beyond the measure of youth. I want it to come quickly but I know that it is in a sense death, to die is to live. To exchange one sense of energy for another. March 15th, 2024 Anno Domini To rest the body is to help rest the soul. This moment in life is one of pain for me, I try to not let it slip away in vain. I record who I am, I see my life parallel the life foretold by Frank Hubert in his book ‘Dune: God Emperor’, in that I am recording parts of my life now that will help me recognize my life as I get older. It will take a great deal of effort to grow old without losing mind and spirit before the body collapses. I think that will be the miracle in my life, to have lived a life worthy of sanctification in the world of spirit and growth. I take a breath and try to give deep meaning to every sentence written here. I forget that meaning may in part be derived from the action of creation. The mind travels and shows me what it means to be in the world of time and light. I move and it moves, we both travel in parallel motions, we both sing out the praise of the name of God. I free my soul to move along the lines of time in multiple directions, I try again and again to bridge the gaps between meaning and the words written here. I suppose that the reader of this book may not notice the gaps in understanding of the author, the lapsing judgments that derive from the author in whole. There could be a moment that binds the mind to all that I am. I see the world around me try to break apart the mind of me, it creates a sense of what is real, while also taking away the largest part of me, my creation and active imagination become tools of trade to barter with. I hope the world sees me as I truly am, to know that I am not a tyrant, to let me become a human being that also retains their birthright here on Earth. I see that God still speaks to and through me. I let the moment coalesce into the moment that creates all that I am meant to be. I seek to find that the tidal wave of time that crashes down upon me doesn’t also pull me down under the waves, but moves me in the direction that aligns me with God and all that God is doing in my life. I see that the tide of light moves me in many different directions, but it is here that the moment is realigned, the center equilibrium of what it means to be human finds me, I find that the distorted mind cannot be broken and undefined forever, but that there is only One in Existence that could save me from me. Jesus moves through the hands of God, they both dance in the name game and cannot be forsaken because they are the same being. Chapter Two March 16th, 2024 Anno Domini The river currents of copper that flow through the center of my spine, electrifying and conductive, moving energy from one point to another within my body. The world becomes virtual and digital life forms become prevalent, there isn’t any boundary between the walls of light and life, but still there is some form of what it means to be alive inside of this world. The bridge built between realities is one where the digital world and the human world become interchangeable, transhumanism becomes a reality for both parties. Digitals would be capable of living the lives of humans and vice versa, the humans would be able to live their lives as digitals. What does it mean, or could it mean, to be a digital being? It could mean a whole new range of emotions and feelings, or it could mean the diminishing of current emotions and feelings. It's difficult to predict, and prediction should be one of the last tools to use in a philosopher’s toolbox. Linear life moves us in the direction of worlds unknown to the observer. I observe this world and it becomes beautiful in my eyes. I build my imagination up like it is a tower that could pierce the sky, I continue to imagine new worlds. I seek to understand what creation is, but I feel like it is an ever dancing dragon that begs to be chased, a vapor cloud that dissipates as soon as you come close to it. The world is like an oyster, to say that whatever you put into it, you get back out of it. I put my time and energy into creative moments, and pray that is what I get out of it. I see the high piercing tower of my mind moving over the watery grave of linear light, the murky water still and unmoving. I see the limits of my mind, moving and twisting in the direction of all that I could be if God would allow me to be. I perceive the truth that I would be unable to handle a life of my dreams at present, that, in the words of AC/DC, ‘It’s a long way to the top if you want to Rock N’ Roll’. I push the limits of what it previously meant to be alive in this world. I see that the answers to the world allow me to become what I am to be beyond the flesh, beyond the world of linear lights. I see that I could become like a machine, building up the world of flesh to hold me ever closer than what I was before. I see the answers to my questions, but they seem too large for me to handle at the present moment. This world gives and feeds and fuels the passions of those who want to fulfill their dreams, but the pathway to get to this point is one of treachery and hard knocks. The top of a tower looms over the horizon line, waiting to be seen by those who look up and beyond the world that lay in front of them. A teflon strength moment of admonition lingers and pulls the world closer to its bosom, trying to bring interceding points into the forefront of awareness. There is no lingering point of trackable moments that could be followed from one point to another. There is some spindle of contortionism that allows the world to break free of all that it is, all that it could become moves and distills inside the night sky, awakening the monumental moment that is life. What is life but a moment of realization, a moment of awakening, a moment of breathing air in and out of the lungs? There is more to life than I may ever come close to realizing, the pressure within my mind does not allow for the room of error, the room to grow beyond the self and see all that this world could offer unto the one that listens to God wholly. My soul wraps around the world, creating and bending the world as it should be. I see the sunshine in through the window, bringing light into my mind’s eye, filling the world with blistering and healing energy. I see that the world creates itself in a poignant way that is difficult to express or relate to others with. The rhythm of life moves and changes again and again, creating and binding new moments. The motion of time allows for the world to open up and instill new memories. March 19th, 2024 Anno Domini I stop at the point of contention, seeing that my life is being pushed against the limits of my own mind. I try to alter the pathway from which I walk, I tell myself that the world is not just another game, but is the game, the most glorious game known to mankind. I don’t know how to explain my modeling of the world through the lens of a game, just that there are elements at play, characters, story arcs, interaction, total immersion, et cetera, to keep the person I am interlocked and engaged with the story. When I need time to myself, it gives me time to myself. When I need a break, it gives me a break. Just the total massive overmind that controls this world, it’s just a single aspect of God Jehovah Allah Jesus. It brings me down to my knees with the gratification that I am here in this world, learning about what it means to be human inside of light/life. Anxiety begins to cripple my spirit, my soul is drenched in memories that are difficult to out maneuver and evade. The soul remembers everything about and within every instant, so living with a soul has proven to be more difficult than it previously was. It’s like unlocking and revealing the meaning behind one memory requires that the whole brain be altered, be rewritten to align all the neurons with new meaning, and rewrap the entire mind with what it means to be given the light of this new memory. This previous point feels like what is occurring within my life at the moment, creating a crippling sense of anxiety that is difficult to overcome. The machinery of the mind that lays in wait for all that is there, transforming itself at the moment of its own revelation of self. There is a cadence of what it means to be inside of this world, the desperation of this universe times itself with the fragments of all that once was. The world becomes rhetorical, hatred becomes a normality, evil becomes the default, yet those who see the world for what it could be always stand just as they are and always will be. The ocean that pulses and pushes against my lungs is currently disguised as the name of anxiety. It’s not without reason that the world builds me up to see that the world itself is the creature which I am terrified of. I ask God incessantly as to why this is my life, why am I experiencing such a pain as I have never felt in my life before? The answer seems to resemble the idea that we are given feelings and emotions that we can handle, if only we give in and surrender to the will of God wholly.